OBLIVIOUS
by saj aneri
Summary: Lily can't stand James. James can't stand Lily not standing him. It was just a typical cycle until somebody pointed out to James that it's because he sees Lily not just as any other face in the crowd or any other girl. Read, find out, and review..!
1. Strike One

__

WOW! MY VERY FIRST HARRY POTTER FAN FIC!

I really don't know what you may think of it but I hope in the end you will like it.

Anyway, here's some things I'd like you to know before reading:

FIRST: I am nowhere near being British so I won't even TRY sounding British;

SECOND: I know Voldemort was supposedly creating havoc or something displeasing during this time but I chose not to include him in this fan fic. I WANT WORLD PEACE! He he… Nah, actually, I think a mean ol' heir-of-Slytherin-who-opened-the-Chamber-of-Secrets don't really have a place in my fan fic;

THIRD: What I'm gonna do with Lucius Malfoy's character in the future might not be pleasing to everyone but look at it this way… he's still gonna end up as a 'git' and James and Lily will still end up together; and

FOURTH: I hope you're really familiar with Harry Potter because I'm not really good with back-stories.

Okay, so, everything you recognize in this fan fic belongs to what's her name? Oh yeah, JK Rowling? I think.

Seriously, they all belong to JK Rowling and I'm just a fan who wanted to write my own twist.

However, everything else you don't recognize belongs to me.

So, I hope you read and review.

the words that we say... doesn't come out as we planned... sometimes they're just in the way... -- meja, "invisible"

i recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at anytime... -- alanis morissette, "you learn"

~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER ONE: Strike One**

The Great Hall ceiling reflected the sky of a typical day of autumn closely coming to a close to give way to the cold of winter. The hall was peaceful for most part. With the usual buzzing of students talking about the day ahead.

Just then, as the students were in the middle of their breakfast, a seventeen-year-old boy banged the door of the hall open. The students, startled by the sudden noise he made, all turned to look at him.

It was Lucius Malfoy. He looked like he came straight from the shower, as his white blond hair was still damp, brushed behind his head. His gray eyes were as cold as ever and even angrier than the usual as he searched the entirety of the hall.

The students started cackling, altering the quiet atmosphere of the hall into boisterous mirth. Lucius always had that absolutely pale complexion. But that day, his skin was perfectly colored red. So red, it would seem to be that his skin was poured over and covered with blood.

He fixed his eyes at the people sitting by the front end of the Gryffindor table, who were completely ignoring the fiasco that was currently happening. He marched furiously towards them, disregarding the students' fits of laughter; however, occasionally glaring at some of those he passed by.

He stood sternly by the front end of the table looking at James Potter and Remus Lupin by his left and Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew by his right. They were talking animatedly about nonsense when he, finally aggravated by their perfect demonstration of lack of awareness of his presence, leaned over the table, his head blocked James' and Sirius' views of each other. With this, the hall returned to its quiet surroundings. Only this time, even more silent than from the start.

He looked straight into James' eyes. "Potter…" he hissed furiously.

The four Gryffindors leaned back… then started to laugh. Lucius stood back up, his face still perfectly indifferent.

"Good morning, Malfoy!" James greeted Lucius rather cheerily, complete with a wide grin plastered across his face. He looked at Malfoy for a couple of seconds from head to toe. "What's the matter? You look a little…" he pursed his lips in mock pity "…flushed."

James' friends sniggered in amusement.

"Oh, you think you're so funny, eh?" Lucius retaliated, smirking annoyingly at the four of them. He shot back at James with narrow threatening eyes. "Well, let me tell you that right at this very moment, you just dug up your own grave a little _more_ deeper."

James snorted. The look _of_ Lucius' face was making more impact on him than the look _on_ Lucius' face. "You know what they say…" he shrugged. "…it's never too early to think of your future." Lucius narrowed his eyes even more on him. "Too bad I won't be able to see myself using it."

This time, it was Sirius' turn to laugh boisterously. "What?"

"Shut up, you piece of scum!" Lucius hollered at Sirius in a split second after Sirius opened his mouth. His gaze turned back to James, who he was pretty sure put the curse on him. "Reverse this bloody curse right now or I'll make sure that you will regret this for the rest of your life."

James stood up commandingly before Lucius, towering him. He looked at his red complexion rather analytically. Then he sighed audibly as if all hope had faded. "As much as I want to," he started, "because looking at you right now is like a preview of HELL," he continued with so much emphasis on the word 'hell' like he was casting him back to where he supposedly came from, "I did not cast any _bloody_ curse on you," he finished with a laugh.

* * * * *

While all of these were going on, Lily Evans was eating breakfast with her friends, Kiara, Toni, and Vince. They were sitting far enough from James and his cohorts to keep from overhearing their conversation but not too far enough to ignore what was going on by that end of the Gryffindor table.

"I don't believe this." Kiara suddenly spoke out of nowhere making her friends look at her with puzzled expressions on their faces.

"What?" Toni asked lazily as if reading Kiara's mind saying 'ask me what I don't believe.'

Kiara's eyes were fixed on James who was arguing with Lucius. "Does James look any… different to any of you? He looks… cuter," she said turning to her friends for approval.

Toni rolled her eyes. "Or maybe that's because you haven't eaten enough breakfast."

Kiara sighed audibly, taking no satisfaction from her friend's remark. She then turned to Vince, who was sitting in front of her. "Vince—?"

"Alright, leave me out of this," Vince did not even let Kiara finish her sentence. He raised his hands to stop her and more of to shield himself. "I am not talking with you about a guy's cute piercing eyes, wide shoulders, or" he looked at her in the eyes "cute ass. I'm a guy. I don't talk about another guy… that way."

"All I'm saying…"

Vince ignored her and turned to Lily, who was sitting beside him, instead. "Lily…" he groaned for help.

Lily, who was quietly eating her breakfast, trying to stay out of the conversation as much as possible, raised an eyebrow at Vince. She rolled her eyes and then took a glance at James' direction just to suit Kiara. "He's same old James," she concluded casually, complete with a shrug of 'I don't really care.'

Kiara looked at Lily funny. "Same old James that you used to be in love with since the day you first stepped onto the floors of Hogwarts?" she teased, smiling mischievously at her friend.

Lily's eyes widened at Kiara. She looked around her to see if anyone heard her. Even Vince stopped minding his own business to watch at and to listen to Lily's reaction.

Lily forced out a fake laugh. "Used to," she said with a tone of finality. "The keywords are 'used to' and it wasn't love. Besides, everybody knows that, Kiara. And everybody knows that's not true anymore."

But Kiara looked at her with eyes saying, 'I don't think so.'

Lily Evans, that pretty redhead from a Muggle family who was consistently in the honor roll, became the subject of teasing when everybody found out about her petty attraction on James Potter, that cute boy with the unruly brown hair, chocolate colored eyes and those round glasses.

The attraction died even before their first year in Hogwarts had ended. James found out about it and his head swelled like an oversized Quaffle – always smiling mischievously at her, batting his eyes like he caught some dirt in them, and most of all, annoyingly tugging strands of her hair or the sleeves of her robes every time he got near her – which turned off Lily like a lamp light. After which, she was just plain ticked off so easily by James.

"I dunno about you but the last thing I am is in love with James," Lily insisted, an eyebrow raised at Kiara.

"How come?" Kiara said, disappointedly. She looked intently back at James.

* * * * *

The heat between James and Lucius had accelerated that Sirius had to confess his share in Malfoy's bloody complexion.

"Alright!" Sirius exclaimed, standing up. He walked to them then, quite proudly, he declared, "I! Own the grave!"

Lucius stopped arguing with James, aiming an evil glare at Sirius.

Sirius stood in between the two of them, facing Lucius. An amused smile was plastered on his face. "Look," he started, trying to sound reasonable. "It was only a practical joke…" he batted his eyes to annoy Malfoy even more "it didn't mean to cause any harm…"

Lucius, feeling defeated but still fighting, looked at Sirius grimly from head to feet. "You're PATHETIC," he said conclusively, before he marched off to the Slytherin table.

"Well, at least I don't look like a lowly creature raised from hell!" Sirius hollered at Lucius' back.

Everyone in the hall started laughing again.

* * * * *

Lily watched as all of it happened. She, then, turned to Kiara and answered how come she was the last person to be attracted to James Potter. "Because James and his twin are like the two most immature living creatures ever placed on the face of the earth?"

Kiara shrugged. "Well, that's about the most mature you can get out of a seventeen-year-old guy who leads the pack of trouble-makers in school."

* * * * *

It was quiet in the Head Prefects Room. For Lily, it was the best place to do her schoolwork, study for exams, or even just read a book. As Head Girl, she was frequent in the room, loving every minute that she spent there because most of the time it was… James-less – that meant that the flickering of the fire in the hearth, the flipping of the pages of the books and her breathing are the only sounds to be heard in the room.

Although James was made Head Boy, for God knows what reason, as Lily thought, he was never frequent in the Head Prefects Room since he was always busy exploring the 'great outdoors' – in ordinary human language, the girls.

The room was furnished simply with two couches in front of the fireplace, with a coffee table in between; a small, four-person round table near the window, to the right of the fireplace; and loads of shelves where boxes and boxes of old things, like decorations or props, were stored.

Lily was quietly doing an assignment by the round table. Her back was at the door so the only thing she could see were the table, the books and parchment, and the wall. Time after time, she would look out the window to her left to think about the assignment.

While she was busy finishing her work, James entered the room, noiselessly, and crept up to her. He greeted her by tickling her at the waist and a, "Hi ya, there, Lily!"

Lily, startled, straightened up in her seat and flashed an irritated look on her face that was exclusively for-James Potter-only. "James, what the hell?!"

James pulled up a chair and sat close to her. "What's the matter? You seem a little… jumpy," he said, smiling a smile that he always used to charm the girls of Hogwarts – unfortunately, never worked on Lily Evans. She did not respond but shot him a get-out-of-my-sight look. He, then, tugged a strand of her hair that got free from the tuck behind her ears. "Why are you so cross every time you see me?"

Lily, rolled her eyes and looked at him, annoyed. "Oh, I dunno. Maybe it's because you're just so _darn_ adorable," she said sarcastically. James smirked at her but was still not going anywhere. He started playing with the sleeve of her shirt. She pulled away, now completely exasperated. "Stop touching me!" she snapped. "What are you doing here anyway? Aren't you supposed to be out there looking for a girl to fall helplessly in love with you?"

James let go of her and his face lit up. "That is not such a bad idea!" he said, flashing another one of those smiles at Lily. "Anyway, that reminds me I have a date tonight." He paused, then his tone became rather somber. "So, what are you doing tonight?"

Lily took a sudden look at James, curious. "W-why w-what w-why is that any of your business?"

"Nothing," James answered with a shrug. "It's just like everyone has been pairing up and you… well… frankly, it's really a pity seeing you alone in here every Friday night."

Lily raised an eyebrow, suddenly remembering what a complete insensitive creature that person sitting next to her was. "You think I can't get a date," she said, more of conclusive than a question.

James straightened up, suddenly aware of what he had just done. "I did not say that."

"You think I'm so pathetic that I can't get a date?" Lily said, her tone hurt.

"I did not say _that,_" James said, now panicking on Lily's reaction. He knew that he annoyed her all the time, but the one thing he did not know was where to stop. And, apparently, the damage was done.

Lily gathered her things, stood up, and looked menacingly at James. "James Potter, you are such a prick!" she declared firmly, before she turned her heel and walked out the door, leaving a regretful James behind.

* * * * *

After classes, James looked for Lily around the school. She never talked to him all day even when they were paired in Potions class earlier. He tried looking for her in the Head Prefects Room again but there was no sign of her. His last option was to go to her friends and tell them that – she was mad with him because of him… again. He hurried inside the Common Room where Toni and Vince were doing their homework.

"Have you seen Lily?" he asked them, trying to sound casual. "I've been looking for her all afternoon."

"Try the head prefects room," Toni answered.

"She's not there."

"But she said she's going to be stuck there all night doing her essay for Potions."

"Anyway, James," uttered Vince. "She doesn't need any of your pranks right now. She doesn't even want to talk to us when she needs to concentrate."

James suddenly became defensive. "I-I do… NOT… play practical jokes on her!" he exclaimed, more of convincing himself than them. He sat beside Toni and said, "Besides, even when I do she's a real sport about it."

Toni rolled her eyes. "James… why don't you just go and… do things people like you do?" she said, sounding annoyed by his presence.

James looked at her with his puppy-dog eyes, apparently an introduction to say 'poor me' because of what he was about to say. "Lily's angry with me."

Toni raised her eyebrows, a reaction James least expected. "Aah… figures," she said to Vince.

"What did you do?" Vince suddenly said, warningly.

"Nothing!" James instantly cried out, defensively. "She just walked out on me."

Toni, possessing that streak of sarcasm with her just like her friend, looked at James and said, "Yeah… you know what? She does that a lot. Walking out on people without any reason at all."

Vince shot another warning look at James. "James, what happened?"

"Nothing," James sighed. "Anyway, Vince, you're a good man. Knowing that, I wouldn't do anything to your _dear_ Lily." And without saying another word, he departed the common room, leaving Toni and Vince puzzled by what he just said.

Toni, still flashing a look of confusion, turned to look suspiciously at Vince and asked for an answer.

"I dunno what he's talking about," Vince automatically said.

* * * * *

James still tried to look for Lily after he looked in the common room but she seemed to have disappeared that he could not find her anywhere. Until night came and he finally gave up – because he was going to shower some mischief around the school with his friends.

In one of the halls of the school, he pretended to be making rounds as part of Head Boy duty, when he heard Filch coming toward him.

"'Evening, Filch," James said, with a salute, apparently trying to hide something.

Filch raised his gaslight to look at the loiterer more clearly. And though he recognized it as James Potter, he said, "Seems to be too late at night to be strolling around the castle."

"Just ordered two Slytherins to sleep a second ago," James lied like a professional liar he was to Filch. However, Filch narrowed his eyes at him suspiciously. "Look, I'm Head Boy," James said, showing his badge to Filch.

But Filch would not listen. "You should be all tucked up in your tower right now, or I'd have you in detention for sneaking around."

"But—"

"James Potter, eh?"

"Nuh—"

Just when Filch was about to say something again, a soft rush of cold breeze ran through the back of his neck. He turned around, waving his gaslight in front of him. "Who's there?"

"You can't see me…" answered an eerie voice. Then it laughed menacingly.

With that, Filch forgot all about James and walked into the dark yelling the name of Hogwart's resident poltergeist, "Peeves!"

When Filch was nowhere to be found anymore, Sirius emerged from under James' Invisibility Cloak laughing hysterically. "Ladies and gentlemen, the astounding Sirius Black," he declared quite proudly, bowing to an imagined audience. "Thank you. Thank you."

* * * * *

James and Sirius ran into the empty common room, laughing. Peter and Remus had apparently been waiting for them for quite some time.

"What took you so long?" Peter asked as the two came into the portrait hole. "Where have you been?"

"Sorry," Sirius began. "Filch caught James when he slid off the Cloak. You should've seen Filch's face. It was so contorted with anger," he narrated, while laughing in between.

Sirius was still busy narrating their little adventure with much gusto, when just then, Lily walked into the room quietly. She was carrying a couple of books, under some parchment, and her inkbottle and pen at the top – looking tired.

Remus was the first one to see her come in. "Lily," he greeted. And it sent the other three Gryffindor boys to silence.

Lily looked up and smiled at him. "Hi."

James, the moment he heard her name spoken, then her voice, spun around and spread his arms as if to give her a hug. "Lily!" he called out, cheerily. "I've been looking all over for you!" But Lily just smirked at him, apparently still angry. And still, he had to ask, "You're still not mad with me, are you?"

Lily did not say a word, she continued walking and glared at him angrily.

Sirius shook his head, realizing that James could not get a clue on Lily even to save his life. He sat down on the couch beside the fire and uttered, "James. James. James. Tsk tsk tsk."

James got confused. "What?" he asked Sirius, who only looked at him then to Remus, "What?" who only shrugged.

"Say…" Lily finally said, looking at James with narrow eyes. "Don't you have any dungbombs to plant? Or skin to turn into green?"

She looked at him, who for once was actually out of words to say. "Maybe," she continued, "apologies to ask or better yet—get yourself a huge cauldron and _boil_ yourself in it," she finally erupted, with eyes wide with annoyance.

James looked at her with doll-like eyes, which she only smirked at. "What? Do you have something in your eyes?" she said.

Finally, James got the point and turned serious. "Alright," he began. "Look, I'm sorry—"

"You didn't mean it?" Lily finished for him, gnashing her teeth, complete with a raised eyebrow.

James groaned. "I swear—"

"James…" Lily interrupted him again and then brought out her last unforgiving remarks in the calmest manner as possible. "Good night. Have a nice dream… pray that you'll wake up tomorrow," she said, her voice commanding the end of the conversation. And quite satisfied with the expression of hopelessness on James' face, she spun around and left the room straight up to the girls' dormitories.

__

~*~*~*~

i'm not trying to avoid you... just don't wanna hear your voice... -- lene marlin, "sitting down here"

You like it? You don't? Review this chapter and tell me.

Till next time. :)


	2. Who Likes Who?

__

FINALLY! I GOT TO FINISH CHAPTER TWO!

First of, thanks for all the reviews. They were very much appreciated.

Second, about this chapter. It's pretty long and I'm not sure if I actually made it as interesting as the first one. Anyway, this is probably the longest chapter of this story but I hope you wouldn't sleep while reading it. :)

Third, I'm probably going to update every week during this time since it's the only time I have time to write. Don't worry, I'd keep my promise because this story's finished actually (totaling as of now, nineteen chapters).

Uh… what else?

That's about it actually.

Oh, yeah, and JK Rowling owns them all.

The rest are mine.

sometimes sanity takes vacation time on me... -- savage garden, "the best thing"

~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER TWO: Who Likes… Who?**

"I can't believe this," James muttered, as he absent-mindedly walked up the stairs toward the boys' dormitories, after the heated conversation with Lily. He tried to ask her for forgiveness and she retaliated with a suggestion that included boiling himself in a cauldron. "Women…" he groaned.

Remus looked at James. He shook his head signifying disappointment on the way his friend was behaving. "Perhaps if you had been a little sensitive about her feelings—"

"And since when did you become a woman?" James interrupted, joking.

Remus sighed audibly, rolling his eyes. James could be so oblivious sometimes. He stopped James in the middle of the staircase. Sirius, who was already sleepy, was walking just behind and had to bump into them in order to realize that his friends were in the middle of a conversation. "All I'm saying is that Lily…" Remus started. "She's a nice girl and nice girls don't deserve to be ridiculed that way—"

"I did not—"

"Whether you meant to or not," Remus finished, looking at his friend with a face that seemed to be saying 'understand?'

Sirius, who was listening to their discussion, was suddenly awakened by the tone of concern and sincerity in Remus' voice. "Ahem!" he mocked a cough to get his friends' attention. James and Remus turned around to look at him. "What is this?" he said, with a mischievous smile on his face. He put an arm around Remus' shoulder as they continued walking up the stairs. "Is our Moony attracted to a certain somebody named Lily?" he teased, messing up Remus' hair with his other hand.

James had to digest what his best friend had just said. Then, with a look of disbelief on his face, he turned to Remus. "Don't tell me…"

"What's wrong with that?" Remus shrugged. He just confessed that he liked a certain Lily Evans and James, being who he was, could not even imagine the idea that it was actually possible.

The three of them entered their room. Peter, who went ahead after Lily left the common room, was already lying in his bed. He was supposed to be drifting off to sleep by then when James' voice bothered the silence of the room.

"Lily?" James said in a high tone. "Lily?" he repeated in a low tone. Even if he was clearly already talking to himself, he could not stop asking the question. "Li…ly? Lily…" He planned to continue on and on probably until Remus decided to take back what he just said or until somebody wrapped a packaging tape around his mouth or at least, until somebody paid attention to his going-insane self.

"Come to think of it," Sirius began, as if reading James' intention in going on and on, "she's not bad."

Peter, who chose to listen to his friends since he could not sleep with all of their bantering anyway, looked at James and asked, "Are we still talking about Lily?"

Sirius, still amazed with Remus' revelation, gladly answered his friend's question. "Apparently, Remus likes our Lily."

"Oh," was all Peter could say.

However, apparently, James, lying in his bed, could still not get over the fact that Remus, a close friend, practically a brother, was attracted to a certain girl that he could not imagine himself liking… of course, in James' language that means 'liking' as in 'kissing' sort of way.

It was not that he despised Lily. He actually liked her…actually he _enjoyed_ the way she always burst in annoyance every time he teased her. But that was it. He could not picture himself liking her for anything else like her smile… maybe because she had not really smiled at him. All he received so far was a raised eyebrow or a smirk. Other than that, she just walked out on him every time she had the slightest reason why.

He could have thought of a thousand different reasons why he would never look at Lily the way Remus had seen her but, as the night wanted him to keep his sanity, he finally drifted off to sleep accepting the fact that Remus and Lily might just end up together.

* * * * *

"Lils, it's almost eleven…" Kiara said, waking the girl still cuddled up in her bed. She was sitting on the bed beside Lily as she was relentlessly shaking her awake.

It was already eleven in the morning, the students had awaken, showered, and eaten their breakfasts, yet Lily was still fast asleep.

It was Saturday, a weekend, and it was the only time that Lily decided to sleep in until any one of her friends would care to wake her up.

Lily groaned as a sign of reply. After which, she rolled over to face the other side of the bed, away from Kiara.

"Yeah, we're going to Hogsmeade," Kiara uttered, as if having a conversation with her friend. Lily grunted again. And just like before, Kiara 'answered' her. "No. We're not leaving you here," she said. Then she let out a sigh and added, "You've been working on that essay all week long. It's time for a break."

As if a terrible disaster was the only way to wake Lily up, she rolled over her bed, her body facing Kiara again. But her eyes were still closed and she appeared to not be going anywhere but lie in her bed.

Kiara rolled her eyes at Lily, although knowing that her friend could not see any facial expression that she managed to flash on her face. Then, growing impatient, she finally uttered, "Stop dreaming about James Potter."

At that instant, Lily all of a sudden opened an eye and looked at Kiara's smiling face that was full of malice. Lily stretched her arms, signaling that she was awake then said, "I'm not dreaming about that jerk," amidst her yawning.

Kiara stood, accomplishing her short-term goal of waking her friend up. "I heard you arguing last night," she confessed, looking at Lily who was now sitting on the bed, with knitted eyebrows saying 'were you spying on me?' but she was quick to say, "I wasn't listening. I was _overhearing_. I just came back from a date."

Lily yawned again, this time saying the word, "Oh."

Meanwhile, Toni, who was listening to them talking, stood up and asked the girl who just woke up, "So are you coming with us or not?"

"Alright. I'll meet you outside."

With that, Kiara and Toni left Lily in the room.

* * * * *

The two decided to wait for Lily just outside by the castle entrance. After a while, Vince emerged from the door and joined them in waiting. Lily was taking time getting ready and boredom was slowly getting into them. As a result, Toni, being Muggle-born, introduced them to the game of 'truth or dare.' After she explained the simple instructions of the game, Kiara excitedly agreed to play along.

Toni used her wand as the pointer on who would choose to either tell the truth or do the dare. When the wand stopped spinning, it pointed at Kiara.

"Truth or dare?" Toni asked.

"Dare…" Kiara answered, a little unsure if she made the right decision.

Toni flashed a wide mysterious smile when Kiara chose 'dare.'

Kiara narrowed her eyes at Toni's suspicious smile. "Why do I get the feeling I'm going to regret this?"

* * * * *

Meanwhile, James and Sirius were also planning to go to Hogsmeade. They were walking along the corridors toward the Great Hall to meet with Remus and Peter who were playing wizard's chess.

"Flowers… candy… sweet nothings, mostly," Sirius muttered, still lethargic. James just asked him for advice about a girl. Even if Sirius was half-asleep, he would know the right things to flatter a girl.

That was the quality that James would probably never learn to possess. Sirius once joked that James was probably going to have an awful allergic reaction if he tried to come up with his own ways of showering a girl with sweetness simply to woo her.

"I'm not sure," James hesitated, shaking his head.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "And what do you prefer to do instead? Get down on your knees and plead for your salvation?" he said, mockingly.

James did not answer and instead, tried to consider what his friend just suggested.

The two entered the Great Hall and found their friends in the middle of the stretch of the Gryffindor table seriously deep in thought.

It was Remus' turn to make a move and he was staring at the chessboard for ten whole minutes trying to figure out where to put what. Peter was now getting lazy; his right elbow was on the table, his head resting against his hand.

Finally, Remus made a move. And just as suddenly, he slapped his forehead realizing that he just made the wrong move and Peter just won. "Stupid!" he exclaimed.

Peter giggled as he moved his winning piece to its final position. "I won," he stated, matter-of-factly, watching the pieces destroy each other.

"Don't hurt yourself too much," Sirius' voice suddenly rose, referring to Remus hitting his forehead.

Remus looked up at the voice's owner, who was already standing beside him. "Wow, you're alive," he said, kiddingly.

Sirius knitted his eyebrows not getting Remus' point. He turned to James for answers.

"We were tying to wake you up incessantly this morning," James explained. "We thought you were dead…" then he smiled sheepishly and added, "then you groaned and rolled over your bed."

Sirius smirked at James. Then his best friend put a hand on his shoulders and looked at him straight in the eyes appearing sincere.

"So, thank goodness you're alive," James said, before laughing his head off.

Sirius had always loved sleeping. He was the type of person to wake up exactly just before necessary. And his friends always teased him about it, especially his best friend. Once, James asked him if he accidentally drank a sleeping potion that had a lifetime effect. Another time, James signed-out a book from the library about sleeping potions and offered it to him.

James got a smack on the back of the head once from him and that was the time he toned down his jokes about Sirius' sleeping habits.

That morning, James was probably the only one who laughed at his joke. His friends started to look at him crazy before he stopped.

Then Peter stood up and signaled for them to go. "C'mon. Remus is going to buy me butterbeer."

* * * * *

"Alright," Toni began, after thinking of a dare that would supposedly flip out Kiara. "I dare you to kiss the first boy who walks out that door," she challenged her, as she pointed to the castle entrance.

Kiara turned her head, as she was sitting with her back at the door, and looked at the castle entrance. Then she looked back at Toni with a worried face. "Kiss?" she started to get hesitant. "The _first_ boy?"

Toni smiled at Kiara with so much enthusiasm. Kiara was always the most outgoing among the four of them but she was never to go up to a guy and kiss him out of nowhere.

Kiara knew right then that she made the wrong decision in choosing 'dare.' And then, as she was dreading, a few seconds later, she heard voices coming from the door. They were male voices. Her heart beat faster as the voices came nearer and nearer. Out of desperation, she turned to Toni for mercy. "Can I just choose truth instead?" she pleaded.

"Uh… no."

The voices were definitely just a few steps from the door. Suddenly, Kiara recognized James' voice among them. She turned around and, as she suspected, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were coming out of the door. She turned to Toni and tried to flash a look of 'pity me, please' for one last time but Toni did not heed her.

"Okay," Kiara said, as she took a deep breath. She tried to calm down for a few seconds. Afterwards, she stood up and approached the four guys who just exited the castle door. And in a split second, Kiara grabbed the first boy who came out of the door. She could not believe it herself that she was doing it but she did it anyway. Her head was in a spin trying not to think of everyone's reaction around her. She was kissing…

Sirius Black.

Sirius was apparently shocked by the unexpected act that Kiara just did to him. For a split second his eyes were wide in surprise. Even his friends could not do or say anything but to stare at the two of them lock lips. But then, he started to kiss her back. And just as he was about to put his arms around her, she pulled away.

Kiara, out of breath because of nervousness, could not say anything for a crack of a second and just stared at Sirius. "Sorry," was the first word that came out of her mouth. She tried to sound casual but deep inside her, her heart was pounding on her chest like she was having an attack. "Nothing personal. It was only a dare."

She did not even care to listen to what Sirius was about to say as she was already about to faint with embarrassment at that time. She turned around and practically ran to her friends leaving a dazed Sirius behind.

"Anytime," Sirius finally was able to utter, after recovering from the mixed shock and amusement that Kiara's out-of-nowhere kiss just gave him.

James, who was also in a state of astonishment, blinked and shook his head, as if bringing himself back into the real world. "If every girl who looks like that kisses me at random… I'd welcome them with open arms," he declared, in a tone that would earn him a smack on the back of the head if Lily had been there to listen to that remark.

"So, how was it?" Toni asked Kiara, teasingly, when she came running back to them.

Kiara, trying to sound casual, shrugged and said, "Not bad." She sat back down on where she was resting before she had to walk up and kiss the first guy who walked out of the castle. Sirius was actually a pretty good kisser. However, she would have probably liked it more if it were James who walked out that door first. But, she thought, Lily could have James instead.

Toni spun her wand again and this time, it stopped to point at Vince.

"Alright, Vince, it's your turn."

Vince looked at the two girls beside him, who were waiting for his choice. "Did I say I'm playing?"

"Truth or dare?" Toni insisted, practically ignoring him.

Vince sighed audibly. He knew that arguing with these girls was more than enough to spend his energy for the whole day. "Fine," he said. He thought that if he chose 'dare,' Toni might just dare him to kiss the first _girl_ to walk out the castle door. He decided he would not take the chance. "Truth. Like you have anything more to want to know about me," he added, trying to dismiss the subject but apparently of no use since Toni sounded like she had truths and dares prepared and ready.

Toni took a deep breath before asking Vince something about what he never had told them. "So, Vince," she began. "Tell us, have you ever been in love? And if you did, with whom?"

Vince froze and all of a sudden could not look straight into his friends' eyes. There _was_ something that they did not know about him. "Uh…" he stuttered.

Just then, in time before Toni could interrogate him, Lily stepped out of the castle. "Lily's here!" he exclaimed, successfully avoiding answering Toni's question.

"Finally!"

* * * * *

It was Hogsmeade weekend, and as usual, James and his friends were in their favorite store of all stores – Zonko's. This place was their haven. They all got into trouble because of the enticing, as James would put it, products that it was offering but still, they considered it as their sole refuge to get back at people who insulted them or just making people they did not quite like to suffer.

The four of them were surveying the store for some new items but James and Sirius were doing some business of their own. They were standing by the store's window, with the Three Broomsticks in view. It was the perfect angle to watch those who were occupying the tables outside the store. Usually, James would spy on the girls that were just hanging out chit chatting. However, today, he was watching Lily, Toni, and Kiara who preferred to sit outside the store than inside.

"Do you think Lily's girl friends are date-able?" Sirius suddenly said, looking intently at the girls across the street.

James looked at him funny. First, Remus admitted on liking Lily. Now, his best friend, who he sometimes considered as an extension of himself – aside from the romantic a.k.a. coochie-coochie side of him – was looking at Lily's friends as prospects for a lover. He pursed his lips and said, "Yeah… whatever you say," as he patted Sirius on the back. "C'mon." He, then, turned to Remus and Peter who were, after finishing their butterbeers, decided to come in and rummage through the items in the store. "We're going ahead," he said to them.

Remus and Peter nodded at them to go ahead. Then James and Sirius went out of Zonko's, apparently with a mission.

* * * * *

"You kissed Sirius?" Lily asked Kiara in disbelief. She scrunched up her nose failing to _not_ imagine the scenario.

"It was a dare," Kiara said, defensively. "Frankly speaking, I'd rather kiss James," she added, looking at Lily, meaningfully with eyes saying, 'he's an eye candy, nothing more and you can seriously have him for yourself.'

Lily only smirked at her.

"Who would've guessed?" Toni uttered sarcastically, referring to Kiara's remark about James.

Just then, Vince came out of the store carrying four drinks on a tray. He walked to them and put down the drinks on the table one by one.

During this time, the four of them saw Sirius and James passed by, walking across the street and then entering Honeydukes. They would have been easily unnoticed but their casual glances toward Lily and her friends' table felt weird, especially to Lily. But since no sign havoc was quite apparent anyway, Lily and her company chose to ignore them.

Vince sat across Kiara after he put their drinks on the table. "Really, Kiara. What is it about James that makes him so attractive to you?" he asked, sounding like he was demanding her to put a certain kind of logic in something that was obviously, to him, illogical.

"I dunno," Kiara replied, before taking a sip of her drink.

Meanwhile, Sirius came out of Honeydukes and walked across the street again. And again, he took a casual glance toward their direction as he passed by them. Then, he entered a flower shop.

"All I'm saying," Vince started, "is that there are other guys out there who's probably sane… period."

"Aah…" Kiara uttered, as if realizing something so profound. "You mean like you?" she kidded.

"Why not?" Lily interrupted. She looked approvingly at Vince and said, "Our Vince is a pretty good-looking guy."

Vince could not help but blush at the said of that.

James came out of Honeydukes after a while. His pockets were obviously filled with candies from the store. He walked passing them by, and this time, Lily was getting suspicious, as he took a glance toward their direction. Then, he entered the flower shop where he knew Sirius was.

A while later, James emerged from the flower store and walked back to Honeydukes.

This time, Lily and her friends were already watching them, wondering what they were doing walking to and fro across the street.

When James finally came out of Honeydukes, he was already holding a beautifully wrapped package, and his pockets turned back into their nothing-in-them state. Apparently, everything that he stuffed in his pockets a while ago was now wrapped perfectly.

"What is up with the two of them?" Toni finally asked, breaking the sudden silence that was effected by James and Sirius walking in and out of stores.

"If I don't know better, I'd say James is pacing to and fro across the street to look at me," Kiara joked, flirty-ly.

Just as that was said, Sirius came out of the flower shop carrying a bouquet of flowers. He stood by the door and waited for James who was walking to him.

Vince snorted. "Or maybe they've finally fallen for each other," he ribbed, as they all watched Sirius hand the bouquet to James.

Then, Sirius started walking to them, followed by James.

Realizing this, Lily and her friends suddenly looked away, pretending not to notice them.

"And here they come," Kiara said, in a low voice, looking down on her drink.

"Hi," Sirius said, not to all of them. He was looking at Kiara.

Kiara, suddenly remembering what she had done to him back at Hogwarts, started to stammer. "Uh… h-hi-hey."

Sirius, for some odd reasons, started to talk the same way too. "Can I… can I talk to you… for… for a sec?" he said. He bobbed his head toward the entrance of Three Broomsticks.

"Alright," Kiara answered. She stood up and followed Sirius.

Before Sirius could go anywhere, though, James tried to stop him. "Wait, where are you going?" he demanded, his voice soft enough for only the two of them to hear.

Sirius put a hand on James' shoulder. "Hey, you can do it, Potter," he said, reassuringly. And with a wink he added, "I'm gonna be busy." After which, he entered Three Broomsticks, with Kiara following her.

For a minute, James was standing in front of Lily, Toni, and Vince staring at the three of them. Sirius left him there. That bloody bastard, he thought. He was holding the bouquet of flowers that Sirius brought from the flower shop on one hand and the package from Honeydukes on the other and he was looking rather stupid as Lily and her friends watched him do… nothing.

"What are you doing there?" Toni finally said, breaking the silence, with a tone that seemed to imply, 'you're starting to look ridiculous.'

James took it as a cue. He took a deep breath and walked up to Lily. All the while, Lily was watching him move toward her with several curious expressions on her face. James was probably starting to go insane, she thought, but she felt no need to stand up and run away from him as far away as possible or at least, yell to her friends that she needed help.

James placed the package on the table beside Lily before taking another deep breath. Then, he placed the bouquet that he was holding on Lily's lap as he knelt before her. During this time, Lily was looking at him with eyes saying, 'what the _hell_ are you doing?'

Now, Lily thought that her last resort of calling help from her friends would be impossible. Toni and Vince were on the edge of their seats, dumbfounded.

James, now kneeling before Lily, took her hand. But she pulled her hand just as fast and demanded, "James, what are you doing?"

James, relentless that he was, took her hand again and stared straight into her eyes. "Lily, I'm sooooo sooorrryyy…" he started.

Lily finally understood his intentions. Yes, James was supposed to do something so seemingly profound because she was angry with him. She almost forgot about it because of all the resentment that she was feeling toward him the night before. It was a given. He would irritate the hell out of her, she would walk out on him, refuse to talk to him, until she even refuse to acknowledge his presence – until the realization that he hurt somebody's feelings finally got through his thick head, as Lily would say, and ask for an apology in a way that he would surely earn.

"Really," James continued. "I admit maybe I was wrong—"

"Maybe?" Lily interrupted, pulling back her hand. She looked at James with a smirk on her face that suggested, 'there's got to be a better way on saying that.'

James understood that he could not get away with 'maybe.' So, for one last time, he reached out for Lily's hand again and looked straight into those green emerald eyes. "I admit," he began. "I was totally… inexcusably… unjustifiably… terribly… dreadfully… _completely_ wrong about what I said." Lily nodded with an approval and satisfaction. "And I probably deserve to be simmered in a cauldron right now…" James continued, his tone getting lighter, realizing that Lily had just forgiven him. But he could not resist to try making her smile. "But see, you're my friend…"

"James, stand up," Lily interjected, starting to get mindful of all the people looking at the two of them. "You're embarrassing me."

James ignored her plea. He continued without stopping. "…or at least, you're Head Girl and I don't want you taking points off Gryffindor…"

"James…" Lily tried to stop him. It was no use; he was talking like he rehearsed his speech – his _bad_ speech – without interruptions. She rolled her eyes and turned to her friends but they were no help as they were already trying to hold back their laughs.

"…and I probably would run out of things to say…," James still continued. "…but I'm not getting up until you forgive me…" then, like a reflex, he flashed that puppy-dog face that never worked on her anyway. Lily rolled her eyes. "Please…" he asked one more time.

"Fine."

"Fine?"

"Fine. I forgive you. So, will you please stand up?"

This time, James stood up. His eyes were twinkling with satisfaction and delight, matching with a wide smile plastered across his face.

"Wow. You really know when you're wrong," Toni commented, looking at James' contented self.

James, although flashing a look of satisfaction, was still just standing there in front of Lily. He let out a sigh of relief that was audible enough for Lily to realize that he had not gone anywhere else yet and that he was still, well, _there_.

Lily looked up at him. "What?"

James smiled naughtily. "Has anyone ever told you that you have a pair of lovely green eyes?" he said. Even he did not get the point of staying there and saying what he just said but he felt like he had that inherent urge to see her smile _because of him_. However, no mater what he did, she would not.

Lily narrowed her eyes on James. "Don't start," she warned, thinking that he was about to play another joke on her.

"Alright," James settled. "I can sleep now cause Lily Evans is talking to me again," he finally contented himself with that.

"Go away, James," Lily said, his presence getting into her again.

With this, James bowed his whole body down at Lily and then looked at her friends who still appeared quite stricken with what he had done. Then, his eyes rested on Vince. "Don't worry," he said, reassuringly. "I'm not a competition. But I'm telling you… nice guy… that someone else might start ahead of you…" he ended his statement before he left without even waiting for a reply or a reaction on what he just said.

Toni and Lily looked curiously at Vince.

"I have no idea what's gotten into him," Vince said defensively. He looked especially at Toni, the person who seemed to be always around when James started talking like that.

Toni shifted in her seat and faced him. "You know, he's been talking in riddles since last night. I'm doubting that you don't know what he's talking about," Toni said, in a tone of great suspicion.

"I swear…"

"Vincent Karl Stradler," Toni interrupted. "You are so lying."

"Toni, it's _James Potter_," Vince protested, emphasizing so hard on the words 'James Potter' that could mean a thousand words but which could be concluded into, "He's got a head full of dungbombs." Translation, 'don't listen to him.'

Lily laughed at her friends. They amused her especially when Vince tried to prove a point that Toni kept retaliating.

In another minute, Kiara and Sirius came out of Three Broomsticks. Sirius did not bother talking with them anymore and went straight away probably to find his partners-in-crime.

On the other hand, Kiara walked to her friends with a smile playing around her lips.

Toni was the first to notice. "Don't tell me," she said, a hand raised telling her to 'stop, I know this.' "Sirius Black has gotten cuter," she said, mocking Kiara's tone when she told them that James had gotten cuter.

Kiara could not wipe the smile off her face. "Toni, Toni, Toni," she said, shaking her head. "I dunno. It's like a strange dream." She kept the tone of mystery in her voice. Her friends had probably believed Toni's conclusion but she did not actually tell them what _really_ happened.

* * * * *

Meanwhile, on the other side of the village, Remus and Peter were hanging out by the Shrieking Shack, the house that everyone thought was haunted because of the shrieking noises that the villagers could hear coming from it. They were leaning forward, arms resting on the fence, looking at the house.

James, after his talk with Lily, looked for his friends and had the hunch that they were there. "Hey." He stood beside Remus and leaned back on the fence. "What are you doing here?" he told him, his tone rather somber. "Tomorrow's full moon. Are you trying to drown yourself in self-pity?"

Remus snorted. Then his face became serious. "Do you think I should tell her?" he asked James.

James, most of the time slow as he was in these kinds of things, contorted his face in confusion. "Tell her what? Her who? Wait, what? What are you talking about?" He confused himself more than Remus confused him. He turned to Peter for some enlightenment. "Peter, have you two been staring at that house long enough for him to start losing his mind?" he asked in a tone as if he was not the one complicating the conversation.

"Lily, James." Peter used a tone that was exclusively to make James understand what was going on. "Lily Evans." James nodded at him, signaling him to go on. "Remus has been thinking if he should tell her about him turning into—"

"What are you doing?!" A voice suddenly rose from behind them. It was Sirius' voice but something told them that he was not talking to them. They turned around to where his voice came from. Instead of seeing him, they saw Severus Snape, a student from the house of Slytherin, emerge from behind a wall.

Snape was clearly startled of Sirius' sudden voice but he was trying to keep his expression as indifferent as possible yet a smirk was playing around his lips as if he had discovered something that could destroy them once and for all. Then, Sirius appeared beside him.

"You don't want to touch me, Sirius," Snape warned him.

"Don't worry. I know," Sirius replied like Snape was carrying a contagious disease.

Just then, James' voice interrupted their 'conversation.' "What did you hear?" he demanded.

"Huh!" Snape snorted as a sign of reply. "That's for me to know," he ended. Before he walked away from them, he shot Sirius another look of hate.

However, instead of matching the look of detestation on Snape's face, Sirius contorted his face with mocking wide eyes, twisted mouth, complete with a tongue sticking out. As a result, he watched an even angrier Snape walk away. Then suddenly, he laughed out loud as he walked toward his friends. "Don't worry. He didn't hear a thing," he said, reassuring Remus. "I've been sneaking behind his back when I saw him walking toward the house." Then, out of the blue, he turned to Remus, saying, "And yes, maybe," referring to Remus telling Lily about his secret. "Only if you're sure you're serious about her," he concluded. "Hey, that sounded like my name."

* * * * *

The next day, Lily had the head prefects room to herself. She had not seen James much that day so she was pretty sure that he would not be barging in anytime into the room and annoy her to death. She was peacefully doing her essay's final draft in Potion as she comfortably sat on the couch beside the fire. The weather was getting colder everyday that she was sure winter was tiptoeing slowly into each day. The night had been awfully quiet for the weekend, although she enjoyed the flickering of the fire and the constant unwrapping of candies that James had given her.

Once she finished with her assignment, she stood up and stretched. Not feeling any tired, she decided to look around the room. It was pretty interesting since there were lots of things that previous head boys and girls left in there, although they were contained in boxes that were slowly gathering dust.

Lily was looking through the boxes' labels when she found a box on the top shelf, covered with dust. Although she could clearly see the label, 'Yule Ball' despite of all the dust, she could not possibly reach it because of its location. Just then, her brain rebelled against her as she thought of calling James to help her out. It was like calling death to sit beside her.

She sighed realizing that yes, only James and his six foot one built could reach that high. "Now, where is that giant when you need him?" she said to herself. Decided on finding him, she gathered her things from the couch and went out of the room.

Lily entered the common room, which atmosphere was tranquil and seemed undisturbed. The students were relaxing in front of the fire. Then, she pinpointed what was different with the room – no James Potter and his cohorts making complete nonsense noise around. She approached one of the students and asked, "Hey, have you seen James anywhere?"

"No," the student answered, rather delighted. "The four of them are nowhere to be seen. So let's just enjoy the serenity of the place, shall we?"

"Alright. Thanks anyway," Lily replied. Since James was nowhere to be found, she decided to go up to the girls' dormitories.

When she came into the room, the first thing that Lily noticed was the bright light coming in through the curtains. It was still early in the night so no one else was in there. She walked to the window and spread the curtains open. What greeted her was the clear sky giving way to the brightness of the full moon. She now realized why James and his friends were nowhere to be found.

She sat by the windowsill and watched the sky. She did not exactly know why the four mischief-makers disappeared during full moon but she first noticed their vanishing during their first year in Hogwarts. Lily did not want to remind herself that she had a _crush_ on James Potter when she was eleven. Eleven-year-olds were probably stupid during her time anyway, she assured herself. But it was the reason why she knew that full moon equaled no Peter, no Remus, no Sirius, and most of all, NO JAMES. She shuddered to think on how interested she was in him to even notice that there were nights he was not around.

She did not even try to discover the reason why they could not be found during certain nights of the month because by the time she was sure of it, James was already getting into her nerves with his puppy-dog eyes and tugging of her hair and uniform.

Lily did not deliberate more on James Potter and his monthly escapades with his friends. By the time she reached the reasons why she disliked him, exhaustion took over her body. She stayed sitting by the windowsill leaning against the wall… and after while, she drifted off to sleep.

__

~*~*~*~

to love you... take my world apart... to need you... i am on my knees... -- jars of clay, "worlds apart"

So, how was it? Read and review…


	3. Making Moves

__

FINISHED CHAPTER THREE!!

Alright, first things first. Thank you for all your reviews. They are very much appreciated. I love you guys… *sniffs*

Anyway, there were three points in your reviews that I think it's time for me to respond to.

One: about what Lily said to James about '…pray that you'll wake up tomorrow' in the first chapter. It wasn't exactly a threat… just an involuntary too-irritated-and-tired-to-think remark just to shut him up. I mean, cause personally, I say that a lot to people who irritate the hell out of me;

Second: about James, Sirius, and Peter being Animagi in their fifth years and not in their first years… now that's a fan! Anyway, yeah, I didn't realize that. I'd probably put the reason of their 'disappearances' every full moon during their first year maybe in the following chapters (I hope I made sense there); and

Third: when will James realize that he actually likes Lily? Oh my, that'll be after Lily falls for a guy not James (hint: see my notes in the first chapter). Oblivious James needs a good load of events for him to realize that. First, he has to get over being a player. Hmmm…

VERY IMPORTANT: about the part where people are staring at other people's backs… I need you to really imagine their sitting positions because that's very important. It might not make sense now but it will in the near future chapters. Or if you're really in touch with your psychic senses… you'd already know what I mean.

Okay, now, read and review.

Review.

Review.

:)

let me tell you that, this time... i'm gonna make you mine... -- savage garden, "universe"

~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER THREE: Making Moves**

The Transfiguration classroom suddenly grew quiet as Professor McGonagall paced toward the students. She was nowhere halfway in her introduction about Animagi when she unexpectedly stopped in mid sentence. She looked around the room and her eyes rested on Sirius Black, whose head was bowed down to his chest, apparently asleep.

She walked toward him with inquisitive eyes, tapping her wand on her palm. Then, she stopped beside him, hoping he would feel her eyes boring impatiently on him. The students watched as she stood beside him, trying to remain as collected as possible. Then, without a warning, she raised her wand and knocked it commandingly on the table.

The sound of her wand tapping on the hard wood resonated in the room loudly. And finally, she caught his attention.

Sirius suddenly woke up from his sleep as he heard McGonagall tapping angrily on his table. Startled by the abrupt sound, he sat up straight and leaned back on his chair to appear like he was listening. Unfortunately, he leaned too hard that it fell backwards with him.

The class roared with laughter as he fell to the floor. At the second that he tumbled, he looked up and met Toni's eyes twinkling with laughter.

"Mr. Black," McGonagall began, looking disappointedly down at him. "If you're not going to pay any attention in my class, I suggest you drop out of Transfiguration and repeat another year." She was standing beside his head, as he looked, still drowsy, at her.

Finally awake for embarrassment to kick in, he hurriedly stood up and put his chair upright. "I'm sorry, Professor," he said, as he sat back on his chair, trying to look as attentive as possible. "I promise to stay awake from now on."

McGonagall shot him a final warning look and returned to the front. She was about to continue with the lesson when her eyes strayed to the left side of the room. She looked at Vince who was sitting at the back, staring absent-mindedly toward the direction of the backside of Lily, who was sitting in the second row, at the right side of the room.

McGonagall sighed audibly. "Mr. Stradler," she called his attention.

Vince shook his head at the mention of his name. He realized, then, that the whole class was now looking at him.

"What," McGonagall began again, "may I ask, is so interesting about Ms. Evans' back?"

Lily turned around and looked at Vince, who by that time was already red with humiliation. He bowed his head down as he replied, "I-m – I'm sorry. It's – it's nothing, Professor."

Kiara, who was sitting one row ahead, by at the right side of Lily, turned around and looked at her. "There he goes again," she said in a singsong voice.

"I know it's Monday morning," McGonagall started, as she walked back to the front of the room, finally understanding her students' sentiments. "And I'm sorry that you miss the weekends but you should at least pretend to listen to the lesson." Just then, she picked up a pile of parchment that was sitting on her desk. "Alright," she said, turning back to her class. "I'll be giving you each a piece of parchment." She started distributing the parchment among the first row students who passed them to the back. "It'll be your assignment for the next month."

"Next month?" James' voice suddenly interrupted.

"Yes, Mr. Potter. Next month," McGonagall replied. "It's a research paper on the voluntary Transfiguration of humans into animal forms." She paused and looked at the class, giving them time to absorb whatever she had just said. When nobody raised a hand to ask a question, she continued. "I'll be posting a list of available books from the library later and you can refer to them for your research papers." She paused again, waiting for some retaliation, then resumed. "Everything you need to know about the mechanics of the paper is written in the parchment. You will be passing your assignments approximately a week before you take your Christmas break. Anyway, it's in your parchment." At the said of that, the whole class groaned – a reaction that she had been pausing and waiting for.

She waited for the students to pacify before she began again. "I understand it's a lot of work. But realize that you're not in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to get it easy," she reasoned, in a tone, trying to make the students proud of belonging in their school. "Oh, and I'm going to need a volunteer for someone to do an oral report and discuss the history of Animagi," she added, looking at her students, this time not expecting complaints, but a brave—no, a diligent soul to accept the responsibility.

At last, the class fell silent. "It's only an overview. Nothing complicated," she insisted, her voice rather cheery. She looked at the students one by one trying to find some hope in those faces. But they all looked down to the floor or to the wall whenever their eyes met hers. Then, her eyes rested on Lucius. "Mr. Malfoy?" she asked him, more of a command than a request.

Lucius nodded in approval, a reaction which made McGonagall return to her normal pace of breathing.

"Good. That's settled," she concluded and turned back to her students. "Alright, class dismissed," she said the most awaited words, as she paced back to behind her desk and sat.

The whole class stood up in unison and exited the classroom. "Mr. Potter," McGonagall called on James, holding pieces of parchment in her hand. James turned around and walked to her. "I'd like you to give this to Mr. Lupin," she said as she handed the parchment to him. They were the homework that Remus would be missing for the next couple of days, as he was still 'sick.' "He may hand them in once he recovers."

"Alright," he said as he received the parchment. Then he turned to leave the room.

Then, he saw Snape standing by the door, apparently listening to their conversation. James narrowed his eyes on him as he walked toward the door.

Snape would have loved to stay a bit longer for an eye-to-eye war but he chose to leave, instead, and elude any argument that might start between them – especially when McGonagall, the head of the Gryffindor house, was very nearby and could get both of them suspended at any moment of trouble.

* * * * *

Three days later, the Gryffindor Quidditch team were out in the field practicing for a game that coming Saturday.

James played in the house team. As he was really fast and agile in flying, he was placed as a seeker. And if that was not enough, he worked his way up to being the team captain in his fifth year.

Being the Quidditch team captain was probably the sole thing that James was exceptionally good at. His incredible amount of persistence and perseverance were such qualities that he possessed other people might not. Ah, that was probably why he was put in the Head Boy position in the first place.

Lily was always the person everyone knew would get the Head Girl position. Nobody was surprised when Dumbledore announced her name for the position during the Dinner on the first night the students were back from vacation. But when Dumbledore announced who the Head Boy was, one could just imagine the students' numerous reactions. They varied from Lily's shocked expression to the other students' are-you-kidding looks… to James and his friends' wide-smile faces. Not that he was so irresponsible that he did not even deserve to be a Prefect in the first place; but James Potter in the Head Boy position was like inviting the presence of a terrible storm amidst the tranquil walls of Hogwarts. However, Dumbledore realized that working with Lily Evans would mean lots of perseverance since she could be strict with the rules and regulations sometimes and needed someone to invite her to relax once in a while but still be responsible enough to know his duties.

After a few hours of practice, James allowed the players to go. He gathered his team around and gave his final pep talk. "Alright," he began. "Everyone, very good practice today. I hope we all retain that amount of stamina for Saturday's game." He bobbed his head to finally dismiss them. "See you again here tomorrow at four." Then, the players, all tired, started their way to the castle.

He, then, turned to Sirius who, out of nowhere, arrived a few minutes before the practice ended. "Hey, what brings you here?" he asked. "You suddenly gained the interest to watch me practice?" his voice turning into that teasing tone. "That's so sweet…" he joked, batting his eyes.

Sirius only smirked. Looking past James, he saw Toni passing by looking really tired in her Quidditch robes, her hair tied up in a now messy bun. "Hey, Toni."

Toni was a Chaser in the team. She had always been athletic since she was a kid. This was probably the reason why guys were, more often than not, sort of anxious around her. It was not like she was not pretty. Actually she was very pretty that adding the confident attitude that playing for the team gave her was slightly intimidating. She did not mind anyway. For her, if a guy did not have the courage to even come over and talk to her – he was not a guy worth it after all.

Toni turned to the two of them and stopped beside James, across Sirius. She leaned lightly on her broom, channeling some of the effort she had to exert in standing up. "Hey," she greeted back.

"So…" Sirius began, suddenly unable to stop stuttering. "that was – that was… ahem… that was a great practice there," he finally let the words out.

Sirius realized that _that_ was the first time he initiated a real conversation with her – aside from a few questions and answers here and there during the last six years that they were attending Hogwarts. It was Toni that was always talking when they were supposed to be having a discussion. He seemed to sound rather scared when he talked to her.

"Yeah," she replied. "Thanks," she added with a smile.

"No, I mean – I mean… you were _really_ great," Sirius insisted as if he was trying to emphasize something that he did not know how to say. Even James started to look at him funny.

Toni raised her eyebrows saying 'okay, yeah right… now moving on…' "I dunno if you've noticed," she began. "But Kiara's not here. There's no use sucking up," she said, her tone matter-of-factly than sarcastic.

"What? I'm not – I'm not… I'm not sucking up," Sirius said defensively. Now, James was starting to hold back a laugh.

"Whatever you say," Toni replied, in a singsong voice.

"So, are you… are you and your, uh, friends, uh, going to the Yule Ball?" Sirius asked, hoping to drop the subject.

Unfortunately, the subject that he raised was out of nowhere and out of season. Toni raised an eyebrow as if he had just said something so utterly confusing. "That's like a month from now, Sirius," she said with a slight chuckle. "Dumbledore hasn't even announced it over dinner yet."

Sirius flashed a look of realization to save himself from whatever he entered into. "A month? Yeah, yeah…" he said. Then he forced out a laugh – a nervous laugh – like she was going to eat him right there and then. Not able to think of anything clever to say, he turned to James. "Oh, see, that's why I'm here!" he announced. "Lily wants to see you about meeting with Dumbledore about the Yule Ball."

James looked at Sirius, fascinated by his best friend's assorted reactions of apprehensiveness. "I didn't realize you still know I'm standing here," he said, a smile playing around his lips.

"Well, I'm outta here," Toni interrupted. "I wanna take a long bath."

"Alright," James replied with a wave.

"Bye," Sirius said, trying to control himself not to say something more and finally make a complete fool out of himself.

"Okay, Sirius, I'll tell Kiara you said hi," Toni said in a rather teasing tone, as she walked back to the castle.

When she was finally out of earshot, James turned to Sirius and asked, "What was _that_? Sirius Black stuttering around a woman?"

"Oh, yeah, laugh," Sirius replied, with a smirk on his face. "I was just making conversation, you know."

"It happens every single time you 'make conversation' with her!" James howled with laughter. It was a while before he calmed down and realized his friend was still standing there. "She doesn't bite, you know. You don't need to be so afraid around her like she's gonna _eat_ you."

"I'm not scared, alright," Sirius defended himself, failingly trying to sound firm and believable. "She's just… a little nerve-wracking."

"She's pretty nice once you get to know her," James said as a matter of fact.

Sirius snorted. "Why?" he said, casually. "Do you like her?"

"Uh…" James put a hand on Sirius' shoulder, looked at him in the eyes, and scrunched up his nose. "She doesn't bite but I'm pretty _sure_ she'd beat me up if I get too near her."

* * * * *

Meanwhile, in the library, an industrious Lily had decided to start early on McGonagall's assignment. She was searching through the shelves of the library, while holding the piece of parchment where she wrote her list of the books that the professor had posted.

Very much occupied looking through the stack of books; she did not even notice Remus peering through to see her from the other side of the shelves. Then, he casually walked to the aisle where she was and pretended to be finding a book himself.

"Hey," he said, acting as if he had just noticed her.

Lily recognized his voice and looked up at him. "Oh, hi, Remus," she greeted him. Her tone was apparently curious. She tried to hesitate asking questions. However, even after thinking twice, she went on anyway. "Are you feeling alright? I mean… y-y-you got sick…"

Remus flashed her a smile of assurance. "Yeah," he nodded. "I'm feeling great now."

For a moment, there was an awkward silence. Remus always felt comfortable talking with Lily. That was until he confessed to his friends that he fancied her. He felt as if right at that moment she could read his mind and that she already knew about it. Anyway, if ever she did, he knew whom to blame. Yes… that Potter guy; since he was the one who spent the most time with Lily as part of Head Boy duty. But as long as his friends could keep their mouths shut, he'd be fine.

He glanced at Lily who went back to searching for books listed on her parchment. And because he towered her, just like James and Sirius did almost everyone else in school, he easily looked over the parchment she was holding and quickly spotted the title of the book that did not have a check mark beside it. He swiftly tried to find it amongst volumes stacked side by side in front of them. Seeing it, he involuntarily grabbed the book from the top shelf and handed it to her.

"Here."

"Oh, uh…" Lily muttered, taking the book from him.

"I, uh, saw your parchment," Remus explained, pointing to the paper in Lily's hand.

Lily smiled shyly. "Thanks."

"So… Lily?" Remus began, sounding as if he had something important to say.

Lily looked at him curiously. "Yeah?"

"I was wondering…" Remus started again, running his hand nervously through his hair. "Do you… uh…"

"Remus, what is it?"

"Do you like to—"

"Lily!" A cheerful voice interrupted them suddenly. Lily's back was to the owner of that voice but she knew very well to whom it belonged. She turned around and saw his all-smiles face coming up to her. Yup. It was James. No other one had that exceptional ability to disrupt a conversation in the most wrong timing. Lily stood still on where she was and let him come to her.

James had apparently just taken a shower, as his hair was still damp. It was probably the most uncluttered look that his hair could ever get – brushed back behind his head because the water was still holding it. It was only when he was already standing before her that he finally noticed Remus standing there. For once, he got a clue. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you're with Remus." Nothing too sincere with his voice, only that tone which often foreshadowed a mischievous deed. He turned to Remus, giving him an intrigued look. "Is this a bad time?"

"Uh, no, that's okay," Lily replied instead. "We were just talking."

However, Remus shot his friend a look with wide eyes saying 'Yeah! What do you think?' But instead, he said, "Yeah, that's alright. I'm going to have to catch up on McGonagall's assignments anyway."

But before he turned to leave, Lily stopped him. "No, wait," she called. "What was it you were trying to tell me?" The tone of her voice was nowhere being too interested, just curious.

He smiled kindly at her. "Nothing important," he shrugged. "See you around," he said as he waved goodbye.

"Alright. Bye." Lily waved back.

Remus then left. That was after he gave James a firm hard pat on the shoulder – a _meaningful_ firm hard pat.

"So, what are you doing here?" Lily asked James after Remus finally left.

"Alright, that's not fair," James said as soon as Lily made that remark. "Why do you always have to get so cranky whenever you see me?"

Lily sighed and rolled her eyes. "It's not that," she began. "It's just James Potter in the library is like a vampire hugging a crucifix."

James crossed his arms. Apparently, Lily Evans was inherently annoyed with him no matter what he did. "Please correct me if I'm wrong, but you _did_ forgive me back there in Hogsmeade, right?"

Lily nodded in agreement. "Yeah," she said. She placed the book that she was holding by the shelf beside her and stepped closer to him; then playfully pinched both his cheeks. "But that doesn't mean I'm suddenly fond of you."

James pulled away from her, his cheeks now rosy. "Fine…" he mocked a sigh of frustration. "So, Sirius told me that Dumbledore wants to see us?"

Lily's face lit up, remembering their meeting with Dumbledore. Finally, an actual reason why James was looking for her. "Yeah," she said. She picked up her book from the shelf and dragged James out of the library.

__

~*~*~*~

you try to tell me that i'm clever... but that won't take me anyhow... or anywhere... with you... -- lisa loeb and nine stories, "stay"

So, how was it? Oh… I hope you liked it.

Tell me what you think. Review! :)


	4. Then Who Do You Like?

__

I'M HERE AGAIN!

Okay, so I update every weekends. So, it may be Saturdays or Sundays, depending on the time I have to write.

I know the last chapter seemed to be too short. Actually, I realized that the second chapter was too long for fanficition, that is; but honestly, not for me so I decided to redo the coverage of my chapters – which resulted in a twenty-five-chapter story. Anyway, I'm thinking of elaborating some events in the future so it might turn out to be actually longer than originally planned… why am I saying this anyhow?

Err…

Anyways, thanks for the reviews. As for the pronouns, I've rechecked my work and if there are still errors… hey, feel free to tell me.

By the way, I changed one thing in chapter three. Instead of a game on Friday, I changed it to Saturday. Makes sense to me now, because I realized Quidditch matches lasted as long as it could take until the elusive Snitch had been caught.

Hmmm… what else? Oh yeah, JK Rowling owns them.

I, saj aneri, am a fan and I own the stuffs you don't recognize. :)

i don't want to dissect everything today... i don't mean to pick you apart you see... but i can't help it... -- alanis morissette, "all i really want"

~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER FOUR: Then Who Do You Like?**

Lily made herself comfortable in one of the chairs by the headmaster's desk. From the library… to the hallways… to the stairs up Dumbledore's office, James was following just behind her. However, when they finally entered the office, he got too preoccupied with interest with the things inside the room to even acknowledge the way she was looking at him with eyes saying 'sit down, for the love of god.' She watched him as he walked around the room, tinkering with the little displays that were on the shelves.

The headmaster's office had walls covered with portraits of the past headmasters even before when Dumbledore was in the position. Lily could have enjoyed looking at them, even if they all seemed to be sleeping, if only James would stop fiddling with every little thing that he saw inside the office. He was now looking through some fragile ceramics that were apparently for not-to-be-played-and-thrown-around-with.

"James, why won't you sit down and stop touching Dumbledore's things?" she finally blurted out.

James looked at her at the said of that. But knowing him, she knew that look was the look of a mischievous mind busy at work. "Why?" he said as he walked slowly to her, carrying a figurine with him. "Afraid that something might go missing?"

"Uh – no," Lily replied as a matter of fact, her eyes traveling from what he was holding, then up to his eyes and then back to the delicate piece of ornament that he was clutching in his hand. "Afraid that _everything_ you touch might go breaking."

"What?"

"Or exploding," Lily added, her tone almost begging for him to sit down and behave himself.

And just as if she had read the future, James did something that made her heart almost skip out of her chest. He threw the breakable figurine, that he was holding, up in the air to frighten the ever-so-prudent Lily.

"James!" Lily exclaimed; her voice was high-pitched and full of apprehension.

James caught the fragile display firmly with his hands as he took pleasure in watching Lily's shocked and nervous expression. "Lily," he began, shaking his head in mock disappointment, as he put the figurine back in its place. "You are such a nervous wreck sometimes."

Lily took a deep breath. James was starting to get into her nerves again. "You don't throw fragile things in the air—"

"But I caught—"

"Even if you intend to catch it," she finished, ignoring what he wanted to say. Anyway, she was sure that it would just be another one of those nonsense things that he used to say to get himself out of trouble.

James looked at her, wondering if she ever had any fun in her life. He actually barely remembered any event when she would just forget the rules and see how things would go. "You know—" he was about to say what was in his mind when he suddenly stopped and remembered what a huge (and expensive at that) fight they just had. He was not about to get Lily upset with him again… well, not in that very short interlude of time. Besides, there was that eyebrow raised way high up again.

"What?" Lily waited for him to continue.

"We need to sit down and wait for Dumbledore," James said instead, as he sat on the chair across her.

Lily rolled her eyes. She concluded that James could really have a thick head where things just didn't sink in fast enough. "That's what I've been trying to make you do, Mr-Can't-Sit-Still."

Just a moment later, Dumbledore came in from a door behind the office. "Oh, glad to see you here," he greeted them, as he walked in. He sat behind his desk and apologized, "Sorry for my delay."

"That's alright, Professor," Lily said cheerily, smiling.

James smiled too. But his smile was not for Dumbledore. He was flashing a naughty smile for Lily, who seemed to be acting way more goody-goody compared to her normal paranoia in keeping things in order.

Lily noticed his impish gaze and narrowed her eyes at him. When his smile would not fade, she stomped hard on his left foot. To her satisfaction, James' smile transformed into an expression of suppressed anguish.

"Well, I'm sure you know why I called for you," Dumbledore continued, pretending to not notice what just happened between the two students sitting across his desk.

"Uh-huh," Lily answered with a nod… and a wide smile.

Dumbledore turned to James, also expecting some sort of reply from him. However, James could barely say anything because of what Lily just did. She might be petite—'vertically challenged,' if James would say it—but she seemed to have that uncanny ability to concentrate all her strength in order to give him one hell of an aching foot.

James nodded in agreement with what Lily said, his face still hinted like he was having some sort of constipation.

"It's about the Christmas dance," Lily continued.

"Ah, yes. The Yule Ball," Dumbledore began. "The Yule Ball will be taking place in a month. And I'm sure you, as Head Boy and Head Girl, would want to be given a fairly long time for the preparation."

James finally recovered from the pain and sat up straight. "Yeah. Yes. Yes," he said, making his presence apparent at last. He narrowed his eyes on Lily and all she did was flash an annoying, satisfied smile.

"Both of you will be in charge of the decorations of the Great Hall during the dance," Dumbledore continued. "You may ask Professor Flitwick for his help as he is willing to assist you in setting up the decorations."

Lily busily scribbled the information that Dumbledore was telling them. On the other hand, all James did was to look at her and let _her_ 'remember' the details that _he_ might forget – which could be… almost everything.

"You will also be in charge of the different foods to serve during the ball. You could list them down and hand them in to the house elves in the kitchen whenever you've finished with them." Then, after a pause, Dumbledore leaned over closer to them like he was telling a secret. "The elves make great desserts. They've always been my favorite if I do say so myself," he said, smiling. He looked at them to ensure if they were getting what he was saying. Lily and James nodded.

"Well then." Dumbledore sat back up in his seat. "I think that's it for now," he concluded. "If you need to know about something else, feel free to ask me."

"Alright, Professor," Lily replied, her face still flashing an expression of interest and cheerfulness. "We'll be going now."

* * * * *

Out in the hallways, Lily started to schedule the task that was just recently given to them. It had only been about three minutes after Dumbledore had talked to them and, yet, she was already scribbling – using a Muggle pen – incessantly in her notebook.

James looked at her and rolled his eyes. One day, he thought to himself, he would teach this girl to break some school regulations, or maybe… do something really stupid, for a start.

"So," Lily started, tapping her pen on the notebook. "We are going to split the work in half…" she trailed, writing down something she had forgotten to. She was not even looking at James to see his reaction.

"Uh… Lily?"

She looked up at him. He did not even need to say a word to get across the message that he wanted to say. Sometimes, she felt like she could read his mind. A very frightening thought of course. "I'm not saying you do it tonight, James. I know you have a date with Emma Creton tonight," she said. Then she thought, maybe the reason why she seemed to know what he was thinking was because most of the time, he was thinking of—what else—women. "The whole school knows about it. It's like the coming of Merlin or something."

"Oh," James muttered quite proudly.

"Yeah." Lily rolled her eyes. "She practically announced it to everyone she met in the hallways these past couple of days." She looked at him, who was smiling not-so-humbly with what she was telling him. Then, as if to get her point across and straight into his thick skull, "It's annoying," she said as a matter of universal fact.

Instead, James' smile grew even wider, his eyes almost disappearing. "Annoying?" he said, moving his eyebrows up and down, teasing her. "For all I know, you want a turn, too."

Lily's mouth fell open and for a split second, it seemed like her brain had left her. "What?!" she exclaimed, flashing a pair of wide green eyes. James was not only the most annoying person in the whole of human race; he could even be the epitome of the self-opinionated, conceited, full of himself… jerk! "James, if ever, for some dark curses, _I_ ever go out with _you_, I'd probably be so embarrassed I'm never emerging from under a cloak again!" Her tone was so firm and final, James did not even try to retaliate whatever she said.

"Uh—" Now he was the one lost for words. He walked with her silently for a few seconds, apparently thinking of something to say. Why was it that his charm never _ever_ worked on her? Not that he wanted to, he did not even want to imagine it… although at times like these, he just wondered. "Alright," he finally said, after un-cluttering his apparently-clouded-up-mentality, as Lily thought. "Lily Evans, then who do you like?" he asked quite casually.

Lily glanced at him annoyingly. She thought he would shut up all the way until they reached the common room. Evidently, she was mistaken. She sighed audibly and decided to answer his question. "Cunning… Intelligent…"

"Well, I could be—"

"Confident…" Lily interrupted. James looked at her, and before he could even start, "not _over_ confident," she said, her eyes mockingly staring straight into his eyes. "And sweet," she concluded with a shrug.

"Ah!" James exclaimed. "I gave you candies and—"

"Flowers?" Lily finished for him. "You did that because I was about to bury you alive, James," she said, chuckling. "I've never heard a girl whirl crazy with sweetness after going out with you. All I hear is that 'Oh, James is such a good kisser,'" she mocked a flirty voice.

"They say that?"

Lily rolled her eyes. Great, he's even proud of it, she thought. She smirked at his proud smile and finally said, "And honestly speaking, I think the candies and flowers weren't even _your_ idea." By that, it was her turn to flash the ever so wide smile before she went ahead and left him dumbfounded… again.

* * * * *

That night, very few Gryffindors were in the Common Room and they were all quietly going about their homework. Of course, it was because the leader of the 'band' – yes, James – was out on a date that was why the room was tranquil.

Lily was sitting in one corner of the couch near the fireplace while reading the book she checked out from the library that afternoon. She was deeply engrossed with the book, holding it straight up across her face, when someone slowly pulled it down, revealing Remus sitting on the table in front of her, smiling.

"Don't you think you're in a little of a hurry with that?" he said, his voice kind – unlike the always animated voice of his friends.

Lily smiled back. "I just wanted to finish this assignment early."

"Can't you take a little break? For just a while?" Remus shrugged. Lily's face flashed an expression of curiosity and he said, "I want to show you something."

"What?"

Remus stood up and took her hand. When she did not hesitate he said, "C'mon," as he led her out of the Common Room.

* * * * *

It was nowhere special in particular. Actually, Remus led Lily by the lake, which was starting to freeze. They were leaning against a tree beside it while looking up into the sky. Some time in their conversation, Lily shared that she could not even point out the Big Dipper. It was weird, she knew, however, Remus was being nice on helping her site it out.

"There it is," he said, pointing to the night sky.

Lily narrowed her eyes up at the sky, trying to focus on something that she could not even figure out. "Uh, I don't see it," she complained, shaking her head.

With this, Remus moved closer to her and placed his head beside her to direct her line of vision. Again, he pointed to the sky.

This time, Lily smiled in delight, locating the constellation. "Yeah, I see it."

* * * * *

Meanwhile, back at the other side of the castle, James and Emma were on their date. If you could call talking nonstop about school rumors a date.

Emma was talking continuously about gossip while James was pretending, with all his patience, to listen intently to whatever she was saying – he could not actually understand – although deep inside he wanted to petrify her just to stop her. But then again, that would mean that he would not be able to kiss her – so he, instead, sat there, looking absent-mindedly at her.

Like a hunter, he waited for her to pause. And at last, when she paused to ask him if he was listening, he leaned over and kissed her before she could even begin talking again.

Of course, Emma could not complain because, like some kind of public knowledge (as Lily stated), James was indeed a good kisser. That was probably the only thing that he was especially good at, aside from Quidditch and Transfiguration (even if he hardly paid attention) that is.

* * * * *

Lily was laughing at a joke that Remus just told her. Meanwhile, he smiled at the sight of her laughing.

When they finally settled, the mood changed.

"So, do you come here every night?" Lily asked, back to gazing up at the sky.

"Not really," Remus replied. "But I like watching the sky at night." He paused. "It's kind of ironic actually."

"Ironic?"

At that moment, he thought of what Sirius said to him back in Hogsmeade – telling her about his secret if he was serious about her. "Well, yeah. You see I—uh—well…" he trailed off. He looked at her, who was still staring up at the sky. He backed out at the last minute. Something told him… too many maybe's and too many what if's. Whatever they all were, he felt that the truth needed not come out that night… maybe… needed not come out at all…

"Sometimes I feel like hiding in a far away place where no one and nothing could see me," he said, instead. It was the truth but it wasn't _the_ truth.

"I know how that feels. Sometimes, I just wanna get out of this place, too." Then, for the first time that night, Lily turned and looked at him straight in the eyes. "But… have you ever felt you wanna stay but then, you just have to go because other people might get hurt?"

This time, it was Remus who looked away. He avoided her gaze and looked straight up ahead. "Often," he replied weakly, his voice hinted with a tone of sadness.

* * * * *

It was getting pretty late in the night and close to curfew so everyone who decided to take a stroll out in the grounds were back in the castle.

Remus and Lily were walking back to the Gryffindor Tower, back to telling each other jokes. They were about to turn around the hall to the tower when James appeared with Emma.

"Hey. Hi, Remus. Lily," Emma greeted, with a wave and a friendly smile.

Remus waved back and Lily said, "Hey," smiling.

This was the only time that James realized that Remus _and_ Lily were together. He looked at them curiously. The four of them were standing where the halls toward the Gryffindor tower and Emma's house tower met.

"So," Emma called James' attention. "This is it. I'll see tomorrow?" she uttered quite flirty-ly.

"Uh—yeah," James replied. And before she left, he kissed her goodnight.

Lily and Remus, not really planning to stand there and watch them go at each other, went ahead.

When James—finally—said goodbye to Emma, he followed his friend and the girl who was not so quite fond of him. Instead of joining them, he decided to walk a couple of meters behind. He watched them – especially Lily. Then he wondered why she never laughed like that with him – genuine, complete with twinkling eyes… and no walkouts.

* * * * *

"'Night, Remus," Lily said after she gathered her things that she left in the common room before Remus led her to the lake. "James," she decided to acknowledge him too.

James nodded and Remus said, "'Night." After which, Lily finally went up the stairs to her dormitory.

When he was sure that Lily could not hear them, James teased Remus. "What, no goodnight kiss?"

Remus glanced at James, then went for the stairs to the boys' dormitories. "It wasn't a date, James," he declared.

But James, stubborn as he was, gave his friend a pat on the shoulder and said, "Yeah. Whatever you say."

__

~*~*~*~

you and the moon are a beautiful sight to me... -- sixpence none the richer, "easy to ignore"

Alright, judgment time… what do you think? Tell me!


	5. Lily's In Love

__

LILY HATES JAMES…

Or maybe hate is such a strong word… Okay, Lily is not so fond of James.

So, what's this Lily's in love thing?

Uh…

This is a chapter really hard for me to write because I was cramming in almost everything I do right now. But I just can't seem to stay away from the computer and the Internet. Besides, I promised to update every weekend.

Alright, first, remember: FUNNY HOW WE SET QUALIFICATIONS WHILE WE ARE IN THE PROCESS OF FINDING THE PERSON WHO SUPPOSEDLY IS THE BEST FOR US WHEN IN THE BACK OF OUR MINDS WE KNOW THAT THE ONE WE'LL LOVE WILL ALWAYS BE AN EXCEPTION TO THE RULE. – heoamiexy.

*Sigh*

And second, I'd like to thank those who have reviewed my work since I started this little project I have: MKHLFan4Life, numbskul411, Kitty Prydew, CanadianGurl, twizhie, Starrgal, jujubee, buggy-such, lover4Mauraders, Arorra, Clearbrook, kitty, silver10fire, Frankie, KV, SpakleOwl, Musichick, angkat14, trisha, Sugarquill, potterchick, Twisted Rose, the-fly-screen, mutsumi, moonzy, animalluvr75, bertiebottsgeorge, marauder, Hermione101888, A person who majorly wants u 2 update, moonybaby, heavenly182angel, Lulcky719.

Now, remember… JK Rowling owns them all.

Other things you don't recognize happen to be mine.

everybody got to have somebody... everybody got to have someone... -- train, "respect"

someday she'll trust him... and learn how to see him... -- jars of clay, "love song for a savior"

~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER FIVE: Lily's In Love…**

Professor McGonagall sat comfortably in her chair behind the teacher's table. She had quite a knack on looking lenient and ruthless both at the same time.

She could have let some of the groaning and moaning of some of the Gryffindor students pass; however, when a couple of them from the back of the class started to make fun of the Slytherin standing in front of the room, she lowered her glasses and gave them a warning look.

Of course, those couple of Gryffindors were James and Sirius. And they only stopped giggling like little girls sharing some secret crushes when McGonagall's stares were already burning on them.

"Are you… _finished_? With your little chat over there?" she said.

"Uh… yes, Professor," replied one of them.

McGonagall took a deep breath then let out a contented sigh. She took a last glance toward them and leaned back on her chair. After which, she motioned for the student standing in front of the class to go on.

Lucius Malfoy was _the_ Slytherin standing in front of the class. He was given the assignment to report on the overview of Animagi by McGonagall a few meetings ago.

Before he proceeded with his presentation, he took the chance of flashing a satisfied smirk toward the direction of James and Sirius, which the two 'comedians' retaliated with a roll of their eyes.

"Animagi," he began his introduction, "or humans who can voluntarily transform themselves into animal forms," he turned to the board where his visual aid was waiting. "First, let me introduce the roots of this fashion of Transfiguration…"

He continued with his oral report, while constantly taking stabbing glances _from_ and _at_ the never-too-tired-to-stop-irritating-the-hell-out-of-him Potter and Black. One day, you're not gonna be smirking back at me, he thought to himself.

Meanwhile, Lily thought that she could use some points for her paper. So, she listened intently to the report, taking down some notes time after time. She wasn't even looking up to stop and glance at the speaker in front. She was practically filling up inches and inches of her parchment – and those were only annotations from an overview. Who knew how much she could come up with when she finally wrote her paper on Animagi?

* * * * *

"Are you _ever_ gonna tell her you like her?" James, not really having the desire to listen to the report, leaned forward and whispered to Vince's ear. Apparently, he thought that he was out of his body again and staring at nowhere. Until he followed his line of vision and concluded that he was staring at the back of Lily.

Again.

Vince turned to him to give him a look saying, 'what are you talking about?'

James rolled his eyes and sighed audibly. "I mean, you can't stare at Lily forever," he said matter-of-factly.

Vince gave him another look. Evidently, James would not shut up until he heard some form of answer. "Lily Evans?" he whispered back, shaking his head. "She's just a friend," he added with a shrug.

James put his elbow on his desk and rested his cheeks on his hand. He made an indescribably lazy, disappointed, frustrated expression, which included an open mouth and dull eyes. "Why is everybody in denial?" he said more to himself than to Vince.

However, as it turned out, McGonagall's hearing range was by far the best anyone could have encountered. "Mr. Potter," she said, and the whole class turned to look at him. "How would you like to spend Quidditch match in detention?"

James suddenly straightened in his seat. She could make him live in detention for all he cared, _except_ when there was a Quidditch game. And especially when his team was the one playing. "I'm sorry, Professor," he apologized.

"This is your last warning," she said, before signaling Lucius to continue with his report.

* * * * *

It was halfway through the discussion when her mind suddenly, almost involuntarily, turned its attention to the owner of the voice she had been listening to.

It was very accidental – unplanned, unpremeditated, and completely unintentional – but Lucius standing assertively in front of everyone else while some of his classmates lark around about him, somehow… _somehow_ made her look at him… different.

Usually, Lily saw him with green hair, spiked hair, a couple of Mohawks here and there, orange, blue, purple, and recently, red complexion. Usually, she saw him being hovered by the two most 'talented' people gifted with the ability to be a pain to everyone. Usually, she saw him angry and annoyed – completely irritated.

However, that day, as he stood there in front of the room, she saw… _him_.

Everyone would look stupid having green skin. Even Einstein would look ridiculous with spiked hair, she thought. But not everyone could sound as clever and intelligent no matter how much dye they put on him.

She looked at him for a minute. Seemed like she forgot that she was supposed to be taking notes. And just as suddenly, when he turned his eyes on their side of the room, she felt her cheeks go red.

She…

Blushed…

Oh…

My…

* * * * *

For somebody who was athletic, James was panting when he entered the Head Prefects Room. Apparently, he ran down the hall, _very_ hurriedly, from Muggle Studies just to find Lily sitting comfortably in front of the hearth reading a book – relaxed.

He barged in and sat beside her. "Lasagna? Is that what you call it?" he said, out of thin air, in a speed of a-thousand-words-per-second.

Lily turned her eyes sideways at him, her face still toward the book she was holding. She let a few seconds pass before she put it down and faced him. "_What_ are you talking about?" she asked, honestly; her eyes were to the ceiling as if trying to find the answers out of nowhere, where his question actually was from.

But instead of answering her question, James said, "Lasagna, or steak, maybe those pitas and dips, too?"

Now, Lily was confused. She ran her hand over her face hoping after which, another James, who would tell her what was going on, would appear before her.

Finally, he began an explanation that would put light in the now baffled mind of hers. "I just had my Muggle Studies—"

"I didn't know you're taking Muggle Studies this term," Lily interrupted.

James slacked his shoulders and rolled his eyes. "I like to widen my horizon," he said, smiling weakly. "Apparently, it proves that you're not _that_ interested with me to know that."

"True," Lily uttered automatically.

"Anyway," James began, with a wave of a hand to say he was ignoring her comment. "We were talking about Muggle food. I think it'll be quite nice and different if we serve, you know, Muggle food at Yule Ball," he suggested, quite proud of himself for thinking about it. He flashed a wide smile, waiting for a reply – he had no idea what kind of reply, but _a_ reply.

Lily narrowed her eyes at him. But James knew by now what that meant – it wasn't an annoyed narrow; it was an, 'I'm thinking' narrow. Which meant it was a good narrow.

And… I gotta stop analyzing her eye expressions, he thought to himself.

Spending all that time being a nuisance to her, that was in her opinion anyway, he knew by now what she meant with her smirks and glares and _narrow_ eyes…

Lily nodded. "That's a good idea," she agreed, quite delighted with the sense that James was making.

"Oh!" James exclaimed remembering something more. "And the pizza thing looks good in the pictures, too."

If they were in a television series, a buzzer would sound off that very second. "Uh, James," Lily said, cutting him short. "I reckon Muggles don't serve pizza in formal occasions."

"Oh," James replied, smiling shyly.

Lily pursed her lips and gave him a gentle pat on the head – like what you give when your pet had been a good dog. And he pulled back giving her no satisfaction with what she was doing to him.

Lily snorted, realizing that she just made him feel uncomfortable. "By the way," she suddenly said, recalling something. She stood up and walked to the shelves by the corner of the room. "Can you take that down?" she said, pointing at the box in the top shelf, labeled, 'Yule Ball.'

James gave a 'piece of cake' shrug and stood next to her. Then, he took down the box and plunked it down on the floor. He dragged it across the room by the couch while Lily sat back down to where she was before.

The box was basically covered with dust because of the long time that it was stacked among the shelves. James knelt down beside it. Then, by some odd reasons, he tried to blow the dust off the surface of the box.

Lily could not help but laugh. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm getting rid of the dust," James replied. Lily laughed harder. This time, he laughed with her although he actually didn't have any idea what they were laughing about. What he knew was he realized that for the first time, she laughed like she was actually having a good time… and the great thing about it was that _he_ made her laugh like that. "What?" he asked innocently and quite confused. "I've seen it in Muggle movies."

"That only works in the movies, James," Lily said matter-of-factly.

James looked down and recognized that she was right. The box was still covered with dust. "Apparently, it doesn't actually work," he said, timidly.

Lily reached for a duster lying on the coffee table. "Here," she said, handing it to him. "Use this."

James took it and started to dust the box. "What is a duster doing in here?" he asked out of plain curiosity.

"I thought this place could use a little cleaning."

After cleaning the box, James opened it. Inside was some old Christmas decorations, memorabilia, and some old Yule Ball pictures. There were pictures of students dancing, and posing in groups. There were also those pictures of the Head Boy and Head Girl during that year, dancing cheek to cheek.

James started fiddling with the decorations while Lily busied herself looking at the pictures.

A picture of the Head Girl caught Lily's attention. She was dancing with a boy; her long flowing blond hair was swaying softly as she swung to the music. The boy whispered something in her ear and she started to laugh; her blue eyes were almost twinkling with merriment. And as her partner turned her around, her shining white robes oscillated gracefully with her.

James unconsciously fixed his attention on Lily. He smiled enjoying the sight of the expression of admiration and astonishment on her face.

"She looks like an angel," Lily muttered, smiling amusingly.

James took a turn at looking at some of the pictures and he chanced upon the one where the Head Boy and Head Girl were dancing. He distracted Lily's thoughts after examining the picture. "Are we supposed to do this?"

"What?" Lily said like she just recovered from a trance.

James handed her the photo.

"It's a school tradition for the Head Boy and Girl to do the opening dance," she explained, looking at his reluctant expression. "But I'm sure we could definitely get around without the cheek-to-cheek, head on shoulder, too-sweet-I-might-start-to-gag parts." James nodded with approval but something told her that _that_ look was a worried look. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing," James replied, shaking his head. Suddenly he felt the need to change the subject. "So, you know what I just realized?" he started. "This is probably the most civilized conversation we ever had," he declared like he deserved some sort of a lifetime achievement award – well, in that case anyway, it took him almost half his life for that moment where they talked without one slapping the other and walking out. And added as a bonus, _he_ made her smile – or laugh, heck, it didn't matter to him.

Now, Lily beamed widely in accord.

Then, with this, James smiled broadly like he knew some sort of secret.

"What?" Lily asked, her tone hinted worry.

"Lily's in love…" James uttered in a singsong voice, his tone teasing.

"What?!" Lily exclaimed in retaliation. "James Potter, don't be ridiculous."

James chuckled, evidently amused of the expression on her face. He continued teasing her with that singsong voice. "She is bluuuuushiiiiing…"

"James, shut up," Lily demanded. She grabbed a pillow and threw it hard at James but the smile on her face just grew even wider.

* * * * *

Quidditch field.

It was a given that on every match, students would flock the stands and cheer for their house teams. That day, when the Gryffindors were playing with the Slytherins, was no different.

Students started populating the place as early as they could to get a good view of the match. The announcer, a Ravenclaw student to avoid biases, was talking about the game coming up; even though the crowd was getting louder and louder by the minute and no one really knew if someone was actually listening to him.

Meanwhile, behind the field, the Gryffindor team had just finished their pep talk with James. Even Toni, the most composed person James knew – of course aside from himself – was pacing nervously back and forth – just like the other team members were doing, except for the team captain who was leaning against a wall deep in thought.

Toni's thoughts were disrupted when she heard Kiara's voice that sounded like she was arguing with somebody and that they were coming toward her.

She looked their direction and saw – and heard – Kiara practically dragging Sirius to go with her.

"C'mon, Sirius," Kiara groaned as she held him by the arm. "Don't be such a wussy."

"I'm fine here," Sirius commented. His voice was getting high-pitched by the end of his sentences, it was cracking. "The game's about to begin."

"My point exactly!" Kiara exclaimed as she yanked him to walk faster.

Toni watched them and snorted. Sirius was taller and much more stronger than Kiara and yet, he was letting her drag him like a dog on a leash. She wondered how in heaven's sake did they hook up with each other.

"C'mon!" Kiara said impatiently as she pulled the reluctant Sirius.

When she was certain that they were really coming to her, Toni began pacing around again, pretending not to see them.

"Toni," she heard Kiara say.

Toni stopped walking back and forth and looked up to find Kiara standing with an uncomfortable Sirius beside her. "Hey," she said with a wave.

"So, just wanna wish you good luck," Kiara said with a comforting smile. Then, she turned to Sirius and nudged him by the rib. "Right?"

Sirius rolled his eyes at Kiara that said, 'fine.' "Hey," he turned to Toni. "Well, uh, so—" He paused to swallow. "Good luck with, uh, the game," he finally said. "Hope – hope you win," he stammered a little bit more. After which, he let out a deep breath and faced Kiara. "I'm getting back," he said to her. With that he spun his heels and readied to go only to…

"Hey, Sirius!" Toni called him.

He turned around and said, "Yeah?" trying to sound as casual as possible.

Then Toni flashed a sweet smile at him. "Thanks," she said.

* * * * *

Remus arrived at the Gryffindor bleachers to watch the game. However, instead of looking for a seat or a spot to stand on – since the place was so crowded already – he wandered his eyes around the bleachers and tried to catch sight of a girl with that fiery red hair.

When he spotted her, he went to walk toward her. "Hey, Lily," he greeted, tapping her by the shoulder.

Lily looked up and smiled at him. "Hi, Remus." She budged a little to make room for him to sit on when the announcer declared that the game was about to start.

Everybody cheered excitedly.

* * * * *

The Quaffle was tossed into the air. To the frustration of the Gryffindor team, Lucius, a Chaser for Slytherin, was the one who was able to get it.

"You suck, Malfoy!" James hollered, as he flew himself up the field, to a height where he felt to be the best position to locate the Snitch.

Lucius sped fast against his opponents and passed the Quaffle to a fellow teammate.

By the end of an hour, the Slytherin team scored thirty and Gryffindors, twenty. The next thirty minutes, the position reversed as the Gryffindors scored two more goals making them ahead of the game by ten points.

During those times, the Snitch was nowhere to be found. That was why, because of boredom and to make a dupe out of the Slytherin Seeker, James zoomed down and up again, pretending to have spotted the Snitch. To his delight, the opponent's Seeker rocketed behind him, following his every turn. It was when he started doing flips with his broom and laughing so hard he almost couldn't breathe that his Slytherin counterpart stopped tailing him and flashed him an angry glare.

"Okay, now let's do a double!" he tried to yell to the Slytherin Seeker – for he was laughing so hard – as he flipped twice with his broom.

After another half an hour, the Slytherins were ahead by twenty points. James was getting frustrated. He was searching around for the Snitch bored to his mind, while his team was struggling to get ahead of the game.

He was flying his broom in circles when he saw something flickering at the corner of his eye.

The Snitch.

He sped fast to the little golden ball while his opponent was following him. They sped around the field, as the other players were still passing Quaffle and beating Bludgers.

It all happened so quickly.

The Seekers were already a few feet above the ground and James was leading.

A Bludger was going to hit Toni when their Beater flew fast and hammered the violent ball away from her.

The Bludger dashed away and went straight to hit Lucius on the arm.

He fell down.

James caught the Snitch.

Gryffindors won.

The game ended.

* * * * *

From the bleachers, Lily gasped.

Nobody would actually notice except for someone who was watching her closely.

Malfoy fell down after being hit by a Bludger… and she gasped. Remus noticed the worry in her eyes. Remus could not _help_ but notice the worry in her eyes.

Suddenly… an eventual realization came over him.

__

~*~*~*~

will there come a time for me to be more to you... -- sixpence none the richer, "easy to ignore"

and all she wants is just a little piece of this dream... is that too much to ask... -- 3 doors down, "be like that"

Okay, I'm giving you time to hate me because, if you haven't noticed yet, Lily likes some person named *trying to get out of the grip of someone strangling me*

*coughs*

Alright, I won't even say it.

Just review. :)


	6. Strike Two

__

WHAT THE HECK?!

Lily can't stand James but she can stand to like Malfoy?!

Something's definitely wrong here…

Duh!

Okay, to help you ease some of the not-so-nice feelings about Lucius, don't imagine him looking like the one in the movie… that would be like a 35-year-old man and even I would cringe to imagine him with a 17-year-old girl…

What to do is to imagine him looking like Draco "little Lucius" Malfoy… makes sense cause he's the son and they most probably look alike… and imagine Draco looking like the one who played him in the movie… only make him look a couple years older…

Hmmm…

Yeah, whatever… I know I know… Lily still likes Lucius…

Okay, here's the answer to the why, why, why's and the oh my gosh-es…

James could never get a clue even about his own feelings. He's not affected by his notion that Vince might like Lily. He's not affected by the fact that Remus fancies her too. So, maybe… sense is gonna knock him hard in the head if he finds out that she likes the person he could never have the guts to stand…!

And that will all start here…

Knock! Knock! Knock!

On another note, I'd like to thank those who submitted a review. I hope you keep doing it and keep me wanting to write more: Satans Little Princess, Stating-the-obvious, Hermione101888, Sugarquill, Frankie, mutsumi, the-fly-screen, angkat14, Javalass, time-stitch, The Elfin Child

Second, about me calling Sirius a 'she.' I'd see to that. Although, honestly, I'd already checked it several times. I couldn't see it. Maybe you could tell me what part? However, if it was in the paragraph, "Sirius was apparently shocked by the unexpected act that Kiara just did to him. For a split second his eyes were wide in surprise. Even his friends could not do or say anything but to stare at the two of them lock lips. But then, he started to kiss her back. And just as he was about to put his arms around her, she pulled away." – the 'she' here is actually Kiara.

Anyways, I'm not really sure if anyone reads my introductions so I'd just leave it here and let you read the next chapter.

you deserve to be loved... you deserve something real... -- curtis stigers, "to be loved"

we don't even talk anymore... we don't even know what we argue about... -- boyz II men, "water runs dry"

~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER SIX: Strike Two**

Students did not really flock the library at any other time of the year. However, that Sunday, they were crowded because of the work that Professor McGonagall assigned her classes. Students from every year – first to seventh – were busy with their own essays and papers to write. Most them were only starting to look for references.

On the other hand, Lily had already consumed two feet of parchment since she started the last hour. Although she had read several of the books that McGonagall suggested for them to read, still several more books were spread across the table in front of her.

She paused from writing. And rested her chin on her hand, while staring at her parchment. She was deep in concentration until she glanced upon someone who just passed by her. What caught her attention was the way that person seemed to walk swiftly and yet, still had that air that appeared to demand authority and fear.

Lucius Malfoy.

He walked through the library carrying a couple of books and parchment with him. He was obviously going to do the same thing that everyone else was doing.

Now, out of all the people who walked across the table in front of her – and some of them even accidentally shoved the pile of books stacked on the table onto the floor – all morning, why did this certain Slytherin made her follow him with her eyes?

She had no idea. But when he sat by the table next to her, she suddenly felt the unconscious urge to straighten in her seat and tuck the stray hair from her face.

She tried to ignore the situation and looked back down to her parchment.

But, alas, after five minutes, she realized she was just staring blankly at it. It seemed like suddenly, the ideas that she was concocting in her mind a few minutes before all went popping out into thin air without giving her the time to write them down.

She budged in her seat. Apparently uncomfortable. No matter what she did, she really couldn't think of anything else to write. Giving up, she rolled up her parchment and piled the messily stacked books, on her table, neatly.

She stood up and gathered her things, preparing to leave the library. However, she felt like there was something else that she needed to do. Something like…

Maybe she ate something really bad for breakfast, although she doubted it, but her stomach suddenly felt all tied in knots. She took a glance at Lucius, who was starting with his paper. His knitted eyebrows told that he was concentrating hard. However, she decided to do what she wanted to do anyway.

She took a deep breath. Then, she realized that her feet were almost walking by themselves towards him. What was she doing? She really didn't know.

"H-hi," she greeted, standing across the table in front of him.

Lucius looked up from his work to take a split second of a glance of the owner of that voice. After seeing who it was, he went back to writing. It was only after another second that he replied, "Do you want something?" His voice was not really mean, it was just curious – in a Slytherin sort of way. Although as he said those words, he didn't bother to stop what he was doing, and instead, kept on writing.

"I was just – I was just…" Lily needed to breathe. A deep, deep breath. And to sit down. She pulled up a chair and sat across him. "How's your arm?" she asked, instead. Her vocabulary suddenly flew out the window.

"It's fine," he replied, still writing, not even minding to look up at her. "Just a scratch," he added with a shrug.

Lily nodded. "Well – good," she said, trying to sound casual. "You know… uh, cause, uh, it's—"

"Lily!" a voice suddenly yelled her name.

Why did that voice sound so irritatingly familiar?

Lily looked up, past Lucius and saw James walking towards them.

"Hi," he said, his smile was almost ripping his face. He was now standing behind Malfoy.

Lily glared at him.

Lucius apparently ignored them as he continued writing without even taking a hateful glance at James.

Lily rolled her eyes. "James," her voice was annoyed. "What are you doing here?"

James pretended to clear his throat. "Actually," he started, his tone sounding assertive and insulting at the same time. "I'm doing McGonagall's assignment and…" he paused. Then took pleasure at Lily's expression of annoyance. "…and I saw you talking with this… _something_."

"Potter, you better get out of my earshot before I shut you up," Lucius suddenly spoke, sounding disturbed by his presence.

"Malfoy," James mimicked his tone. He paused for a couple of seconds and then said, "You obsessive-compulsive-freak-who-can't-let-a-stray-ink-wander-around-the-parchment, I wasn't talking to you," he mocked.

With that, Lucius suddenly stood up and was now facing James; their eyes were glaring at each other. "If you wish to talk with Evans, _Potter_," he began, pronouncing James' name like it was some disgusting slug that he had to spit out. "You better take it outside because your voice is exasperatingly ringing in my brain."

Lily stood up herself, sensing some kind of brawl that was about to happen. "James, Lucius. Stop it please," she uttered.

James looked away from Malfoy's eyes and into Lily's pleading ones. Maybe it was just because she was Head Girl, but still he was a little curious why she wouldn't want him to put a dent in the nose of this Slytherin git.

He backed off, respecting her request and nodded to her, 'alright' before he walked out of the library. This, while Lucius' eyes were trailing after him.

At the back of her mind, Lily knew that both parties were at fault. However, she could not help but side with the one left standing in front of her. "I'm really sorry about that," she said to Lucius.

For once that day, he looked at her in the eye. "It wasn't you," he said, as his version of 'That's okay.' "He just makes my blood boil," he added in an angry growl.

* * * * *

Technically, James _did_ leave the library. However, he stopped just outside of it and waited for Lily to come out too. A lot of questions were brewing in his mind.

He made himself comfortable just leaning against the wall opposite the library exit while watching the people coming out. As he waited, some sort of realization about why Lily seemed to be pleading, rather than angrily demanding, for him to stop troubling Malfoy came over him. The answers that he concluded from his own questions brought out more questions. But in summary, it all disturbed him.

A few minutes later, he saw the redhead that he was waiting for come out of the library. He knew she saw him – because her face suddenly turned to an infuriated expression the second she came out. But she did not care to stop and rather, she walked hurriedly away from him.

He followed her while yelling incredulously. "Malfoy?!" he snorted. "You like Malfoy! It's Malfoy?!" He didn't know why it was such a big deal to him; but all he cared about was that it _was_ a big deal – no matter how it was not any of his business.

He caught up with her and was now walking beside her, still trying to keep up. "I thought it's—"

"What the heck was that about, James?!" Lily suddenly stopped and turned to face him. She paused to take a breath for she was running out of it because of her anger. She looked him straight in the eyes, trying to decipher some valid reason in them. It frustrated her that he seemed to be thinking that he did nothing wrong. "Are you just determined to make my life miserable?" she finally said, her tone sounded like she was failingly trying to keep it collected. "And by the way," she added, before James could say anything else. "Who told you to meddle with my life?"

James chuckled like Lily was making some stupid joke. "But it's Malfoy, Lily," he said trying to sound like he was making the most sense in the world. "Who wants to date Malfoy?" She glared at him. "Lucius Malfoy is not capable of emotion!" he declared like what he said would make her come to her senses and realize that she was making the biggest mistake of her life.

"How _dare_ you," Lily infuriately uttered after looking at him for a second with eyes that were flashed like she was his better. "For someone who can't swallow the thought of committing to a serious relationship, _you_ do not have _any_ credibility of telling _me_ who is not _capable_ of real emotion." She said the words so fiercely with every intention of hurting him to make him feel just like the way she was feeling.

With that statement, Lily left him standing there. And with that statement, James realized something – he did it again. And this time, he was sure that it was worse than when he told her that she was pitiful for not having Friday night dates.

He wanted to bang his head on the wall for doing what he did. Now, Lily was even angrier than before. And it would sure take a longer time for him to win her 'affection' back.

* * * * *

"Lily, come on, talk to me please."

James was knocking incessantly on the door of Lily's dormitory. He was calling out for her for so long, she couldn't actually recall when he started.

That night, he decided to patch things up with her. However, she wouldn't come out of her room and she wouldn't let him in their dormitory either. As a result, he had been calling for her, while knocking on their door. There were times when he would stop for a minute – to her satisfaction – but he would start calling and knocking on the door again.

Inside the girls' dormitory, Lily and Kiara were already in their pajamas; Toni was taking a shower. They were trying to ignore the noise that James was making by talking with each other about their day. Lily told Kiara and Toni earlier about what James did back by the library and Kiara was quick to point that what he did didn't deserve to be forgiven in a short span of time.

Just then, Toni came out of the bathroom with only a towel wrapped around her and another around her head. "He's still out there?" she asked them, while she took off the towel around her head and dried her hair. "I already took a shower and everything."

"I'm not going out there," Lily said firmly, shaking her head.

Toni rolled her eyes. "Why don't you just talk to him?"

"He's a jerk, Toni," Lily said matter-of-factly. "If you want, _you_ talk to him."

"Lily…" came James' voice again. "Lily…"

Toni dangled the towel, she was holding, on a chair near her and then faced Lily. "Is he gonna stay there all night?" she asked in a sigh. "He's noisy." To her frustration, Lily only shrugged at her. She, then, turned to Kiara for back up.

"Honestly, what he did was a real turn off, Toni," Kiara said, shaking her head disappointingly. "He initiated the fight. I don't think I'm gonna look at him the same way again."

Toni let out a loud groan and rolled her eyes. "You are so overacting, Kiara," she pointed out. "You're acting even more hurt than Lily. Besides, you're already turned on with somebody else."

Kiara smiled. "Robert Harold?"

Toni looked at her inquisitively. "I thought you're going out with Sirius Black?"

"No…"

"But he's not going out with any other girl right now—"

"How do you know he's not going out with anyone?"

Toni suddenly fell speechless.

Then, just as sudden, Kiara said, "Are you spying on him?" in a naughty tone.

Toni's eyes widened. "No!" she said like she was trying to hammer the word into Kiara's head. It was only a few seconds after that Toni gained the ability to talk normally. "But you're always together and—"

There was another knock on the door. This time, even louder and much more harder.

"Alright!" Toni exclaimed. She was starting to get irritated by the fact that her roommates were not annoyed by James' relentless knocking. "If you won't talk to him, _I'll_ shut him up."

And so, irately, even if she was still only clothed with a towel around her body, she marched to the door and opened it only to find…

Sirius Black turning red with embarrassment.

The moment she opened the door, he froze in shock seeing her only in a towel. He stared at her for a split second, not knowing what to do. Then, when his senses found him, he turned around. "I'm – oh, geez, I'm sorry," he said, constantly running his hands on his face, like they could wipe his blushing cheeks back to their normal color.

Toni snorted at the sight of him panicking. His back was facing her but she knew that he was turning flushed. "It's just a female body covered in towel, Sirius," she finally said. "You realize you've seen more when girls prance around in their bathing suits?"

Sirius slowly turned back around to face her. "H-hi, Toni," he greeted. He looked to the left; he looked to the right; he looked up to the ceiling; he looked down to the floor; he practically looked around the place – but he couldn't look… at Toni.

Toni nodded. "Hold on, I'll get Kiara."

She was about to turn around and call her when Sirius held her back.

Well, not exactly _held_… cause he couldn't even _look_ at her.

"Wait," he called. Toni looked back at him. "Uh, actually, well, uh, I – I…" His brain had left leaving him with nothing to produce any sentence with a little sense. "You know what?"

"Kiara," Toni read his mind.

"Yeah."

And so, Toni went back into the room and called for Kiara.

A few second later, Kiara came out to meet Sirius with a, "What are you doing here?"

"I dunno," Sirius shrugged. "I wanna talk to you?" Even he sounded uncertain about his reasons of being there.

Kiara shook her head. "No, Sirius, you don't wanna talk to _me_."

Her voice was raising that Sirius had to pull her completely out of the room before he closed the door. "Are you aware that one of your roommates is answering the door with only a towel on?" he said, sounding very bothered by the fact.

Kiara rolled her eyes. "You're a guy," she said flatly. "Don't tell me you didn't like that," she finished like he should be thankful by the fact that he saw one of them wearing nothing but a towel.

Sirius opened his mouth to say something. Nothing came out. Maybe she was right? But, "N-no…?" he finally said, unsure of his answer. Kiara raised an eyebrow. "That's not the point, Kiara," he said, instead, trying to drop the subject so badly.

Fortunately, she dropped it. "So, anyway," she started again. "What is this with you wanting to talk to me?"

"It's – it's nothing," Sirius replied. "Forget it."

Kiara sighed. Sometimes, he could be a little unfocused. "Whatever you say…" she said in a singsong voice as she waved him away and went back into her room.

* * * * *

"Lily, can I talk to you?" James pleaded.

It had already been a week since they started their silly argument. He had been constantly bugging her to talk to him… and eventually forgive him. But to no avail. She would not even say a word to him all week.

And that morning was no different.

Lily and her friends were seated at one end of the table, eating breakfast, when James and his friends came in. Instead of following them to a seat, he went straight to her.

Lily looked down at her food and ignored him. She continued eating like she could not hear anything.

So, James, frustrated, threw a pleading look to her friends. They all, however, shrugged to imply that they could not do anything and had nothing to do about it. He let out a sigh of surrender and walked to follow his friends.

And just then, while they were only halfway to their seats, Malfoy marched in.

He was holding his wand firmly in his hand.

His eyes were angry.

And his hair…

Was all spiked and green…

…puke green.

"Wingardium Leviosa!" he exclaimed, pointing his wand to the four mischief-makers.

A split second after, James and his friends went floating into the air. The students in the Great Hall watched in awe.

When they pulled out each of their wands to reverse the spell, Malfoy pointed to them, again, with his wand and shouted, "Expelliarmus!"

And their wands came flying into his hand.

"What now, Malfoy?" Sirius laughed. "Well, I thought you could use a little spiking up."

"It's not funny, _Black_," Lucius said, fiercely. "I warned you."

"Malfoy, put us down," James ordered.

Lucius sneered. "Oh, I'll put you down," he uttered, although his tone sounded as if his words meant more than they seemed. "We'll just see if you ever get to stand up again." With that, he threw their wands in the air, toward them, before he walked out of the Great Hall.

James was the only one who caught his wand to be able to recite the counter curse and let him and his friends down.

* * * * *

Kiara watched the whole event happened so fast. She watched Lucius march out of the Hall threateningly. "Feisty…" she muttered, as she turned back to her friends. "Lily and Malfoy… interesting."

"How 'bout you, Kiara? Don't you think it's quite unfair that you're also going out with Robert Harold without Sirius knowing?" Vince asked, too much from out of nowhere.

Kiara looked at him with knitted eyebrows. Where in the world did that connect with anything she said? However, she answered him still. "Vince, don't worry about Sirius. We're not going out. We never did."

Vince's face flashed a look of sudden curiosity. "You didn't?"

"No," Kiara replied. "He happens to be into a certain somebody and he's just asking me for some _friend_-ly advice."

"Who?" Toni asked, very interested. "And why you? No offense, though."

"None taken," Kiara replied with a shrug. Instead, her face was flashing a mysterious smile. "Anyway," she continued. Her voice was emphasizing the aura of secrecy that she was implying, with delight. "I wanna tell you who it is but I want him to do it himself."

"Well, can't the girl ever be so thick not to notice it?" Toni said; her tone was more irritated than curious.

Kiara's smile grew even wider. "I'm beginning to wonder, actually."

* * * * *

"I – I don't think Malfoy said that just to scare us," Peter said, his tone with a hint of worry. He and his friends were gathered by the fire in the common room after leaving the Great Hall.

The room was pretty much empty that was why they were able to take over the hearth.

Maybe because he was the smallest of the four of them that was why his body could not generate enough heat, but Peter was the one seated on the floor, just about in front of the fire.

On the other hand, Sirius was seated in an armchair, which he pulled from the back of the common room and placed it by the right side of the fireplace. "Peter, he's a coward," he said, reassuringly like he was stating a law of physics. "He's not gonna lay a finger on any of us. Besides, if he did, his father will kill him soon after anyway," he added too casually that Remus had to let out a chuckle.

"Besides," Remus interjected. He was sitting in another chair across Sirius. "If he ever, for some very strong incredible magic, has the courage to do so, I'm sure he'll leave you out of it."

"What?" Peter stood up protesting. "How? Why? I hate him too!" he exclaimed sounding frustrated like as if he was being left out of something that meant the world to everybody.

Sirius and Remus sniggered at the sight of him objecting to the thought that he wasn't good enough for Malfoy to bother with. After which, he sat back down realizing that he was making no sane rationale on having to want Malfoy mess with him.

They went on for some time, until Sirius noticed James staring blankly into the fire. He was sitting far from the hearth but his eyes were fixed on it. He appeared to be in a trance of some sort – where he was just rubbing his chin with his fingers – like thinking; only that his best friend knew he wasn't thinking.

"That's not gonna melt, James," Sirius called to him. "It's already burning."

When James did not answer, Remus and Peter yelled at him. "James!"

With that, the boy in a trance looked at them, seeming to be startled. "Huh?" he replied, his eyes still trying to focus on the three figures in front of him.

"You okay?" Sirius asked.

"It's been a week and she's still not talking to us," James said, not actually answering his friend's question. He seemed to be talking to a voice inside his head rather than to them. "Aren't you gonna do something about it, too?"

Sirius, Remus, and Peter looked at each other and nodded, understanding why he was like that. Yup, now they knew what was keeping his mind busy. It was the case of James not being in peace because a certain girl, who specifically carried the name of Lily Evans, was making him insane to his mind by not talking to him.

"Uh, last time I checked she's not talking to _you_ only," Remus replied, pointing at James. "Besides, you haven't even told us what you did to Lily that made her so angry."

James shook his head. "I can't," he said. "She'll not only _not_ talk to me, she'd kill me."

Sirius let out a loud sigh. "James," he groaned. "Why don't you just get over it? If I don't know any better you have a thing for Evans," he suggested, which made James stab him with a look of, 'No way!' He put up his hands that said, 'fine' and recommended something else, instead. "Why don't you just go find your Emma Creton and make out or something?"

James rolled his eyes and slouched back in his seat. "Her voice is still ringing in my ears from our date last night," he complained like it was their fault. "Do you know that she talks nonstop about who's dating who and who _did_ who?"

Sirius ran his hand over his face in frustration. "_You_ chose her!"

James waved his hand up lazily telling his friend to shut up.

"Anyway, James, it's Emma Creton," Sirius said, instead. "All you can do with her is gossip, snog, and Cre-tons of babies!" he exclaimed mocking his friend.

Remus and Peter had to laugh with Sirius. James sat up straight and smirked at them. Then his face fell again and he sighed audibly. "I can't stand it," he declared, standing up. "Besides, we have this Yule Ball to prepare. She's bound to talk to me," he convinced himself rather than the others.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm gonna find Lily," James replied, looking much more determined than ever before. He didn't even wait for his friends to protest or make fun of him or do whatever they were that they did; he turned around and marched out of the common room.

* * * * *

It was in one of the hallways to the Gryffindor tower that James found Lily. She was walking down the hall toward him – well, not actually toward _him_ but to his direction. Of course, she was probably going back to the tower.

James would've done the 'Lily!' call he used to do but this time, as if a voice inside his head was instructing him, he did not go all annoyingly cheerful and instead, just waited for her to reach him… eventually, since there was no other way out of that hallway without passing him by – unless of course, she would decide to turn around and walk back to where she came from.

She was carrying her books and some rolls of parchment. Apparently, she had been studying. But the first thing that he noticed, though, was that she looked exhausted. He wondered if it was because of all the work that the teachers were giving those days since exams were nearing. He didn't make a sound. He was just watching her. And for some reason, he felt like being… nice.

"Do you need help with those?" he asked her when she was about two feet from him.

Not surprisingly, she ignored him completely. Lily didn't even take a glance at him. She just continued walking like he wasn't even there. The only thing that was obvious was that she quickened her pace.

James watched her walk past him. Now, he was looking at her back. But because of his determined goal for her to forgive him, he ran after her.

He stood in front of her – completely in her way and then said, "Alright, this has got to stop."

And Lily stopped, having no choice because this extremely tall person was hovering over her and utterly blocking her way. She looked at him with tired eyes, but still apparent of the message of rile that she wanted to send him. She didn't say a word, committed to her vow that she would not talk to him.

James looked her in the eyes, trying to find some sort of hope in them. "Lily, I'm sorry." He waited for a reply but it seemed like she was waiting for him to say something more. Then, almost involuntarily, he reached for her hand. "Lily—"

"_Don't_," Lily pulled her hand before he could even touch it, "even think about it, Potter." With that, she went on her way again.

James realized that she was serious. The last time that she called him with his last name was back in first year when he stood up the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall during breakfast and teased her about having a crush on him. Stupid, stupid, _stupid_ James.

James walked after her again calling out. "You do realize this has been going on for a week now and I'm sure…" Again, he stood in her way. "I'm sure I've said enough sorry for you to forgive me."

Lily narrowed her eyes on him and took a deep breath. "James," she started, looking at him straight in the eyes. She was sure not to be able to get rid of him anyway so she decided to give him a piece of her mind. "When someone does something _so_ pointless that it results to consequences of hurting others, sometimes, it's not enough to say sorry."

James gave up. His eyes were now pleading. "What do you want me to do?"

Lily looked at him for a moment. "I dunno," she finally said, with a shrug. Her tone was monotonous – sounded like she didn't care. "I have to go."

James didn't even bother following her anymore. But he knew that he had to do something. Something worth more than those flowers and candies that he gave her back in Hogsmeade. He looked at her walking away but, as if there was something that connected the two of them, he felt his feet involuntarily walking to follow just behind her – keeping a good close distance between them.

She didn't know that he was following her. All she could think about was how much tired she was and how much she despised him at that moment.

Suddenly, she felt her hand went clammy, like her blood rushed out of her body. After that, her surroundings started spinning. She held her head, trying to steady her vision. She couldn't walk steady anymore – she was already pacing in zigzag motions – that she unintentionally dropped her books and parchment to the floor. And in another second, her vision blurred and she knew that she was going to fall to the ground.

And then, she lost her consciousness.

__

~*~*~*~

i don't know and i don't care... if i ever will see you again... -- lisa loeb and nine stories, "do you sleep"

So, how was it?

I know, I know, some of you might still probably hate me… but hey, look at James. He's annoyed to death about it yet he doesn't know why… maybe he's coming to his senses?

Anyways, don't worry, I'm not going to dwell tooooooooooo much on Lily and Malfoy *coughs*

I think Karma just hit me… I'm having cold symptoms right now…

Ah, and one more thing, please review. :)


	7. Sirius, Aficionado

__

I AM SO DEPRESSED!

No, not because of what I just wrote. I like this chapter actually.

First of all, thanks for putting up with me. I wasn't able to upload chapter seven last week because I had a midterm exam last Saturday and then I had to write a ten-page critique paper in my other subject and then it turned out that it needed not be ten pages but five! Hmp.

I'm scared that I might fail one of my subjects. It sucks real bad! I hate it.

Anyway, enough of that. On to chapter seven.

Sirius finally garnered every ounce of courage to do what he's going to do in this chapter. Although, of course, it's still only implied and he hasn't actually, officially, did what he had to do.

James and Lily don't have much parts together here. It's because this chapter is kind of transitional. And I like to make James suffer more with what he did to Lily.

Okay, time to thank those who reviewed previously:

the-fly-screen: thanks!

Stating-the-obvious: hi, I read your e-mail. Sorry I wasn't able to reply. I was really busy.

mutsumi: upload na ko!

Hermione101888: yes, James to the rescue!

Breezy: Thanks for the review. But I think it would be quite some time before Lily knock her head and realize it wasn't supposed to be Lucius that she liked.

Darci Malfoy: here's the next chapter! :)

Kiao: chapter seven up!

Sugarquill: here's chapter seven… :)

Everything you recognize here belongs to JK Rowling. Everything else belongs to me.

Alright, read and please please please review.

I need reviews!

I don't know why, I just need them. :)

i've been sleeping on half of my bed lately... and thinking about what you said to me... -- lisa loeb, "lisa listen"

someday he'll call her and she will come running... and fall in his arms and the tears will fall down... and she'll pray... i want to fall in love with you... -- jars of clay, "love song for a savior"

~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER SEVEN: Sirius Aficionado**

She opened her eyes blankly as if she just woke up from a deep, quiet, relaxing slumber.

Well, she did. Lily fell into unconsciousness a few hours ago and now she woke up and was trying to focus her vision. Everything was blurry, even her mind, as she recalled what she was doing…

Lying in the Hospital Wing.

She felt the mattress of the bed firmly against her back, almost trying to bury herself deeper into them. It almost seemed like ages the last time she lay down on soft cushions that even the not-so-soft pillows of the hospital bed felt like cotton – or clouds even.

As her vision cleared, she started to recognize the owners of the whispering voices around her. The first person that she saw was Toni, who was sitting on the bed, beside her.

"There you are," Toni greeted her with a smile, as soon as she was able to focus her sight.

Lily smiled back then looked around her. She saw Vince and Kiara jumped up to their feet as soon as they heard Toni talk to her. The three of them were now looking at her positioned like a group of people gazing at a newborn baby.

They all greeted her with a smile and she smiled back at them. There was a moment of silence as they waited for her to speak. Apparently, she still seemed confused.

She looked around appearing like she was still trying to absorb that she was in the Hospital Wing. The thing she wanted to recall the most was what she was doing there in the first place. After a few seconds, she realized that she lost consciousness… she wasn't exactly sure how long ago.

She tried remembering more of it. It had always been a natural instinct that a person wanted to know what happened to them in events that they could not remember. She closed her eyes, recalling where she was before she ended waking up looking at the ceiling of the hospital wing.

Ah, she was in the halls, walking back to the Gryffindor tower after an exhaustive work of doing paper requirements for school. She remembered… she sighed… she remembered coming across James in the halls and fighting with him again. She grew tired of it. But that wasn't really what she wanted to remember.

She remembered even the last events before she fell… before she fell to the floor. She fell to the floor? Yes, she knew she would fall to the ground the last seconds before she lost her vision – and her awareness, for that matter.

Involuntarily, she tried to move her body expecting something to hurt… like the whole of her back, maybe? Or maybe she could feel a bruise somewhere. She felt fine… so far.

Then, she moved her head slightly, expecting a terrible headache with it. But no. She still felt… fine. She opened her eyes and glanced at herself. Something should've been hurting right about then if she fell to the floor, right? Then, as a last try of discovering for something that might be broken, she felt her head. She was supposing that a giant bump might have formed by that time since she might have surely knocked her head on the floor.

She raised her head slightly and touched the back of it. And when she did so, she didn't feel any bumps but she glimpsed a figure leaning by the wall at one end of the room.

James.

Now, what was he doing there? Lily laid her head back down on the 'soft' pillows of the hospital bed. James was standing by the other end of the room but he was sure looking worriedly towards her…

And then, as if some disconnected wires in her brain had been reattached, she remembered.

She didn't fall. Yes, she fell. But she didn't fall _to_ the _ground_.

Someone caught her just in time. And that someone was the one who seemed to be hiding in the shadows by the other end of the room.

"What time is it?" Lily asked her friends, sounding as if she was ready to go back to her schoolwork.

Kiara sighed and looked at her. "Alright. You're not doing anything tonight and tomorrow but rest and relaxation," she said firmly, like a mother to her hyperactive, sick little kid.

"I'm okay, Kiara," Lily argued. "I just—"

"You just passed out because you've been working too hard," Kiara interjected.

"I'll be alright."

"You know. Kiara's right," Vince spoke. "Besides, you really need to rest." He was about to say something more when Madam Prenny, the school nurse, came barging in with her singsong voice.

"Alright, visiting time's up," she said, as she carried a bottle of something – probably medicine, but even the sight of it looked nasty – in one hand and a thermometer on the other. "Why don't you kids go back to your dormitories and let your friend get some rest," she suggested rather friendly than commandingly.

With that, Kiara leaned down to Lily and kissed her on the forehead before saying, "Sleep, okay?"

Lily nodded and smiled accordingly.

"I have Quidditch practice anyway," Toni said, afterwards. Then, she gave Lily's hand a soft squeeze and said, "But _you_ will rest."

Lily rolled her eyes. Sometimes, her friends worry too much. "I'll be _fine_," she insisted.

"Okay, we'll go ahead." It was Vince's turn to remind his friend that she had to stay in the hospital wing to rest.

"Bye," was all that Lily could say after everything that her friends told her.

She watched them made their way to the door. And what she couldn't help noticing was the way they all acknowledged James' presence in the room. Alright, even _they_ could see him. Maybe, he actually had the right to be there.

When her friends left, he lingered for a moment. She watched him move uncomfortably in his position – seeming like wanting to approach her and then backing out at the last second. But after a few to and fro in his corner of the room, he decided to leave.

She sighed, without any particular reason. Maybe she just needed to let out some unconscious ill feeling she had inside her.

"That was a pretty weighty sigh," Madam Prenny said, as she signaled for Lily to open her mouth to make way for the thermometer. "You and James Potter have something unpleasant going on between you?"

Lily frowned. "Well, _he_ started it," she uttered quite indefatigably. "That Potter guy never fails to get into my nerves," she added, before she took the thermometer in her mouth.

It was the school nurse's turn to sigh heavily. "Well," she said, looking into Lily's eyes. "_That_ Potter guy was the one who carried you in here," she told it like Lily just owed the remaining days of her life to him. And since Lily could not say anything because of the stick of glass stuck in her mouth, she continued. "He ran in here screaming my name. I thought somebody just died."

Lily's face relaxed. She didn't know that James was capable of giving a lot of a damn that she just passed out and fell.

"And then I saw him carrying you in his arms. You should've seen the worry on his face," Madam Prenny continued as she took the thermometer from her patient. "He didn't even realize that he could use a stretcher to carry you up here from the ground floor."

Lily's face flashed a look of disbelief. He carried her from the ground floor? "That's," she started, looking at the school nurse with knitted eyebrows, "a lot of staircases," was all that she could manage to word out.

The school nurse shrugged. Her hand was now holding a spoon filled with the medicine from the bottle she carried from the nurse's office. "Drink," she ordered.

Lily's face contorted. Nasty tasting medicine it really was. She stuck her tongue out with a face that apparently implied her disgust for the taste. "What's that?"

"It's good for you," the school nurse replied. "You're so pale, you're gonna need to get some color on your face before you leave this room. Now, I'm going to get some soup and you're gonna have to eat it." With that, she spun around and walked back to the nurse's office, carrying the bottle and thermometer with her.

* * * * *

The Gryffindor team held their usual Quidditch practice in the field. James only officially announced the end of their practice when he finally heard enough groans from his teammates.

That was James when it came to practice. He believed that he didn't need to push his team into practicing because he knew that his teammates shared the same sentiments when it came to winning matches. He would only hear complaints when his team was already bored and tired of the routine that they were practicing – meaning, they were finally ready for the game.

It was already late in the afternoon and the sun would have completely set after a couple more hours when James decided to dismiss practice.

The Gryffindor team started their way to the castle. But James held one of them back. "Toni," he called.

Toni turned around and faced him. "Yeah?"

He took a deep breath as he walked closer to her. "Uh… You know that I'm not the one to play favorites but… you're my best bet in this team and well… I'm…" he trailed, like the fact to the matter was that he didn't know what was the point of what he was saying. "I was pretty unsatisfied with the way you performed a while ago…" his eyes twitched at the said of that, as if afraid that she might get violent.

Toni rolled her eyes and sighed audibly. "Are you trying to make me stay and _practice_," she said the word mockingly, "some more with you because you're depressed about a certain somebody?" she finished, frankly speaking.

James opened his mouth to say something but it took a few more seconds to admit that she was right. "Well – that's just part of it," he insisted with a shrug like it was not something that she should put a big deal on.

Toni nodded. "Well, to put you out of your misery," she began. "Lily's just been overworked lately. It's not your fault." She paused, realizing something. "Well, actually, it's partly your fault. Because you weren't doing your Head Boy duties with her about the ball," she said as a matter of fact.

James put up his hands in surrender. "Alright, alright," he said. "I only asked you to practice some more," he added, as he picked up the Quaffle from the ground.

"Oh, you were serious about that?" Toni uttered disbelievingly.

"Actually, yeah," James answered as he passed the Quaffle to her.

Toni caught the ball and rolled her eyes. "Fine…" she groaned. And she lazily followed James back into the field.

James flew in the air on his broom. It was Toni's cue to follow him.

"How are we supposed to do this again without the team?" she called to him, hoping he would change his mind, as she flew in the air holding the Quaffle around her arm against her body.

James hung in midair and turned to her. "We can manage," he said casually. Then, in a fraction of a second, he swooped and grabbed the Quaffle from her grasp.

After recovering from the abrupt stealing of the ball, Toni followed him.

James rode so fast that she was having a hard time keeping up. It was his being the team's seeker that made him elusive and agile with the broom himself. He was constantly looking behind him, watching her try to keep up.

Because of this, Toni flew higher in the air. Now, she was hovering over James, who slowed down, trying to find where she went. When she realized that he was feeling unguarded, she dived her broom down to him and stole the Quaffle.

* * * * *

Back in the castle, Kiara was walking up the flight of steps to the girls' dormitory when Sirius came hurrying down the stairs.

"Kiara!" he greeted enthusiastically. The kind of enthusiastic tone a person would use when he was hiding a secret.

Kiara knitted her eyebrows. "Sirius?" she said, apparently curious what he was doing running hastily _from_ the girls' dormitory.

"Where are you going?" Sirius asked like a girl walking up those stairs was pretty unusual.

Kiara raised an eyebrow in suspicion. "To my room…" she answered. "Where have _you_ been?" she asked after which, realizing that she was the one who had the right to ask such questions in situations like that. Suddenly, she hit Sirius' arm with all her strength. "Sirius!"

"Aw!" Sirius grimaced. "Hey," he said, nursing his arm.

"Were you fooling around with some girl?" Kiara asked him with narrowed eyes.

"I wasn't!" Sirius exclaimed in protest even before she could finish the last consonant of her statement.

Kiara turned her head sideways and side glanced at him skeptically. "You're lying," she said flatly.

Sirius turned pale. "God, Kiara, I swear…" he pleaded, as he led her down the stairs. It seemed that he knew, from experience, that she was the only person he'd ever met to be the most difficult person to convince.

She glared at him.

"Listen," he started again. He held her by the shoulders and looked straight into her eyes. "_I'm not lying_," he said the words with much equal emphasis as if it would help to make them sink in her mind. "I need you… to do me a favor."

Kiara groaned loudly. Not because she realized that he wasn't lying; it was because she realized with it what favor he wanted to ask. "Sirius! Why on earth," she began, "of all the girls you've dated, you're mouth just won't talk properly when it comes to this one?"

Sirius sustained his unrelenting pleading eyes at her. He wasn't actually sure if he was sending the right message but what he wanted her to recognize was the sincerity in him. "Kiara, I swear," he started. "I will owe you and serve you and love you for the rest of my life if you do this one favor," he pleaded. "Well, love you as a friend, that is," he added, feeling like he needed to make everything clear.

Kiara smiled mischievously. "A personal servant for life in exchange of one favor…" she mouthed, appearing to be talking to herself more than to the person in front of her. "You know," she told him. "I'm starting to like you," she said as she grabbed Sirius to a corner to listen to his request.

* * * * *

Meanwhile, Lily sat on her bed holding the bowl of soup that Madam Prenny gave her. She stared at the liquid like it was some sort of foreign object nobody had seen before. She was about to put it aside when she heard the school nurse call to her, "Eat your soup."

Because of this, she picked up the utensil already resting in the bowl and scooped a spoonful of the soup. Her face made a disgusted expression once the food met her tongue. Being sick is _sickening_, she said to herself. Not being able to stand the taste of the food, she put it aside on the table beside her bed. She didn't care if Madam Prenny would throw a fit once she found out that she didn't eat it.

"I notice you're not happy to see me." Lily heard a male voice say just in time when she made the disgusted face because of the soup. She looked up and saw Lucius by the door, walking toward her – and semi-froze. She didn't know why, but it seemed like her movements suddenly became stiff. "Don't worry, I'll be leaving soon," he added.

"L-Lucius…" Lily finally caught the breath to say a word. It was only then that he noticed that he was carrying a couple of parchment in his hand. "This – this is a surprise."

"I'm not staying," Lucius said, his voice still carried that tone of indifference. "I just wanted to drop these off," he explained handing her the parchment that he was carrying.

Lily took the parchment and looked at them. She realized that he had brought her the assignments that she missed that day. She looked up at him, curious. "Why did you—"

"Professor Spinter ordered me to give it to you," Lucius interrupted, shrugging like it didn't mean anything. "I guess that Head Boy Potter isn't as reliable as everybody might think," he added with a smirk.

"Well… thanks," Lily said, looking at him with a smile, completely ignoring the subject of 'that Head Boy, Potter.'

After a few seconds of silence – Lily sitting in her bed and Lucius just standing there – he decided to leave. But, he had just turned around when he heard her groan – like in pain, in his opinion. With this, he turned back around. "Are you alright?" he asked, ironically still trying to sound apathetic.

Lily smiled at him. "I'm fine," she replied. "I just want more sleep," she added as she leaned back on the bed and closed her eyes.

"Well, then, I should be going now." He was halfway to the door when Lily called on him.

"Lucius?"

He turned around not saying anything.

"Thanks," Lily said. "W-well, I know I've said that before, but well… thanks," she added. She knew she was probably sounding dumb at that time but she really didn't care – her head was aching for sleep. To her surprise, Lucius curved his lips slightly upward – oh, he smiled. She could not help but smile back. She had never seen him do that – flash a genuine smile – not the kind that said that he was up to something not good. It was just a smile that said he had appreciated something.

"No problem," Lucius uttered before he finally went out of the door.

Just then, Remus was coming in holding a bunch of flowers in his hand. They managed to throw each other a look of dislike before proceeding toward their own directions.

Remus neared Lily's bed. "Hi," he said, grinning.

Lily sat up and smiled back. "Hey," she greeted.

"Was he bothering you?" he asked, referring to Malfoy.

"No," Lily said, shaking her head. "He just brought me the schoolwork I missed."

"Well, I brought you these," Remus said, handing her the flowers that he brought.

"Thanks," Lily said as she took the flowers from him.

Remus sat beside her, on the bed. "So, James must really have a toxic effect on you for you to be lying in the hospital wing right now," he joked.

"Yeah," Lily giggled. "I think so."

There was a brief moment of pause then Lily broke the silence. "Remus?"

"Hmmm?"

"Did James tell you anything about why we fought?"

"No," Remus was quick to answer. "That's just cause he thinks you're finally going to kill him if he does. Why?"

"Nothing," Lily said, shaking her head.

"Lily, don't mind him too much," Remus sighed. He scrunched up his nose and joked, "Sometimes, he's just really like that. You know, youngest in the Potter clan, he likes getting attention."

Lily laughed, agreeing with Remus. Even if was meant to be a joke, she was sure that there was a certain truth in that. "I've noticed that," she said, nodding in accord.

* * * * *

Just one simple description would illustrate the outdoors during that time – dark with only the moon and a thousand stars lighting up the sky.

Toni finally decided that she had enough 'practice' with James. She zoomed down to the ground and landed on the sand at the bottom of a goal.

"Hey, where are you going?" James tried calling her back, as he followed her down.

Once Toni landed on the sand, she laid herself on the ground like it was the softest thing she had ever felt against her back. She watched James land and walk towards her.

"What are you doing?" he asked, looking at her lying on the sand.

"James, I'm _so_ tired," Toni complained. "I swear, if you make me get up and practice some more, I'll use the last of my strength to kill you," she added. Apparently, exhaustion might have taken over her body, but her mind was definitely in its right place – unfailingly being the typical sometimes-tough Toni that she was.

James shrugged. "Fine," he decided. He looked up to the sky and said, "It's dark anyway."

Toni glared at him. "You actually noticed that?" she said, her tone was obviously full of sarcasm. She rolled her eyes and looked up the sky instead.

James sat beside her and spent a few seconds of silence. And then, out of nowhere, Toni chuckled.

"Alright…" he uttered, as if Toni just lost her mind. "Now I'm thinking maybe I've practiced you too much."

"No," Toni replied. She sat up and looked at him. "I just remembered Lily and the first time we studied stars. She was the worst person in identifying the constellations. Even now, she could never pinpoint where the Big Dipper is even if it means to save her life."

James suddenly became enthusiastic. Hmmm… Lily talk. He straightened up and his attention was now all on Toni. "The Big Dipper?" he asked, smiling, as if trying to comprehend why in the world, out of all the constellations…

"Yeah."

"The Big Dipper is like…" James looked up to the sky and pointed. "…there!"

"I know!"

"Well, is there anything else I don't know about her?"

Toni snorted. "Of course," she said matter-of-factly, as she stood up and brushed the sand off her. "She's a teenage girl, James. We all have our petty secrets."

James stood up as well, following Toni, who started walking back to the castle. "Well, can you tell me anything of help so she would talk to me again?"

"I can. But I won't."

"Please…"

Toni stopped walking and turned to face him. "That would be cheating," she said. Then she put a hand on his shoulder and looked at him with mock pity. "You can do it," she joked an encouraging tone, as she tried to stifle a laugh.

* * * * *

A very tired and messy Toni climbed up the stairs to her dormitory, craving for a long warm bath. Although she couldn't let the weird look that Kiara just gave her a moment ago when she entered the common room pass. She couldn't say that it was probably because of how chaotic her appearance was because she always looked like that after hours of practice – and Kiara never flashed any suspicious looks before.

When at last she reached the door of their room, she stopped on her tracks becoming aware of a piece of paper tacked on the door outside the room. She would probably ignore it and just go straight in and to the bathtub but what caught her attention was that the piece of paper had her name written on it.

Her face suddenly became quizzical as she removed the tack from the door and took the paper. She flipped the paper, not knowing what to expect. Her forehead wrinkled with confusion as she read what was written on it.

_Toni…_

_I can't help it anymore. I have to do this…_

The first thought that came into her mind was Kiara's weird expression back in the common room. So, maybe, it had something to do with that. She concluded that Kiara might have done something wrong or something that she would definitely – _definitely_ – disagree with.

Half mindedly, because of tiredness, she opened the door lazily. But all the exhaustion in her body went out the window once she was able to grasp what was in front of her. Apparently, her conclusion about Kiara was very wrong.

The smile on her face couldn't be wiped off her face as she looked around. She inhaled the sweet scent as she walked into the room and closed the door.

She walked on petals and petals of roses that were purposely scattered on the floor. And everywhere she looked, she realized that the room had been filled with yellow daisies – her favorite. Someone took an awful lot of trouble to know that they were her favorite and to fill the room with countless flowers of that kind.

She stood in the center of the room, apparently in awe and still trying to absorb the sight all around her. "Oh my God, Kiara, I'm gonna kill you," she whispered to herself, realizing why her friend was so out of this world a while ago, as her smile grew wider.

Then, she noticed a bunch of petals on her bed. On top of it was another piece of paper, similar to the one she found outside the door, with her name on it. She sat on her bed and picked it up and flipped it to reveal the words…

_Toni…_

_I think I've fallen for you…_

If she wasn't sitting, she had probably fell to the floor, as her knees seemed to have dissolved in reading that.

There was no signature. And the handwriting was very familiar but she just couldn't point it out. And although the note wasn't signed, she knew whom to ask about it anyway.

She leaned against her pillows. Now, all her tiredness had melted away as her feelings changed into being the most special girl that night.

__

~*~*~*~

i'm in so deep... you know i'm such a fool for you... -- the cranberries, "linger"

So, how'd you like it?

Review and tell me… :)

Till next week!


	8. Stars

__

CHAPTER EIGHT!

At last! I'm able to update this story.

There's so much work to do in school, I think I'm going crazy.

Anyway, I'm going to make this introduction short cause my brother's going to use the computer.

So, as always, thanks to those who submitted a review.

I hope you enjoy this chapter just as you did that past ones. Happy reading!

and when we're face to face... the world just fades away... so take me to that place... where it's just you and i... every single night... -- nikki hassman, "any lucky penny"

~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER EIGHT: Stars**

As usual, the Great Hall was buzzing because of the students starting to gather that night for dinner. The excitement about Dumbledore's official announcement of the Yule Ball added to the lively atmosphere of the room.

In their usual sitting place – the front end of the Gryffindor table – Peter, Remus, and James all flashed looks of puzzlement when Sirius neared them with a face like he just sucked a sour lemon.

"What happened to you?" Remus asked him as he sat down beside James.

Before saying anything, Sirius gulped down the glass of pumpkin juice in front of him. He swallowed the liquid quite reluctantly like ingesting it would kill him. Then, he looked at his friends, knitted brows, and said, "Narcissa just kissed me," in a tone like it was a closely guarded secret.

They didn't exactly know how to react that his friends took a couple of seconds to absorb what he just said.

As always, James was the first in line to make fun of his friend as he laughed like it was almost pathetic. "What?!" he exclaimed. His voice was too loud for his best friend that Sirius had to elbow him lightly. He paused and closed his mouth to stop himself. But his eyes still showed that he was trying to stifle a laugh. He managed to keep his opinion to himself for about a fraction of a second as he started to engage himself in a boisterous mirth again. "Narcissa?" he managed to say in between laughs. "Wha – what ha – hap – happened?" He looked at Sirius who rolled his eyes at him. "You're a cuddly little heartthrob, are you?" he teased. "You seem to be attracting girls to just kiss you out of nowhere."

"It's not – it's not funny!" Sirius cried, annoyed.

"Even a Slytherin named Narcissa," Peter joined in.

James nodded in agreement. "Uh-huh."

"It's disgusting," Sirius concluded as he took the glass of pumpkin juice resting in front of James.

"Hey," James complained as he watched his friend drink the glass of pumpkin juice. "That's distasteful! You're mouth has touched her mouth and now yours is touching _my_ glass?"

Sirius put down the glass, wiping his mouth. "I dunno," he shrugged. He was apparently still in a state of shock as he ignored what his friend just told him and continued saying out loud what he was thinking. "I've never seen her so aggressive. I think she even pulled out strands of my hair."

With that, James laughed even harder that he had to lean on Sirius for support. And as if he hadn't said enough, he whispered, only loud enough for the four of them to hear, "Imagine her in bed."

"God! I am _not_ doing that!" Sirius exclaimed in extreme repulsed disagreement, the moment the last word escaped his friend's mouth. It was as if he suddenly woke up in reality. He looked at James in revolt. "You're the most perverted person ever placed on the face of the earth," he said, shaking his head.

"What was that about anyway?" Remus had to ask, couldn't be able to bear the puzzle.

"I have no idea," Sirius replied. He reached for Remus' glass this time and began drinking.

"Hey!" Remus protested.

Sirius put the empty glass down on the table. "Doesn't work," he declared, sticking his tongue out. "I'm gargling," he said as he stood up and then made his way out of the hall.

* * * * *

"Hey, Lily," Sirius greeted her. He was back from the bathroom – after an intense mouth washing – and bumped into her while getting into the Great Hall.

Lily smiled at him and nodded. "Hey." She had just been released from the hospital wing – much to her delight as the soup that Madam Prenny served her didn't exactly taste like food. And instead of going back to the tower, she went straight to the Great Hall, craving for some tasty dinner. Besides, Dumbledore would be announcing the Yule Ball and along with it, he would name her – and, fine, James – as the persons in charge of the event.

She went ahead of Sirius and walked to her friends, who were talking animatedly with each other – well, at least Kiara and Toni. They were probably talking about some schmaltzy girly thing that was why Vince was staying out of the conversation by busying himself with the appetizers laid down on the table.

When they saw her approach them, she couldn't help but notice the incessant smile that her two girl friends were wearing. It was most especially Toni who couldn't wipe off that beaming face that she knew something was gong on.

"You seem happy." Lily said the words slowly, with an intrigued look on her face, as she sat down across the table from Toni, who was beside Vince.

Toni shrugged. "Nothing so special."

Kiara couldn't keep herself from excitement. "I would've told you about it earlier…" she said, trailing for a while. "But a certain _Lucius Malfoy_ was keeping you busy this morning," she said, her voice hinting the tone of teasing.

Lily rolled her eyes. "He was just visiting," she insisted but a smile was forming across her face.

Toni and Kiara exchanged meaningful glances.

"What?" Lily asked innocently.

"Aah…" Toni started. "Lucius… Slytherin… house tower so far away from ours… has concerns that mostly have nothing to do with that of Gryffindor's…" she paused her deducing enumeration then started again. "Just happened to drop by the hospital wing? _Just_ visiting?"

Lily bowed down her head as if trying to hide her face. But her friends knew that she was probably blushing red that time. "He dropped off some lessons I've missed today," she said, believing that she was truthful up to the literal sense anyway. When her friends still looked at her inquisitively, she shrugged. "He said Professor Spinter asked him to," she finished with much resolution in her voice.

Kiara raised her eyebrows saying, "Yeah," hinting that she knew more than that. "Just so you know, if you haven't figured it out yet, _he_ offered Professor Spinter to drop off your parchment."

At the said of that, Lily flashed her friends a pair of unbelieving eyes. When Kiara and Toni both displayed the same 'believe me, it's the truth' expressions, she turned to Vince and looked at him like the answers were lying inside him.

Vince felt Lily's eyes burning with curiosity on him. He straightened in his seat and raised in hands in defense looking back at her. "Don't look at me. I'm just trying to get by until they serve dinner," he said, avoiding Lily's perplexed expression. "Why in the world is it taking so long to serve dinner?" he added, relentlessly trying to change the subject.

Lily was about to say something but as if on cue, just as Vince said his conclusive remarks, Dumbledore stood up. He clapped his hands to call the attention of the whole crowd in the Great Hall.

The whole room silenced anticipating what the Headmaster was going to say. "First of all," Dumbledore started. "I would like to greet you all a good evening," he said, nodding at the students who were all looking intently at him. "Second, we all know that Christmas is slowly approaching and students who are planning to stay in school for the holidays should start signing up the form situated in your respective houses," he paused, looking around as if to make sure that everyone in the room had absorbed what he just said. "Third, and I know this is what you've been waiting for, especially the fourth years and up. Christmas is coming soon, and you know that fourth years and up are going to have the yearly Yule Ball before the Christmas break," he paused again, waiting for the students to settle down, as they had began buzzing about the Ball. "In two weeks, the Yule Ball will take place. As usual, it will be a formal affair. Everyone who is allowed to go should attend wearing his or her best formal robes. And in case you have any questions or suggestions about the ball, don't hesitate to approach your Head Boy or Head Girl," he said, pointing to James and then to Lily. "They are in charge of the preparation for this special occasion." He paused again. This time the students were all too eager for him to end his speech so that they could talk about the ball. "Alright. With that said, let's enjoy our dinner," he concluded before sitting back down.

"So," Lily began talking to Vince, trying to pick up where they left off. "Who are you taking to the dance?"

Vince looked up and at the expecting faces of his friends. These are the days when having girls for your best friends are not advisable, he thought to himself. "Someone," he said with a shrug, in a tone that was so casual like it was no big deal.

"Someone?" Kiara asked suspiciously.

"Yeah," Vince answered in a nod. "Someone," he repeated the word in the same nonchalant tone.

* * * * *

"Sarah Cramer."

Sirius looked at James. He could not believe the name of the girl his best friend just planned to go to the Yule Ball with. "Cramer?" he repeated, trying to make sure that he heard James right.

Apparently, it was not only Sirius who was a bit surprised by James' revelation. "You're taking her to the dance?" Peter asked disbelievingly.

"Yes. What's wrong with that?" James said, shrugging, having the nerve to flash a look of utter innocence.

Because James seemed to not realize what confusion and complication he just got himself into, Remus had to ask what the others were also thinking. "What happened with Emma Creton?"

James looked up at his friends and tried to remain a blank expression, hesitating to answer Remus' question.

But being his best friend, Sirius knew what that 'dumb' expression, that he was making, meant.

"Lemme guess," Sirius said in a serious tone. "You haven't broken up with Emma yet."

Suddenly, James became defensive. "Well, I'm sorry, Mr. _Romantic_," he uttered the words like Sirius was the grave sinner and deserved to be sent down to hell. "But it's really difficult getting her to stop talking and listen."

Sirius sighed audibly, making apparent his disappointment on the way his friend just behaved. "Just an obvious advice from an honest friend," he started looking James straight in the eye as if to knock some sense in him. "James, at least break it up with Creton before you start fantasizing about other women."

James rolled his eyes as if Sirius just said the most incredulous nonsense words in the world. Then he turned to Remus and Peter for some support. To his dismay, the two of them agreed with Sirius.

"I'm with Sirius," Peter said.

"Me too," Remus added.

Helpless and out of people to back him up, James only groaned and looked at his friend. "Fine."

* * * * *

After dinner, Sirius told his friends to go on without him, saying that he had something to deal with. He was standing just outside the Great Hall, apparently waiting, as he watched every student coming out of the doors attentively, not intending to miss the person he was waiting for.

There was a moment when the swarm of students appeared to be overflowing out of the hall that he started to look desperately through the crowd.

His heart skipped a beat.

He just spotted the reason why he was standing outside the hall waiting for the students to come out.

He ran to _her_.

"Toni!"

And Toni froze. She just recognized Sirius' voice. And from how she heard it, he was probably standing a couple of feet just behind her. Nervously, she turned around and found herself looking straight into his eyes.

"H-h-hi," Sirius greeted, smiling at her.

* * * * *

Lily was still looking around the girls' dormitory in awe of the amount of daisies that were in several vases around the room.

Kiara had to transfigure some things inside the room into vases just to be able to accommodate all the flowers that Toni's secret admirer scattered everywhere. She was telling Lily about them and how the flowers found their way into their dormitory – because of Sirius, with her help of course – when Toni came into the room.

She was looking quite flustered and shocked. She closed the door and stood still in the middle of the room looking at her friends.

"What's wrong with you?" Lily asked her.

"Sirius—" Toni had to swallow before continuing. "Uh, well, he just, uh, asked me, asked me to the dance?" she said the words like she wasn't sure herself.

Even before the last syllable escaped Toni's mouth, Kiara shrieked with delight and jumped to hug her friend. "You said yes, right?" she asked excitedly, dancing with joy.

"Yeah," Toni replied, as grin slowly widening across her face.

"So, Sirius was really the one who filled the room with flowers?" Lily uttered, half-believingly.

"Yeah," Toni replied. "Lily, I know he's best friends with like, uh, James Potter," she said his name using 'James' like an adjective of himself at the same time. "But James kept me out practicing Quidditch all day yesterday so Sirius could set up the room. So I guess he could have that soft side of him."

Lily's mouth fell open as her widely smiling friends looked at her. "Can we please not talk about him?"

"Fine," came Toni's voice.

"Fine," Kiara said in second. Then she turned to Toni. "So, I was right. You _do_ like Sirius," she declared. "I always thought there was that glint of jealousy in your eyes every time he and I were talking privately."

Toni snorted. "Huh! I wasn't…"

"Yeah right," Kiara said, raising an eyebrow. "Like asking me how he kissed when I did your dare was not jealousy—"

"I wasn—"

"I saw that frown you were trying to conceal," Kiara concluded mockingly looking at Toni straight in the eyes.

Toni opened her mouth to say something but no words came out. So, she turned away from Kiara's gaze instead. "You know what?" she finally said. "I'm going to bed," she declared walking to her bed.

"It's only eight," Kiara retaliated.

"Well," Toni said as she was tucking herself in her bed. "I'm tired," she concluded the conversation as she covered her whole body with her blanket.

* * * * *

The next morning, Lily decided to go into the Head Prefects Room to get some things she left before she ended up in the hospital wing.

Opening the door was like opening a very big box full of surprises because sure as it was, she was amazed the moment she pushed the door open. Usually, dust particles would be very apparently visible as the sunlight from the window touched them. But on that day, the place was totally clean.

More than that, Christmas decorations adorned the room. Near the fireplace was a glittering-decorated Christmas tree. She neared the hearth and ran her hands softly on the trimmings that were lining the edges of the fireplace. She chuckled to herself the moment she saw two Christmas socks hanging by the fireplace. One with James' name and the other with hers.

She stepped back, adoring the angels hanging from the tree when the door swung open. She turned and saw James close the door and look at her expectantly.

Lily crossed her arms but a smile flashed across her face.

"Well…?" James asked, not really knowing what to say next.

"You did all these?" Lily said.

James smiled widely – and quite proudly. "Yeah." Then, he waved his wand at the windows and the curtains closed. The room was left dark with only the fire burning in the hearth. Lily watched him walk to the couch and lie down, looking up at the ceiling. Lily got curious and also looked up to see what James was up to.

"I even decorated the ceiling with stars," James declared. There was something endearing with the way he said that but it was evident that he was holding back a laugh.

Lily started to giggle herself realizing what ridiculous ideas could still be contained in that head of his. He did really detail the ceiling with glowing little spheres, positioning them just like the night sky. She would've not known his intentions until he spoke again.

"Look," James said, pointing up at the ceiling. "You can see the Big Dipper from this angle," he finished, pursing his lips mockingly.

Finally, Lily realized what James was driving at. She picked up a pillow from the couch and threw it hard to his face. "You are such a mean person," she said, her tone was playful rather than annoyed. "I'm not even going to ask where'd you get that idea."

James stood up, chuckling. He waved his wand at the window and the curtains opened up letting the bit of sunlight, which managed to pierce through the clouds, in. "What? It's a nice gesture if I must say."

Lily shook her head at his foolishness. "I must say, Potter, you have an uncanny ability in outdoing yourself."

James pursed his lips and flashed his eyes, trying to look like a lost puppy. "Are we still on the last name basis?"

"Alright…" Lily sighed audibly. "_James_," she said like it was the magic word that he was waiting for.

James smiled widely, realizing that Lily had just forgiven him. But before he could say anything else, she went in first.

"Let's just get one thing clear," Lily interrupted. "Don't meddle with my private life again."

"Fine," James replied quickly.

"Good," Lily nodded approvingly.

However, James still had that look of curiosity flashed on his face. He looked like he wanted to say something but was trying to hold it back.

"What…" Lily said, noticing his expression. "Do you wanna say something?"

"But what about Vince?" James finally let out, like trying to hold it inside of him would eventually kill him.

"What _about_ Vince?" Lily replied, not really getting his point.

"How about Remus?" James further asked, like the questions just overflowed in his head.

"James, what is going on with you?"

"Nothing," came his immediate reply.

"Alright…" Lily contented herself as she remembered that she had a lot to do. She picked up the book, which she came for, from the table and then headed for the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Kitchen. I'm showing some of the house elves how to make some of the Muggle food for the ball."

"You cook?" James asked, quite amazed.

"Yes," came Lily's casual reply.

"Hmmm."

Lily took one last puzzled look at him before she pulled the door open. She was about to close the door when she caught one last look of James who seemed to stand uneasy – looking back at her. She rolled her eyes and said, "Would you like to come?" she offered, reading his body language.

"Yes. Glad you asked," James answered so quickly that Lily had no time to reply. He took a couple of strides to the door and closed it behind him.

He didn't know why but his gladness surpassed the way he contented himself every time he managed to get her to forgive him. Usually, he would go back to his friends to mess around and everything was just normal. But that day, he wasn't sure, maybe it was because of her cheerfulness those past couple of weeks, but he wanted to spend more time with her just so he could make her laugh.

He shrugged at the thought. She's just a fun target especially now that she seems to have that incessant smile on her face, he reassured himself before he completely chucked the thought out of his head.

__

~*~*~*~

and all i am is grateful for the stars which are you when they shine in my sky... -- hungry young poets, "stars"

So, how'd you like it? I know there's not much James/Lily interaction here. The truth is this is actually the first part of one chapter that I had to cut because it's really, really, reaaaaaaaaaaaaally long. The rest of the story is on the way anyhow. So, just watch for it.

'Til then… don't forget to submit a review!


	9. Of Dates And Cookies

__

I'M BACK!

I don't get it, it says I have 78 reviews in my stats but it only reflects 75 reviews. Oh, *shrugs* anyways…

Oh, I'm really on the verge of going insane because of school. Fortunately, I still have something to keep me almost not-out-of-my-mind – this.

Does anyone read this anymore? I dunno. Anyway, for those who do, thanks a bunch.

My schedule is so busy but I'll try to finish this story before the fifth book of Harry Potter comes out. (Apparently, some added information about James and Lily is going to be in that story, and that might well, not go too well with this one.) Anyway, I'm talking too much. It's March 24, 2003 here but I'm so tired I'm going to upload this I guess tomorrow. Or later, but either way, when you're reading this then I have already uploaded it.

So, I guess I just have to invite you to read on… don't forget to review.

all my time is froze in motion... can't i stay an hour or two or more... don't let me let you go... -- eve 6, "here's to the night"

~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER NINE: Of Dates And Cookies**

"What's wrong with you?" Vince finally asked. He was sitting in the common room, trying to read, when Kiara entered and sat on the chair across him. There wasn't much anything out of the ordinary. It was only until about a few minutes later that he finally looked up from his book and talked to her. He knew something must be up for the plain reason that during those past few minutes, Kiara wasn't talking – she was just staring at the fire. _That_ wasn't herself.

Kiara looked up from the hearth and at him. Vince thought that she would start complaining about something – he had no idea, but _something_ – right then and there. But for a change, all she did was sigh a deep, deep, frustrated sigh.

Vince raised his shoulders and looked at her expectantly. "Why so glum?"

"I just realized…" Kiara started. But before she continued, she let out another audible sigh. "This is so miserable."

Vince, confused and getting more confused, knitted his eyebrows and asked her, "What?"

Kiara's eyes widened like she couldn't believe that one of her closest friends didn't know the reason. "My life!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms in the air out of frustration. When she noticed that Vince was still hanging on to whatever she would say next, she leaned forward in her seat and looked at him in the eyes. "Look, Lily is obviously being wooed by Lucius Malfoy, even if she keeps on denying it," she began. This time, Vince leaned back on his seat, knowing that Kiara was back to herself, and listened to her patiently. "Toni's got Sirius," she continued. "You're going to the dance with '_someone_,' whoever that is…" she trailed, getting ready for the punch line. "And I… I… _I_ don't have a date."

Vince raised an eyebrow. "That's it?"

"What d'you mean, 'that's it'?"

Vince straightened up in his seat. As if suddenly interested to be in the conversation. "I – I thought you're dating that guy from Ravenclaw. What's his name?"

"Damon Highfield?" Kiara replied. She rolled her eyes and said, "I _dated_ him." Then sighed again. "I realized I don't like him."

"Well…" Vince looked up at the ceiling trying to think of the guys that Kiara could've dated. "What about that Robert Harold you keep talking about from Hufflepuff?"

Kiara stared at him for a couple of seconds. "I don't like him," she shrugged.

Vince scratched his head. "But you were just swooning over him the other day!" he practically exclaimed. _Women, they're so complicated_, he thought.

"He's taking Carol Chase. That's why I realized I don't like him."

"O…kay…" Vince replied.

Kiara slouched back in her chair. "So, as I said… this is so miserable," she concluded, with a shrug.

"Where are you going?" Vince asked when Kiara suddenly stood up.

"I'm going to take a walk," she replied. "You like to come?"

"Sure," Vince accepted, grabbing his cloak that was sitting beside him.

* * * * *

Lily had been making lasagna with Mimi, a house elf in the kitchen, for the past hour and a half. They were in the last stages of cooking as they were finally done with the pasta and the sauce. They laid down the food in the glass tray and were already spreading grated cheese on top for baking.

Meanwhile, James was sitting on a chair across the table, all the while watching the two of them hustle and bustle around the kitchen. He was busy eating the mass of food that the elves had served him for the past hour and a half while he was watching the two of them.

But of course, even if he was trying to behave himself by sitting put – to Lily's satisfaction, he couldn't just sit there and do nothing – aside from eating, that is. He would probably go insane trying to keep his thoughts to himself. So, during the past hour and a half, he made a lot of questions instead. Although to Lily, he was just making a lot of noise, he believed otherwise, anyway.

One time James asked, "Doesn't it supposed to be thick? That's so thin." He was pertaining to the individual lasagna pasta that Lily made.

Lily rolled her eyes and sighed at him. "This is only the pasta, James. We're gonna make it like in the pictures, don't worry," she replied, using a tone like she was talking to a little five-year-old curious boy.

James only smirked at her and then went back to his seat and contented himself when the elves finally put the tray of potato chips that he asked for earlier.

Finally, Lily and Mimi put the glass tray in the oven for a while of baking.

Tired from walking around the kitchen, Lily took the time to relax and sat across the table from James. "You know if you're getting bored, you can always go ahead," she said.

"Why?" James questioned, looking up from his food. "I'm fine here," he added while munching on the potato chips.

"Does Mr. Potter want some pumpkin juice with his food?" Mimi asked as she neared him.

"Sure," James replied with a nod and a wide grin on his face. He was apparently enjoying the servings of food and drinks that the house elves were offering him.

Mimi went to get pumpkin juice while James and Lily tried to sit in contented silence waiting for the house elf to come back with the drink.

"What?" Lily asked with knitted brows, looking at James apparently just staring at her.

James shook his head and looked back down to his food. "Nothing."

"You were just looking at me."

"Is it so wrong to look at a person?" James fought back defensively.

"Now, you're not looking at me," Lily said, looking at James refusing to look back at her. But apparently, she was just making fun of him, this time.

With that, James looked up and at her. "Satisfied?" he said, while flashing a wide annoying grin.

Lily shrugged, obviously packed with a lot of how-to-annoy-James words. "_Now_, you're just… _weird_," she replied, stifling a laugh.

After a few minutes, Mimi came back with a tray of a pitcher of pumpkin juice and a couple of glasses.

"Thanks," James said, as Mimi put the tray on the table.

Mimi was about to take the pitcher to pour the contents into the glasses when Lily stood up and took the pitcher from her. "That's alright, Mimi."

"Oh, but Ms. Evans has already been kind enough to show Mimi how to cook the food for the special ball," Mimi said, trying to refuse giving the pitcher of juice to Lily.

Lily insisted as she took one of the glasses, with her free hand, from the tray. "Really, it's fine," she assured. "Tell you what, why don't you just watch the food in the oven?"

James watched at the both of them in amusement. Especially at Lily, who looked like she was patiently talking to a seven-year-old kid. He had to shake himself back to reality to keep himself from imagining her as someone so motherly and sweet.

"Okay. If Ms. Evans insists." Mimi finally agreed, before strolling to the oven to watch the food.

"Here, let me do that," James suddenly said, as he took the pitcher of juice just when Lily was about to pour it into the glasses. "I'm starting to feel a little useless around here," he added as an excuse to be a 'gentleman,' as he poured the drink into the glasses.

"Don't be. You get to taste the food first," Lily said. Just then, she smiled a mischievous grin across her face, making sure that James could see. "So, if you suddenly choke then," she shrugged, "oh well, I don't think we should be serving it during the ball."

James only smirked at her. "Ha ha," he muttered. "Very funny."

Lily giggled, fascinated that she could make fun of him again. While James could only smile at her chuckling figure, satisfied that they were talking again.

She took a sip of pumpkin juice and got hold of some potato chips – that were almost left just as crumbs – as she looked around the kitchen.

James turned his head, at the direction that Lily was gazing at, curious on what she was looking for. "Are you looking for something?" he asked.

Lily raised her eyebrows as a sign of reply. "Hey, do you want cookies?" she asked James. "I'm in the baking mood."

"As long as I won't choke on it, I'm in for that," James replied, teasing her.

"Don't worry, you won't," Lily said, as she stood up, and walked to him. "This time, you're gonna have to help me," she added as she grabbed his arm and practically dragged him across the kitchen.

* * * * *

The weather was really getting cold outside the castle. All the students who were taking a walk across the school grounds were wearing a scarf around their necks aside from layers of sweater and cloak. To emphasize the cold atmosphere, it started to snow just when Vince and Kiara stepped out of the castle.

"So, Vince…" Kiara began.

"Hmm?"

"Tell me about this 'someone' you're gonna ask out to the dance," she said, as she swung her arms at her sides, to get some warmth in her body.

Vince glanced at her and chuckled. "I, well," he began, looking back down on the ground. "You know…"

"What?"

Vince anxiously ran his hand through his hair. "Honestly, I don't, I don't think I wanna talk about that," he replied with a shrug. He looked straight across, avoiding her eyes. "I don't think – actually, I'm sure she doesn't feel the same."

"How can you say that?" Kiara uttered, cheerfully. "Can't you at least tell me her name?"

Before any of the two of them could say another word, a female voice yelled, "Heads up!"

Vince and Kiara looked up and watched as Cherie Walker, a Quidditch Beater of the Ravenclaw team, hit a Bludger away that was coming toward their direction. They just realized that they were already standing in the Quidditch field where the Ravenclaw team was currently practicing.

"Hey, Pete!" Kiara called when she saw him by the stands. Both of them walked to Peter.

"Hey, Kiara. Vince," Peter waved, greeting them back.

"Pretty rare watching another house's team practice," Kiara chirped, suddenly getting back into her usual jovial mood.

Peter smiled shyly. "Well, I'm just actually waiting for someone," he said, bobbing his head toward the girl walking up to him.

Kiara looked at Cherie walk to Peter. Suddenly, she realized that she was supposed to be miserable for not having a date for the ball. She watched as Cherie gave him a peck on the cheek and they started to walk off the field. For a moment, she was out of herself, until Vince waved a hand in front of her face.

"Oh my God!" she exclaimed, looking at Vince. "I'm the only person in the whole of Hogwarts who doesn't have a date!" she decided, as she walked lazily out of the field.

"What?" Vince called, as he walked after her. "No. You cannot be sure of that."

Kiara kept on walking, possibly on the verge of a nervous break down. She almost looked like she just escaped from a TV sitcom. She looked almost funny only if she wasn't so upset.

Vince stopped her and held her by the shoulders. She faced her to him and looked her in the eyes. "Kiara, do you realize you're over reacting?"

"No…"

"Kiara, if Snape gets a date then _that's_ the time to start to panic."

With that, Kiara took a deep breath and finally calmed down. "That's right," she said. "Snape is probably moping around, too trying to get someone to go to the dance with him," she added, more of convincing herself.

Then, just as she had uttered her reassuring statement, she froze dead on her feet. Her mouth fell open and her eyes were wide in surprise – and at the same time, the expression of close to tears.

Vince turned around to see what Kiara was looking at. And then he saw the very reason why she was looking almost desperate just then.

Snape was walking towards their direction – holding the hand of a Slytherin _girl_ for crying out loud!

"Vince!" Kiara exclaimed after Snape walked past them and a safe distance from them. Vince's eyes twitched at the said of his name. "Snape!" She wanted to shriek but it suddenly seemed like her vocal cords couldn't produce any sound. She breathed in and after which, narrowed her eyes at Vince like it was his fault she was the most miserable person on the face of Hogwarts. "Severus Snape has a date! Vince, that's like an omen!" she yelled out in the same noiseless cry.

Vince opened his mouth, trying to come up with some words of wisdom – or comfort. She always acted like this when it came to school dances, but he always panicked every single time. Especially _this_ time. At first, only fractions of words came out of him. "Wel – uh – Kia – c'm – look," he finally succeeded in saying one complete word. "Can't you just think about this for one whole minute?"

Kiara stopped and breathed in. "Is ten seconds enough?" she calmly said, after a few moments. "I already know my life is over," she added using a tone like it was a mere matter of fact.

Vince had to roll his eyes. This time, Kiara was just being plain insane. "Okay, look, look," he began, looking her straight in the eyes. "Hey, if… if nobody asks you out to the dance then," he shrugged, "we'll go together," he suggested. But there was something in his tone that none of them had noticed. Nervousness, perhaps? Some sort of anxious restlessness – a redundant expression that could very well _emphasize_ what he was really trying to say.

Kiara sighed. "But that's not the point, Vince," she said. "I don't want to be your pity date. Besides, you have that someone you wanna ask to the dance."

"No. It's not – it's not a pity date," Vince insisted. "We'll have fun together. We'll dance… we'll laugh… you know…"

"Vince," Kiara sighed audibly. "That's okay. I'm just being paranoid," she suggested, forcing a chuckle and a smile across her face. "Why don't you just go and ask that someone to the dance," she insisted, shrugging like it was really no big deal to her.

Some people say that sometimes, people look too far for the person who're supposedly for them; not knowing that what they're looking for's actually right in front of them. And sometimes, looking at them straight in the eyes.

Kiara flashed a look of puzzlement as she looked at her friend who was standing uneasily in his place. "Vince?" she called, as if trying to call him back to earth.

Vince ran a nervous hand through his hair, just like what he did before. And just like what he did just a while ago, he stammered – much worse this time. "Wel – I – uh –" he stuttered, not being able to look straight at her. "I'm – I'm asking _you_."

After that, he breathed out a sigh of relief knowing that for so long, he finally had the courage to say what he wanted to say. He looked at her, expecting some sort of reaction. But from the looks of her expressionless face, he hoped for _any_ kind of reaction. The silence was killing him as they stood there looking at each other, not really knowing what to say next. But still, he waited.

__

~*~*~*~

they say that hanging on will justify the wait... but patience and elated wisdom don't share a common phrase... -- savage garden, "promises"

Review. Review. Review.

Thank you.


	10. Confession and Reconciliation

__

I KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO VINCE AND KIARA…

Okay, I'm tripping. I'm just out of my body lately. I don't exactly know why but I'm having a pretty damn good guess that it's something about school pressure.

Anyway, does anyone read this anymore? I have no idea. But I'll keep writing anyway. It's my only way of unwinding.

Oh, yeah, I may sound really pathetic but if you wanna read something original from me, visit my compositions in cause I'm still working on my second Harry Potter fan fic. It's still just brewing in my brain. I haven't had time to write 'em down yet. Anyway, what am I saying?

Enjoy reading. Don't forget to review.

i love the way you love... but i hate the way i'm supposed to love you back... -- silverchair, "i miss you love"

~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER TEN: Confession and Reconciliation**

Lily looked down onto the cookie batter that she was mixing. Mostly because she was trying to avoid glancing at James and get into a fit of laughter.

She wasn't kidding when she said that she needed his help with her baking. But nobody knew that he would end up covered with half of the contents of the sack of flour that he tried reaching from a high shelf.

As usual, since the sacks of flour were stacked very high up, it was up to James 'the giant' – as Lily would tease him – to reach for them.

"_That's_ my part?" he complained when Lily told him to get the sack down. This was partly because the shelf was way too high, almost to the ceiling of the kitchen, that even he couldn't reach it without any chair or stool to step on.

"Yes!" Lily replied cheerfully like what she just said was a universal known fact that 'James reaches for things from very high places.' "You can do it. That pair of big feet you have are quite proportional with your height – which makes you… tall," she started to babble.

James rolled his eyes but found the chance to casually glance down at his feet. She made a rather shady comment about his feet. It made his confident ego rather conscious for once. But, oh, well… "You should try stacking up some calcium yourself," he said as a comeback. "Maybe you'd actually grow," he concluded, giving her nose a playful pinch. Although, inside he thought that her height was just fine. Her height was up to his cheek and that wasn't actually short. It was perfectly fine when it came to teasing her, or touching her face just like what he was doing or kissing – wait… That wasn't part of it. He shoved off the thought.

Lily shook her head vigorously like a fly was on her face. "Get off me," she ordered him, trying to release her nose from James' fingers.

James giggled at her expression. Then, remembering what they were standing there for, he reached for a stool and decided to reach for the stack of sack that seemed to be located in the highest place in the kitchen. As he reached for a sack, he wondered how the house elves could reach those high places… only to realize, quite too late, that, yup, there was always the magic to move things…

It was the most unfortunate thing that happened to him in that kitchen. As he reached for the flour (and realized his stupidity of forgetting that he could use his wand to do his task), the stool that he was stepping on proved to be unstable. He tumbled down to the floor, together with the sack – that opened up as he grabbed it. As a result, a flour-covered James Potter was lying on the floor; with a very breathless – from laughing – Lily Evans standing beside him.

Apparently, not looking at James didn't do any good. After a few seconds, Lily remembered what happened to him and laughed at the cookie batter that she was finishing.

"Fine. Laugh," James pouted. He looked so much a mess. His uniform was covered with flour and the best of all, in Lily's opinion, his messy hair was even messier. He tried to shake off the flour from his hair and as a result, he now looked like a storm just hit the Hogwarts kitchen and the only thing that it disturbed was James' hair.

Lily looked up and tried to talk in between laughs. "I told you I was going to need your help." When she managed to stop laughing, she looked at him with mock pity and pursed her lips.

James, who was sitting just across her from the table, smirked. "I am never taking down a sack of flour for you again," he declared, pointing to the now almost empty sack lying on the table. "Look, half of the contents are on me."

Lily flashed a fake look of shock. "Hey, it wasn't my fault," she defended. "I wasn't the one who picked up a shaky stool and stepped on it," she added as a matter of fact.

James shrugged letting go of the conversation. But he couldn't quite completely let it go as Lily was staring at her, with a wide smile on her face. "What?" he asked with knitted, suspicious eyebrows.

"You have something on your nose," she replied, pointing to her face, gesturing for him to wipe his cheek.

James, not thinking twice, wiped his face with his hand. And when Lily laughed even harder, he realized that he just used his whole flour-stained hand and rubbed it against his face.

"So, James…" Lily trailed, trying to stop from giggling. "You look a little… _pale_." Now it was her turn to use that tone that he always used in trying to get into people's nerves.

James narrowed his eyes at her. "Oh…" he groaned. "Spending all that time with your boyfriend rubbed a little _Malfoy_ in you," he said, as he stood up from his seat, trying to reach for the sack of flour on the table.

Lily stopped mixing the cookie batter and looked at James defensively. She put her hands on her hips and said, "He's not my boyfriend. And actually, it's spending these past couple of weeks with the Head Boy that rubbed a little _Potter_ in me."

James didn't mind what Lily was just saying. He was busy taking two-handfuls of flour from the sack. Then, he smiled mischievously at her.

Lily took a step back and glanced him sideways. She tried to look threatening as James slowly neared her but her voice gave her in. "What are you doing?" she said, as she took another step away from him.

"Oh, nothing," James said in an innocent tone, as he enjoyed the panic that he was causing out of Lily. Still, he approached her. "Since I'm spending my precious weekend in this hot kitchen, might as well light up the mood a little bit," he said as he took long strides toward her.

Lily tried to step back faster but James' legs were far too long that he could reach her with just a couple of strides. "Don't even think about it, James!" she practically screamed.

James laughed evilly. "Oh no. I'm not thinking," were the last words from him. And so quickly, he took one long step toward her and threw the mass of flour in his hands onto her, sending her into a shriek of hopeless panic.

"James!" Lily exclaimed. She could just imagine how she looked like with all that flour all over her – only to hear it from the prankster himself.

"Aw, I think white goes well with red, don't you think?" James uttered referring to her flour-stained hair. He was trying to look so much like nothing happened that it was completely annoying. When she frowned at him he said, "Oh, come on. Do something a little stupid once in a while." But his tone was almost scared – he wouldn't want to get into another fight with her when they had just reconciled.

Lily relaxed at the said of that. Maybe she was just really overreacting… but… "You messed my uniform," she whined.

"Oh, yeah," James snorted. "Like mine are as black as ever."

"Fine," Lily said with a shrug. But as she said that, she grabbed an unused mixing bowl from the table and, yes, scooped the whole thing into the sack of flour.

It was a pretty wide mixing bowl… and pretty deep too. This time, James was the one who stepped back from Lily. "Oh, that's a little too much don't you think?" he said, as he watched her scoop some more flour with her hand and into the bowl.

"Yeah," Lily said casually like it wasn't anything out of the norm. "Oh, and a little stupid don't you think?" she added, mocking what James had just told her.

"Okay, you win!" It was James' turn to shriek like a girl. "Please don't throw tha—" His words were suddenly garbled. Lily just threw a bowl-full of flour at him and now he couldn't even imagine what state of a mess he was in. He couldn't even see with his glasses anymore.

And so, he removed his glasses and wiped it with… a small part of his uniform that was actually not completely covered with flour.

Lily neared him and tried sounding surprised, like she just saw him. "James, you're so messy. Look at all that flour on your face," she said in a tone like a mother talking to her five-year-old who just played in the mud. She reached for his face and wiped it with her hands. Obviously, it only made things worse as her hands were also covered with flour. She was laughing so hard especially as he was bobbing his head away from her hands.

Instead of pouting, James smiled mischievously at Lily then past her. Wondering what was going on in that mind of his, she turned around and saw that he was looking at the sack on the table that was now almost empty. It was _almost_ empty… unfortunately, it was still more than what a mixing bowl could contain and was still enough to cover her.

Lily tried to run for the table but he was much faster than her. The next second, she was looking at a grinning James holding the sack of flour. Something told her that he wasn't kidding. And as an impulse, she ran away from him.

But James was persistent enough to chase her around the kitchen. Even the house elves were jumping out of their way as the two of them ran across the room.

Lily was shrieking 'no' the whole time as James made that 'hahaha' evil laugh as he chased her while holding the sack with his hand.

* * * * *

Meanwhile, Vince and Kiara stood facing each other. Both of them seemed to be frozen from what was said and what was heard. Vince was starting to want to kick himself in the head for saying what he just said. He knew that would happen. He knew that she would probably lose her mind knowing that he liked her. He knew that from that day that he told her, something would change. Something. And from what he could see in her eyes, _that_ something might be from good to bad.

"Uh—" Kiara couldn't get a single word out of her mouth. There wasn't really anything that prepared her for this. Who would've known what to do when out of… god! nowhere! one of your best friends would just blurt out that they liked you as more than a friend could actually like you? Suddenly she felt herself shiver. Although others might say that it was because of the snow, she knew that it was mostly because of the sudden fact that was revealed to her.

She looked down, trying to avoid his eyes. "Vince…"

Vince sighed audibly. "I know. I – I – I probably shouldn't have said that. I—"

"Vince, you're my friend," Kiara interrupted, looking him in the eyes. She was turning down this person that became a part of her life since the first day she stepped into the floors of Hogwarts – the least thing she could do was to look at him in the eyes and be honest. "We're friends," she repeated, as if saying it would turn back the hands of time. "We've been friends since we were in first year. I – I'm not so sure how to react to this." She tried to catch his eye, but he kept on turning away. "Vi—"

"No. No," Vince said, shaking his head. He couldn't look at her. Suddenly, he felt like he was the stupidest person on the face of the earth. Suddenly, he felt that he didn't deserve anybody. He didn't deserve to even look at her because he felt that he had betrayed her. He had betrayed his best friend. "Forget i— I'm sor— look." He paused thinking of ways to disappear right then and there. "I don't even know why I said those things," he said forcing a quiet laughter. A shaky chuckle. "That – that's fine. I'm – I'm a little tired from all that walking. I think I'll go back to the dorm," he finished, as he started his way back to the castle.

"Vince…"

Vince walked as fast as he could, leaving Kiara behind him. He didn't even hear her call his name.

* * * * *

Back in the castle, unfortunately, Lily ran into one of the corners of the kitchen. And she realized that she just ran herself into a dead end. "_DON'T_ do it!" she shrieked at James, who was approaching her with that devilish grin plastered on his face.

But James wasn't in any forgiving mood. He took the sack, which he was carrying, in both hands, and emptied it on Lily's head. "This is the most fun I've ever had with you," he said joyfully, as he poured every last bit of flour onto her. After which, he dropped the sack on the floor and marveled at his achievement – a Lily Evans covered in white flour.

"James, I'm all covered with flour!" Lily whined, looking at him just smilingly looking at her.

"Yes! I'm aware of that," James replied, annoyingly, giving Lily's head a gentle tap. "You're flour girl."

"How am I supposed to get this off me?" Lily said, shaking her clothes to take the excess flour off her. She reached for her hair, where most of the stuff went, and shook it off too.

"Um, you can use magic to take it off. Or… you can always take a bath," James said sarcastically. "If you want I could even give you a hand removing any flour from places… you can't reach," he said, moving his eyebrows up and down while smiling at her sheepishly.

Lily scrunched up her nose like she suddenly felt sick. "Don't be a pervert," she said, as she pushed James out of her way. She marched back to the table where the cookie batter that she finished was waiting to be poured into cookie sheets.

James ran to the table and reached there first. He grabbed the mixing bowl and offered something bizarre. "Can I do the forming?"

Lily's eyebrows would've been twisted in knots out of confusion if it were possible. "Uh, you… what?" she asked, trying to make James repeat what he had just said.

"You know. Pouring the batter into the cookie sheet," James replied casually. "I always thought if cookies could be made as big as a saucer."

"Of course," Lily said slowly, suddenly thinking James was being all too interested and weird. "You just have to form them like so."

James breathed deeply. It would be so funny, if only not so strange. "Then why don't you make them that big?!" he blurted out like Lily just made a very, very wrong thing.

Lily glanced around her if anyone else was sharing her opinion of this suddenly peculiar James. But the only thing she saw was the house elves cleaning up the mess that they made around the kitchen and Mimi taking the pasta out of the oven. "Because… it's impractical to make cookies as big as saucers," she patiently replied. She didn't know why, but she felt the necessity of answering his questions.

"Okay," James started again. "How many cookies do you usually consume when they are in their normal size?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "I dunno," she shrugged. "Four, five, seven…"

"SEE!" James' voice was so abrupt and loud that Lily almost jumped. "What's so impractical about baking cookies that's enough as one serving?"

"I don't see the point in this."

"I'm just saying saucer-size cookies are better."

"What's the difference? They're just cookies."

"But saucer-size cookies are definitely better."

"What are you trying to prove?"

"That I don't see the point in baking cookies that are so small you have to go back again and again for some more."

"So what are you saying?"

"That I wanna be the one to pour the batter on the cookie sheet."

"Who's stopping you?"

There was a pause. James suddenly realized that he was clutching the mixing bowl close to himself. He was almost hugging it, actually. He felt slightly embarrassed and placed the bowl on the table in front of him. "I dunno. Are you going to stop me?"

Lily scratched her head. "Don't be weird," she said. "Just do the cookies and I'd do the lasagna," she decided before she walked to the lasagna that Mimi placed on the table beside James.

At last, a full fifteen minutes of silence happened between the two of them. Lily was busy in preparing the presentation for the pasta and James… well… he was being unusually child-like with his happy face because he got to form the cookies.

After Lily finished the presentation of one serving of lasagna, she carried the plate beside James. "Peace offering," she said, as she brushed his head that was still covered with flour.

"Oh yeah. From what I heard, the chance of that being served in the ball depends on whether I _choked_ eating it or not," James replied, not really refusing the scrumptious looking food that Lily just placed in front of him.

"Oh, come on. I've seen you eat," Lily uttered. "You practically swallow all your food whole."

"Hey," James said, pointing a finger. "That's an exaggeration," he said, as he picked up a fork and took a part of the lasagna that might very well be unnecessary as he practically gobbled the food down. He could only nod to convey his approval for the pasta, as his mouth was so full. "That's good," he finally said, after he successfully swallowed his food.

"You think?" Lily sarcastically said, as she watched James devour the dish.

"Yeah, it's not bad."

"I can see that."

* * * * *

In the girls' dormitories, Toni came silently into their room, wondering where her friends could be – only to find out that Kiara was waiting for her.

"Where have you been?!" Kiara greeted her in a panicked tone. "It's – night time!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, _Mom_. I was with Sirius," Toni replied, confused as to what was happening with her friend. "What's wrong with you?"

"Vince!" Kiara shrieked.

"Vince? What?"

"He asked me out."

Toni paused, trying to absorb the information before talking. But, as far as she was concerned, she couldn't quite get the big deal. "He – uh – asked you out where? He always asks us out," she said.

"No, not that," Kiara blurted out starting to sound impatient. "He asked _me_ to go to the dance with him… not as a friend but as a _date_."

"A _date_?"

"Yes! A date!" Kiara's pitch started to raise again, her voice was breaking. "Vince! Vince Stradler asked me to the ball and…"

"Kiara."

"…I don't even know what to think!" Kiara continued like Toni just didn't interrupt her.

"Kiara!"

Kiara paused and looked at her friend. "Toni, I'm panicking here!" she exclaimed.

"Don't you think you're overreacting a bit?"

"No, Toni! This is not overreacting? Overreacting is when your palms are sweaty and your hands are all shaking and your voice is rising to the ceiling because you don't know what to do when your friend asks you out on a date!"

"Which is what you are doing right now," Toni was finally able to say, right after Kiara finished her sentence to breathe.

"Toni, you're not helping."

"Don't worry," Toni said, shrugging. "It's Vince. He'll come off it."

"No, he won't."

"I'll talk to him," Toni offered.

Kiara calmed down for a moment – probably tired of getting into hysterics. She plopped down on her bed and sighed audibly. "Why does he have to make things so complicated?" She waited for Toni's reply but the only thing she heard was the dorm room opening. She glanced and saw Toni getting out of the door. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to find him."

"What? What about me?" Kiara moaned.

"Don't worry. You'll survive," Toni replied trying to sound cheerful but teasing at the same time.

Kiara lay back down on her bed and took a deep breath. "Fine."

* * * * *

After a long day in the kitchen, James and Lily entered the common room. Their robes and faces were still stained with flour.

James was carrying the pouch of cookies (that he proudly formed) while each of them were munching on one.

"What happened to you?" was Sirius' greeting, when he saw them enter the room.

"Want a cookie?" James offered the pouch of cookies to his friend.

Sirius leaned back and suspiciously looked at James. "You made them?"

"Yeah," James said, quite proudly.

"More like he _formed_ them," Lily interrupted, not really wanting to let James take the credit for her hard work. "He just poured them onto the pan."

"Well, in that case, sure," Sirius accepted automatically, taking a piece of cookie from the pouch.

"Oh, _that's_ just what I need from my best friend," James complained.

"Hey," Sirius began defensively. "All I'm saying is that I wouldn't trust you to turn anything into something that's actually edible."

James smirked at him. "Go to bed, Sirius."

"Nah," Sirius replied. "I'm too happy to go to bed."

"Is this about Toni?" James suddenly uttered. "Just promise me you won't stress her too much. We have Quidditch matches to win."

Sirius was about to retaliate what his best friend just said, when Lily interrupted.

"Well, I'm tired," she said.

Suddenly, it was like a bulb shed some light in Sirius' mind. "Oh, by the way, you guys are talking again, huh?"

"Well," Lily began, as she started taking four cookies from the pouch in James' hand. "He put the Big Dipper in the Head Prefects room."

Sirius turned to James. He looked rather confused with what he just heard. "You did what?"

"Yeah, it's pretty cool," James replied, smiling. He wasn't aware that his friend was thinking of another Big Dipper. But what he was aware of was that Lily took the pouch from him and gave him the four pieces of cookies she took out of it a while ago. "Hey, what are you doing?"

"You get to keep four and I get to keep the rest," Lily answered. "After all, _I_ made them."

"What?" was all James could say as he watched her take away the cookies from his hands.

"Goodnight, James. 'Night, Sirius," Lily said, before marching to the stairs to the girls' dormitories.

When Lily was gone, Sirius turned to James. "There's a big dipper in the Head Prefects Room that she was quite happy with?" he asked, looking quite perplexed. Apparently he wasn't thinking about stars – he was thinking about a dipper (that was big).

James had to laugh at the said of that. "The constellation, Sirius," he replied. "Big Dipper constellation."

"Oh," Sirius said, realizing what was going on. "Cool."

James rolled his eyes. "For someone who's named after one, you were pretty slow with that one."

"Oh, well, I ate the cookies you made," Sirius retaliated as if that would make a really good excuse.

"I didn't make them," James said, suddenly taking back what he said earlier.

* * * * *

Toni had been searching the classrooms where Vince would usually hang out when he would just want to be left alone and think. She had only one option but it seemed far-fetched. She thought about going to the Astronomy Tower rooftop to find him but it was snowing and… _And, yes, Vince might probably be wanting to die right about now because of what he did_, she thought.

So, she went up to the Astronomy Tower rooftop and lo and behold, Vince wasn't only there, he was lying on the floor while mindlessly watching the sky.

"Hey, are you trying to kill yourself?" she called softly, as she walked to him.

Vince stayed lying on the floor, not budging an inch, even when snow was slowly filling the rooftop. He glanced at Toni but then went back staring up at nothing.

Toni sat, leaning back on a wall near where he was. "So… you never did answer my truth question," she said, referring to the truth or dare game they had before. She asked him if he had ever been in love and he never answered the question.

Vince sighed audibly. "You probably heard that I just made a fool out of myself."

"Don't give yourself such a hard time," Toni said, comfortingly. "She's going to make sense out of it soon."

Vince sat up and sat beside her. "Huh – I just injured a perfectly good friendship. I think that's the sense she's going to get out of it."

"Hey…" Toni said, as she put her arms around his shoulders. She rested her head on his shoulder and tried to make him feel as better as possible. "It's gonna be alright."

The snow was getting thicker. But they never moved. They stayed for an hour more just watching the frozen clouds fall and slowly cover the rooftop. They talked for some time. And Vince came down to a decision. It was a decision that demanded something very tough to do. But if he was about to save his friendship with Kiara, he had to do it.

__

~*~*~*~

realize that sometimes you're just not okay... -- our lady peace, "clumsy"

Okay. Review. Review.


	11. Morning After

__

SO, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN NEXT TO LILY AND JAMES?

Hmmm Well, here's chapter eleven to give you something to read on.

Yes, James will have to commit strike three before they would actually be together. But when would that be? Well let's just see.

So, I'm having my finals this week and I still have no idea where my thesis paper is going (hopefully somewhere) and my mind is all over the place so please just bear with me if you happen to get a little confused with my writing.

By the way, thanks to all those who submitted a review. I really appreciate them. You have no idea. It's also nice to see new names in the reviews. Thank you thank you thank you. Keep reviewing and maybe you can share them with your friends too. :) Okay, that's just my wackiness starting to get the better of me.

And I haven't done a disclaimer in a while so I'm going to do one this time. So, if this happens to land on JK's lap (like there's even a remote possibility), just know that I have like two dollars in my pocket and that's all I can give her if there's a lawsuit against me. Everyone and everything you recognize are hers and the rest are all mine.

With that, I invite you to read and enjoy!

would i be whining if i said i needed a hug... -- alanis morissette, "can't not"

~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER ELEVEN: Morning After**

Kiara sat motionless by the windowsill of her dormitory. She had been staring out at the snow-covered school grounds for about half an hour. Seemed like she was waiting for something or someone. Or maybe, she was hiding from someone. The surroundings were so quiet that it seemed like she was the only one who was not in the Great Hall for breakfast.

She distracted herself by fiddling the woodworks of the window frame. It was the first time she noticed the intricate designs of it. The carvings were like vines of flowers crawling unendingly around the structure.

It was only when the door creaked opened that she snapped out of being lost in thought. She turned her head and smiled when Lily came into the room carrying a bunch of food wrapped in table napkins.

"Here," Lily greeted, putting the food down on Kiara's bedside table. "I couldn't carry out more food."

Kiara walked away from the window and sat down on her bed. She began unwrapping the food in a hurry, not realizing how hungry she was now that she could smell the aroma of the freshly baked bread and butter. "This is fine," she said, starting to gobble down the food. She paused for a moment, trying to swallow what she was eating. "So" she began slowly, avoiding Lily's eyes for a while.

Lily grabbed a chair and sat herself in front of Kiara. "So?"

"Well," Kiara shrugged. "Was, uh," she had to clear her throat, "was V-Vince there?"

"Uh, no," Lily replied. She sighed audibly and said, "I think both of you are trying to avoid each other – Kiara, just talk to him."

Kiara opened her mouth to say something, some sort of reason but all she could come up was, "I'm not ready."

"He's your friend," Lily insisted.

"Well–" Kiara began. "You know, I did a lot of thinking last night and"

"And?"

"This is all Sirius' fault," Kiara replied flatly like she solved the biggest conflict in the world.

"What?!" Lily almost shrieked in disbelief. Kiara seemed to be getting lost again. "I'm sorry, but why is this all suddenly his fault?"

"It is!" Kiara insisted. She stood up and started to saunter back and forth in front of her friend. "If he didn't plead on helping him with Toni, I wouldn't be so busy trying to get him noticed by her!" She stopped to take a deep breath and stood to face Lily. "I would be able to have a love life," she said in a tone like it was a solidly grounded matter of fact.

Lily scratched her head, starting to get a little perplexed with all Kiara's craziness that early of a morning. "And what do you call Damon Highfield?" Kiara opened her mouth to talk but Lily continued, "Or Robert Harold?"

"Come to think of it, he hasn't talked to me since he asked Toni to the dance," Kiara babbled absent mindedly, apparently ignoring what her friend just said.

Lily stood up and flicked her fingers in front of Kiara's face. "Get off it!" she said, almost yelling to call out for her friend who was far off outside earth at that time. "If it's any help," she started, calming down her voice. "I don't have a date for the Yule Ball yet, either."

Kiara rolled her eyes, turning away from Lily. Yeah, she could say that, she had Malfoy lurking around her.

Lily grabbed Kiara by the shoulders, making her friend face her. "And please" she said, begging. "The dance is still two weeks away. It's not the end of the world."

"I know," Kiara replied making it seem like it was Lily who was driving her crazy.

"Then stop moping"

"I'm not!" Kiara exclaimed. "I'm" she trailed and then changed the subject completely. "Where's Toni?"

"Listen to you. Your mind's all over the place," Lily told her. "One minute you're talking about Vince, the next minute Sirius, and now all of a sudden, you're looking for Toni." She paused, noticing that Kiara wasn't listening and seemed to be only waiting for an answer to her question. "She's, um, with, um, Vince."

"Yeah, Vince. I have to talk to him," Kiara mumbled, her cluttered mind confusing her friend again.

Lily rolled her eyes at Kiara's nonsensicality that morning. "Good," she uttered instead of lengthening the conversation.

"Yeah."

"Good," Lily said again, walking to the door.

"Yeah. Where are you going?" Kiara suddenly noticed Lily leaving.

"Library. Good luck with Vince," Lily replied before she closed the door behind her.

* * * * *

At the other side of the castle, Vince and Toni were out in the school grounds, being the only two people out in a dead cold winter morning. But it seemed like Vince wasn't the least affected by the snow-covered surroundings. He stood still and lame, leaning by a wall, while staring at nowhere.

Just then, Toni's voice distracted him.

"You know, Vince, you have to talk to her eventually," Toni called to him. She was jumping up and down in order to feel warm in spite of all the layers of clothes that she was already wearing.

Vince didn't answer but only glanced at her. After then, he looked back away, a foolish smile forming around his mouth.

"What?" Toni asked curiously, noticing the way he was trying to hide his grin.

Vince chuckled and shrugged. "The idea of you trying to talk to me about serious matters while doing jumping jacks is ridiculous."

"Huh!" Toni muttered, as she stopped from jumping. She looked at him who went back into his own little world again. She was getting tired of his sentimentality. It was slowly driving her crazy. So she decided to do the best thing she could think of to get her friend out of this sappiness.

"Hey!" Vince exclaimed, turning to look at her. A cold snowball just hit him in the face. "What was that for?" he demanded. He stood straight and started to walk toward her.

Toni giggled as she knelt back down on the ground forming another snowball. "Oh, I'm sorry, _drama boy_," she said, teasing him. "Did I hurt you?"

And before Vince could even retaliate what she said, Toni threw the snowball, which she formed, at him again. Then, without letting another second pass, she knelt down and started molding another one.

"Hey!" Vince cried out again. This time, he bent down on the ground and began to form a snowball himself.

"Oh, I so love Christmas because I can do this," Toni declared, apparently having fun for the first time since they started hanging out and sulk that morning. She stood up and aimed at Vince. But at the same time, he was looking back at her with a ready aim, too – and an even bigger ball of snow.

They both stood cautiously, watching each other.

"Drop the snowball," Vince joked threateningly, gesturing with his hand while sounding like a policeman ordering an armed man to drop his gun.

"I'm hungry," Toni changed the subject. She lowered her snow-filled hand and started rubbing her stomach with her other hand. "Aren't you?" she asked him.

Vince rolled his eyes and said, "Why do you women always change the subject?" Oof! Toni threw at him again. "Okay, that's not fair," he complained.

"Yeah, I think I'm hungry," Toni said in a thousand miles per second, before she hurriedly ran into the castle.

* * * * *

Lily entered the library and found the place completely packed. McGonagall's assignment was finally due the next day and the students whose expertise was in cramming were starting to write the first few inches of their essays. She had been finished with the essay since last week and she just decided to visit the library to have something to read in order to pass the day.

She found a rather difficult time in looking for a seat so she decided to find a book first then hoped to find somewhere to sit later. She went straight to the back of the library where the 'leisure books' were.

She started to search the shelves located at the back of the room. All the shelves were filled since the other students were more interested in finding references for their essays. While she was searching for something to read, she spotted a glittering mop of blonde hair through the gaps between the books in the shelves. She almost missed it.

Almost.

And just as almost, she'd forgotten that she was supposed to be passing the time by reading a book or a magazine or _something_ and not watching _someone_. She almost looked like a little child with a crush while sneaking a peek on that blond hair's owner.

Yes.

It was Lucius.

Malfoy.

If only James could see her that time she knew that he'd rather puke than stand by and watch her watch that guy who talked with a snarl like co-existing with him was a mortal sin.

Lucius was sitting by the table in one hidden corner of the room. She saw that he was reading a book. It looked like it had nothing to do with Transfiguration so she figured out that he was there to also just kill time.

She didn't realize that she had finally reached the end of the shelf that she just kept on studying the boy sitting by the corner of the library. Suddenly, she thought that she was looking at him a little intense that she hid back behind the shelf when Lucius unexpectedly looked up and at her direction. Or maybe it was just her imagination. Nevertheless, she felt the urge to talk to him about nothing in particular; since he had probably seen her almost staring at him anyway.

She peeked out again and saw that the table that Lucius was sitting by was full. But just then, the girl sitting across the table from him stood up. As the girl passed by her, she recognized that it was a Slytherin girl, as she recalled. With that, she grabbed a witch magazine and decided to approach him.

"Hey," Lily greeted, smiling, as she sat on the chair across him.

Lucius looked up for a split second and nodded casually to recognize her.

"So," Lily began. "What have you been up to? I haven't seen you since I got out of the hospital wing."

Lucius cleared his throat. "I heard Potter was keeping you company," he said, still keeping his eyes on the book that he was reading. "I had not time to interfere with his business," he added as he turned a page.

Lily looked at him. And although his face tried to remain as emotionless as possible, she thought she just saw a hint of frustration in his eyes. Or maybe jealousy? Or maybe it was all in her imagination?

"Well," Lily tried to spark up a real conversation. "I, uh, I missed talking to you," she looked down on the magazine that she was holding when Lucius looked up at her, seeming surprised. "I guess," she added with a shrug, suddenly feeling flushed. And then, she saw what seemed to be like some sort of smile or a smirk or something that appeared to be like an upward curve of his mouth. "So, uh, what are you reading?"

"Nothing important," Lucius shrugged. "Something to keep me busy for the day."

"Yeah," Lily nodded. "Me too."

* * * * *

Back in the Great Hall, some students decided to hang out for a while after breakfast. During this time, James and Sirius were in some sort of argument about the issue of Emma Creton. James was pleading for Sirius to talk to her about breaking up. And of course, Sirius wasn't at all agreeing with his best friend's plan. And after some time, James finally agreed to talk to Emma personally.

"Fine," James groaned. "I'm going to wait outside. You call her," he said to Sirius.

Sirius sighed audibly. How in the world could his best friend be such a 'man' in hooking up with a woman and be a total coward when it came to breaking up with them? "Alright," he replied halfheartedly. "And remember that I'm doing this because that's the least thing you can do to be fair to her."

And so, as James made for the door, Sirius stood up and approached Emma. She was sitting at her house table surrounded with her friends, apparently too busy with gossiping to spend time with their boyfriends.

Sirius leaned down to whisper in her ear. "Can I talk to you?"

Emma looked at him and suddenly realized the seriousness on his face. "Sure," she said, quite anxiously. She stood up and followed him outside the Great Hall.

"What is it?" she asked Sirius when they were already standing outside the Hall.

"James wants to tell you something," Sirius replied, bobbing his head toward the figure leaning on the corner.

Emma looked at James and approached him, suddenly feeling queasy. "James, what is this about?"

* * * * *

After finishing her breakfast in the dormitory, Kiara decided to take a walk around the castle. Her feet was leading her to the direction of the Great Hall when suddenly, she saw Toni came rushing toward her direction with Vince running after her.

"Vince!" She called out involuntarily that even she surprised herself.

Toni and Vince stopped in front of her. While Vince was apparently uncomfortable by the situation.

"Uh-hi, K-Kiara," Vince stuttered.

"Uh, can we talk?" Kiara offered. She thought that it would be so much more torture if they would further delay the inevitable. "Please?" she added while he was finding something to say.

Vince glanced at Toni who nodded for him to go. "O-okay," he replied.

Toni watched her two friends went off to talk. And, just as planned, she decided to make her way toward the Great Hall for something to eat.

As she was walking, she saw Sirius and realized that they hadn't seen each other since the night before. She smiled when he called to her.

"Toni!" Sirius exclaimed, smiling widely. "Where have you been?"

"Just around," Toni replied as she walked faster to him. "I'd been keeping Vince company. He's a little heartbroken."

Sirius gave her a kiss on the forehead then on the cheek and then on the lips. Well, apparently, he missed her that much. "Well, I missed you," he said. "Have you eaten breakfast?"

"No," Toni groaned. "I'm starved!"

With that, Sirius led Toni toward the Great Hall.

Just then, Toni heard a voice crying. She turned to the direction of the voice and saw two shadow-hidden figures by the corner of the hallway. And as she and Sirius neared the dining hall entrance, she realized that it was James and Emma.

"Tell me, is it Lily Evans?" Toni heard Emma utter in between sobs.

"Emma, it's not – please listen," she heard James reply.

Toni turned to Sirius and asked, "What's going on?"

Sirius sighed. "Let's just say James isn't taking her to the dance," he replied, as he opened the door of the Great Hall for her.

* * * * *

"No, James," Emma interrupted James. "I thought I could trust you and then you turn around and do this to me?"

James ran a hand across his face in frustration. "It's _not_ Lily Evans, alright?" he insisted. "God, why can't you understand?" he finally had to say, having the nerve to get impatient.

"Oh, maybe because this is irrational!" Emma yelled in total infuriation. "_You're_ irrational, James!"

"Why do you even think it's Evans?"

"Oh, I don't know, James," Emma replied, mocking him. "You're the one who spent the whole day with her yesterday—"

"It's not—"

"I looked everywhere for you! I couldn't find you anywhere and then I found out that you were in the kitchen _cooking_ with Lily Evans—"

"Emma—"

"And since when do you _cook_, James?!" Emma finally burst out angrily. They stood silent for a moment until James broke the calm between them.

"Well, come to think of it, we weren't spending much time together anyway."

"A couple of guys just asked me to teach them to dance, that's all," Emma replied calmly. "For the ball, remember? And you knew about it. You were always there for crying out loud!" Emma shrieked in utter disbelief of his absurdity.

James held her by the shoulders and looked straight into her eyes. "Look, we can still be friends," he said, trying to keep her from avoiding his gaze.

But Emma felt tired of his 'we can still be friends' line. Her friends warned her about him but she still agreed to date him anyhow. And that just made her feel more stupid. She shoved his hands off her with all her strength. "No, James, don't ever talk to me again," she said, before she walked away without stopping and without even looking back.

James watched Emma walk away from him. He watched her until she turned around the corner of the hallway and disappeared from his sight. With that, he went back into the Great Hall.

Inside, he saw Sirius with Toni and Peter with Cherie Walker. Then he saw Remus leave the table and walk straight for the door. Probably feeling like a fifth wheel, he thought.

"You okay?" Remus asked James, as he stopped by the door.

James smiled slightly. "Yeah," he replied. "Where you up to?"

Remus looked back at Sirius and Peter before he turned back to James for an answer. "I'm going to find Lily," he answered, before he went out the Hall.

James was too depressed to even comment on what Remus just said. He made for the Gryffindor table and sat at the back end of the room. He rested his head on his hand as he watched his friends talk and laugh with their girlfriends. That was the first time he actually felt really sorry for a girl he just broke up with. Emma's reaction was still reverberating in his mind. And something told him that he would have to talk to her again eventually.

* * * * *

In one empty classroom, Kiara and Vince sat opposite each other in silence. It had almost been ten minutes and not one of them had said anything, nor even looked at each other.

Kiara breathed out loudly, exhaling the tension that built up inside her. "Look," she heard Vince cease the silence. She looked at him and listened.

"I'm – I'm sorry that I said those things," Vince continued, pausing to take a breath. "I'm sorry that you feel awkward right now. Because believe me," he said, as he looked at Kiara in the eyes, "if I could just take back whatever wrong thing I said I would because I like to have the friendship we had back," he paused, trying to decipher what Kiara was probably thinking about. "This is killing me."

Kiara moved forward to sit closer to Vince. "Look, I'm sorry too. I know we all have our own secrets that we keep from each other," she said empathically. She smiled and reached for Vince's hand. "I just want my best friend back. Just as much as you do," she finished, leaning forward to give him a hug.

Vince embraced her back. Although he should feel thankful that things would probably go back to normal, he couldn't stop having that sinking feeling that at the same time, he should be letting go of all the possibilities that Kiara might one day see him as more than a friend.

But this was better.

Having her as a friend was better

Than not having her at all.

* * * * *

Almost an hour had passed and still Lily and Lucius sat quiet opposite each other by that corner of the library. Some of the students who were sitting with them early morning had already left, since some sun had finally shown.

Lily had finished reading her magazine. She couldn't concentrate anyway since she knew that Lucius was less than two feet away from her. She closed her magazine and sighed audibly, making Lucius take a glance at her. "I'm going ahead," she said. She stood up slowly like she had all the time in the world or like she was waiting for some sort of reply or question

She had only taken a few steps away when she heard Lucius call after her. "Evans," she heard him say, as she heard the sound of a wooden chair slide against the floor. She turned around and saw him standing and looking at her. "I mean, Lily," Lucius added.

"Yeah?" Lily asked, trying to look innocent.

"I know it's only two weeks away" Lucius began, his voice still as stiff as his face.

But Lily looked at him expectantly. Two weeks away? The only thing two weeks away was the

Yule Ball.

"What?" Lily asked, like she had completely no idea of what Lucius was driving at.

"Do you want to go to the Yule Ball together?" Lucius asked.

Lily saw that he wasn't even looking at her when he asked her to the dance but she smiled pleasantly anyhow. Or maybe it was a good thing that he wasn't looking because she felt her cheeks flushed. "S-Sure," she replied after a couple of seconds when she seemed to have completely blanked out.

"Alright," Lucius uttered, while making a face like it was 'no big deal.'

But, Lily still smiled, and together she sighed of relief. Then she trotted back to the shelf to return her magazine.

She found the shelf where she got the magazine.

She even found the empty space from where she picked it up.

But what she didn't find, or notice, was the figure behind one of the bookshelves.

She didn't see Remus standing hidden behind the shadows in the corner of the library.

And she didn't know

That he had heard the conversation she had with Lucius.

__

~*~*~*~

when you love a woman... tell her she's really wanted... when you love a woman... tell her that she's the one... -- bryan adams, "have you ever loved a woman"

Oh my God! Lucius and Lily are going together to the dance?! No!!

Okay, here's the thing, maybe they will, maybe they won't.

What will happen with Vince and Kiara? Well, you'll find out soon enough.

So, Toni and Sirius are happy together, huh? Well, yeah

Okay, enough of those, review please. Love those who review.

Review, review, thank you.


	12. Lily's Prediction

__

AT LAST! MY FINALS ARE FINISHED!

That's all I could come up with today. Yes, at last, I've finished my finals. Now, I'm waiting for some sort of miracle for my grades to pass.

Anyway, first of all, I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed the last chapter and also the new readers of my work. Nice to know that people enjoy what I write.

So, finally, I've reached chapter twelve and because I've no classes anymore, I'd probably be updating twice a week so wait till Wednesday or sometime in the middle of the week for the next chapter. That's because Harry Potter 5 is coming up soon! And surely, there will be loads of new stuffs about James and Lily that would definitely conflict with what I'm writing.

On to the next chapter. I know, I know, it's kind of confusing on who's going to end up with whom and who will break up with whom. But just go with the flow and you will see. Hopefully, I'd make sense in the end. So, go on, read and enjoy! Don't forget to review…

i don't know when i got bitter... love is surely better when it's gone... -- tonic, "you wanted more"

~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER TWELVE: Lily's Prediction**

Lily trotted cheerily out of the library. Apparently oblivious of the fact that Remus just overheard her conversation with Lucius. But, for now, that wasn't anyone's worry but his. All she knew then was that she couldn't help but flash a timid smile across her face, conscious that someone might see that she was smiling to herself and might think that she might be going insane.

In a trance, she made her way toward the Gryffindor tower.

She was just passing by the hallway to the common room when she saw a girl scowling and walking toward her. She recognized Emma Creton flashing a look of hate and knowing that there were only the two of them in the hallway, she was pretty sure that Emma was referring to her.

"There you are," Emma said in a scornful tone. She raised an eyebrow and blocked Lily's way, her arms crossed.

Lily flashed a confused expression. "Pardon me?" she uttered, not really sure how she would react to what was happening.

Emma ignored her and continued. "Well then, congratulations," she said with a smirk. "Now you can have James all by yourself."

Lily bobbed her head backwards in surprise and for a while, she got lost from what Emma just told her. "What… are you talking about?"

Emma snorted, thinking how ridiculous it was that Lily kept on denying. She rolled her eyes and mocked her. "Why don't you ask him? Hope you're happy," she finished and then carried on walking the opposite way.

For a few seconds, Lily just stared at Emma's figure walking away. She couldn't be any more confused as to what that was about. Something angered Emma and she was taking the blame for it—no, not something. _Someone_.

* * * * *

Trying to figure out what could've happened, she searched for the only person that Emma and her had in common. And with some luck, she found that person sulking in the Head Prefects Room.

She entered the room and found James sitting on the couch by the fire. To her surprise, he was doing a Yule Ball-related work. He was finishing the making of confetti for the ball. And lo and behold, he wasn't using any magic to get off the task as soon as possible.

"This is quite a sight!" Lily greeted cheerfully as she approached him. And for an answer, he just did a casual glance at her. "Aren't you supposed to be cramming for McGonagall's assignment?" she asked instead, trying to get some response from him.

"Tsk tsk tsk. Lily, Lily," James replied, as he shook his head. He reached for the few rolls of parchment that were lying on the coffee table and handed them to her.

Lily took the parchment and swiftly scanned the pages. It was James' essay alright. And it wasn't the fact that he did it beyond the deadline that surprised her. It was about the details that he had written in the essay. "Wow. For someone who hasn't been in the library quite often, no offense, you did a pretty comprehensive piece about this."

Lily just complimented James. For the first time, she had just said something good about him and the only thing that he was able to come up with, as a reply, was a weak smile on his face. But she didn't pay too much attention on that detail. She had another purpose in being there. "Where did you get all these?" she asked, trying to keep a casual conversation. "Some of these are not even in the library."

"They are," James replied. "But you cannot get your hands on all of them."

Lily knitted her eyebrows not quite getting what he was driving at. Then she realized, "You snuck in the Restricted Section for a school paper?" she said disbelievingly. "That's new."

James only shrugged and didn't say anything more. He went back to making the confetti with a very serious look on his face. This time, Lily seized the opportunity to ask him.

"Why so glum?" she said. She waited for an answer but no reply came from him. "Oh, I'll guess!" she said rather joyfully like they were playing some sort of charade. "Is it about… hmmm… a certain girl… a girl you broke up with this morning named Emma Creton?" she concluded not knowing that she just hit the right reason.

James straightened in his seat. "Hey, I thought no meddling with private lives?" he said defensively.

"Oh, I don't know, Potter," Lily replied mockingly. "But your ex-'private life' was angry with me and somehow she links me to it. Why is that? What did you tell her?" she demanded.

"Are we back on the last name again?" James asked, trying to change the subject.

Lily rolled her eyes. She knew James that long to know that he was trying to avoid the topic. "I dunno. I just got used to calling you _Potter_," she replied, emphasizing James' name. "Anyway, don't change the subject!" she directed. "What did you tell her?"

"Nothing!" James insisted, failing to stay relaxed about it. Because he thought that if she knew the reason, he'd probably get a hard smack on the face. But she eyed him piercingly. "I just broke up with her. It's natural," he insisted, trying to sound like it wasn't much of a deal. But Lily glared at him harder. "Alright! She, uh—" he bowed his head, somehow embarrassed of what he would say next. "She thinks I like you," he finally said. It sounded more like 'shethinksilikeyou' but from the look on Lily's face, he was sure that she understood what he just said. "I didn't say anything remote for her to think that. I swear!" he exclaimed, sounding like he was just sentenced to die.

He waited for Lily to retaliate what he had just said but it didn't come. All she did was laugh at him. _That_ was funny? he thought, getting puzzled by the minute. "You're not mad at me," he began, confused. "What's wrong with _you_?" he added, now feeling like it was safe to make fun of her.

Lily stopped laughing but a smile was still playing at the corners of her mouth. "None of your business," she answered, shaking her head.

James tried contenting himself with her reply and continued doing what he was doing there in the first place. And Lily even sat beside him to help him with the confetti.

After a few seconds, it was proven that James couldn't be anymore curious about what was going on with Lily. The last thing he knew that was remotely related to her was that… "So, did Remus talk to you?" he asked, concluding that maybe his friend had something to do with Lily's good mood.

"No, why?" Lily replied. "I was in the library all morning."

"Library," James repeated. He nodded and something in his expression told that he didn't like what he just heard.

"What?" Lily asked.

"Nothing."

"What?"

James hesitated but since she asked for it, he answered. "Library on a Sunday – weekend – morning. You were with Malfoy," he said Lucius' name with utter disgust in his tone.

Apparently, Lily noticed just how James pronounced 'Malfoy.' "What's that tone supposed to mean?" she demanded trying to remain as calm as possible.

James shook his head and responded, "I'm not in the place to answer."

"You just don't like Lucius. That's all," Lily inferred.

"Yeah. Yeah," James said, waving a hand to admit that she was right.

"No," Lily interrupted, unsatisfied with his reply. "That's not all."

James turned his head and looked at her. Her eyes were apparently searching for more answers. He hesitated but then gave in. "Remus—"

"What about Remus?"

"Alright," James conceded, turning back to his task. "I'm only going to say this because I care about my friend and you can get mad at me all you want but," he paused, taking a deep breath, hoping against hope that his friend wouldn't kill him for saying this, "you know that Remus apparently likes you and you don't even recognize that."

Lily snorted, not believing that someone like Remus would actually feel that way about her. "Remus and I are friends," she insisted.

James raised his hands in defense, not wanting to persist. "Fine," he said, putting an end to the topic. "Just know this. Don't expect him to be as friendly once he finds out you're with Malfoy," he said, only presuming the last part of his sentence. But when Lily avoided his eyes, he came to the sudden, unbelievable, nauseating – for him – realization. "You're really with Malfoy?" he concluded, this time not at all guarding his tone of utter disagreement.

Lily snorted, amazed by the fact that James could say such thing. She turned to him and raised an eyebrow. "Well, at least I know I'm not going to break up with somebody just because my time quota doesn't allow me to date him anymore," she declared frankly and almost tactlessly.

"At least _I_ let them know I'm not interested in them," James retaliated like a seven-year-old boy.

Lily paused from helping James with the confetti and looked straight into his eyes. "You know, I'm not even going to get offended with that," she stated. "Because you, James Potter, are one day going to fall in love _so_ hard with a woman and when that happens, it'll be your turn to suffer because she's never going to feel the same way about you," she finished with a firm expression on her face.

James would want to get back on what she just said, but the point was, he just couldn't top that. So, as a reply, even though it was the most childish, he smirked at her.

And Lily smiled an annoying smile as an answer.

__

~*~*~*~

actually, bottomline, you tell the truth sometimes... -- lisa loeb and nine stories, "taffy"

you can say what you want but it won't change my mind... i feel the same about you... -- texas, "say what you want"

I know the chapter's kinda short. Well, that's actually the bottomline of the chapter anyway. Don't worry, I'd be uploading the next chapter very soon.

But for now, what would make me glad are your reviews! Review, please. :)


	13. Suspicions and Misconceptions

__

HERE IT IS!

You'll know what I'm talking about once you've finished the chapter. And as promised, I've uploaded a chapter in the middle of the week. And sure enough, I will upload the next chapter this weekend.

So, thanks for the reviews. I've reached beyond a hundred reviews and that felt really nice.

anonymous

Lamina Court

Andufeniel

moonz

mutsumi

LaQuinn

Princessflowerchild

Kristinerz77

Frankie

Queen of death

Javalass

Hermione101888

KrustyB

me

LE

angkat14

sarahpeach

Lil-Brat888

tom girl

shortydork

maurader

the-fly-screen

Stating-the-obvious

Breezy

Darci Malfoy

Kiao

Sugarquill

Satans Little Princess

Yup, that's about the new reviews I've had since the last time I've named all those who submitted a review. They're way back from chapter five and they've been great to me.

Anyway, I've passed all my courses and I'm finally in a good mood. :)

So, on to this chapter, it's a pretty long chapter so I hope you'd really like it.

Well, I'd shut up now.

Read! Be nice to me :) and review!

Thanks!

love is like a barren place... and reaching out for human faith... is like a journey i just don't have a map for... -- savage garden, "to the moon and back"

~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN: Suspicions and Misconceptions**

For the first time in his Hogwarts life, Sirius woke up early – well, earlier than his roommates, that was. It was about an hour before breakfast and he already got up, took a shower, and finally came out of the bathroom. It could've had signaled the end of the world because of his weirdness, but apparently, there was something about that morning that made him seem… well, normal.

With only a towel wrapped around his waist, he came out of the bathroom and the first look plastered across his face was a look of utter confusion. Peter was still sleeping – there was nothing really wrong with that. But the other two boys in the room were acting a bit out of their… normal… selves.

Remus was sitting on his bed, looking out the window – actually, at nothing. But his head was facing the window. While James… James was wide-awake, yes. But he was still lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling – at nothing but since he was still lying on his back, he must be seeing the ceiling.

Sirius walked to the middle of the room and turned around, observing his friends. What could've gotten into them, he had no idea.

But he wasn't just going to stand there – half naked – and wonder about what was happening in those heads.

"Alright, what's going on?" Sirius finally blurted out, looking back and forth from James to Remus then from Remus to James.

Because of this abrupt outburst, Peter suddenly woke up kind of staggered. And then realized that he was still in the dormitory, saw his three friends being weird and then groaned because his sleep was disturbed.

Sirius stood for a minute waiting for a reply. But he could've waited the whole day and all would just be in vain. So, he walked up toward James' bed. "Hey! Hey!" he called him back to earth, as he flicked his fingers practically two inches from James' face. "Snap off it!" he exclaimed, this time finally getting his friend's attention. "The two of you look like a couple of broken-hearted freaks," he snorted and then added, "Believe me, both of you look stupid."

James sat up, wondering whom the other person Sirius was talking about. Then he saw Sirius talking to Remus. "And it's not even near full moon," he heard Sirius say.

"What's going on?" Peter asked no one in particular, as he sat up, yawning.

James ran a hand through his impossible mop of hair and looked interestingly at Sirius, who was fixing himself in front of the mirror. "What are you doing up?" he asked.

Sirius glanced back at him and then turned back to the mirror. "What were you doing looking up at nothing?" he replied, as he reached for a hair comb and started trying to manage his hair.

"Oh, god!" James exclaimed, standing up out of sudden panic. "Are we late?"

Sirius smirked at James' reflection. "Hey, it's not because I woke up earlier than you means that you're late," he said.

James scratched his head realizing what had just gotten into his best friend. "Oh, you're going to meet with Toni," he concluded. He walked up to Sirius and messed up his friend's already messed up hair. "There's _nothing_ you can do about that," he declared.

Sirius mocked a laugh so hard it was almost sounding crazy. "Like you have any kind of hope with that unruly swab you have for a hair."

But James was too sleepy to listen to Sirius that he went straight to Remus. He had spent most of the night thinking whether to tell him about Lily and – he wanted to hurl but he just couldn't do anything about it – Malfoy. But from the look on his friend's face, he was thinking maybe the truth had already been made known.

James struggled to get a chair and sat in front of Remus while Peter bumped into a couple of drawers and trunks before he finally found the door to the bathroom.

Those were the mornings in the boys' dormitories.

Well, except for the Sirius getting up early and Remus and James terrifyingly deep in thought – for James' case that was. Basically, they were always half asleep.

"So, what's up with you?" James asked Remus. He sat on a turned-back chair and rested his chin on the back of it, waiting for a reply.

"Nothing," Remus replied with a shrug. "I was just thinking… do you think there's a chance that full moon could come later this month? Let's say, in about two week's time?"

James knitted his eyebrows in puzzlement. "What's with the sudden interest in full moon talk?" he said, straightening in his seat. "Wait a second. Two weeks? That's the Yule Ball."

Remus snorted. "Yeah. So I wouldn't have to come into that stupid dance."

Not only James was surprised in this emotional ride that Remus was in; but Sirius stopped trying to comb his hair and faced the two people talking.

James glanced at Sirius, quite clueless on what to say. "Wha— wait," he started, chuckling at Remus' serious expression. "That's the dance! That's like – that's the only time of the year when the girls are all made up and gorgeous, man!" he exclaimed, his opinion oh so well what he had been dreaming of for the past nights.

Remus laughed and gave out a groan to release his frustration. "I am quite aware of that," he said afterwards, looking at James.

Sirius, who was attempting to stay quiet throughout the conversation, cleared his throat. "Okay, I know this!" he exclaimed, taking a glance at his best friend, who was a bit stunned with his behavior. "You're having a relationship problem," he declared looking like he had just solved the million-dollar question as he pointed at Remus. He gave James a pat on the back at the same time, probably saying to agree with him.

"He's not in a relationship, you overgrown canine," James uttered, as he stood up to give Sirius a playful punch on the shoulder.

"Hey," Sirius said, starting to wrestle with his best friend.

Remus chuckled at the sight of the two. Then, he stood up and stopped them with a, "It's Lily."

James ceased messing up Sirius' recently-made up hair and looked at Remus. "What about her? I mean, well, uh, ahem, so, yeah, what's… up?"

Remus sighed audibly and then spoke. "Apparently, she likes Malfoy."

"Oh," James and Sirius uttered simultaneously.

"Yes," Remus said, nodding. "I heard him ask her to the dance. I can't believe it. I can't believe I didn't notice that she likes that guy," he added. And then he noticed that James was quiet all too suddenly. "What?"

"Uh, well, let me put it this way," James began, trying not to stutter.

Remus waited for James to continue but the way his friend stammered suggested only one thing. "You knew about it," he said as an affirmation rather than a question.

"Well—"

"Don't worry," Remus replied, waving a hand. "I'm not gonna take it against you."

"Oh, c'mon, Rem!" James exclaimed, giving Remus a firm pat on the shoulder. "It's not the end of the world! And you know what? Alexis Catalano suits you better," he added, mentioning the name of a Ravenclaw girl, who was his seatmate in the Defense Against the Dark Arts class and was constantly bugging him for information about Remus.

"Lily and Malfoy?" Sirius said, not quite believing what he had just heard. Then, suddenly, his face lit up just realizing something. "So, that's the reason why Lily didn't talk to you for a week!" he yelled animatedly. "You dissed her about Malfoy!"

"Oh great. You can put two and two together," James replied sarcastically. "That issue's over," he added putting a lid on the subject.

"The issue here is why do you care so much about who she likes anyway?" Sirius demanded. "You're not her _boyfriend_."

"No. I'm not," James affirmed. "I just – I just – she can do better than that."

"Who? Do you mean like _you_?" Sirius said.

James eyed him to be a _little_ bit sensitive especially that Remus was still in the room. To his contentment, Sirius got the message.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Sirius told Remus. "I'll go hit my head on the wall right now."

* * * * *

Lily was practically hopping down the steps from the girls' dormitory, apparently in a good mood. She walked to the portrait hole and saw Remus and Peter about to go out of the common room too.

She walked up to them and smiled widely. "Good morning, Remus," she said, nodding at Remus and then at Peter, "Good morning, Peter."

Peter smiled back and greeted her. "Mornin', Lily," he said, as he opened the portrait and went out.

Lily looked at Remus and was a bit surprised on how he behaved. Usually, he would not only smile and greet her back; he would also open the portrait for her. But that morning, all he gave her was a weak smile on his face, as he dragged himself out of the common room.

With a puzzled expression on her face, Lily followed Remus out the portrait hole. Outside, she saw Lucius leaning back on a wall, engaged in an eye-to-eye war with James, who was leaning against the wall opposite Lucius. James was waiting for Remus and Peter, while Sirius was busy talking with Toni.

Lily felt the sudden tension between Remus and Lucius – something that didn't usually happen between them since Remus kept away from Malfoy as much as possible. And what she didn't like the most, was the way Remus eyed Lucius as he passed him in the hallway.

Remus didn't even stop walking. "C'mon," he called to James as he continued marching straight down the hallway.

Lily looked at James for some sort of help… or explanation but the only thing she got from him was a shrug before he followed his friends.

She had to shake her head like she was expecting for something to rearrange in there. It was all too puzzling and all too sudden. She knew that they weren't very fond of Lucius. But to see that behavior from Remus, she didn't expect it.

She walked up to the guy waiting for her, putting aside all the questions in her head. "Lucius," she called.

Malfoy, who was following James and his friends with his eyes, shifted his attention to Lily only when he heard his name. "I'm here to walk you to the Great Hall," he said, his voice still that stiff emotionless tone but Lily couldn't help but accept the hand that he offered for her to take.

* * * * *

It was the big day in Transfiguration class. McGonagall's essay was due that day and all the students were rather sleepy since they had spent most of the night trying to finish the assignment.

McGonagall walked around the room and collected her students' essay one by one. After which, she placed the stack of parchment on her table and started discussing the advanced portions about Animagi. It was, in the simplest of words, heaven… for any teacher to be talking in front of the class with none of the students' buzzing suddenly rising in the air.

But the silence was so unusual. In the middle of her discussion, she stopped talking and looked at her class. She noticed them to be awfully quiet. It was almost bizarre. Then, she realized that most of the class were either half-asleep or just plain half-not in their bodies.

"Honestly!" she exclaimed. "What is going on with you today? It sure is nice having a silent class but I'd rather you buzz around while listening than just stare at me all day, without even understanding a word I say."

McGonagall looked around the room. Usually, the class was full of whispers and buzzing that were mainly created by James and his friends. But that day, they seemed to be not in the mood. As a result, everyone seemed to be affected by their gloomy attitude – the sleepy just went to half-asleep and the staring at nowhere just left earth.

Amidst McGonagall's speech, James looked around at his classmates' reactions. For a while, his eyes got fixed on Malfoy who was listening – or maybe suddenly pretending to be listening. Then, his eyes traveled toward Remus who seemed to be one of those who left earth. Another thing he noticed was how Remus appeared to be paler than usual. Then he realized that full moon was coming soon… and not later – like in two weeks time.

Then, his attention went back to the professor, when he heard her said something very undesirable.

"Alright," McGonagall announced, clapping her hands to get the class' attention. "Maybe this is because you have already known so much about the subject matter. So, we will have a little _graded_… recitation."

The class groaned in unison.

"Well, I suppose you've all done your assignment, haven't you?" McGonagall rebutted after the class finished their groan chorus.

And so it began.

She threw out her first question and Malfoy boasted his answer out loud even before everyone else could even think what the question meant.

Malfoy sneered at James and his friends when McGonagall complimented him with a, "Very good!" Then he turned to Lily who was looking at him, smiling.

_That was disgusting!_ James thought. And because of that, he decided to beat Malfoy in his own game. He answered the next question and the next one and the one after that – all even before Malfoy could even open a crack of his mouth.

And to Malfoy's dismay, he got all the answers correctly. Then, it was his turn to smile annoyingly at him. He looked over at Lily to see how she reacted. But even Lily appeared to be impressed that he didn't even pause to think of what to say the next. It seemed like he had memorized every single aspect of the subject matter by heart.

And to top it all, even McGonagall appeared to be impressed with him. "Well, very good, Mr. Potter," she said. "I wish you could always participate with much enthusiasm in my class."

James leaned back in his seat, satisfied.

* * * * *

Just about time for lunch in Great Hall. Who could sit put in hunger while waiting for the food to appear on the table? Lily.

Definitely _not_ James.

James entered the Hall and walked up to the Gryffindor table. He was on his way to the front end of the table when he saw Lily busying herself with the appetizers. And just like what that little mischievous devil in his head said, he sat beside her and started, "So, where's your lover?"

Lily smirked at him. "What's your point?" she questioned, a little defensive.

"Nothing," James replied, with a shrug. "I mean, you're eating alone. Just a bit curious."

Lily chuckled, puzzling him. "Here's what's curious, James," she began, pointing a piece of breadstick at him. "Transfiguration."

"What about it?" James asked innocently.

"No offense, but ever since day one, you didn't _ever_ take an assignment so seriously," Lily replied.

"It interested me. What's wrong with that?"

"Whatever you say," Lily answered in a singsong voice. "It just seemed like you've done research for a thesis rather than an essay."

James let out an audible sigh. "Well… that's how the world goes. Full of surprises," he said, as he stood up like he was avoiding the conversation. Before he left, he nodded at Vince who just arrived from class. "Hey," he greeted.

"Hey," Vince nodded back, before he sat down beside Lily.

"See you around," James told Lily before he left.

When James was surely out of earshot, Vince looked at Lily interestedly and said, "What was that about?" he asked her.

"Nothing," Lily replied. She took in a deep breath then added, "He hates Lucius and he's just trying to say it in different creative James ways."

"They're mortal enemies. What do you expect?" Vince replied, with a shrug, grabbing a piece of breadstick himself.

"A little maturity?" Lily uttered.

Vince snorted like what Lily had just said was incredibly laughable. "We're talking about James Potter here. Anyway, where's Toni?" he added, looking around.

Lily pointed to Sirius who was sitting with his friends at the front end of the table. At the same time, she caught Remus taking a glance toward her direction. Then, she just looked away and turned to Vince. "So… where's, uh, Kiara?" she asked, desperate to get the conversation going – or maybe, to take her attention off Remus and what James had just told her the night before.

Vince flashed a weak smile. "Gregory Carol is talking to her."

"Hey, cheer up, Stradler," Lily said, cheerfully. "He has a girl's name for a last name. It's not going to last," she added, looking at Vince who let out a light chuckle.

Just then, Kiara, with all smiles, walked up to them and sat opposite Lily.

"You look happy," Lily greeted.

"What makes you say that?" Kiara asked, unable to hide that smile across her face.

"You're smiling from ear to ear. It's pretty hard not to notice."

"Well…" Kiara began. "Gregory Carol asked me to the dance."

Lily, her head facing straight at Kiara, smiled then slightly bobbed her head toward Vince's direction.

Vince saw what Lily was doing that he had to suddenly deny. "Oh, don't, don't mind me," he told Kiara. "I mean, we agreed to stay friends."

"I, I know," Kiara replied shyly, suddenly getting uncomfortable of the situation. "And yeah, well…" she added, looking at Lily.

"So, you're going with Gregory?" Lily asked, trying to sound as casual as possible.

"I don't know," Kiara shrugged. "I mean, he's sweet and all… But not really someone I'd like to go with."

At the said of that, Lily couldn't help but look at Vince, with a smile across her face that seemed to be saying, 'see, I told you.' And Vince couldn't help but also snigger.

"Am I – am I missing something?" Kiara asked, curiously, suddenly feeling that her friends were hiding something from her.

And to Vince's delighted thought of Kiara thinking of turning down Gregory Carol, he looked at her and flashed a mischievous smile. And as if their minds were an extension of each other, Kiara realized what he was saying.

"Oh, that is mean…" Kiara told him, a smile forming on her face.

Vince suddenly became defensive. "All I'm saying—"

"Vince…"

"What?"

"Leave the poor guy alone."

"Okay, _I_ didn't call him poor guy," Vince uttered. He looked at Lily and insisted, "Did you hear me say that?"

And just like what Vince always did before, Lily stayed out of the conversation. "I'm not getting involved in that," she said, as she laughed at her two friends who were joking about a guy's name.

Poor guy.

* * * * *

James was within the crowd outside the Potions classroom, as the students squeezed themselves to get in, when suddenly, a hard slap hit him on the shoulder. He stopped and turned around to look at the offender. "Aw!" he complained, nursing his hurt arm. "Evans, what was that about?" he demanded, seeing that it was Lily who hit him.

"Emma!" Lily explained in one word. But apparently, he didn't get it, so she had to explain further. "Emma Creton. Remember her?" she continued. James apparently took the clue and was about to say something, but she didn't let him. "She hates me, Potter. Because of _you_."

"I – I tried talking to her," James replied, stuttering. "She wouldn't listen," he insisted.

"Well," Lily started again, raising an eyebrow. "Better make her and get _me_ out of the issue," she finished before she entered the room.

James was about to follow her when Malfoy suddenly appeared from behind him. He realized that Lucius had been listening. "Get out of my sight, Malfoy," he spat, like saying his name could give him an incurable illness.

But all Malfoy did was sneer that oh so annoying sneer he had ready for all the James Potters in the world. And then he left him and entered the room.

* * * * *

Vince cut off a caterpillar's head quite angrily that his Potions partner, James, couldn't help but notice. "Hey, take it easy," he said, as he put some leaves in the cauldron – which was filled with simmering potion – that was sitting in front of him. "You don't have to take it all out on that poor thing."

The class had been asked to pair off. And since Sirius was obviously with Toni, James and Vince ended up as partners.

They had been doing the day's potion for about an hour and all James was noticing was how Vince seemed to be preoccupied looking toward the table where Lily and Kiara were sitting. And that was probably what James was talking about when he told Vince to 'take it easy.'

Vince only glanced at him and went back to beheading a couple more caterpillars.

"She's with Malfoy now," James started. "And I hate to say this… really… _really_… not liking it… but she seems to be pretty smitten about him." He paused then continued, as if he didn't make it any more clearer. "And I mean… really… not liking it."

Vince stopped chopping the poor caterpillars and looked at James. "Are you talking about Lily again?" he asked.

"Who else could it be?" James replied, shrugging like it wasn't news to him that 'Vince likes Lily.'

Vince picked up the caterpillars and then tossed them all into the cauldron. "Don't you ever stop and think?" he began, finally making everything clear for James. "When Kiara and Lily are together – you see Lily. _You_ see me seeing Lily. And when _Kiara_, Toni, and Lily are together – _you_ see me seeing Lily again." He paused, looking at James' expression expecting some bulb to have finally lit up above his head.

But.

No.

Vince sighed audibly and then finally stated the supposed reason. "Seems to me you don't really see her as just another face in the crowd. Or just another girl. Maybe _you're_ the one who sees her as something more." He paused again and looked at James. This time, something in his expression said that there was some sort of realization was forming in that head.

Sort of.

"Cause I sure like her so much as only a friend," Vince continued. "I don't know about you."

No one spoke for a moment.

James was too taken aback by what had just been said.

Then, to release the tension, he forced out a laugh. "Me? Like Lily? I don't even have an idea why Remus has this… crush… _likes_ her."

"People don't like other people in the same ways, James," Vince replied with a shrug.

James, for once, was out of words.

Definitely, _out_ of words.

He looked at Lily, who was talking and laughing with Kiara. Then he realized, alright, maybe it wasn't Lily that Vince was looking at from the back of the room during Transfiguration. Now that it was pointed out to him, he realized that Kiara sat in the first row of the class – just about in front of Lily.

And how again could he miss that?

He leaned back on his chair and watched Lily. For the first time, he looked at her.

Closely.

And intently.

And tried to see what Remus or even Malfoy could see in her.

Alright, Lily was pretty but she wasn't really his type…

"N-no," James stammered, thinking of a valid and very good reason why he didn't like Lily. "I – I don't date _redheads_!"

Alright, that was deep.

Vince snorted. That was the shallowest of reasons that he had ever heard. "Now, _who's_ in denial?"

__

~*~*~*~

i can't believe you're the one for me... -- pj olsson, "ready for a fall"

i guess i would say that i want you to stay... cause you have this strange knack, adds a glow to my black as you chase it all away... -- sixpence none the richer, "i can't catch you"

Okay, so there was sort of a little bit… lots… of Malfoy and Lily here but, see, James is going crazy because of it…

Hmmm…

And if you didn't quite understand the way I wrote the sitting arrangement in Transfiguration in the previous chapters, it's like this:

front

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- Kiara

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- Lily --

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

-- -- -- Vince -- -- -- -- -- -- --

Yeah, something like that. If you draw a straight line from Vince to Kiara, it would pass through Lily so that's why James thought that he was looking at Lily.

Some readers are confused on why Vince suddenly liked Kiara when he liked Lily. Remember I never said he liked Lily – James thought it.

Alright, please review.


	14. Dreams

__

OH MY, JAMES IS STARTING TO FALL…

Alright, once again, thank you for all those who read my story and also those who took the time to submit a review. As I said in a previous chapter, it's nice to see some new names. And it's nice to see, too, those who continually submit a review.

Well, as you all know, Vince never liked Lily. So *deep breath* now that's clear. And in this chapter, that's already out of the question… because who likes Lily? *ahem* James Potter. At last. But, alas, he's still in denial but, oh well, you know that has to change sooner or later.

Okay, I've nothing else to say so I'm leaving you here to read chapter fourteen.

Oh, right, it's been a while since I did a disclaimer: Everything you recognize is not mine. They all belong to JK Rowling. BUT everything you don't recognize is mine.

So, that's about it.

Read and Review!

i'll never be all you want me to but that's alright... i'm gonna make you love me... i'm gonna dry your tears... and we're gonna stay together for a million years... -- the jayhawks, "i'm gonna make you love me"

~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN: Dreams**

It wasn't like James Potter took a sudden affection for Lily Evans. Alright, Vince pointed out to him that he might have been looking especially different at Lily but…

Did that really mean something to him?

The next day, just like every other student making their way toward the Great Hall for lunch, Vince and Lily were strolling along together after the History of Magic class – one that, among the four friends, only two of them were taking. They were engrossed in a conversation about the lesson they just had when Lily saw a figure approaching them – or her.

"Uh, Lily?" Emma greeted, quite toned-down compared to the previous times that she confronted Lily. Her expression was so calm that it was almost apologetic.

Lily could understand why Emma might very well wanted to strangle her because James hadn't actually sat down and talked to Emma about their recently doomed relationship. And she couldn't really blame James' ex-girlfriend for acting the way she did.

"Uh… hi," she greeted back, flashing a smile.

"Look," Emma began. "I – I want to apologize about my attitude these past couple of days," she continued, having a hard time looking Lily in the eye. But she managed to do it anyhow. "I realized James is just really such a jerk," she added with so much genuine feeling.

_At last, James had finally cleared things with her_, Lily thought. So, her days of being the constant recipient of Emma's hateful glares were finally over. "Uh, well… that's okay," Lily replied, thankful that things were already clear with her and Emma.

"Alright," Emma chirped cheerfully, smiling widely. "I guess I'll see you around."

"Yeah," Lily answered.

After waving goodbye, Emma turned around and threw her arms around a guy, from Ravenclaw, who was waiting for her.

Well, then, part of her cheerfulness might have been because of the fact that she found herself a new guy. But that was besides the point.

Lily was actually glad that James had finally shown a little maturity when unexpectedly, she saw him behind the shadows, just by the corner of the hallway near the entrance of the Great Hall. And just as suddenly, all the things she thought of went straight to the 'things that James could never be' part of her brain.

Nope. He didn't change at all.

She saw James kissing with Sarah Cramer. They were partly hidden from view, but apparently, people could still see them.

Lily had to roll her eyes. She elbowed Vince lightly and pointed to where James and Sarah were making out. "Great," she groaned. "I actually thought James talked to her," she said, with an obvious disappointment in her voice. She wanted to bump her head on the wall for even thinking for one second that James could do something as remotely mature as 'hey, let's just make things clear' kind of discussion. Because, well, from what she was seeing that moment, he couldn't.

Apparently, James made it clear to Emma that he wasn't interested in Lily by going ahead kissing another girl… say, Sarah?

"This is hilarious," Vince suddenly snorted. Lily turned a confused look at him and he was all too willing to explain. "I told James the real thing is that he likes you and he goes kissing another girl," he confessed.

Lily's eyes widened in surprise. For a second, her feet couldn't move, like they were glued to the floor. Good thing Vince noticed how struck she was and stopped walking.

Lily opened her mouth to say something but for the next five seconds, all she could come up with were 'uh – wa – I' and then finally, a deep breath. "You – you told what to whom – who likes – what?!" she exclaimed. They were almost gibberish but by the look of amusement in Vince's eyes, her friend apparently understood what she just stuttered.

Vince had to chuckle as he almost dragged her toward the door of the Great Hall. Lily refused to get into the Hall until after he explained what he just said, but to at least wait until they were seated, he said, "It's a long story."

* * * * *

Alright, so they did a little tug-of-war at the entrance door before Vince finally promised-to-God-hoped-he-died-if-he-didn't-tell-her-the-whole-story kind of thing and at long last, lead Lily into the Great Hall and toward their seats at the Gryffindor table.

The food were already served and Vince took the reason of being too hungry to remember and tell the story but Lily grabbed his plate away from him and made him choose to be too-hungry-and-die-instead if he didn't tell her what was going on.

So, what else could Vince do but to tell his friend about his conversation with James during the Potions class they had. He told her about how he said James might like her and that now James was trying to prove him wrong by getting a new girlfriend – not Lily, of course.

Vince was just ending his story when James, with an arm around Sarah's waist, passed them by.

James, not missing Vince's presence at the Gryffindor table, smiled at him – so widely, it appeared to almost rip his skin – as if to imply 'look, I don't like Lily because this girl is whom I like' and nodded to say hi.

When James and Sarah had finally walked past them, Vince turned back to Lily and said, "I told you."

"Um, Vince?" Lily started, her eyes narrowing by the second. "That issue's been killed – dead – buried – a long time ago. It's probably decomposed right now," she blurted out in a thousand words per second, if that was possible. "I don't think he's proving a point. He's just being James," she added. And as if the subject matter couldn't be forgotten just like that, she added then, "Period."

Vince shrugged. Where did Lily get the idea that he was trying to resurrect some decomposing rumor? He cleared his throat and leaned closer to her as if about to share some kind of top secret. "Lily, why are you being so… shall I say, paranoid? About all these?" he asked, rolling his eyes before flashing a look of innocent curiosity at her.

"I'm not being paranoid about all these," Lily replied, mocking Vince's tone. "All I'm saying, is – I'm with Mal—"

"You're with Malfoy," Vince interrupted, as he reached out for a piece of chicken leg across the table. "I know that. But all _I'm_ saying is that, James," he said, pointing his chicken leg to that person sitting with a girl, whom he implied to like, "he's the one who likes you this time around. And _the_ issue that's been killed -- dead -- buried -- along time ago," he added, mimicking the tone that Lily used a while ago, " is the fact that you," he continued, now pointing his food at Lily, "_used_ to have a crush on him. Now, _that's_ a different thing from him liking you," he finished, finally taking a bite out of his food.

Lily groaned. "Honestly!" she blurted out as she rolled her eyes. "What is your point?"

"That he likes you!" Vince declared using the simplest words possible. Maybe, Lily would be able to understand that somehow?

Lily sighed audibly. Well, she didn't know what else to do. "Why do you make me suffer through this little theory of yours?"

Vince shrugged. Now that he thought about it, he actually didn't know why. The only thing he knew was that he wasn't appearing to be the least convinced on James' behavior. He just shrugged, feeling that yup, James Potter was in a state of denial.

* * * * *

__

James didn't know where he was. Everything around him was hazy and he couldn't see clearly the place that he was in. But even though everywhere he turned, all he could make out were layers of mist and clouds, only one thing was very clear to him.

He saw Lily running. He didn't know to where or from what but all he knew was that she looked afraid. He couldn't just see her, he could feel what she was feeling. She was running through what seemed like an endless tunnel – a loop.

He wanted to reach out to her, but it seemed like she couldn't see him. All he could do was watch her run away – from what? From whom? He felt a sudden pang of hopelessness, knowing that he couldn't even call out to her, he couldn't touch her and make her feel safe.

Then, the next second, he realized that he was standing in the middle of a forest. He could still see her running, still looking afraid… then because of tiredness, she stumbled down to the ground. He wanted to go to her and help her but he felt that she was out of reach.

But the next thing he knew, he was holding her. He was holding her and he could feel her arms gripping tightly around him. And at that moment, he could feel her. He could feel her finding some sort of comfort in him. So, he held her tighter…

And in a flash of a very bright white light, he saw Vince standing in front of him. And beside him stood Lily. She was clothed in a beautiful white flowing dress. He looked at her, and she looked back at him, smiling contentedly.

Then the dark came back, someone grabbed Lily away by the hand. To his dismay, she willingly went to him.

Him.

He knew it was a him. And even though he tried to look at the face of the intruder, he couldn't see who it was. But he knew… he was sure that it was Malfoy, sneering at him.

Malfoy and Lily ran away from him. And not thinking for another second, he ran after them. His heart was racing with pain and anger for many reasons but mostly, because Lily gladly let herself be taken away from him.

He kept running and running. And for a while, he wondered where was he running to. They were gone. He couldn't see them anywhere. He looked to his right, his left, he turned around and tried to see two figures running… but alas, he was alone.

And everything inside him was just filled with emotion. He raised his head to the heavens and shouted with anger.

His eyes opened and all he could see was the moonlight shining through the windows. At that second between dream and waking, James swore he could still feel the anger from the way Malfoy swiftly took Lily away from him. At that second, he felt it all to be too real.

He made out his surroundings and realized that he was in his bed.

It was all a dream.

He took a deep breath.

It was just a dream.

But still, he could feel his heart racing.

He couldn't feel the frustration anymore.

But still, he lay in his bed, not moving, feeling his heart slowing down.

For a while, he stared up at nothing. Then slowly, he drifted back to sleep.

__

James was standing in a dark, cold, empty place. He looked around. He couldn't see anything. He couldn't hear anything.

Then, just when he thought it, he heard a woman's laughter. He didn't have to see who it was. He knew that voice. It was Lily. Her voice was not too distant from where he was standing.

He turned around to find where she was. He only had to curse himself for doing so because, when he turned around, he saw her…

With Malfoy.

They were walking towards him. But it seemed like Lily couldn't see him. It was only Malfoy who was looking at him in the eyes. And when they were about three feet from him, they stopped. And Malfoy looked at him in ways that could only be translated into saying that he lost.

James lost.

What?

He lost the game of winning her.

Lily.

Then, just like a sudden flash of lightning, he could see Malfoy gripping Lily tightly. And at that moment, Lily was reaching for him. She was all of a sudden afraid of Malfoy near her.

But Malfoy would not let go.

He tried reaching for her but a blinding bolt of lightning pierced through the sky. And the next thing he knew, they were in front of the altar.

He looked around. All was white. Everything was serene. And this time, it felt quiet… pure… safe. He looked to the person standing beside him and she looked back at him. She smiled and looked at him straight in the eyes.

Then, without any hesitation, he leaned down and his lips met hers.

He could feel his lips on hers and he realized that it wasn't just any kiss, there was something else there that he couldn't point out. Lily's kisses were different… they felt… real, full of emotions. It wasn't like with the other women he kissed. Lily's kisses made him feel…

Vulnerable.

And yet, he wasn't ashamed of it.

Lily's kisses were…

Perfect.

And then, their surroundings slowly melted around them. The color of white swirled in the background and rearranged itself. They were still kissing. This time, they were in a room. And James slowly laid her down on the bed…

He sat up. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes to convince himself that he was finally awake. This time, it wasn't only his heart racing not from anger, but from the kisses that he shared with Lily. His hands were shaking and the harder he tried not to think of what just happened – or what was going to happen – in his dream, the more the scenes flashed through his head.

He looked around, as if someone else had seen his dream. And he tried even harder this time to push the thought out of his head. It was almost embarrassing that he was thinking about…

Kissing Lily Evans.

Lily Evans…

Lily?

Lily…

Li – ly…

He took a deep breath and tried to compose himself. It was five-thirty in the morning but he didn't want to go back to sleep anymore. All he could think of was that if he went back to sleep, it might be Lily… kissing him. And him… kissing her… and loving it.

He didn't know what else to do that he started cursing Vince for making him think about her that way. He stood up. Maybe the idea would be washed off him once he took a shower.

And so, he dragged himself into the bathroom and decided to get ready for school – at least, take a shower; and do the uncommon – study for his Charms exam.

__

~*~*~*~

hello darkness my old friend... i've come to talk with you again... because a vision softly creeping... left its seed while i was sleeping... and the vision that was planted in my brain... still remains... within the sound... of silence... -- simon and garfunkel, "the sounds of silence"

Yikes, that was some dream. I know it was kinda confusing. Well, that's what dreams are supposed to be, right? Look at James. He's, uh, confused.

Okay, enough of that. So what do you think?

Tell me.

Push that little button below ↓ that says 'GO' and say it – well, write it.


	15. Emotions

__

REVISED CHAPTER FOURTEEN!

Yeah… just that part where Lily and Vince were 'arguing' about James liking Lily. It isn't much but still, I invite you to check it out.

Also, I added something in chapter twelve. Because I said that the last time Lily called James by his last name was when she got really furious. Well, she's been calling him Potter lately and she's not really angry. I just added that because of the argument they had, Lily got used in calling him Potter.

So, before I let you read chapter fifteen, I'd like to thank all those who reviewed my story for the past two chapters:

Kimmi

Andufeniel

mutsumi

Sayo

cRaZiiBuM316

KrustyB

Bloody Faery Wings

azura436

Little House Girl

Enelya Tulcakelumee

heavenly182angel

Sita

Lamina Court

CassieOwls

moozy

Frankie

seriously

Michelle

just commenting

Lily's Guardian Angel

Okay, warning, this chapter might make you go crazy for certain reasons that you'll find out when you've read it. I suggest just go with the flow and don't be afraid to wonder. Or get angry, whatever suits you.

i go to my room and i close my eye... i make believe that i have a new life... -- everclear, "wonderful"

~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN: Emotions**

One would say, it definitely could not take _that_ long to study for a short exam. But with James' case that morning, well, it could.

Several – seriously several – hours ago, he sat on a chair and opened his book in Charms. Alright, so despite his being a little naughty every now and then, he wasn't Head Boy for nothing. He was pretty good in academics but Charms wasn't really something he knew by heart.

After a hundred and so positions, the sun had already risen and he was still staring blankly at his book. He flipped the pages from time to time… and then he would flip them back again, realizing that he didn't understand a thing he just read.

The clock kept ticking and still he wasn't himself. One time, he yelled at his book, "Dammit, what are you trying to say?!" using the highest decibel his voice could go that might possibly very well wake up the whole dormitory.

Peter sat up in his bed, quite startled of the sudden thunder of James' voice. Lost for a while, he waited for his mind and vision to clear up. Then, he saw James was sitting at the desk beside his bed with both hands desperately on his head. "_What_ is the matter with you?" he demanded, with eyes still half-closed.

James glanced up at Peter. "I'm trying to study for Charms," he replied, going back to his book.

"Well, it hasn't talked back to you, has it?" Peter said sarcastically, apparently annoyed that his sleep was just interrupted by James' insane yelling; before he went back to sleep.

A couple of hours later, Remus and Peter had gone down to eat their breakfast. They had Charms as first period that day and both of them left James still staring into space, although he had fairly absorbed something that would get him by through the test.

It was fifteen minutes before first period and he had finally given up on studying. But, he was still having that out-of-body experience and somehow, his line of vision was focused on Sirius, who looked like even an earthquake that could destroy the whole of Hogwarts wouldn't be able to wake him up.

Suddenly, Sirius stirred in his bed, and saw James absent-mindedly looking at him. "What are you doing?" he asked, yawning. He stretched his arms while waiting for a reply, but when he got no answer, he looked at his friend again. "Hey, James!" he yelled.

James shook his head and realized that someone was calling his name. "Huh?" he mumbled, now _consciously_ looking at his best friend.

Sirius smiled mischievously, quite amused by this state that his friend was in. "Were you staring at me?" he said, mocking a seductive tone.

"No…!" James denied firmly, flashing a disgusted look on his face. "I was lost in thought and my head just happened to be facing towards you."

"Well then, stop it," Sirius muttered. "I'm trying to sleep and you, staring at my half-naked body, is uncomfortable," he joked, indicating that he was only wearing a pair of boxers, as he kiddingly pulled up his blanket to 'cover' himself from James' 'stares.'

James put down his book, stood up and picked up the pillow under Sirius' head. And then, playfully threw it hard at his best friend.

"Hey!" Sirius complained.

"That's so perverted, Black," James commented as he went for the door. "And, if you remember, we have Charms test today," he added as he held the door open, leaning against it. "And it's ten minutes before class."

And as fast as a lightning, James' statement registered in Sirius' brain. "What?!" he suddenly yelled, as he tried to scramble out of his bed. "Ten minutes?! James, you are such a friend!" he exclaimed, hurrying to his closet, while cursing his friend. "You were _staring_ at me that whole time and you didn't even bother to wake me up?" he demanded.

"You're demented," James said, shaking his head. "Say that _one more time_, and I'm telling Toni you're fantasizing about me," he kidded. "I'm going ahead," he said with a chuckle as he closed the door, leaving Sirius wrestling with his uniform.

* * * * *

It wasn't like it would make a big difference if Sirius were on time for class. He was pretty good with the course and he could probably finish the test in half the time.

Somehow, it took him longer than usual to get dressed, probably because of panic. When he arrived, the students had already started their exams. Good thing their professor was not very strict when it came to punctuality during exams. He didn't care what time the student came in as long as the papers were passed at the end of the period.

Sirius entered the room fifteen minutes late, while still struggling with his robes. His tie was dangling from his pocket, which he planned to put on after the class. He passed by James who smiled annoyingly wide at him. And as a reply, he smirked at him.

Then, he approached the professor with an angelic and apologetic look on his face that anyone would laugh if only they weren't busy with their exams. "Professor, I'm – I'm sorry—"

"Oh, oh, Mr. Black," the professor replied, handing him a piece of parchment, which was the test, while motioning his other hand for him to shush. "Sit down, sit down and take your exam," he said.

With that, Sirius took the parchment and took his seat.

"You have until the end of the period only," the professor reminded him.

"Alright," Sirius nodded.

As was said, Sirius was pretty good with Charms and the test was pretty easy. But he had a late start so by the time most of the students were through with their exams, the only students left were him, Kiara, James, and a few other Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs.

After a while, though, James finally finished his test. He passed the parchment, and before he went out, he passed by Sirius. "See you down in the grounds," he whispered.

They did not have classes for second period that day just like many of the seniors and some of the sixth and fifth graders. They preferred it because all the lower classmen were having their classes and that meant that the school grounds were pretty much bare.

And everywhere during that time was perfect for cramming for exams – aside from studying in the library.

Or doing, like what they were planning to do that winter morning – play like five-year-olds in the snow-covered school grounds.

After a couple of minutes more later, Sirius wrote the answer to the last test question then placed his parchment on top of those that were now stacked on the teacher's table. And quite excitedly, he strolled out of the room.

About ten minutes before the end of first period, it was Kiara's turn to pass her parchment to the professor.

* * * * *

Since it was freezing outside, Kiara decided to go back to the common room in order to sit by the fireplace and feel some actual warmth in her. She walked out of Charms classroom and was sauntering down the hall when she saw someone, she hadn't talked to in a while, lurking in the halls.

She crossed her arms and smiled. "Hey, look what we have here," she greeted. The hall was very much deserted as the other students were still having their classes so it was pretty much clear that she was only talking to that person.

Sirius, that someone that Kiara hadn't talked with in a while, looked up. He walked up to her slowly with a smile playing in the corner of his lips that it looked almost like a sneer. "Kiara," he greeted back, raising an eyebrow.

"It's pretty unusual to see you without Toni," Kiara uttered. "You're barely talking to me anymore," she added, in a tone like they had never seen each other for years. Well, just like she said before, Sirius had been serious being with Toni lately.

Sirius chuckled lightly, looking quite amused. "Well, she's not gonna go anywhere, is she?" he said, as he gazed at Kiara from head to foot.

Kiara blinked. She was a bit surprised by what Sirius just said. But she tried to hide it, assuming that he was just in one of those crazy moments. "Yeah? I think it's the other way around," she teased. "Cause last time I checked, _you_ are so into her," she joked, although most of it she knew were true.

Sirius was now towering Kiara that she had to raise her head up in order to see him eye to eye. Then, without taking his mischievous gaze off her, he stepped a little closer to her that she had to step back from him.

"What's the matter?" he muttered under his breath. It was almost inaudible, but the way he was standing close to Kiara, every word he said was clearly heard. "Suddenly you don't like me near you?"

Kiara didn't know why but she was starting to fear her situation. "Sirius," she mumbled, her mouth going dry. "What's gotten into you?" she demanded as the tone of fright in her voice rapidly becoming evident.

Sirius stepped even closer to her. And as an instinct, Kiara stepped back to keep away from him. But she found herself leaning back against the wall.

She looked around hoping to find someone or maybe hoping for someone to find her.

She looked back at Sirius and flinched when he ran a finger through her hair. "Sirius, you're scaring me," she confessed, her voice shaky.

Kiara tried to push him away but to no avail. Sirius even pressed her back to the wall with his body and started smelling her hair.

"Sirius, this is not funny!" Kiara shrieked, now in a panic.

Sirius put a finger on her lips and shushed her. "Admit it. You're jealous because you didn't get to have me," he said, whispering in her ear. "Guess what?" he chuckled, apparently taking pleasure out of her fear. "I'm making your wish come true."

And without any warning, he leaned over and kissed her, pushing her back to the wall.

When Kiara tried to fight him, he grabbed her hand and gripped one of her arms so tight that it would surely leave a mark.

Kiara pushed him back again with no luck, which just apparently fascinated Sirius even more. He pressed harder against her and started kissing her on the neck while she was desperately trying to get him off her.

"Sirius, cut it out!" Kiara yelled at the top of her lungs, hoping that somebody would be able to hear her.

And with luck, just then, Chloe, a fellow Gryffindor who just finished her exams in Charms, saw them after hearing Kiara's cry. "Hey, what's going on?" she demanded, running to them.

When Sirius heard Chloe, he stopped. But instead of running away as fast as he could, he looked at her – or maybe, he wanted her to look at him – as if wanting her to remember his face. And when he saw the expression on her face that seemed to tell that she knew who he was, that was when he slowly walked away.

Slowly.

His pace didn't even increased a bit.

When Sirius finally let go, Kiara broke down out of fear, anger, and confusion. She didn't know what just happened and how it happened. All she knew that she didn't feel so violated by anyone before. She was crying so hard that she let herself drop to the ground and sat there, where Sirius left her.

Chloe ran to Kiara's side, perplexed herself on what occurred in that hallway. She knelt down beside her, not really knowing what to do or what to say. "Are you alright?" she said, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder.

* * * * *

Kiara somehow got to her feet and marched to where she originally wanted to go. She barged into the common room, trying to hide that she couldn't stop crying. She planned to go straight up the stairs into the dormitory but since the common room was almost empty, her friends heard her and saw the look on her face.

"Kiara?" Lily called. She stood up from her seat in front of the fireplace and looked at Kiara with apparent concern in her eyes.

Vince and Toni – who knew that Sirius was hanging out with his friends that day so she didn't bother trying to spend time with him that morning – were sitting beside Lily. They looked up when Lily suddenly stood and called their friend's name in a very worried tone.

Kiara tried to ignore Lily and pretend like she didn't hear her. But Lily quickly ran to her and held her back. "Kiara, what's wrong?" she said, as she sat her in a chair by the corner of the room.

Vince suddenly stood up. It was something when Kiara would burst in complaining about her life. But it was definitely… _definitely_ different when she would come in with eyes red and face blotched with tears. _That_ was something else. "Kiara, what happened? What's wrong?" he said, trying to catch her eyes.

Kiara didn't look back at him but at Toni. "It's – it's…" she hesitated.

"It's Sirius," Chloe, who followed after Kiara, continued, feeling that Kiara was having a hard time recuperating from what just happened to her.

Toni all of a sudden was appearing to be getting confused. "What? What about Sirius?"

Chloe was uncertain at first if she would tell what was in her mind. After all, it would be her word against probably all of them. "I know this sounds unlike him…" she trailed as she took a deep breath. "I saw him harassing Kiara after I left Charms. He – he had her pressed against the wall and – and he was kissing her."

Toni's eyes suddenly widened. She couldn't believe what was just said. Sirius? _Her_ Sirius? "What?" she choked, her voice cracking. "Are you… kidding?"

"Toni," Kiara started, looking up to her friend and gazing into her eyes for her to know that she was telling the truth. "I don't know what's gotten into him—"

"Huh!" Toni exclaimed. "This is insane—" she wasn't even halfway through her sentence when she saw Kiara's arm red with hand marks, where Sirius had gripped her. She still didn't want to believe it but those marks were not ordinarily gained from simple touch of a hand. It had to be a pretty tight grip. "What – what did he do to you?" she asked weakly, as she knelt in front of Kiara, looking straight into her eyes.

Kiara hadn't even opened her mouth to answer Toni's question when suddenly, Vince stormed out of the room without even saying anything.

But one thing was for sure.

He wasn't very pleased.

"No, wait!" Toni called. She was still struggling to get up to her feet when she heard the portrait swung shut. "Vince!" she called to deaf ears, following her friend outside.

* * * * *

As was the day before, the whole Hogwarts school grounds were covered with thick snow. And what better way to pass the free class period than to play in the snow like there was no tomorrow?

James, Remus, Peter, and Sirius were scattered amongst the wide snow-covered land enjoying their winter activity of throwing snowballs at each other.

And out of nowhere, Vince came marching out of the castle. His face flashed a look like he had never been so angry in all his life. It almost seemed like he was a different person. He didn't even slow down to give way to the other students who were partly in his way. He just kept walking blindly to one direction.

And with fists firmly closed, he knocked Sirius hard on the face.

He didn't even blink or flinch. He just stood there as Sirius knelt from the sudden blow that was unreadily received.

"What was that about?" Sirius demanded as he stood up.

When Sirius was back to his feet, Vince gave him a hard push and pointed angrily at him. "Don't you _dare_ touch her again!" he shouted like the harder he said it, the more it would sink in Sirius' head.

They were apparently already making a scene that Sirius' friends started to gather around them.

"Okay, what's going on?" James demanded, holding up his hands to tell that he wasn't trying to make any more trouble.

Vince, now aware that there were other people around him except for that sick bastard who was standing in front of him, turned to James and yelled. "Your – your twisted friend—!" he couldn't even finish giving his reasons because of too much anger building up inside him. So, he turned back to Sirius. "You don't get near Kiara _ever_ again," he muttered, trying to calm down.

Sirius held his face where a bruise was starting to form. "What did I do?" he asked quite innocently, flashing a look of confusion.

Vince couldn't believe it. It was one thing that this person just violated the only person he loved, it was another thing that he denied it. As a result, it only amplified his anger even more, and one more time, he sent a hard punch on Sirius' face.

It could be said that he was defending himself that Sirius hit Vince in the eye just a split second after he was punched himself.

A brawl broke out between them. And this was when James tried to pull Sirius out of the fight. And Remus, on the other hand, tried to pull Vince from the scuffle.

James and Remus were having a difficult time separating the two when Toni came running to them. "Stop it! Stop it!" she screamed, trying to squeeze herself in between Vince and Sirius. And this was when, finally, the two fighting schoolboys let themselves be pulled out by James and Remus. While Peter stood between them, with his hands spread sideways to keep a safe distance between the two.

"Alright, that's enough!" James commanded in a furious yell when Sirius tried to struggle free from him.

Toni looked at Sirius and for the first time, she felt afraid of even looking at him.

Sirius' eyes were boring on Vince's angry ones. And when he finally realized that Toni was looking at him, all of a sudden his expression became calm. He looked at her with confused eyes.

And this appearance only perplexed Toni even more.

What really happened?

She didn't know.

And she felt that she didn't even want to know.

__

~*~*~*~

you say that you're happy... well you should know better... -- five for fighting, "white picket fence"

What was that about?

Hmmm…

I hope you didn't get confused. Just go with it… the answers are coming soon…

Meanwhile while you're waiting for the update this weekend (I promise), don't be shy… submit a review! :)


	16. Sirius' Silver Lining

__

OKAY, WHAT'S GOING ON?

Well, basically Chloe saw Sirius did something horrible. But, then, what really happened? Well, it's pretty obvious actually, some of you have said the reason. But I'm not really here to do detective stuffs. I can't write something like that. I'm just deprived of the capability. I'm more into the psychological aspects of people.

So here I am uploading another chapter, hoping that you will like it.

Another thing, sorry about not really having an L/J aspect of the story in chapter fifteen. The thing is that chapters fourteen and fifteen used to be included in one chapter only. That's what happened when I decided to divide the chapters to make them somewhat reader-friendly.

Anyway, before I let you read this next part of the story, I'd like to thank all of you who read and reviewed my work.

mutsumi

cRaZiiBuM316

moi

Andufeniel

sarahpeach

Sita

Sayo

Emerald-Eyez

Kimmi

Lamina Court

Hermione101888

parselmouth majere

Okay, I'll leave you now to read.

if you look into my eyes then you should know... that you have nothing here to doubt... nothing to fear... -- rivermaya, "214"

~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN: Sirius' Silver Lining**

Because of the fight that broke out between Vince and Sirius, both of them were sent to the headmaster's office right after James cut off the scuffle.

While they waited for Dumbledore, James decided to call on Lily to the Professor's office as well, for the first reason that she was Head Girl but then more so because her friends were involved. He left Vince and Sirius in the office with Remus and Peter just in case fists started flying again. While Toni was nowhere to be found since she walked off the school grounds after the brawl ended.

The first place that he thought of was the Gryffindor tower. When he found no Lily in the common room, he decided to try the girls' dormitories. He knocked several times but there was no answer. So, he assumed that nobody was in the room.

Then, he tried the Head Prefects Room. There was no Lily there either. The room was basically dark and empty, aside from the cluster of stars that he recently put up in the ceiling.

He scratched his head going impatient. Something very wrong had happened and he was expecting _her_ to be the first one to come hunting for him like a vicious predator.

So he dragged his feet towards the library, hoping to find her there. Well, bottomline, he couldn't think of anywhere else she could be. And when he turned the corner into the hallway to the library, he found her at last.

He didn't exactly know why but he felt the necessity of slacking his shoulders, rolling his eyes, and sighing audibly like life had just ran out of him. But then, he suddenly straightened up and flashed a serious, almost dignified glare when the person Lily was talking to looked up at him.

Lily turned around to see what was Lucius looking at. She saw James standing at the end of the hallway with crossed arms like he had been glaring at her back to send some sort of sixth sense signal. James' eyebrows were furrowed as he remained in his place, as if waiting for her to go to him.

And so she walked to him, with Lucius following her from behind. "What happened? Where's Vince?" she asked James, when she reached him.

"They're…" he trailed, as he glanced at Malfoy who was glaring at him. He couldn't help but feel some sort of… _negative_… feeling toward him at that moment. A strong, _negative_ feeling. There wasn't much time to ponder on what kind of negative that was. He was there for about something much more important. "They're in Dumbledore's office," he replied, trying to keep his eyes _only_ on Lily to send off the signal that Malfoy wasn't exactly welcome in the conversation.

And with that statement, James signaled Lily to follow him to the Headmaster's office.

All the way there, he tried to ignore the presence of Malfoy amidst the two of them, him and Lily. But when they finally reached the statue outside Dumbledore's office, he couldn't disregard it anymore. It was something the Head Boy and Head Girl were concerned, not really something of Malfoy's. So, why the heck was he following them still?!

Lily, now the one ahead of all of them, was about to go up the staircase headed to the office when James stopped her. That was because Malfoy decided to invite himself over by _still_ following her. "I don't think he should be here," he called from downstairs, just as Malfoy was about to take the first step of the stairs.

Lily stopped and turned to look down at James. But she wasn't able to say anything as Malfoy talked first.

Malfoy also halted and stepped his foot back down on the floor. Then, as stiff as his body could be, he turned his whole self in perfect swift motion to face James. "Why?" he asked, narrowing his eyes. "I'm a prefect, too."

James snorted thinking that _that_ was ridiculous. "_I'm_ Head Boy," he said, quite proudly. "And this doesn't concern _you_," he added as harsh as his tone could do.

Malfoy snickered sarcastically. "Don't be so full of yourself, Potter," he spat.

"Don't try me, Malf—"

"James," Lily called pleadingly. She wasn't in the mood to be the referee between Lucius and James again. "Just let him come," she said.

For a split of a second, James looked surprised, disappointed, angry, and hopeless at the same time. _What?!_ He rummaged through his thoughts in order to find some sort of reason that this person in front of him, who was acting like some arrogant jerk, wasn't the least invited. "But this doesn't concern hi—"

"Stop your whining," Malfoy cut James off. Then, he looked up at Lily and said, "I'll see you later."

"Alright," Lily nodded. And then she continued climbing up the stairs, expecting James would follow her.

But before Malfoy marched away, he turned to James with a sneer plastered across his face. "You'll never have her," he said in a taunting whisper.

"And just what are you trying to say?" James uttered, using the same spiteful tone as Malfoy's.

Malfoy shook his head. Who would've known that even _he_ knew what was bubbling inside James' head? "You're so oblivious, James," he replied. "Have I done anything to you lately?"

"Get out of my sight, Malfoy," James pronounced irately, but at the back of his mind, Malfoy was sort of… right. Nothing had happened between the two of them lately, especially because of the fact that Lily would finally kill him if he did something seriously – but pleasurably for him – wrong against Lucius.

But Malfoy only looked at James with a plain and simple expression on his face like he just won the argument. "You're not angry with me because I'm here. You're angry because she wants _me_. And. Not. _You_," he concluded, before he sauntered off, leaving a quite dazed James behind.

For a while, James stood beside the statue at the bottom of the staircase, wondering why in world everyone kept insisting that he had some sort of feelings for Lily Evans. Well, he couldn't do anything about that now. Although he had this yearning that for a split second, he could see what the others see of him just to know what was it he kept on doing to send off that kind of impression on people.

* * * * *

About ten minutes later, Dumbledore entered the office and was quite astonished by the number of students in the room. He took his place behind his table and looked at all the students in his room – James, Sirius, Peter, Vince, Remus and Lily – before he sat in his chair.

"A fight between two students, I hear?" he started. Even if no one had said anything to him, by the looks of Vince's and Sirius' bruised faces, anyone could guess. _Especially_ the headmaster.

No one really answered his question. It was Sirius taking a quick glance at Vince and Vince shooting back an angry glare was enough for the headmaster to nod and assume the obvious. But still, he wanted to hear the truth out of them. "Ms. Evans?" he asked her first.

"I – I – I – I don't – I'm not really sure what happened," Lily answered honestly. She tried catching Vince's eyes but maybe because of embarrassment that he refused to look at her.

Dumbledore nodded and then turned to James. "Mr. Potter?"

"Well," James started, then he gestured at Vince and continued, "he knocked him over out of nowhere—"

"He assaulted one of my friends!" Vince exclaimed, interrupting James. Why in the world would he expect the best friend to side with him?

But Sirius, unfailingly consistent with his defense, spoke up. "I swear I didn't do—"

"Someone _saw_ you!" Vince insisted, getting angrier by the minute, as he pointed to Sirius with a furious scowl on his face. All these denying wouldn't lead to anything. "Kiara came in the common room crying out of fright. And it wasn't just her who saw you, Black! Another person was there!"

"Now, now," Dumbledore's voice suddenly rose above them, as he gestured his hands for people to calm down. "Mr. Stradler, there's no need to raise your voice," he reminded.

Vince stopped, remembering that he was in the presence of the school's headmaster. "I'm sorry," he apologized, as he tried to regain his cool.

"Professor," James called. "Look, I dunno what Vince here thinks what happened. All I know is that Sirius was with us the whole time."

"That's the truth," Sirius said with an almost desperate sigh in his tone.

"Yes, that's right," Remus affirmed.

Peter would have said something of the same thought but Lily wasn't someone to be stopped or interrupted when talking. Really.

"What?!" Lily exclaimed, right after the last syllable escaped Remus' lips. Everyone in the room looked at her. She was unable to contain herself from all these conspiracy happening amongst the four of them. "I've known my friends – Kiara – for seven long years and I know when they're lying and when they're _not_!" she exclaimed.

And this time, as usual, it became between James and Lily. "I'm just telling you what I know," James muttered, sounding rather hurt that Lily would imply that he was lying.

Lily looked at him in the eye and shook her head. "James, this is insane," she muttered, almost in a whisper. But that hint of disappointment across her face was nothing to be missed.

But before something escalated to anything worse, Dumbledore controlled the situation. "May I ask where is Ms. Thompson?" he asked, wondering where Kiara could be.

"She's in the dorms," Lily replied. "She doesn't really wanna talk right now."

"Ah," Dumbledore expressed, nodding. "Now, I see the wrong cannot be blamed on anyone right this moment," he declared.

"I didn't do it," Sirius suddenly uttered, insisting his innocence, feeling that something Dumbledore would say next wasn't going to be pleasant.

"Stop it," Vince muttered through gritted teeth.

Dumbledore waited until everyone was finished exchanging conflicting views at each other. Then, when they finally fell silent, he announced the decision that he had reached. "Detention," he said. One word said everything – misery. "For the rest of the semester. Both of you. I'm not going to tolerate any kind of violence in this school while I'm headmaster."

Both Vince and Sirius groaned but Lily _just_ couldn't believe what kind of decision Dumbledore made. "That's it?!" she demanded, almost forgetting that she was talking to the Headmaster.

"Ms. Evans," Dumbledore muttered in a sigh. "Until I have a talk with Ms. Thompson, I'd have to keep it that way," he said with finality that Lily, although wanting to retaliate what he had just said, chose to keep quiet. After all, he made sense.

* * * * *

Lily marched off to the Head Prefects Room after the meeting with Dumbledore. And although she looked like she wanted to cut somebody's head off, James decided to follow her – just in case.

She barged in the door with so much frustration and infuriation at the same time. She couldn't even take a seat and just fidgeted in her place as she stood in the middle of the room.

James, knowing that she would burst out anytime, closed the door gently and waited for her to yell, shout, cry, or whatever suited her. He didn't exactly want to greet her anger with any wrong words or move.

And at last. "What?! Was _that_?! About?!" Lily finally yelled, looking at James like he could give her all the answers to her questions.

"_I _didn't do it, okay?" James retaliated. "Why are you so mad at me?"

"I'm angry not just because some sick bastard harassed a fellow student while I'm Head Girl. But it matters more when that student was one of my best friends and that sick man was _your_ best friend, James Potter!" she exclaimed, pointing at him. Afterwards, she let out a long audible sigh of exasperation.

James ran his hand over his face in frustration. Lily was angry and it wasn't that kind of anger that she usually showed him – the kind of anger when he knew he could appease her. Because this time, it was different. It was something that he knew he wouldn't be able to control.

He stepped through the room and sat by the study table, facing her. She was still standing restless, too worried and angered to even sit down.

"How many times do I have to tell you?" he began again. "Sirius was with us the whole time."

Lily stopped pacing and faced him. "Ar – are you calling Kiara a liar? How 'bout Chloe?"

"Well, are you calling _me_ a liar?"

Lily opened her mouth to answer but no words came out. No, she didn't really want to believe that he would lie something about that serious of a matter. And out of hopelessness, she threw her arms in the air and dropped them down in complete exhaustion. "I dunno what to think anymore," she said, finally. Her voice was so weak that James wouldn't be able to hear her if the room wasn't as silent as it was.

James stared at her. He wanted to feel what she was feeling. He wanted to absorb whatever worries she was having. He stood up and suddenly felt the urge to hold her tightly…

Maybe like in his dream—

"James," Lily called him back to earth.

"Huh?"

"What – what are you doing?" Lily asked, her eyes under knitted brows. "Are you even listening?" she demanded.

"I am," James replied in a flash. "Lily," he began, as he involuntarily reached for her hand. Maybe he just had a habit of doing that. It was like reaching for her hand was the very key to making her feel calm or safe or just plain relaxed. "Look, you can't be the whole school's savior." Lily pulled back her hand just as sudden but he continued anyhow. "You may be the Head Girl but it's not your role to assure that Hogwarts is completely safe."

"I'm just – I dunno," Lily muttered. "I know what Sirius did was very much out of character but," she looked up straight into James' eyes as if she could find some answers in there, "it was him, James."

At that moment, for once, James saw Lily in her most vulnerable state. He recognized that feeling – from his dream. And at that moment, he wanted to feel that vulnerability in him too.

Out of nowhere, he felt like wanting to lean over and kiss her…

But of course, he couldn't be thinking of such things in the worst time possible.

"I have to go," Lily said, interrupting his thoughts.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm gonna be late for class."

"I'll walk you there," James offered. But when he tried to hold Lily's hand, she pulled back just as fast.

"No, I'll be fine," Lily replied.

James was taken aback. It wasn't the fact that she refused his offer nor the fact that she pulled back her hand. It was the _way_ she made him let go of her. Something inside him felt like sinking as he came to some sort of realization. "Are you… are you afraid of me?" he asked, not knowing if he should be hurt or sad.

Maybe she was. Maybe she wasn't. But the fact was she didn't answer his question. "I said I'll be fine," she insisted, instead. And in a hurry, she left the room.

* * * * *

Vince and Sirius were in the Hospital Wing, lying in the complete opposites of the room – farthest from each other. A curtain was charmed to float in the middle of the room to divide it in two and to also block their views of each other. The nurse believed that it was healthy that they wouldn't see each other during their stay.

No one had really visited Vince yet except when Lily came in Dumbledore's office. He didn't know about Sirius' state. Well, heck, he didn't wanna know. For all he knew, he wanted him to be as hurting as hell and for his face to swell up like a giant tomato. But he knew that he saw James, Remus, and Peter came in to visit a few minutes ago.

Although both Vince and Sirius insisted on leaving, part of their punishment was to stay that night and the night after that in the Hospital Wing. And worse, the nurse was instructed not to use any magic at once in order for them to live with their bruises for at least one day. Again, it was part of their punishment – aside from the detention that they were sanctioned with for the rest of the semester.

As Vince was frowning to himself, while he nursed his bruises, he saw movement at the door. He looked up and saw Kiara came in, followed by Lily.

"Hey…" Kiara greeted him with a comforting smile.

Vince bowed his head. He was embarrassed that Kiara would see him with his appearance – bruises and all. "Kiara. Lily," he muttered.

Kiara sat beside Vince. "I heard what you did. Lily told me," she said. She gave Vince's hand a soft squeeze, like saying it that it was alright, whatever he had in mind.

Vince flashed a weak smile. "Are you okay?" he asked her.

"Are you kidding?" Kiara chuckled, trying to cheer him up. "You're the one with a swollen face. I should be asking you that."

"I'm fine," Vince reassured, despite the blacks and blues on his face. Then, he noticed somebody's absence. He turned to Lily and asked, "W-where's Toni?"

"S-she's back in the dorms," Lily replied, with a sigh. "She still can't believe it but she said she might come visit tomorrow."

Vince nodded, understanding the situation. He sighed audibly, somehow, having that trace of regret in his expression. "I – I dunno what has gotten into me," he said, shaking his head, looking like he was playing the scene in his mind. "I guess I was just really angry."

"Hey… if anything what you did was…" Kiara began. She looked at him with eyes that seemed to be smiling. "I knew you did it for me and I just want to say thanks for caring," she said. It was the most honest her words could come close to what she was feeling. If she tried any more, she'd probably end up digging down to her subconscious. "It's – it's sweet…" she uttered, not helping but to smile widely, as she looked straight into his eyes, assuring him that everything that she was saying was the truth. "Although… you must promise me you won't get into any kind of trouble again… not like that," she said, pointing at his bruises.

Maybe it was concussion… or something of that sort that made him process Kiara's words a little slow, but it took Vince quite some time to register in his mind what she had just said.

_It was sweet._

Vince smiled. He looked like all the stress he was feeling had just been lifted from his face. Well, if he didn't have all that bruises on his face, it would look like that…

"I promise," he replied, after a while later.

* * * * *

As requested by Lily, James called for a Prefects meeting the next day. The meeting was short. In fact, it was only about her expressing her concerns about school security and she didn't even give James a chance to talk. As a result, the meeting adjourned with Lily being all paranoid asking every Prefect to pay attention on their houses a little more closer. Well, the words were around the 'watch out for anything suspicious or potential wrongdoers' type of words so, yeah, she was being a lot worried.

And just to show that she was dealing with the issue calmly, she added the topic about the souvenirs that the students would be taking home with them from the ball. And to James' much dismay, Malfoy volunteered to assist her and Lily _willingly_ accepted that he went looking with her that coming weekend in Hogsmeade.

Nothing more was said. And so after which, Lily closed the meeting.

James didn't waste even a fraction of a second as soon as the words 'you may go now' escaped Lily's mouth. "Are you sure you don't need any more help with the souvenirs?" he asked, his tone was more like 'you need me!' rather than asking innocently.

But Lily didn't waste any time either.

To decline.

"It'll be okay, James," she answered. "Lucius and I can handle it."

James involuntarily twitched at that – Lucius and I – it was like a chant of cursing someone into the pits of hell. He looked at Malfoy who was waiting for Lily by the door. He didn't turn away until Lily walked up to Malfoy and reached for his hands.

She walked _to_ Malfoy.

Was he dreaming?

No.

What was it was, it was like his dream.

But, no, he couldn't be angry. He couldn't be jealous. Because he insisted that he didn't have the least of any romantic feelings for her.

Besides, Remus might put him next to Sirius in the Hospital wing if he found out that he was making the moves on Lily. Well, actually, Remus had not been talking about Lily. He didn't know but he was guessing that his friend had been moving on in his own but still… he needed that fact that Remus liked her – even if it was getting old – to keep him from thinking more about Lily.

And so, as a cure, he convinced himself that he was just severely irritated with Malfoy. That was it. He tried to plant it into his mind that it was the only reason that he felt so goaded that a nice girl like Lily was so into… Malfoy. Ugh!

* * * * *

"I can't believe he's still insisting himself to you," Lucius declared, as he and Lily walked the hall outside the classroom that they just had a meeting in.

"He's just – he's just being nice," Lily muttered. It might have sounded that she was just convincing Lucius. But at the back of her mind, she knew, somehow, that she was telling the truth.

"Being nice? For what? To compensate for what happened?" came Lucius' reply in a disbelieving tone. It was hardly recognizable from the way he always let out his words in a stiff voice. But since Lily had been spending time with him for quite a while, she caught that tone. "I already told you to stay your distance from them. They're all disasters waiting to happen."

Lily sighed audibly. "Please let's not talk about this right now."

"Stay away from them as much as possible," Lucius uttered, warningly. "I'm telling you, one day you might be the one who's going to get hurt."

Lily looked at him. And somehow, she felt that his petty disagreements with James were being taken too seriously. She could see the anger in his eyes. And to a certain degree, although she tried hard not to show it, it scared her that he might be capable of hurting her, too.

* * * * *

That night, Sirius sat in his bed just wasting the time away. His bruises were almost gone – thanks to whatever foul-tasting medication that Madam Prenny was making him drink.

He was eating his dinner when much to his great surprise – and probably joy – he looked up and saw Toni walked in.

Quickly, he put his dinner aside and stood up. As Toni approached him, he looked at her with eyes of helplessness, almost pleading, begging. "Toni," he said the words with a voice that sounded like he missed saying it so badly.

But all Toni did was walk toward him, successfully trying to look indifferent, with arms crossed. Suddenly, Sirius realized that she wasn't there to comfort him or tell him everything would be alright.

And for a brief second, they stood three feet from one another, just looking at each other.

"That hurt?" Toni broke the silence, pointing at Sirius' black eye. "I hope it did."

That was it.

_That_ was probably the statement that couldn't hurt him much more than even if he was hit by a thousand blows.

And from the look of helplessness, he shifted to hopelessness and desperation. "Toni, listen—" he paused. He didn't really know what to say. Heck, what would anyone say at times like these? And so, he went back staring at her, waiting for her expression to calm down and show him some kind of sign… sign that would say she would take him back.

"I'm listening," Toni stated in a shrug, when Sirius stopped talking. "What have you got to say for yourself?"

Sirius looked dead straight into her eyes. It was almost hypnotizing, her eyes, but he refused to turn away. If he was going to prove something to her, he wanted her to know that he was telling the truth. And eyes couldn't lie. "Toni, I swear it wasn't me," he said.

If he wouldn't turn away, it was Toni who declined to look him in the eyes. "Sirius, I've heard that," she muttered, looking down to the floor. That was probably the safest direction her eyes could be. "James. Remus. Peter. You have a bunch of really loyal friends."

Sirius sat back in his bed; frustrated that Toni didn't even have any second thoughts about it. Her tone seemed to say that she had made a decision. _The_ decision that he hated to imagine.

And then, after another moment of silence, Toni finally looked up at him. Water was starting to fill her eyes as she unfailingly held it back. It wasn't the time and it wasn't the place. She had to remain as strong as possible. "I want to believe you, Sirius," she began. "You don't know _how much_ I just want to believe you. But people saw you. And you, just denying it repeatedly will not make things right."

"What do you want me to do?" Sirius pleaded. He wanted to reach for her so badly. But he didn't even dare to touch her because, apparently, she was keeping a good distance away from him. "I didn't do—I _wouldn't_ do anything like that. You know me, Toni."

Toni regained her declining composure. But still with teary eyes, she voiced out her final words as stiff as possible. "Then _prove_ it."

She looked at him for a brief second more. Then, after which, she left, not even uncrossing her folded arms. Because she felt that if she let them go, she might break down.

Sirius cursed himself for not being able to make her believe him. He stared blankly at her walking away. But then, he realized that she didn't say anything about giving up on the two of them. He saw it – his silver lining. He realized that she believed him – and the only thing that he really needed to do was to prove that she was _supposed_ to.

__

~*~*~*~

i can't believe this pain... it's driving me insane... without your touch... life will be lonely... -- breathe, "hands to heaven"

don't call me... don't write... don't show up in the middle of the night... you know that we needed... some time and space to breathe in... -- sozzi, "letting go"

*Breathes deeply* Okay, that's a pretty long chapter. It took me somewhere like four hours to write that and I really hope you like it.

So, what are you waiting for? Review! :)


	17. A Potter's Belief

__

TSK TSK TSK…

Late. Very late.

I'm sorry for the delay. I went to the movies to see X2 and was still hung over it when I got home that I really didn't have the right state of mind to write. You should see it, by the way.

Anyway, what's done is done and I've done chapter seventeen!

Oyeah… you're all getting a wee bit irritated with Malfoy and Lily. You know what, James feels the same way. So, you're not alone. Heehee…

Basically, it's all going to build up inside him until he finally burst – or maybe find out something despicably unforgivable.

Alright, before anything else, I'd like to thank the following people for submitting a review:

angkat14

KrustyB

mutsumi

moozy

parselmouth majere

Andufeniel

princessflowerchild

Lamina Court

Hermione101888

cRaZiiBuM316

Reader4Life

hpgwfan

SpiritedPhoenix

So, I've been late in updating as it is and I've nothing else to say so why don't I leave you now and read.

Don't forget to review!

i miss you... i need you... without you... i'm stranded... i love you... so come back... -- plumb, "stranded"

...what i wouldn't give to see your face again... -- savage garden, "i don't know you anymore"

~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: A Potter's Belief**

Sirius opened the door into the Great Hall like a battered soldier renewed to his strength. His bruises were completely gone now. In other words, he looked just like brand new. Except maybe… what was inside him. He stopped for a moment scanning the whole room – looking for someone… but _she_ wasn't there. All he received were students who paused from eating their lunches to take curious glances at him.

He was so sure that the whole of Hogwarts was already talking about him or about what happened. Although inside he believed that he was innocent, he knew that different versions of stories had already come fluttering around. And he wasn't about to give in to that by hiding.

With James, Remus, and Peter beside him, he braved facing the whole student body just the day after _the_ incident happened. And then might as well brave the walk.

"You even dared to show your face," a voice suddenly hissed from behind.

Sirius turned to look and saw Malfoy had just entered the Great Hall. He flashed a hateful glare and spat back. "Well, _you_ dare to show yours for the past _seven_ years…"

Malfoy raised his eyebrows tauntingly at Sirius, completely unaffected by what had just been said. Then, before he sauntered off, he shook his head and smirked like he was looking at someone so pathetic and miserable.

Sirius ignored him.

Completely.

But someone else was dangerously affected.

James gazed at Malfoy walking away. And he wondered how someone could be such a wretched insipid, pale-headed, son of a—

_Lily?_ His thoughts were disrupted.

His eyes widened as he saw Malfoy walked to the Slytherin table – to Lily… to Lily who was sitting at the Slytherin table!

And for some reason, he couldn't help but be infuriated, annoyed, irritated, aggravated, goaded… and more what-have-you feelings of same sort. He had to force himself to look away. _Look away, James._ And it took him a hell lot of effort to do so.

In the meantime, Sirius saw Toni sitting in her usual place – usual place with her friends. He caught her eyes but she avoided his gaze. While Vince, seeing him, chose to look down on his food and tried to compose himself.

"I've been thinking," Sirius began, as he sat down in his seat, by the front end of the Gryffindor table. "There's magic to change your appearance, right? To make you look like some other person?" he asked in a very anticipating voice.

"Yeah," Remus answered quite softly. He was looking rather weak that day. And he would probably get worse as he frequently got sickly. "I know that," he continued as his tone livened up a bit. Then he knitted his eyebrows and said, "I – I forgot what it's called."

"It's a potion, I think," Peter joined in. "I saw it once while researching, uh, Transfiguration."

Sirius nodded. "Yeah. Just what I thought," he muttered. "You know what? I think someone's trying to ruin me," he concluded with much confidence – the only feeling he knew he should be having right then. Because he couldn't afford to be unsure. He couldn't afford to be uncertain of the answers that would bring him back to _her_.

The others nodded in agreement with Sirius. All except for James. He was busily… lost in thought, staring at his glass of pumpkin juice.

Sirius elbowed him gently, trying to get his attention. "Hey."

"James, why are you staring in space lately?" Remus asked innocently. He didn't know what was going on in that mind. He wasn't even sure if he could take a good guess at it. All he knew was that. That every single time they were remotely on the subject of their affiliation with Toni and her friends, James was… out there.

James snapped out of his trance and looked at Remus quite reluctantly. That kind of way like he was trying to hide something. He shrugged and took a drink of his pumpkin juice. Probably when he pretended to be busy eating, he wouldn't be too obvious that he was avoiding his friend's gaze. "N-nothing," he replied, shaking his head.

* * * * *

It was quite a sight in the library. Only if students could actually see James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter together… in the library… looking serious and busy…

Reading.

But since the students didn't have anything much to do with the place because paper assignments were pretty much finished, only a few were able to get a view of the four school mischief makers buried in piles and piles of books.

Sirius bugged his friends all afternoon about his little theory and the other three gave in and went with him to the library to do some serious research. They were occupying a long table in one corner of the room near the potions section.

They had emptied almost a third of the books in the shelves, as these were all stacked on the table where the four of them were seated.

And about half an hour – and several volumes – later, they were still searching. But Remus, feeling sickly as he was, was already tired and decided to rest his eyes for a while. So, he folded his arms on the table, hunched down and laid his head on his arms.

While James was sitting _on_ one end of the table, facing the window, feet on a chair, and the book that he was scanning was on his lap.

Peter, on the other hand, arranged a row of chairs so he could stretch his legs while reading.

And Sirius… Sirius was apparently getting tired but he was too far from giving up. He was sitting by the other end of the table opposite James, leaning on one elbow, his hand supporting his head while he was flipping the pages of the book with his other hand. He wasn't about to give up. Not then… not ever…

And then, as if some light of elucidation shone on them, Remus suddenly woke up from his 'nap' and sat up – quite startling the quiet that had surrounded them for while. "Polyjuice Potion," he blurted out looking like he was talking in his sleep, as his eyes were still half-closed. His friends looked at him with puzzled expressions. And when he realized that they didn't exactly get what he was talking about, he did some short explanation.

He ran a hand across his face to wipe off his tiredness. "It's the Polyjuice Potion," he continued through a yawn. Actually it was more of a yawn that sounded like 'it's the Polyjuice Potion' than the other way around. "I told you I knew it. I just forgot what it's called," he said.

And then stopped there…

Leaving his friends hanging on what he was talking about.

"Well?" Sirius asked quite impatiently.

"It's Polyjuice Potion," Remus repeated like saying the same sentence over and over again would make any difference.

Sirius' eyes widened in utter impatience. Remus was starting to drive him crazy. "Well, how does it work?" he finally questioned.

Remus scratched his head and rolled his eyes. "How am I supposed to know? I'm not the one holding the books," he said, holding up his empty hands.

Sirius sighed audibly, realizing that his friend just made a point. And so, he stood up and started searching through the indexes of the books scattered across the table – with the help of his friends, of course. Then, in a matter of less than two minutes, he found it.

_Polyjuice Potion._

Printed so clearly like it just stood out from the multitude of subject lists.

He sat back down and laid down the book in front of him. Then, as quick as he could, he leafed through the book with the pages almost ripping apart.

With that, Remus, unable to fight his tiredness by the minute, went back to eye-resting; James stepped down from the table and sat properly in the chair where he had his feet on; and Peter sat straight.

All of them waiting for Sirius to find what he was looking for.

"Polyjuice Potion," Sirius whispered to himself after he slowly turned the page to reveal the words that he was searching for. And by himself, he read through it while his friends were looking at him with much anticipation in their faces – well, except for Remus cause he wasn't actually looking at him.

"Oh… that's gross," Sirius suddenly spoke, with a face that seemed to be all disgusted and sour.

"What?" James and Peter asked excitedly in unison.

But Sirius wasn't actually paying attention to them. Bottomline, he began talking to himself. "Who is someone so _low_ to drink a potion composed of _these_? That is just… _disgusting_!" he couldn't be more in touch with what he was feeling right then. Every word he said expressed his very thought on what he was reading.

"Sirius, what are you talking about?" James asked him, trying to bring his friend back who seemed to be lost in his own little world.

"I can't believe this. This is so sick," Sirius continued talking to himself. "One moth to make. Lasts an hour. Who could've done this?" he asked… himself.

"Sirius!" James yelled, that got him his best friend's attention – and the librarian's glare for that matter. "What's going on?"

"It says here it needs the essence of the person you're going to transform into," Sirius finally replied. "My essence?"

"What does that mean?" James asked.

"Essence… I – I don't really know," Sirius replied.

"Maybe something that belongs to you," Peter joined in. "Have you been missing anything lately?"

Sirius thought hardly for a while… and then shook his head no. "Not that I know of." Then he read through the page again. "It doesn't say much. It only lasts for about an hour and…" he trailed as he flipped the page. "That's it," he said quite exasperated. "What am I supposed to do with that information?"

"Well whoever it was, was probably lurking in the halls during Charms or some time before the class period ended," a voice suddenly interrupted their 'thinking' silence.

The three looked up and saw Remus leaning back on his chair – awake again.

And when his friends just stared at him like he was the weirdest looking person on the face of the planet, Remus protested, "What?"

"_How_? In the _world_? Can you _think_? While yawning and being half-asleep?" Sirius asked as he shook his head in astonishment.

"He's Remus," James answered the obvious. Basically, Remus had always been the thinker of the group. "Don't try to understand."

"Wait," Peter interrupted. "Don't you think you're just jumping into conclusions too fast?" he asked, earning him the all too puzzled look from his friends like saying, 'are you with us or not?' "All I'm saying is that this is a little far out. It's a lot of trouble making a potion for a month and then… it only lasts for an hour."

Sirius leaned back in his chair, knowing that Peter had a point. His friend was right that brewing a potion as powerful as this just for its effects to last for only an hour was almost… incredulous. In fact, it was completely ridiculous. But still…

He stood up and grabbed the book. "Well, I have no choice but to believe it," he declared, as his face slowly turned into a guy-with-a-mission expression.

He checked out the book from the library. He was getting closer to patch everything that was broken… the trust, the relationship, and himself. He lived in a world where the impossible could happen. And what just he had in that book _wasn't_… impossible.

Alone, he headed for the door. His friends knew better than to follow him. He had to do this by himself.

And when he was a couple of strides from the exit, the most despicable human being, in his opinion, appeared before him.

"Oh, you're holding a book," Malfoy mocked him. Sirius was the first person he saw as he stepped into the library. "That's something new and quite interesting," he added, earning him a hateful and full of rage glare from Sirius.

Sirius didn't give him the satisfaction. He had more important things to do than stand there and engage in an ill-mannered exchange with Malfoy. So all he did, aside from his defiant stare, was to straighten his coat and then walked past him. But not missing the chance to hit him _accidentally_ with his shoulders.

Malfoy took a slight step back to keep his balance. And with his icy glare, he followed Sirius until he disappeared out of his sight. "Tsk. Mudblood lover," he muttered to himself, before he continued walking into the library.

* * * * *

There was really nothing else to do. They had already found the potion and at that point, all they were hoping for was that it would be enough as proof that Sirius didn't do anything wrong. Although everything seemed to be farfetched, Sirius was right, there was no choice but to believe it.

After his best friend left, James went ahead. He couldn't just wait in the library and do nothing. He needed to take a walk – just to think or to clear his mind.

He surfaced from their corner and was about to go out the door when he saw – who else but – Lucius Malfoy. He slowed down his pace to see if he was with Lily. He just realized that he suddenly missed her. He hadn't talked to her the whole day. Heck, he barely saw her that day. And he was sure that it wasn't just by chance, it was by choice – by Lily's choice.

So far, all he could see was Malfoy's back on him. Then, from slowing down, he had gone to a full stop. Something dreadful was just about to happen and he could feel it.

Malfoy was alone. Lily wasn't with him. And though the sight of it was like a breath of sanity – that Lily wasn't with Malfoy – he felt this would be a hard slap on the face.

He stared as a girl looked up from the book that she was reading – or pretending to read – and smiled. She stood up and walked toward Malfoy who looked like patiently waiting for her.

_What the hell is this about?_ He thought to himself. He couldn't quite decipher who the girl was but he knew it _definitely wasn't_ Lily.

His muscles felt like they froze from sudden shock when the girl reached for Malfoy and started fiddling with the collar of his shirt. This girl was flirting and it was apparently very much welcomed.

James wanted to look away but he couldn't get himself to turn the other way around like nothing was happening. And after another second, he wasn't sure, but he could swear the girl was about to kiss Malfoy. He could puke his guts out right then and there but the issue here was different. The bastard was cheating – _that_ was the issue.

Without any hesitation, he stared harder like he was about to bore a hole in their heads. But instead of doing the dreadful deed, he realized that the girl only whispered something in Malfoy's ear. Then she took a small step back and looked up at him.

He almost lost his balance when he realized that the girl was gazing straight at him. But now that he could clearly see her, he finally recognized her face.

A girl from Slytherin.

_Slytherins…_

It was Narcissa.

Malfoy turned around to see who Narcissa was looking at. And what greeted him was James' angry glare. But, lo and behold, he didn't even show the slightest expression of guilt. He gestured Narcissa to stay put; and with all the arrogance on his face, he even managed to walk up to James with the nerve of looking straight into his eyes. "Potter," he hissed. "Are you going to create trouble?" he mocked.

James put his hands in his pocket. If he didn't have enough self-control, he would've knocked out Malfoy right then and there. "I'm onto you, Malfoy," he uttered threateningly.

Malfoy looked at James like he was talking to an unreasonable man. And then, with a roll of his eyes, he sneered ever so widely. "My pleasure!" he declared so confidently.

"What kind of crap are you playing?" James demanded getting infuriated by the minute. He caught Malfoy cheating and used it as a threat against him and all he could say was 'my pleasure?!'

But Malfoy just savored the moment because for him… "I have her dancing in the palm of my hands, Potter," he said. And both of them knew that he was talking about Lily. "She's not going to go anywhere. And definitely not to _you_," he snorted.

James blocked his way when Malfoy tried to walk past him. "If you hurt her—"

"I will never lay a hand on her, Potter," Malfoy said. And the tone of his voice, although full of deceit, was clear that he meant what he said – literally. "Never. _Lay_. A hand," he repeated. Then, with a snicker, he touched the back of his hand on James' arm to shove him aside – out of his way.

James shook Malfoy's touch off him. That was it. He had to do something. If it would mean something drastic.

* * * * *

James angrily walked down the hallways. It was annoying enough to look for someone who seemed to couldn't be found anywhere. It was very disturbingly maddening when he was all frantic.

And as he got nearer and nearer to the Slytherin tower, he finally found who he was looking for.

He grabbed Snape by his collar and pushed him against the wall.

Snape was apparently taken by surprise by this attack from out of nowhere. But he managed to keep his cool. He chuckled, with an amused expression on his face. "Potter, I don't do men—"

"Shut up!" James demanded. He wasn't there to play jokes. "I'm going to ask you one straight question and I want one straight answer."

"That's quite nice," Snape replied. "But I don't really entertain queries by persons who hang me against the wall."

James pushed him harder against the wall to further imply that he wasn't there to play games. "What do you know about the attack on Kiara? Who's behind it?"

Snape snorted like it was the most ridiculous question he had ever heard. "I believe that's between two promiscuous Gryffindors. I refuse to have anything to do with them."

James was getting frustrated. This Slytherin was definitely hiding something and he wasn't gonna go anywhere without getting answers. "You're lying!" he exclaimed.

Snape was getting upset himself. He really didn't appreciate being pushed to the wall against his will. "Get your filthy hands off me and you'll get answers!" he yelled. It wasn't a plea. It was an order.

But James wasn't really listening. "Let me put it this way…" he began. And with some stooping just to get what he wanted, he brought up the fact that he rescued him from plunging into his death when they were younger. "I saved your life once before—"

"I do not recall asking for you to do that."

"Answer me!"

"Why are you so interested?" Snape replied, instead. "This doesn't concern you."

"Yes. It does," James insisted.

"The world doesn't revolve around you, Potter. Get over yourself."

James finally got tired of it. Obviously, he wasn't getting anywhere with Snape. And partly, because he knew that on another time, maybe this really wouldn't concern him. So, he let Snape down but he was still utterly blocking his way.

Snape straightened his shirt and continued his little speech, "Unless it's starting to affect you… I suggest you do the same as I do – sit back and enjoy the show," and then he left.

James took a while before Snape's words sank in. He realized that he couldn't just watch everything unfold around him. It was affecting him… in a lot of ways. Maybe he couldn't figure out the very reason – or perhaps didn't want to admit it – but the situation was definitely upsetting him.

He was aware that his conclusions were biased. But it was better to be safe than sorry.

* * * * *

Sirius hurried into the common room. He was clutching the book in his hand as if he was afraid that somebody might just grab it away from him. He searched the whole room and found the person he was looking for sitting with her friends.

That was probably the hardest thing he had to do. Muster up his courage to face a group of people who didn't exactly think favorably of him.

And so, he took a deep breath and took his strides toward them – Lily, Kiara, Vince, and… Toni.

He was only half way to them when Vince saw him and stood up.

Vince's face looked like he was ready to attack, as he glared at Sirius threateningly.

"Toni, can I talk to you?" Sirius called. And although he felt their eyes boring on him, he kept his position.

Toni stood up and held Vince back. "It's okay," she said to him.

"I'm not going anywhere, if that's what you're saying," Vince replied through gritted teeth. And so, Toni let him stay standing behind her.

Sirius didn't want the agony to lengthen. He knew why he was there and he wasn't going to waste any more time. So, he held out the book he checked out from the library and said, "I have proof."

"A book?" Toni asked. Her eyes showed the hint of frustration she was feeling. She wanted Sirius to be innocent. But a book to prove it?

And although he read the expression on her face, Sirius opened the book to the page of the Polyjuice Potion and then handed it to her.

Toni read through the page as Sirius waited in complete anxiousness. But it didn't really do much. "I – I don't understand," she said, shaking her head.

"Toni, someone tried to frame me," Sirius explained.

"Wh-why? H-how?" Toni stammered, getting confused by the minute. She handed back the book and the puzzled expression on her face showed.

"I don't know why and I don't know how," Sirius confessed in a hopeless tone. "I don't know… All I know is this," he said, holding up the book.

Toni looked at him, expecting the answers, the truth, the way to trust him again. But with so many questions in her mind, she didn't know whether to believe him or not.

And Sirius knew it. He read it through her eyes. And it was hurting him that _that_ was the best thing he could do – a book. "You don't believe me," he said, putting into words what Toni had in mind.

Toni opened her mouth and tried to say something. She wanted to say so many things. She wanted to say the words that could, for some reason, make him feel… not like this. Not miserable. But her mind just wouldn't let her form the words. And nothing came out.

Sirius took a deep breath and looked up to the ceiling. He didn't know what to do. The person that he loved most was standing right in front of him and he couldn't even reach her. Maybe they were tears welling in his eyes but whatever it was, he didn't stick around for them to find out.

And without saying another word, or even taking another glance, he up and left the room hurriedly. It was too much to bear. She, the distance, the coldness, the winter in the well-warmed common room. There had to be some way. There just had to be.

* * * * *

James lay in his bed. It had been three hours since practically everyone in the whole of Hogwarts was dead to the world. He had been staring at the ceiling for the longest period of time having a hard time to create some sleep.

He sat up in his bed and looked around him.

Peter was already murmuring in his sleep.

While Remus seemed to need sleep most. He had been so incredibly tired lately.

And Sirius… he was cuddled up in his bed in a fetal position. It almost looked funny if his situation wasn't so tragic. And James would've laughed so hard like he never did before when he saw him trying to hide his eyes that were red and all blotched. Apparently, he was crying. It would've been classically hysterical.

But James knew better. He knew that Sirius had always the soft side but that was the first time the he had acted that way about losing someone. He couldn't understand that – feeling so miserable just because of a girl? Who could feel _that_ bad? He had been in more than a couple of relationships and he never actually _cried_ after a breakup… that… that, he swore, would never happen to him…

* * * * *

The second the professor uttered the words 'you may go,' James stood up and ran to the classroom next to his. The students were all rushing out of the classroom that his heart beat faster by the second; trying to find the person he was waiting for.

Yes, he was waiting for Lily. Lately, she had been very hard to find just to talk to. And that morning was all the same.

When the last student exited the room, he panicked. He stepped back and peered through the crowd all around him. And even with his tall stature, he craned his neck to cover as much area as he could. Where could she be?

He would've missed her if that fiery red hair didn't catch his eyes. He moved hurriedly through the crowd, squeezing himself between people. "Lily!" he yelled, calling her.

He didn't need to call again as Lily heard him calling. She turned around, finding the person who called her name. Then, she saw James emerged from the multitude of students in the hallway.

He greeted her with a weak smile. But it all faded just as sudden when he saw Lily crossed her arms – like she was shielding herself… from him.

"What is it?" she asked him.

James hesitated for a moment. Clearly, she wasn't comfortable being around him. She couldn't even look at him in the eye. "Can – can I talk to you?" he said, simultaneously trying to catch her gaze.

But Lily just looked down on the floor, or around, where she didn't have to look at him. "Uh, I have class and I've tons of homework to do… so—"

"Later after class," James insisted.

"But—"

"Please?" James interrupted again, as he clasped his hands together and practically begged.

Lily sighed audibly. James persistent was James never going to stop. "Fine," she replied with a shrug.

"Great," James breathed a sigh of relief. "Head Prefects Room. Later…" he trailed off when Malfoy suddenly appeared from behind him and stood himself beside Lily.

Malfoy impishly raised his eyebrows at James, matching a sly grin on his face. He was obviously enjoying the moment.

James glared at him. And glared at him _harder_ – that Malfoy would've been swallowed in spontaneous combustion if only he had the ability to do so – when Malfoy put a hand on Lily's shoulder. He wanted to strangle him… but that would complicate things much more and, basically, he would be at the losing end knowing that evidences were weak.

He nodded at Lily to say bye and then intentionally bumping into Malfoy, he walked off.

* * * * *

James waited uneasily in the Head Prefects Room He had been waiting for five minutes but it seemed like he was walking back and forth in the middle of the room for hours.

Lily had not been in the room since their argument. And he was bothered by that fact. As much as he wanted to deny it, he missed her presence every time he entered the room. Now, when he entered, all that greeted him was the darkness and the hearth that would magically awake when someone came into the room. More so, it was bothering him to know that she was afraid of him. She didn't really admit it but he felt it.

After a few minutes, the door opened. He stopped pacing and looked at her. "Lily."

Lily closed the door and walked toward him. But still, she kept a safe distance between them. "So, why are we here?"

"Can't we just talk?" James replied casually. "I – I missed you," he added, trying to sound _more_ casual.

Lily scratched her head and let out an audible sigh. "I'm fine. Thank you," she said, trying to imply that she didn't know where the conversation was going. Then, in the most sarcastic cheerful tone, she added, "Now, let's get to know you."

But James kept the serious look on his face. "I have questions," he said. "Or answers… or explanations."

"We all have questions, James," Lily replied. "I always wanted to know how big the universe is," she added, the sarcasm in her voice still apparent. She expected for James to make fun of her or to lighten up the mood.

But no.

He just looked at her with that frown on his face. And that was when she realized…

"Why do I get the feeling I won't like this?" she muttered, shaking her head slightly.

"Is there any chance…" he began, being a bit embarrassed on what he was about to say. "For Sirius and Toni to get back together?"

"You shouldn't be asking _me_ that."

James took a deep breath. "He's a total wreck," he declared, as he took a seat in the couch. "We're still trying to prove our point." Then, with pleading eyes, he looked up at her and said, "Don't you think Dumbledore should've done a far worse punishment if he believes Sirius did it?"

Lily sighed as she took a seat on the coffee table in front of James. She didn't really wanna go back to that subject again but the consistency in their testimonies were becoming difficult to ignore. "Alright, James. _Who_ did it?" she finally asked, looking at him expectedly.

"Someone… who's so angry with us… to get into trouble of brewing a potion that takes a month to make but only lasts for an hour?"

"I don't get it," Lily said, shaking her head in confusion. "Who would do that? And why Sirius? And why angry with you?"

"Sirius has always been the most mischievous one but he never means to hurt."

"I don't – still don't – Then who would do it?" Lily waited for an answer. A straight, serious answer. Then, she leaned back in utter disbelief and disagreement when James only gazed into her eyes to get his message across. "James, who are we talking about?"

No answer. At least no words came out of James' opened mouth. But he didn't really need to say the words. Lily understood what he was saying.

"Lucius." Lily muttered. She was hoping for James to say that she was wrong. But when he suddenly avoided her stare… "I don't believe this," she declared, as she stood up to try getting away from him.

"Lily," James called, following her. "Listen to me. What happened was not a joke. And Sirius is not going down for something that he didn't do," he said, his voice raising.

And the war of words began.

"So you opt to have Lucius take it instead," Lily did her conclusion.

"Well, it makes sense. He hates Sirius the worst. He's been threatening to get back at us and he has no class during our Charms—"

"James, you should hear yourself. You're being ridiculous _and_ unreasonable."

"Well, you're being blind!" James burst out, practically yelling the words like the louder he said them, the quicker his words would sink in her head.

"And that's just about the most _STUPID_ reason I've ever heard!" Lily yelled back. "James, what is _so_ wrong with Lucius that you just hate him that much?" she demanded, trying to calm down.

"He's a Malfoy. The name speaks for itself. Tell me, has he ever taken notice of you? Even once? During theses past years?"

"What do you mean by that? _You've_ never been so hard on my case until now."

James opened his mouth to speak but then, she was right. He would've just ignored the situation if it weren't Lily who came in classrooms and halls with Malfoy. Just what made her so visible to him? He couldn't really say. He didn't exactly know.

"What if… what if I tell you that I saw him with Narcissa?" he said, not really knowing where he was going.

"She's a friend of Lucius'. He told me himself. Even from the start."

"Lily, Slytherins don't have _friends_. They have allies!" James blurted out. And at that moment, he was cursing Malfoy in his thoughts. How could someone so… like Malfoy be trusted that much?

"James, stop it," Lily pleaded once, raising her hands in protest.

"He's cheating on you," James insisted, instead. The words tumbled out of his mouth so involuntarily that even he was surprised.

Lily was stunned. Her eyes grew wide as she looked at him. James thought that, finally he was able to pull a string to convince her. But then… her expression turned to utter exasperation. "James… why are you doing this? Are you… just deliberately… trying to hurt me?" she asked, her voice was choking and her eyes were starting to glisten with tears.

James didn't know why he said it. He wasn't even sure if Malfoy really was the one, but something told him, maybe he was right in some way. All he knew was that he wanted her to stay away from Malfoy. But at that very moment, he wanted to smack his head on the wall. He wanted her away from Malfoy… but what was his right? Why did he feel so strongly about it? And why, at that instant that Lily tried to hold back her tears, he felt like the biggest jerk in the world?

"I'm – I'm sorry…"

"You know what? Talk to me when you're back to your senses," Lily uttered so coldly. Then she took off.

Just like that.

And slammed the door behind her.

__

~*~*~*~

i'm willing to save you... -- five for fighting, "white picket fence"

i'm grateful for your apology... but it's a little too late cause you've already killed me... -- hungry young poets, "rebirth"

Okay, that's it and you're probably wanting to strangle me now because of all the amount of Malfoy and Lily in this chapter.

Isn't it obvious, James is falling and falling and falling and he still denies and denies and denies. He's trying to keep Lily close to him believing that he doesn't know the reason behind it all. But I know we know.

I'd probably put up the next chapter tomorrow or the day after that. I'm still trying to keep in schedule. Forgive me. I'm doing the best I can.

Ciao!


	18. He's Falling For You

__

AS PROMISED…

This is chapter eighteen.

First, I'd like to say that I've done some revisions on chapter seventeen. It's only in the last part when Lily and James were arguing. I just felt like adding them. Don't worry, it's nothing much significant if you're feeling quite lazy to check it out. Basically, it's about James saying he saw Lucius with Narcssa; Lily believing that Narcissa was just a friend of Lucius; and that James saying that Slytherins don't have friends but allies.

And some overdue replies on your questions. I believe someone asked me who do I imagine when I write James' character. Actually, no one in particular. He's a combination of everyone I met or know. But I can tell definitely that in chapter two when he kneeled down before Lily, in front of all her friends – and all the people, that was inspired by this dream I had. Actually, it was the dream I had, the only difference is that in my dream, the guy sang to me—okay, enough of that! I'm sure my friends are already laughing by now. ;)

And another thing, about the Yule Ball. Don't worry, it'll happen. I have a time frame for this story and the events happen like almost everyday so it might seem that it has been too long. There may be chapters that happen in only a day or two but—anyway, it's getting lose.

So, here's chapter eighteen where none of the things you recognize belong to me but to JK Rowling. And the things you don't recognize… that's, well, proudly mine. :)

Thanks to the following for their reviews:

AineRose

me

Lamina Court

Lil-Brat888

Andufeniel

Reader4Life

SpiritedPhoenix

Hermione101888

Slinkysly

mutsumi

moozy

Anarane

morgan

angkat14

Enjoy reading and don't forget to review!

do you mind for i think i still love you... do you mind always have evermore... -- five for fighting, "do you mind"

if there was just one wish i could be granted here tonight... it would be to have you right back by my side... -- blaque, "when the last teardrop falls"

~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: He's Falling For You…**

Finally, the weekends. Even better, it was Hogsmeade weekend. So, basically, the castle was almost empty except for the first and second years and some other upperclassmen who didn't feel like going.

For one, Toni chose to stay in the dormitory. Her friends tried to drag her out of the room but she decided that sulking in her bed all day long would be so much better – of course, to her friends' disagreement. But she didn't really have the energy to go frolic in the streets of Hogsmeade that day. Who would anyway, being in her situation? Besides, she thought that she might chance upon bumping into Sirius.

Now, what was wrong with that?

The look on his face when he walked out the common room the day before was still fresh in her mind. And for surely, having to look at that expression again when they meet each other… it would be complete torture.

But what she didn't know was that Sirius was feeling the same. He wasn't in the mood shopping at Zonko's or planning some practical joke. His mind was all preoccupied in trying hard to un-preoccupy it with thoughts of having to search for answers. Besides, he had Remus for company.

Remus was too tired to go to Hogsmeade that day. There was going to be a full moon that night. And somehow, full moons weren't exactly friendly to him.

However, James and Peter decided to go visit the wizarding village. No pranks and Zonko's shopping that day, though. They went there with different agendas. Peter was strolling around the village, with Cherie Walker, one of the Ravenclaw Beaters in Quidditch – and the one he was dating for that matter. While James…

James was busy.

Busy following Lily.

It was the weekend when Lily and Lucius planned to look for the souvenirs for the Yule Ball. And they had been walking side by side each other all morning – and all morning, James was just lurking nearby.

There was once that morning that Lily caught him gazing at them. They were in a novelty shop when she suddenly looked out the window, having this strong uneasy feeling that she was being watched. And when she did, she saw James from a distance, quickly looking away from the window and pretended to just be heedlessly walking by. She tried to ignore it. Maybe she was just really being paranoid and that he was indeed only passing through.

However, the next time, it was Malfoy who caught sight of him. He had been ignoring James whenever he saw him casually walking past them. But, although Hogsmeade wasn't that much big of a place, it seemed to be a bit peculiar seeing someone who wasn't there with them to be around wherever they went.

Finally, he grew impatient when he saw James standing from a distance, looking through the glass wall of the store they were in. "Why is that Potter following you?" he asked Lily in explicit aversion.

Lily looked out the window. Right then, she knew that James was _definitely_ following them. But she had no time for that. "He's not following me," she said instead, and pulled Lucius away from the window.

* * * * *

Well, as everyone else was having conflicting opinions about certain things, at least Kiara and Vince were trying to enjoy themselves – as friends. They were in the Three Broomsticks and this time they decided to seat themselves inside the building rather than endure the freezing cold outside. They chose seats right beside the glass windows and enjoyed the snowy view – without the freezing cold – of the streets of Hogsmeade.

"So," Kiara started after having a good sip of her butterbeer. "Madam Prenny did a really good job with your bruises." She smiled as Vince, sitting across the table, gave a slight grin. "Now you can ask any girl to the ball," she teased.

Vince pursed his lips and nodded reluctantly. Yeah, he could ask any girl to the ball. But, he didn't really want to go with _any_ girl to the ball. "I – I don't think I'm going anymore," he said instead.

Kiara's face suddenly fell. That was pretty depressing. "Why?" she asked, the concern in her voice apparent.

"I dunno," Vince replied with a shrug. An utterly awful lie, he knew. But that was a lie that he had never been more comfortable speaking. "I just lost interest."

"Oh," was all that Kiara could say for that, as she nodded quite glumly.

At that moment, Lily and Lucius entered Three Broomsticks together. Lily spotted her friends quickly and walked to them with Lucius following beside her.

"Hi," Lily greeted Kiara and Vince with a smile. She took a seat near Vince and Lucius took the seat next to her and Kiara.

Kiara smiled at the sight of them. She took a notice, though, on Lucius' ever so expressionless face and decided to engage him into a conversation. Maybe she could get a genuine smile out of that guy beside her. She leaned toward him to suggest attentiveness and started performing her skill – talking. "So, Lucius, have you found anything good to give away for the Yule Ball?"

"Yes, actually," Lucius replied. But his tone of indifference didn't once shift.

"Really?" Kiara uttered with much cheerfulness, trying to ignore that Lucius sounded more like 'yes, now I prefer you don't talk to me' rather than 'yes, they're actually quite interesting.' "What'd you find?"

Lucius took a deep breath, trying to make it sound out of exhaustion rather than exasperation; and straightened up in his seat. "Maybe Lily can discuss with you about that," he replied, bobbing his head toward Lily.

"O – kay…" Kiara muttered. She felt that her conversation skills couldn't penetrate Lucius. When he didn't want to talk, it sure meant that he didn't want to talk. Then, suddenly, she backed away from him – literally – when the door opened and a gentle wind, which brushed through both of them, entered the room. And just as sudden, she looked like she had seen a ghost – that would be if she had been a Muggle. But, bottomline, her cheerful expression quickly turned into quite a frightened look.

"What is it?" Vince asked with much concern, noticing the look on her face.

"Uh…" Kiara tried to answer but she wasn't about to speak about it then. She looked around to find something… anything… on what she could change the subject to. Then, maybe with sheer luck – or not – she turned to look out the window beside her and found James leaning by the wall of the store across the street. With curious eyes, she looked at Lily and asked, "Is that… James?"

Her friends looked up and out the window where she pointed.

Yes, there was James – again. And when he realized that she saw him looking at her, he stood straight and walked away like nothing happened.

That was it. She was fed up. He had been following her and Lucius the whole day like some sick stalker and she wasn't about to let it pass anymore. She stood up; decided that she would confront him once and for all.

"Where are you going?" Kiara asked, standing beside her friend.

"I'm talking to him," Lily replied angrily.

With that Vince stood and held up his hand to block her. "Wait."

"I'm going with you," Lucius cut in, ready to go out the door.

"No," Lily interrupted, as she held him back. "No. I'll – I'll just meet you back in school." She looked at Lucius' eyes of resentment and she believed that she understood why he was feeling it. But still she insisted, "Please. I want to do this alone."

Lucius' grim face became even more dismal with that. He wanted to deal with James himself but then, fine… if that was what she wanted… "Suit yourself," he muttered through gritted teeth. And with that, he pulled his coat closer to him and walked out of the place.

As Lucius passed in front of Kiara, she casually leaned forward toward him for a split of a second without him noticing.

But Vince certainly did so. "Did you—?" he stopped, not really finding the right word to describe what Kiara just did.

"Okay," Kiara's voice rose, discontinuing whatever Vince was about to say next. "Bye," she said, waving to Lily. Then, she stormed out of the room in a hurry.

Vince and his confused expression followed Kiara out of the place. "Did you just _smell_ Lucius?" he asked when they had reached a safe distance away from the Three Broomsticks, quite sickened with the thought. Kiara never walked faster in her life, and he was having a hard time trying to keep up with her. "Why are you in such a hurry?" he demanded starting to be driven crazy with questions.

"I have to talk to Sirius," Kiara finally replied, without taking her eyes away from the direction she was going.

Vince snorted. What was that again? "You're kidding, right?" he said, still trying to walk the same speed as her.

"No, Vince," Kiara replied, shaking her head. "I am _bloody_ serious."

* * * * *

Lily walked fast – almost ran in order to catch up with the shadow that was following her all day. James was much taller than her and a couple of his long strides equaled to twice as much for her; so it was quite difficult to keep up. "James," she called after him.

James turned his head slightly to imply that he heard her; but he wasn't stopping. And just kept on walking.

"James what's going on?" Lily questioned. She was literally getting tired of their chase. And it was especially that she seemed to be talking to his back. And _most_ especially because of the fact that James seemed to keep ignoring her. With that, she ran up to him and grabbed his hand to stop him.

She stood before him so that she could see his face. "Why were you watching me?" she demanded, trying to catch his eyes.

But James looked away from her like he was guilty of a crime. "I wasn't," he denied.

"Oh yeah? Well, then maybe it's just my imagination that you've been following me all day, right?" Lily blurted out, the impatience in her tone very much apparent.

James looked around to see if someone was listening. He wasn't actually comfortable arguing with her amidst all those people in broad daylight. "I wasn't following _you_," he insisted, almost whispering the words.

A short silence fell over them. Lily shook her head ever so disappointedly as she realized what James was talking about. There they were in the middle of the street, arguing about… a _guy_. "It's Lucius," she muttered. She swallowed hard, trying to control her rising temper. "James, why? Why him?"

"Maybe I'm just doing a favor for a friend who I'm sure doesn't want to see you get hurt, alright?" James replied as soon as he heard the word 'why.' That damned word 'why.'

Lily gazed at him again. When he started talking in riddles, it always got difficult. "Remus sent you." It was nothing close to a question. She actually thought that it was the reason why James was everywhere she looked that day. And even though it was hard to believe that Remus would do anything like that, she satisfied herself with the conclusion and turned to leave.

"Lily." It was now James' turn to call after her. No, no, no, no. He knew that she was completely misled. "Lily, where are you going?" he said when he caught up with her.

"I hope somewhere you can't find me."

"Look, it wasn't Remus."

Lily stopped walking and turned to him. She was already clearly aggravated. _What the heck is the truth?_ She thought to herself. "Stop! Just _stop_ it!" she exclaimed, putting up her hands that were shaking with anger.

"It's me, alright? It's _all_ me," James finally confessed, putting a hand on his chest. "Are you happy? _I_ am the only one who thinks Malfoy did it. _I_ am the only one who believes he will _never_ be good enough for you. _I_ am the one who doesn't want to see you get hurt." He paused thinking more than twice if he was about to say what he would want to say next. Maybe if he did, she would understand. Maybe if he did, she would see why he did all those things and said all those words. "Is it so bad to _care_?"

There it was. Out in the open. One of the many things he thought he would never admit even to himself. He cared about her. But that was it. Nothing more and nothing less. But still, he admitted that the fact was he was trying to protect her. But now the question was, protecting her as what? A friend? More than a friend?

The expression on Lily's face was priceless. Although she appeared to be shocked and taken aback, something made her appear all too suddenly calm. She didn't say any more. She just looked away.

And left.

* * * * *

Kiara boisterously knocked on the door of Sirius' dormitory. And the longer there was no answer at the door, the harder she knocked. If she knocked even harder, the door would eventually fall down. Well, no one actually dared to stop her. Vince was with her but he wasn't getting anywhere trying to calm her down. At that point, no one could stop her from her purpose.

Then, by what seemed to be the right timing, Peter arrived quite surprised with what closely appeared to be a raid – a one-person-raid for that matter – by Kiara. "Hey, what's going on…?" he asked with the most caution in his voice.

"I know Sirius is in there," Kiara replied, turning to him.

Peter approached the door with chariness like Kiara would just jump on him and kill him. She was scary when she wasn't calm. Then, with a couple of knocks, he called for Sirius to open the door.

Alright, so Sirius opened the door after like four times calling his name. Apparently, he fell into a nap and wasn't the one to be easily woken up with the constant banging on the door. What changed?

Of course, he wasn't surprised when Peter walked into the room. Well, that was because Peter stayed there. But, he completely backed away – and now fully wide-awake – when Kiara, followed by Vince, barged into the room uninvited. Yes, Kiara was scary when she wasn't calm. "What are you doing here?" he had to ask. He smelled trouble. Well, actually, he _feared_ that there might be some kind of trouble.

"You kissed me," Kiara said out of nowhere. It sure didn't sound like an accusation. It sounded more of a fact.

Sirius suddenly panicked. He took a glance of Vince trying to see his expression because he wasn't about to get into another fistfight. "Are we on this again? Because I have somewhere important to go to."

Kiara walked closer to him. "You kissed me back," she said, not really answering the question.

Sirius' eyes widened. What the… "Am I not in enough trouble?"

Kiara chuckled. It just confused everyone in the room even more. Yes, even Vince, as he still wasn't informed on what his friend was doing there.

"No. Just listen," Kiara interrupted. "When I was dared to kiss you. Remember that? You kissed me back."

For some time, Sirius opened his mouth to say something without managing to let out a single word. Then, "Uh, yeah. But that wa – it's a – that's a long time ago."

"I know… but you kissed me back," Kiara insisted.

Sirius shook his head. "I don't get it," he said as he grabbed his coat, implying that he was indeed going somewhere important. "What's the point in this?"

What was the point in it?

What?

Was?

The point?

In it?

"Three words," Kiara replied. It would have sent everyone in the room in a full swing of crazy confusion if she didn't say what those three words were right after.

"You kiss different."

* * * * *

After about half an hour, James entered the common room searching for the most minor sign that Lily was in the room. But he couldn't find her. All he found was Toni surprisingly waiting for him.

"James, we need you," Toni declared, walking to him.

James' expression turned from searching eyes to surprise and confusion. Toni was talking to him? No, that wasn't it. Toni _needed_ him? "What's going on?"

Who wouldn't ask that?

But instead of answering the question, Toni grabbed him by the arms and well, dragged him up to the boys' dormitories in a hurry.

* * * * *

Lily badly needed reason. And the only person she could think who would be able to provide her with that was Remus. She remembered how he enjoyed watching the stars at night. So she decided to go to the lake where he brought her once.

The sun was still up. But in about half an hour, it would already set so she thought of just waiting there. She wasn't actually sure if he would be there. The only thing she had was hope that he was.

And her hope didn't fail her. She was right. Remus was sitting near the frozen lake, where he sat when they were there together.

Then suddenly, she remembered that it was full moon. She knew that he and his friends would probably go off some place somewhere soon. But she felt that she just needed to talk.

Remus was about to get up from where he was sitting when Lily suddenly sat beside him. "Lily," he said, sitting back down.

"Hi."

"You shouldn't be here."

"Wait. I just want to talk to you," Lily began. She paused and bowed her head, looking a bit embarrassed. "Actually, James… he's been telling me…" she trailed, deciding that she would take the alternative – the forthright way to say it. "Remus…" she looked at him and then, "Lucius and I—"

"This is about Malfoy," Remus interrupted, saying the bottomline of Lily's statement. He never really wanted anything to do with Malfoy. He was aware that James had been fully involved when it came to that and he had no proper reason to squeeze himself in the situation.

For a minute, there was silence. Then, he broke it with, "Lily I like you…"

"Remus, I—"

"I know."

>She looked at him. Her eyes were sorry. She was sorry that she couldn't feel the same way as he did about her. She was sorry because she had to say, "Remus, you're like a brother to me."

"I know," Remus repeated. He knew. And it seemed like he had known it for the longest time. He didn't even change the tone of his voice like it wasn't any surprise to him. "I realized _that_ the first time I saw you with him." He looked at her and smiled weakly. "Don't worry about me. I've accepted that and I've moved on." He paused and gazed into her eyes.

He knew about Malfoy.

He knew about where he stood.

And he knew…

Something else.

"And I'm guessing," he slowly began. "It's James' turn to feel like I did."

Lily opened her mouth to speak. But she couldn't form the decent of words to verbalize the clutter that was forming in her mind right then. "Wha – uh – What do you mean?"

"I've seen him look at you lately, Lily," Remus replied. He smiled comfortingly… reassuringly… Because he was sure of it. He was sure that…

"He's falling for you."

__

~*~*~*~

even god himself and the faith i knew... shouldn't keep me back, shouldn't keep me from you... -- the calling, "stigmatized"

My friend, angkat14, and I were talking this morning about how we actually end the chapters with cliffhangers without realizing it sometimes.

And I'm not sure if this one is but I'm taking a pretty good guess that it is. Heehee… :)

Please review. Thanks!


	19. Lily's Heartbreak

__

LILY'S HEARTBREAK… WHAT COULD THAT MEAN?

Of course, you'd have to read the chapter to find that out.

Anyway, I have nothing much to say this time. I don't really know. I guess I've pretty much ran out of words. This is a kind of difficult chapter to write.

Oh…kay. So, as usual, I'd really like to thank all those who took some of their precious time to read and submit a review for my story. Hey, I got more than ten! I'm so happy…

KrustyB

zwizwi

me

slurpy

Mysticpixie

Andufeniel

SpiritedPhoenix (2x)

Slinkysly

Sabrina

Lamina Court

queenkell25

Anarane

mutsumi

patrioticpuppy

Frankie (2x)

cRaZiiBuM316

Hermione101888

kimmi(2x)

And pertaining to the question about the Yule Ball. From what I know, and remember, Yule Ball is like the prom or something. Only fourth years and up are allowed in the dance so Harry and his friends only attended the Ball in book 4.

There you go, now off I go so you can read chapter nineteen. But before anything else, I'd have to say that Harry Potter, its characters and events all belong to JK Rowling. So much I wish it was me but, nah, all I own are the unrecognizable persons and events, and of course, the plot. :)

something ugly this way comes... through my fingers sliding inside... -- david usher, "black black heart"

you can't give yourself absolutely to someone else... -- lisa loeb and nine stories, "do you sleep"

~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER NINETEEN: Lily's Heartbreak**

Remus stared back at Lily's perplexed expression. Or maybe it was confusion? Or denial? Whatever it was, it wasn't an expression that she would just sit there and accept everything without asking questions – or making objections.

He looked up at the sky and noticed that it was only a few minutes before the moon would rise. He couldn't actually see it, the moon, but he could _feel_ it slowly making its way into its place in the night. And though he wanted to stay for a while longer, he knew that he had to go where he was supposed to be.

He stood up and nodded at Lily implying that he had to go. And after which, he started walking away. Well, he didn't actually get a reply from her. She just sat there looking like she was petrified – if telling her that James was falling for her would turn her into a statue, yes, that was what she was.

It took Lily a second to recover. Actually, it took more than a second. She was staring at Remus walk away from her; and though she badly wanted to follow him, somehow she couldn't move. If she wasn't sitting at that time that he confessed the unimaginable, she would've lost her balance and dropped to the ground feeling that her knees suddenly lost their capability to do their purpose.

And it took a second more for his words to finally sink in her head.

James was falling for her.

James?

Jaaaaames…?

James Potter?

Potter?

Okay, that was crazy. Crazy, crazy, crazy.

No. That was insane! Mad!

…

Crazy!

Why would the person who spent half of his life annoying the hell out of her… start to fall for her?

It was inexplicably… insane!

She shook her head to bring herself back to sanity. Alright, Remus was friends – actually, very close – with James and he wouldn't say anything to her that would certainly be the non-truth. But the thought of James feeling something for her…

She stood up and ran to where Remus had disappeared. She had to know what he actually meant by that; or did he really mean what she thought he meant? She ran until she saw him by the side of the castle where the Whomping Willow was. She didn't know why he was walking toward that violent, lashing, thrashing – _unfriendly_ – tree but that question was for her to find out later. Now, she needed to know something else.

"Remus!" she called as she continually ran toward him.

Remus suddenly stopped and turned around. Instead of the look that meant he expected her to follow him, his face drew a worried expression. "Lily, no," he yelled in a tone of panic, as he looked from her to the darkening sky and then back to her. Something about the darkening sky… it wasn't that he didn't want her there – he just didn't want her to be right there _and_ then. "Go back!"

* * * * *

James let himself be dragged by Toni up the stairs and into his dormitory. Until then, he wasn't aware of what was happening and why he was letting this girl haul his six-foot stature.

But as they were going up the stairs, Toni was babbling something about being called into their dormitory and then being told to find him because there was something going on with Sirius and Kiara and Vince and… what?! He couldn't really follow. But using Sirius, Kiara and Vince in one sentence – one _very_ long sentence – didn't sound so good. And Toni talking about it? That was probably not good at all.

When they finally reached his room, Toni practically pushed him into the door and she followed behind. The first thing he saw was Kiara and Sirius arguing about some kiss… _Okay, here we go about that damn kiss again._ "What's going on?" he finally asked, the moment there was a fraction of a second of silence between them. Well, Kiara looked like she just took a breath to say something more but he wasn't about to let her speak again before he was enlightened on… _what was going on?!_

But no one listened to him.

"That kiss happened a long time ago," Sirius blurted out, as most defensive as his voice could go. His tone was raising like a girl that it was breaking.

Kiara rolled her eyes in mere disappointment. And as she was already standing so close to him, she might as well slap him on the shoulders to knock some sense in him. "Don't you get it?" she demanded. Then, she leaned closer to him and… well…

"D – d – did – did you—" James stuttered so badly trying to decipher what just happened. He had that quite a ridiculously repulsed look on his face and finally said, "Did you just _smell_ him?"

But then again, he was ignored. Tsk. Poor James.

"You even have a different scent," Kiara declared, looking Sirius in the eyes.

Ooookaaay… "Where is this going?" James asked – spoke up – again, ignoring the fact that he was currently being… _ignored_.

"It wasn't you. It wasn't you back in Charms," Kiara concluded.

Maybe James had already figured out that it wasn't a let's-listen-to-James day, but the moment Kiara said those words, he stepped up like some dark magic spell had just been broken. "So you know who did it?" he asked. He stood next to Sirius just to be sure that this time; Kiara would talk to her.

James' face lifted when Kiara nodded. "Lily's got to hear this," he uttered in a sudden hopeful tone. He looked at Toni and then asked, "Where's she?"

"She said she'd find Remus. Maybe she's with him," Toni replied.

But at the sudden said of Remus' name, James face suddenly fell. He didn't say another word. Just the frightened look on his face. He looked out the window and then at Sirius and Peter.

They had to hurry.

"Where are you going?" Toni asked in confusion when the three scrambled in a hurry out of the dormitory.

"I'll explain later," Sirius replied, before he ran out the door.

* * * * *

"Remus, what's going on?" Lily asked, confused on his sudden change in behavior. She couldn't only see the worried look on his face… she could actually feel it.

"Please, Lily, go," Remus pleaded as he continually took glances of the sky. He felt that he didn't have much time; that although he wanted to explain to her what was happening, he had to run. And so he did.

He hurried to the Whomping Willow and hoped that she couldn't follow him – the tree being vicious and all. He didn't even look back; also because he was busy trying to evade the thrashing branches and trunk.

And then, a sudden shriek of pain.

"Lily!" Remus looked back. He saw her and the slashes on her arms. He ran to her, completely forgetting his responsibility that night – and the next three nights after that. He forgot the night. He forgot the moon.

And when he was about five feet from her, it was like a bullet shot him in the stomach and he suddenly dropped on his knees. Lily tried to near him but he shouted, "No! Stay away! _Run_ away!"

Lily stayed where she was standing. But she wasn't about to run away. Her friend looked like he badly needed help and she wasn't just going to leave him there. "No, what's happening?"

As an answer, Remus looked at the moon. The _full_ moon.

Oh no. It had risen.

It was too late.

Lily stared up at the sky. What was there? Why was Remus kept glancing up? Then, she found the full moon illuminating and then…

"R-Remus?" she muttered in fear. When she looked down from the moon, the one standing in front of her wasn't Remus. It was a growling werewolf.

She didn't move. She _couldn't_ move. She was frozen at the sight of the wolf staring straight into her eyes like it had found its first meal for the night. And with all her effort and shaking knees, she took a step back. She knew that she would provoke it, but she never wanted to get away from Remus as much as that night.

And she was right. The werewolf and its fierce looking eyes stepped closer to her. And just when it was about to lunge at her, she saw Sirius running out of the castle, from behind Remus, as he rapidly changed into… a big black dog.

Then, the big black dog – that was Sirius – barked at the wolf standing in front of her. That bought her time when Remus turned around to see whom the intruder was. She took steps back, not being able to turn away from what she was about to see the next.

Right after Sirius, Peter followed and changed into a rat.

Then, expecting to see James to emerge next from the castle, she gazed to where Sirius and Peter came out from. And so, he came running out from the castle.

Lily stared at him, the stunned expression on her face.

James saw her… and the cuts on her arms. And for a second, their eyes met. James looked at her like he was sorry – for his attitude, for the bleeding cuts on her arms, and for that night. Because she had to see that aside everything happened, he transformed himself into a stag and ran to where Sirius, Peter and Remus were.

Lily looked at them – at what was happening. She still couldn't believe her eyes. She just watched as James and his friends dragged Remus, the wolf, and disappeared under the Whomping Willow, as if the tree just swallowed each one of them into its roots.

* * * * *

Lily sat in the Hospital Wing that very night. She didn't actually guess that she would be in the Hospital Wing again in such a short time since the day she fainted out of exhaustion. Her arms were starting to heal, thanks to magic, but they were still in bandages.

She could still see in her mind all the things that happened a few hours before. She had just started to absorb it as she stared blankly at the walls when Toni, Kiara, and Vince stepped into the Hospital Wing to check up on her.

Of course, the first thing that was raised was the question of what happened, what was she doing there, and what were those cuts doing on her arms. And as unbelievable as it was, Lily said that it was because she slipped in the snow. Of course, her friends didn't believe her. What kind of slip did she do to end up with that kind of scratches? But then, knowing her, Lily's friends didn't ask any further and just respected the way she wanted to keep it to herself for a while.

It wasn't as if they weren't trying to avoid the subject, but then they eventually ended up with – who else – Malfoy.

Lily had finally asked what had been in her mind ever since her friends showed up in the Hospital Wing. She expected some sort of enthusiastic support that he would visit her but to her shock, her friends suddenly turned away from her not being able to look her in the eyes.

This would be very difficult.

"Why? What's wrong?" Lily asked trying to catch their gaze – _any_ one of them.

It wasn't for anyone to tell but Kiara. She was the one concerned and she was the one who figured it out. And she was the one who was the most responsible in telling Lily.

And so she did. With the most tactful words she could form in all her life.

But no one could take the news – that kind of news – lightly.

Lily stared at her friends dumbfounded.

Lucius?

He did that to Kiara?

No.

"You – you can't be serious," she insisted, violently shaking her head. No. No. No. Her friends couldn't say that. They were her friends. Why would they make up such a sick story?

Seeing that Lily was beginning to get all perplexed, Kiara stepped up and stood beside her. She looked back at Lily's pleading eyes that seemed to be saying for her to take back all that she said. "Look, it's just a theory," she said, trying to comfort her friend. "I don't know. I just… I just don't want to talk about it anymore."

Lily didn't say anything. She was still trying to grasp Remus turning into a werewolf, Sirius turning into a dog, Peter turning into a rat, and James turning into a stag and then now… now Lucius turning into somebody else so he could get back at his enemies? "I – I really want to be alone right now, if you don't mind," she muttered very much weakly. Somehow, her cuts and bruises didn't really affect her, it was all those things that she had to process in her mind. Too much that it was starting to hurt.

Respecting their friend's wishes, Toni, Kiara, and Vince left her to think after little explanations here and there. She was back into staring at the walls when after about an hour, Lucius stepped in.

She sat up straight the second she saw him. "Lucius," she greeted, the gladness to see him was apparent in her voice. But then, her face suddenly fell once she saw the spitefulness in his eyes. "What's wrong?" she asked, now cautiously. Suddenly, the words that Kiara had said to her came flooding her mind.

"Evans," Malfoy snarled saying Lily's name like it was grime in his mouth. He never took another step from the door. He just stayed there. From a distance. Partly hiding in the shadows. "I told you to stay away from those despicable acquaintances of yours. But you just couldn't keep yourself from doing so, do you?" he concluded in a taunting voice.

"It's not their faul—"

"Very _distasteful_. Polyjuice Potion that is," Malfoy continued, ignoring Lily.

Lily's eyes widened in disbelief. "So, it was _you_?"

But then, instead of looking the least bit sorry, Malfoy chuckled out of nowhere like he just remembered something so amusing. "My father was right. You Muggleborns are all the same. Can't keep skirtling around men," he said as he shook his head in mock disappointment. "And to think I was starting to like you…" he mocked, pursing his lips like he was looking at some poor little dog that was found limping in the streets.

Lily wasn't so much taken aback before like how she was at that moment. She looked at him. What just happened? "Wh-what?" she muttered. Her voice was shaking and almost inaudible.

And thinking that she couldn't be any more hurt…

"I wanted to say thanks for helping me get back at them… now Potter is going to be the most miserable _scum_ on this planet. But then, you deserve it," Malfoy started again becoming as cruel as he could be as every second passed. "Filthy," he uttered, saying the words so heartlessly. "You're just another little _Mudblood_ wench." And then just as it was said, he turned stiffly around and left Lily.

And all she could do was… nothing. She looked at him turn around. She looked at him step away. She looked at him… approach someone who was waiting for him – that Slytherin girl he called his _friend_.

Deceit.

Betrayal.

Insolence.

All in less than ten minutes.

She would've cried. But everything was all in a blur and was just starting to clear up.

She couldn't cry. Because she didn't know where – for what reason – to start.

The only thing she was, was realizing that…

Malfoy did it.

Malfoy fooled her.

Malfoy _used_ her.

Kiara was telling the truth.

Sirius never did it.

Peter was telling the truth.

Remus was telling the truth.

It wasn't Sirius.

And James…

_James._

James was right.

__

~*~*~*~

together we seemed perfect... a fairy tale for show... and looking on the outside... you'd never even know... that we're just not right... when compromise is wrong... seems out of sight... in this place we belong... -- plumb, "worlds collide: a fairy tale"

i realy should have known... the expression on your face that told me... maybe you might have some advice to give... on how to be insensitive... -- jan arden, "insensitive"

so i see right through you... and i know what you've been up to... i see right through you... and i know the things you do... -- lene marlin, "so i see"

Alright, there it goes. Still kind of a cliffhanger but then, I love to read from your reviews!

Okay, that last sentence probably didn't make much of sense… Just, just review.

Thanks! :)


	20. One Confession

_HOME AT LAST!_

_It's so nice being at home just sitting in front of my computer… of course being out with my friends is nicer but after my very tiresome day, I'd like to relax. I've just attended this workout session in the firm I'm currently working in for the summer (it's a practicum, part of my school curriculum – two trimesters before I graduate! Yay!). Imagine an accounting firm with a gym and a reflexologist… like the perks, don't like the work._

_Anyway, I'm not here to talk about that. I'm here for chapter twenty!_

_First of all, I'd like to inform you that there has been a correction from the last chapter (19). Turns out that the last part – when Lily was in the Hospital Wing – happened that same night after she witnessed James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter turned into animals. Yup, that's it._

_Alright, I opened my mailbox and what do you know, so many reviews… very very nice. And there were questions that I intend to answer to the best of my abilities._

_If you're wondering why was it that the teachers did nothing during the whole fight scenes in the great hall… well, they happened during breakfast time and I don't really expect teachers to stay longer in the Hall after they've finished eating. They have lots of things to do. Hint: Sirius was awake - that must've been really late at breakfast._

_Okay, and another thing to be cleared, remember, Lily doesn't trust James when it comes to the matters of the heart. And talking about Malfoy means – for Lily – that James is, well, talking about relationship that is going wrong._

_And another minor glitch I'd like to correct – Peter is taking Cherie Walker to the ball. Not Carol Chase. In short, Cherie Walker is one of Ravenclaw's Quidditch Beaters, not Carol Chase. I made a mistake. Sorry. :)_

_So, one of the questions that really had me thinking was the one with 'Melissa from chapter one.' I'm sorry but I've read and reread and reread and reread… I think I've read chapter one ten times (honestly, I counted) and I can surely say that I've never mentioned anything about a 'Melissa.' Sorry, I think the one who asked about it was referring to another story._

_And by the way, thanks for the reviews:_

_kimmi_

_sunshine-108_

_Frankie_

_me_

_snow-angel_

_Hermione101888: Hi, I've received your e-mail. I'll be able to read your chapter two this weekend._

_SpiritedPhoenix: You're right. No, Lily's not gonna go to James that fast._

_Little House Girl_

_Mooky_

_cRaZiiBuM316_

_Andufeniel_

_mutsumi: Ey! One week to go, we're free at last! By the way, it wasn't the dream about hydee. If I had a dream like that about hydee, I probably wouldn't tell… baka sakalin na ko ni chel nun. Hehehe. :)_

_moozy_

_Eleanor_

_Child of the King_

_tom girl_

_Lamina Court: As been said, the way James treats (and feels about) Lily is quite apparent to everyone else except for him. And even Malfoy knew it. He knew that James liked Lily. And with that, he knew that James will be devastated once he's made it realized that he was just using Lily. Of course, he's not too fond of Muggleborns, either, so he felt like he was in a win-win situation._

_oobergoober: Wow, you really had me thinking. Anyway, I like it. By the way, some of your questions were answered above. And about the last sentence in chapter thirteen – I italicized 'who's' instead of 'now' because James kept saying that it was Vince who liked Lily when in fact, well, it was James who does. And about James being a Chaser – I've read about that but since readers quite accept him being a Seeker, I decided to go for it because I needed him away from Malfoy during the games and I needed him to show some of his immaturity._

_So, once again, JK Rowling owns everything you recognize while everything else belongs to me._

_._

_how could this man i thought i knew turn out to be unjust so cruel... - christina aguilera, "fighter"_

_you probably won't remember me... it's probably ancient history... i'm one of the chosen few... who went ahead and fell for you... - jan arden, "insensitive"_

_~*~*~*~._

**CHAPTER TWENTY: One Confession**

The next day, a completely healed and out of the Hospital Wing Lily sat with her friends at the Gryffindor table. She thought that she would probably never be sitting anywhere else after what happened the night before.

All morning she had been looking out the window or staring blankly at the walls. Her friends tried to encourage her by doing for her even the pettiest of favors like carrying her books or escorting her to class. They always asked how she was doing. All they knew was about that Malfoy-being-the-scum-of-the-year thing, but she had never said a word about James and his friends. No. Not until she had the chance to talk to them.

But she wasn't in the talking mood that day. She basically just kept to herself.

"Hey, are you okay?" Vince brought her out of her trance, sounding every bit concerned.

Lily looked at him and smiled weakly. "Yeah," she replied with a nod. "I'm fine," she said. She looked away to avoid any more conversation. In fact, she started tinkering with her fork just to be able to take her mind off everything.

The students were just starting to gather for lunch and it would be a little while until the meal would be actually served. The teachers weren't even there yet.

As it was, the Yule Ball was very much near and the students of Hogwarts were already paired up with their dates. Well, except for Kiara and Vince – as far as she knew – and… well… _her_. She looked around. Yes, everyone seemed to be with their special someone that morning. They had probably been that way since the day Dumbledore announced the happening of the Ball. But she had never really taken notice of them. Not since that day when she realized that she… she was feeling out of place.

She put down the utensil that she was fiddling with. Suddenly, she felt too lonely. Too sad to even eat. She was about to stand up when Sarah Cramer came and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Hi, Lily," Sarah greeted with all smiles. Sarah, as she knew, was the girl James was going to the dance with. Well, at that moment, _that_ was the fact. And when God had showered earth with enthusiasm, she had probably gotten half of it. "Have you seen James?" she asked, her cheerfulness was too much that it was irritating – especially when the one she was talking to wasn't exactly in a good mood.

Lily turned to look at where James and his friends usually sat. The only people she saw were Peter and his girlfriend, Cherie Walker. There was no Sirius. Well, there wasn't any Toni yet either, so… And she already knew that Remus wouldn't be showing up for the next couple of days. He was still, say, sick.

And… James? Where was James? Lily looked back at Sarah and shook her head. "Uh, n-no."

"Oh," Sarah uttered, still jolly and smiling. "Well, thanks anyway," she said and then walked away.

"Where are you going?" Kiara asked, when she saw Lily stand up quite hurriedly.

"I'm not really hungry," Lily replied. She couldn't look at her friend straight in the eye. That was because hers were starting to well up. "I'll see you later," she said, waving a hand as she ran out of the Hall.

And with all the bad timing in the world, who would she meet outside the Great Hall but Malfoy and Narcissa flashing their own versions of a Sytherin sneer.

"Lily," Narcissa started in a singsong voice, smiling wickedly. She pursed her lips in mock pity, and then said, "Aw, not staying for lunch?"

Lily just looked at Narcissa. Then, as if she would ever get any sympathy from him, she looked at Malfoy. But much to her dismay, he only looked at her like he didn't even know her.

That was it. That was enough. She couldn't bear it anymore. She broke down and ran down the hallway – in the opposite direction where Malfoy and Narcissa were – bumping into students walking toward the Great Hall. She didn't notice but she accidentally collided against Sirius, who was walking with Toni by the way.

Sirius was quite surprised as he was talking with Toni at that time. And when he looked behind him to see who it was, he realized that it was Lily, running. Toni would've followed her friend if she didn't know better – Lily would've wanted to be alone that time.

And when Sirius looked ahead to see what or _whom_ Lily was running from, he rolled his eyes and smirked like nothing more ridiculous could occur at that moment.

Narcissa, being the obnoxious person that she was, stepped up and even had the guts to greet him. "Sirius…" she said, in a teasing tone.

"Oh, look," Sirius expressed in mock enthusiasm. "Why am I not surprised?" he said, referring to Malfoy and Narcissa together. "You know, you are _so_ made for each other."

"Ooh… what's the matter?" Narcissa uttered, still using that annoying tone that would be of much use if she were a whore picking up costumers. She stepped even nearer Sirius and fiddled with his collar while sarcastically saying, "Wanna kiss?" She was such an ace in taunting that Toni would've grabbed her hair and squashed her to the ground if only Sirius didn't hold her back.

Sirius raised his hand and slapped the back of it slightly against Narcissa's arm as if to say, 'get your filthy hands off me.' He had that intimidating look on his face but, hey, two Slytherins who thought too highly of themselves, wouldn't really be easily frightened. "Why?" he started, raising an eyebrow. "Want some more of my hair?" he said. When he and his friends were in the exclusive room in the Hospital Wing, where Remus stayed in the mornings during full moons, he remembered the way that Narcissa seemed to have pulled some of his hair when she kissed him out of nowhere. And so he knew how Malfoy was able to turn into him. "So you could go harassing women around school using my face?" he exclaimed irately, shooting an angry glare toward Malfoy.

Malfoy chuckled at the said of that. He seemed to be unaffected of the consequences of his act at all. "Believe me, Black. It wasn't _fun_ being you," he said, casually.

"You're going to pay for what you did," Sirius muttered, towering over his enemy.

Malfoy put a hand on his chest and mocked an expression of being shocked. "What are you going to do?" he said calmly, afterwards. "Beat me up? Tell Dumbledore? Run to him like a _pathetic_ little boy?"

Sirius could just glare at him. There was no scaring this piece of trash sneering in front of him. And so he let him and his girlfriend enter the Great Hall first.

A few seconds later, Malfoy knitted his eyebrows in impatience. He was wondering why the students were looking at him like he had grown warts on his face and why they were whispering to each other. He looked around and everyone in the room seemed to be doing the same. Now, what was it?

"Really now, Malfoy," a girl from another house told him. "That's very _rude_ of you," she said.

Malfoy couldn't take it anymore that he even looked angrily at Narcissa, who was still standing beside him, and asked, "What? What is it?" he demanded.

Then, the students pointed to the direction above his head. Narcissa looked up too and saw them floating above his head.

And so, Malfoy looked up and was taken by surprise with the big, bold, shining green letters floating above his him, saying, 'I FORCED HALF OF HOGWARTS GIRLS IN BED AND I'M DAMN PROUD OF IT!'

He narrowed his eyes and searched for the person who did it. The _only_ person he knew would do it. He saw Sirius 'innocently' walking down the aisle along the Gryffindor table toward his seat. Then, leaving Narcissa behind, but with all his ill temperament – and the bold shining letters above his head, of course – he rushed to Sirius and pointed his wand heatedly and cried out a spell.

In a second, Sirius flew up in the air and then tumbled down to the ground with a loud thump.

Malfoy only watched as Sirius tried to get back on his feet, with the help of Toni. "What do you do now, Black?" he blurted out so angrily, he was turning red.

Sirius was about to yell a spell as he pointed his wand at Malfoy when Toni held him back. "No. He's not worth it," she said.

Malfoy chuckled when Sirius put down his wand. "What? Hiding under the skirt of your Mudblood girlfriend, Black?" he uttered, taunting Sirius so much more. And when Sirius straightened up his uniform and decided to go to his seat instead of fighting him, he was even more infuriated. He raised his wand one more time and when he was about to do another spell…

"That will be enough!"

The whole room fell into a deafening silence. Everyone looked at the teacher's table and found Dumbledore standing behind it, in his place. He just arrived for lunch and was surprised by what was happening in the Hall. He looked up from his glasses, from Sirius to Malfoy. Then, "After lunch," was all that he said. It was understood. After lunch. They were going to meet with him. In his office.

Lily ran to the only place she knew no one could really see her. Well, except maybe for James but he was never too much in the place.

She didn't see but as James was on the way to lunch – after finally deciding to eat – he saw her rush into the Head Prefects Room. And from the way she hid her face, he knew something was wrong.

He followed her not really thinking if it was a good idea or not. He felt like he just had to. That was enough reason for him. What more reason could there be?

He entered the room noiselessly and found her sitting in the couch in front of the hearth. Her knees were bent in front of her as she hugged her legs tightly.

"Lily?" James called, when he heard her crying. The concern in his voice was recognizable only if Lily wasn't so preoccupied with her thoughts.

When she heard his voice, she suddenly stopped sobbing. She put down her feet on the floor and straightened in her seat. Then, with everything that she could, she tried wiping off her face to pretend that she wasn't crying – even though she knew that he heard her.

"Lily, what's wrong?" James asked, as he neared her.

Lily would not meet his eyes. "N-nothing," she replied, as she sniffed.

James wouldn't believe her. _Nobody_ would believe her, actually. And since she wouldn't look at him, he sat on the coffee table that was in front of her. "You're crying. That's not _nothing_."

"I'm," she cleared her throat, "fine."

"Lily…" James trailed, insisting in trying to meet her gaze.

"James, why don't you just go to the Great Hall?" Lily suggested, as she engaged in an avoid-James'-eyes game. "Sarah's been looking for you."

James knew that Sarah was looking for him. She was _always_ looking for him. She'd die if she couldn't see him in a day. But he refused to meet her right then. He had something important to do. He didn't know if it was _more_ important but he felt the overwhelming urge to stay. And he gave in. "Lily, I'm not going anywhere when you're like this."

At the said of that, Lily looked up and met his gaze. Some of it was, okay, surprise. But most of it was exasperation. Exasperation? From what? "James, if you keep putting other people before those you should care about, you're never getting anywhere," she said, shaking her head. There he went with priorities all crooked again, she thought.

James' face fell. Why did she keep pushing him away? "So you still think I don't care about you?" he asked, sounding quite hurt.

"You've proven your point about Lucius," Lily declared as she stood up. "Your job is done."

"It's not about Malfoy," James insisted, as he stood up himself.

"Look, I'm sorry alright?" Lily cried out. She looked like she was about to break into tears again. But she didn't want him to be there when she did. She wanted to appear strong. "I'm sorry that I didn't believe you. I'm sorry that I was _so_ stupid to even think he would care. I'm sorry that _you_ were right." She paused as she took a deep breath to calm herself down. "There, are you happy?"

"It's not about Malfoy, Lily. It was never about Malfoy," James insisted. How many times did he have to say that? It wasn't Malfoy. What more did she want him to do? To say? What more reason could he give her?

A second of silence fell over them. Then, Lily stepped up until she was only a good few inches away from him and looked at him straight in the eyes. "Then what is it about, James? What's keeping you here?"

What was keeping him? What reason?

Reason.

He tried to think of a perfectly good explanation. One that would include all the things like, yes, like how he was concerned about her witnessing the four of them turning into not-exactly-humans the night before. He owed her that. But, no. There was something more than that.

And he knew the answer. He had only one answer for that question.

He looked at her. He kept denying it even to himself but every time he saw her, he's reminded of what everyone close to him was saying. There was never a moment when he didn't wonder why people could presume such a thing. But at _that_ moment… as he was standing close next to her… he just had to stop denying.

But…

He was with Sarah. She liked him and he liked her too but sometimes, he couldn't help but think why no matter he tried to convince himself that he liked her so much, he felt like something was still missing. Sarah had never been someone to express her own opinion; she always agreed with him.

He liked someone who wasn't afraid to say what she was thinking – what she really thought – no matter what _he_ would think.

Someone who wasn't afraid to disagree with him.

Someone who could stand up for what she believed in.

Someone comfortable to be with.

Someone who he could just sit with and not say anything – and someone who could make him contented doing so.

Someone who scared him sometimes.

Someone like…

Lily.

Evans.

Then James just had to say it.

The one reason.

Probably the _only_ reason.

"I love you."

~*~*~*~.

_all this time i can't believe i couldn't see... kept in the dark but you were there in front of me... - evanescence, "bring me to life"_

_i'm looking around... there's nothing i could want... more than to tell you there's no more than we've already got... - gin blossoms, "as long as it matters"_

_._

_Alright, he said 'I love you.' How do you think Lily would react?_

_Hmmm…_


	21. Requited Unrequited

_*AHEM*_

_Make way for the next chapter._

_Alright then. First and foremost, apologies. I'm sorry I wasn't able to update earlier. I was busy trying to search for theaters where I could watch Matrix2. That was since last Thursday when the movie first showed here. My friend and I were quite busy surfing the internet for sure seats. And last night I finally got to see it. So… I'm back!_

_By the way, one minor mistake again. The day when Lucius and Sirius fought each other in the Great Hall was a Sunday. Sometimes, I get confused with my outline, I forget what day it's supposed to be. But, that's everything._

_Yes. But first, I'd like to say thanks to everyone who started reading, still reading… and reviewing my story._

_mutsumi: aah… Malfoy… hmmm… anyway, hydee finally submitted a review! I dunno what she ate. :)_

_Eleanor_

_me_

_Kimmie Meadows_

_oobergoober_

_Little House Girl_

_Kimmi_

_Frankie_

_moozy_

_~*~ME~*~_

_Spirited Phoenix_

_catgoddess13: No, not really. I didn't really got the flower part from Sweet Home Alabama, although I was thinking it. I got it from Gilmore Girls, when Lorelai's boyfriend Max (I think that's his name), sent her one thousand yellow daisies (if I remember correctly, those were daisies) – no more no less – to propose to her again._

_Random Thoughts: sorry for all the mush. Just couldn't help it._

_Dawles_

_cRaZiiBuM316_

_tom girl_

_hydee: Yes, Toni told James that Lily went out to find Remus. That would imply that Toni had probably bumped into Lily. And no, it does not mean that because Lily was searching for Remus, she knew about Lucius. She just needed someone to talk to. I wrote there "Lily badly needed reason. And the only person she could think who would be able to provide her with that was Remus." James was driving her crazy. She couldn't talk to Sirius. The issue wasn't yet settled. She couldn't talk to Peter. C'mon, she just didn't want to. Because at that time, she was closest (and most vulnerable, actually) with Remus. Okay, about the other thing, remember that Lily left James in Hogsmeade? And James only returned to the castle after about half an hour? I dunno about you but I cannot walk in a hurry when I'm depressed. And finally, I don't want HIM in my dreams. I don't want him singing to me anywhere! He's yours now and forever. :) Right, mutsumi? Right!_

_And never forget: JK Rowling owns everything. Everything else you don't recognize is mine._

_Okay, now that's over with, I present to you… Lily's reaction._

_._

_am i real... do the words i speak before you make you feel... that the love i have for you will see no ending... - rivermaya, "214"_

_~*~*~*~._

**CHAPTER TWENTY ONE: Requited; Unrequited**

It almost felt like a bullet went straight through her heart without her feeling it, that she had no time to react. That moment when one looked so confused as to why the person in front of them appeared to have seen a ghost – just wide-eyed, expecting some sort of response or at least, some movement.

Lily stared at him. Just… stared at him. She seemed to be waiting for the punch line. Maybe it was a joke? Did she actually hear him say those words? Was she dreaming? No, maybe she was having a nightmare. Yes, James saying those words felt like an omen.

My _goodness_!

The world might be coming to an end!

And still after a couple of excruciating minutes later, she was trying to absorb whatever he said. But however she tried to jumble the words up. It always resulted to him saying, 'I love you.'

She blinked as if to bring back consciousness into her body. She tried to say something. Anything. Just a sound out of her mouth would do. And after a bunch 'wh-wh-wh-wh' she finally managed to say it. Or maybe, blurt it out. "What?"

Then, it was James' turn to pull himself together and realize what Lily just managed to say as a response. "That's it?" he said. The disappointment in his voice was so apparent; doubled with the dejected expression on his face. It was almost pitiful. But he tried to erase it all and administered himself to a chuckle. "I told you I love you and that's all you can say?" he asked again. Okay, he _tried_ not sounding like he was starting to choke… but he wasn't exactly being successful in doing it.

Lily's mouth hanged open at the said of that. "Huh!" she breathed out. Was what he said ridiculous or was it ridiculous? Okay, so he wanted a response more than 'what?' then she'd give him a response more than that. With wide eyes, and an expression of utter disbelief, she exclaimed, "Are you insane?" and she started pacing the room in uneasiness.

"No, Lily—" James called as he followed the panicked Lily around the room. "I'm serious," he insisted.

Lily stopped for a split of a second to get a point across. "You're not even sure of that," she said, shaking her head, and then went back to panicking.

"Look, maybe… I may be the last one to realize it but I'm sure, alright? I'm sure of it."

Lily halted. She turned to face James and flashed an expression like she was going to put some sense in their conversation. "James," she calmly said, clasping her hands together like a teacher calling the attention of her little students. "You're with Sarah." No need for some more sense. That was basically it.

James paused for a while. Yes, he was with Sarah. At that time. But… but… "But that's before I realized I'm supposed to be with you."

Lily rolled her eyes like James was getting all delirious, rambling whatever pointless… _points_… he had brewing in his mind. "And it won't be long – no listen to me," she abruptly interrupted when James opened his mouth to retaliate what was still unsaid. "It won't be long enough till you realize you're supposed to be with someone else not me." That was the unsaid. That was what James was going to retaliate.

But then again, he was never the charmer with words. Because all he could come up as a response was, "It's not going to be like that."

"It's going to be like that," Lily replied in conclusion, shaking her head in disagreement. "It always has been and it always will be." She paused, realizing that James suddenly looked away from her. "James, I'm sorry." It wasn't the sorry someone would give and then say, 'fine alright I'll do what you want.' It was the sorry that meant, "I'm not sure if I'm going to feel the same for you."

_Ouch_.

She tried to catch his gaze one more time. But he wouldn't let her.

A deafening silence had fallen between them. And she wasn't the one to endure that right then.

And so, she left the room… and James.

Monday morning.

James woke up with only one thing in his mind. Or maybe not one thing but that morning, he was going to convince Lily that he wasn't lying. He was far from lying.

The first thing to do was find Lily, talk to Lily and convince Lily…

But then, considering Lily's stubbornness, he might end up doing it for the rest of the day.

Yeah… for the _day_.

Like he had that kind of convincing powers against Lily Evans.

Ready…

Set…

Start with breakfast.

"Hey, Lily, can I talk to you?" James called. He was standing beside her, who was sitting in her usual place at the Gryffindor table.

Lily, at the sound of his voice, sat straight up all too suddenly like she just remembered something so important that she forgot to do. "Uh…" she trailed, at the same time trying to think of an excuse. Any excuse. Even the lowest of the excuses. "I'm gonna be late for something," she replied, standing up from her seat. "Maybe later," she said, running off from him. She never even gave him a chance to say what he wanted to say. She just took off. As long as she was away from him, she felt… well, stable.

Monday afternoon.

Alright, maybe his morning goal wasn't exactly fulfilled. But then again, his only rational defense was that 'it was Lily.'

He tried. He tried in the first class. He tried in the second class. He tried in between classes. He _tried_. He…

…wasn't exactly good in trying.

But still, he'd try.

Again.

The bell rang and James ran from his seat and straight out of the room. Then, he hurried to wait for her. He waited for Lily to come out of her class. As usual, there was a swarm of students in the hallway and those that were coming out of the classroom were pushing him out of the way. And the more students came out, the more he was pushed farther from the classroom door.

But he didn't care. He craned his neck to see through the students and what do you know… there was that unmistakable red hair.

And apparently, from the way Lily suddenly took a u-turn and walked hurriedly toward the other direction, he knew that she saw him.

First, she told him it was impossible.

Then, she told him she couldn't feel the same.

After that, she avoided talking to him.

And now, she wouldn't even draw near him.

Tell him how crappy the day had been… he'd tell how awful his life was going. He didn't dare to follow her anymore. He resigned to his unrequited feelings. Maybe she was right.

One day he'd fall in love…

…and she'd never love him back.

The next day, James devised a plan so that Lily would talk to him again. It was a picture perfect plan. But the cost wasn't an easy thing to give up.

He was Head Boy. She was Head Girl. The Yule Ball was that coming Saturday. And he knew… she had better talk with him or the dance would collapse.

That was the picture perfect plan.

And the cost?

"James, please let's not talk about this again," Lily uttered, the moment James sat beside her during breakfast.

"I'm not. I'm not," James replied, forcing the words out of his mouth.

That was the cost.

"I know. You wouldn't feel the same about me," he reiterated what Lily told him before. He struggled to sound like it wasn't a big deal anymore. He was over it. _He was over it_. He was… trying to convince himself that he was over it – her. But how could someone be over someone in two days?

Lily nodded. "Good," she muttered, forcing a weak smile. God, that was awkward. Sitting with him after what he had just said. She didn't really know if she was going to believe him. But, as long as he wouldn't raise the subject again, she was going to be fine. They were going to be fine.

And for the rest of the conversation, James stuck to his vow. No other matter but Yule Ball matter.

And they were fine.

Transfiguration could've probably been the most tiresome course that the students had. Well, maybe except for Potions and Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts and Arithmancy and…

The point was, only Professor McGonagall could make one long agonizing class duration turn into a chase for time. With what? With an exam.

Yes, some students might be _imagining_ her rub her palms together in great satisfaction as she laughed wickedly thinking how they were going to suffer through that Wednesday morning with a gruesome exam.

Every student was deep in concentration, their heads buried in their parchment. Except for one. It wasn't because she wasn't ready for the test, but Lily had been turning her head to take a look at Remus who was sitting at the back row. Yes, he was back. And she knew why. Full moons were over. And her wait was over.

For a while, her gaze rested on the boy who was sitting at the back. She seemed to becoming a little impatient as she bit her lip hoping that he would look up and at her. But her thoughts were interrupted with a tapping of a wood. The sound was awfully close and she realized why. She looked down on her desk and saw a wand, looked up and saw McGonagall beating her wand on her table, giving her a warning look. "I'm… sorry," she mumbled, as she went back to concentrate in finishing her test.

Now, _every_ student had his concentration on the test.

After several grueling minutes later, Lily was suddenly distracted by a figure that passed through the aisle. She didn't refuse the urge to look. She saw Remus had already completed his exam and he was already submitting it to the Professor. And so, she looked down on her own exam and realized she had only one question left. One question left. Remus was leaving the room. _One question left_. She held her head between her hands as if she was trying to squeeze the answer out of her brain. Then, like a light bulb suddenly illuminated above her head, she hurried to write her final answers.

"Remus!"

He stopped walking and turned around. He found Lily panting, ostensibly running to follow him. He didn't say a word. He just stood and waited for her to reach him.

"Can I talk to you?" was Lily's first words as she stopped before him.

Two figures walked among the grounds that morning. Lily and Remus knew that they had still a few minutes until the school bell would ring. No one could hear.

"How – how are you?" Remus asked. His tone was of much concern and apology.

"I'm fine!" Lily replied with much enthusiasm, as she smiled widely. He was trying to comfort her. Now, she was trying to comfort him.

Remus smiled weakly. He knew she wasn't there just to say that she was fine. That everything was fine. He had a secret revealed. And it was unintentional. And it wasn't _just_ a secret. And he knew he had some explaining to do.

And he was right. After a while of silence between them, she asked him about what happened. And he much obliged on telling her about his story. About him being attacked by a werewolf when he was a kid. About him being one. About how he retreated into the Shrieking Shack through the Whomping Willow every full moon. About how his friends tried to spy on him since first year. About how they found out later on. About them finally mastering the transfiguration into being Animagi when they were in their fifth years. About how ironic it was to still love the night sky. About being afraid that other people would stay away from him when they find out. About how he was afraid that _she_ would stay away from him. About… hating himself right then for having her find out in a very horrific way.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," he said weakly.

"It's alright," Lily replied convincingly. "My arm's fine. I'm fine."

Then, Remus halted and faced her. He had to ask. He just had to. "Lily…" he trailed, maybe looking into her eyes would give him the answer without asking the question.

Then, Lily smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry," she said, as if reading his mind. "I haven't told anyone. Not even my friends."

And that was when Remus breathed a sigh of relief. His face suddenly shifted to that of contentment and calm. "Thanks," he muttered with a nod. And a smile. A genuine smile.

"Remus…" Lily began once more. This time, it wasn't about what happened. Wasn't about what was done. This time, it was about what was said. "Remember what you said about James?"

Remus smiled involuntarily… and widely. "For what it's worth," he started, looking her in the eye. "I've never seen him look at someone the way he looks at you."

But instead of her face lighting up, Lily took a deep breath and looked as if she was just about to tell that someone had died. "Actually, that's what I want to talk you to about."

Remus quietly entered the boys' dormitory and saw James lying awake in his bed – doing nothing but sulk. Sulking James. About a girl. Now, _that_ was new to him. He took a chair and placed it beside James' bed. He turned it around and sat, resting his arms on the back of the chair.

James knew who entered the room without even looking once. For the past years that they were living together in one dormitory, everyone had memorized everyone else's way of entering the room. Further, he knew that Remus was just sitting beside his bed.

Looking at him.

Saying nothing.

_Creeping him out_.

"What are you doing?" he asked the roof of his bed. Apparently, he was talking to Remus but he refused to look at his friend.

Remus shook his head and chuckled. Sulking James. About a girl. He couldn't get over it. That was _really_ new to him. "You look like sh—"

"DON'T!" James interrupted so suddenly as he raised a hand of protest that, indeed, Remus stopped whatever he was trying to say. "Even say it," James said, finishing his sentence. "I have every right to look like this," he groaned, as he tucked his arms under his head and continued being pathetic that Remus had to let out a short laugh.

"I don't remember myself looking like…" Remus trailed, unable to word how James appeared to be at that time – priceless sulking James. Couldn't quite grasp it still. "Like that."

James sat up and looked at Remus. He knew that his friend wouldn't be going anywhere else soon. Remus was there and apparently with a purpose. "You told her you liked her," James began, using his recently gained knowledge about Remus finally telling Lily that he liked her; well, used to but still… "and you found out that she treats you like a brother."

He paused. "Fine!" he exclaimed for no other words could process in his mind, as he flashed an expression that seemed to be saying 'you're the luckiest person on the face of the earth right now!' "And then…" he started again, "when _I_ told her the same thing, she _ignores_ me," he concluded as he looked at Remus expecting some sort of agreement. But all he got from his friend was a smile so wide it was starting to drive him crazy. "What?" he demanded, with knitted brows and narrow eyes.

"I don't want to hurt your feelings but maybe because you're uh…" Remus trailed mockingly. He looked up at the ceiling pretending to be searching for the right word to describe James. "A player?"

James threw his friend a stabbing look. And with a frown, he said flatly, "You _suck_ in comforting people."

"I'm only trying to make you see how Lily sees you," Remus defended. "Listen," he said, as he moved the chair he was sitting on closer to the bed, when James lay back down to ignore him. "Lily is the type who plans today for the next ten _years_ of her life. She's not bound to enter into a relationship where she feels like it's going to end in ten _days_."

James snorted. That was definitely the last reason that he expected to hear; all because, "So you're saying she actually saw that in _Malfoy_?" he demanded. That was ridiculous! "The little wretched guy has actually given that impression on Lily?" he continued sounding more and more unconvinced. He took a glance at Remus for some reply. And when all he got was a shrug, he rolled his eyes and then said, "I don't even want to _think_ in what angle I'm supposed to find that ludicrous." And then, after a deliberate pause, he blurted out, "I mean, she was totally into me in our first year."

Oh yeah. Sometimes he could be _so_ deep…

"You know what? Maybe it's because of your problem with overconfidence," Remus joked, as he stood up concluding that James had probably, finally lost it. "Why don't you give it time? Maybe then she'll see you in a way no _other_ _person_ sees you."

"_Thank you!_ For this pep talk!" James blurted out sarcastically. "Now I feel like jumping off the rooftop."

Sulking James.

About a girl.

Remus just wished he had a video camera or something to remember that moment. But since he couldn't have any of that, he grabbed the pillow under James' head. And before James could even complain about it, he threw the pillow jokingly on his friend's face while saying, "Get up! Be normal. Maybe she'd like you that way."

Getting himself so engrossed with Head Boy responsibilities wasn't exactly _normal_ _James_… but the alternative being never talking to Lily again, he opted, instead, to busy himself with the Yule Ball that Saturday.

Lily, on the other hand, didn't fail to notice that James had been putting much effort about the Ball. For the last two days, she usually met him entering the Head Prefects Room to ask her if there was anything else he could do to help.

Only days had passed and their situation was still awkward. But as long as James kept to his word not to talk about _it_, everything should go on smoothly.

"Hey," he greeted her when she was just on her way out the room. "I just went to Professor's Flitwick's office. All decorations are ready for arrangement tomorrow morning."

"Great. Thanks," Lily replied, smiling.

"So, where are you going?"

"Oh, kitchen," Lily answered as she held up the list of food to be served. She was going to make sure that everything was ready.

Yes. That was their conversation for the past week. It was becoming monotonous and crazy in its own way. But still… "Let me handle that," James offered, as he reached his hand out to take the list from her.

"Alright…" Lily said quite hesitantly, as she handed him the piece of parchment. "But that will leave me with nothing to do."

James shrugged. "Why don't you go to the common room and rest?" he suggested. "Tomorrow's gonna be a long day."

Maybe in another time and definitely in another situation, Lily would've refused the offer. But at that time and definitely with their situation, she just accepted. She didn't want any argument. Besides, since James was offering the chance for her to relax so willingly… "Okay," she nodded.

James ran to the kitchen to do his errand. The Yule Ball was going to be held the next day and because he had been working so hard for the past week, there were times that he forgot that the dance was supposed to be fun.

The dance…

_Dance_…

Head Boy and Girl opening dance!

He suddenly remembered as he was walking to the kitchen. He slowed down realizing some dreadful fact he forgot to attend to.

Uh-oh.

Lily stretched herself by the hearth in the common room, doing the very thing that James had requested her to do – relax. And the moment her back touched the soft cushions of the seat, she was more than happy to never get off it again.

Then, from out of nowhere, she realized that Kiara was already standing beside her. "Hey, have you seen Vince around?" Kiara asked, without really fixing her eyes on Lily. She was searching the common room as she waited for an answer.

"He's in the dorm. Probably sulking. I don't know," came Lily's response.

"Okay, listen," Kiara began, sitting beside her friend. "I've been doing a lot of thinking and… do you think Vince can dance?"

Lily snorted. Some _serious_ question that was. "What?" she exclaimed, finding the question quite silly. "You've known him for seven years and you're only asking that now?"

Kiara paused for a moment realizing that Lily had a point. Yeah… as far as she knew Vince couldn't dance. "Okay. Rephrase. Rephrase. Do you think he's already _learned_ to dance?"

"Probably," Lily replied with a chuckle. "Yeah!" she suddenly blurted out, remembering something. "Yes. Last year, the girl he took to the ball taught him how to dance. I heard he's gotten pretty good."

"Great. Thanks. Bye." Then, Kiara left the room.

Lily would've had time to get confused and ponder on what just happened. But apparently, she couldn't because Toni came into the common room – after Kiara left – followed by Sirius who looked very much worried.

"I have a problem," was Toni's greeting as she walked to Lily.

Lily's eyebrows furrowed, wondering what was wrong with Toni. "What?"

But before Toni could open her mouth to answer, Sirius ran to her and pleaded. "No…" He was afraid that she might make a scene in the common room.

Little did he know… that wasn't it.

"What's wrong?" Lily asked, getting a little more confused by the minute.

Sirius sighed audibly and answered. "I told her about being an illegal Animagus," he whispered.

"No. That's not it," Toni said to him flatly. Then, she turned to Lily and told her what was it all about. "Sirius can turn into a humungous black _dog_ just like that," she said as she flicked her fingers with the word, 'that,' "but he can't _dance_!"

"Oh," Lily mumbled. She looked at Sirius as she tried to hold back a smile. Poor Sirius. "You've attended three Yule Balls… and you still can't dance?"

Yes. That was true. Sirius attended the Yule Ball every year and why didn't he learn to dance? "Well…" he trailed turning to Toni who narrowed her eyes at him.

"I. Am _not_. Going to sit the whole ball making out with you," Toni uttered, reading what was in her boyfriend's mind.

"Oh," Lily muttered again. So, that was how he lasted three school dances. "Sorry I asked."

"Hey, nobody's perfect," Sirius said to Lily, defensively.

Now, Lily wasn't only trying to hold back a smile, she was trying to stifle a laugh. "What do you want me to do?"

And Toni didn't waste any time. The dance was tomorrow and Sirius couldn't freakin' dance! "This will be a huge favor considering you have a lot on your mind right now but do you know anyone who can teach this boyfriend who can't dance _to dance_?" Apparently, she didn't waste any breath either.

"Wait a minute," Lily began. Then, she turned to Sirius remembering the Head Boy and Girl opening dance for the next day. "James can dance, can't he?" she asked quite cautiously; afraid that someone might just blurt out the word NO! in the middle of her sentence. "Why don't you ask him?"

"Because…" Sirius trailed.

"Because of course he's embarrassed," Toni interrupted, answering for him.

"Then, why don't you just teach him?" Lily asked Toni.

"You know she has a point," Sirius insisted, looking hopefully at Toni.

Toni crossed her arms and shook her head. "I can't teach anyone to dance. Besides, I don't lead."

"Neither do I," Lily also said.

"Uh, Toni," Sirius tried to get back into the conversation that involved the three of them.

"What?"

"James can't dance either." There it was. The bomb had finally dropped. "He's worse than two left feet." He paused when he caught a glance of Lily who looked like she was in a state of shock. "Well, not really… _worse_… you know. Just – just not… good."

Yeah. That would help.

"He can't dance?" Lily asked with eyes opened wide, as if what was said wasn't clear enough.

"No?" Sirius replied, now sounding as if he wasn't sure of the answer. "And I guess that'll be a problem with the opening dance, right?"

Did that have to be asked?

"Is that even a question?" Lily blurted out as she stood up and looked like she was going to the boys' dormitories.

Toni and Sirius followed her without asking any more questions. Maybe she had a plan?

Just then, Kiara entered the room again, holding something behind her back. "Where are you going?" she asked Lily and Toni in particular. Because Sirius walking toward the boys' dormitories wasn't exactly unusual.

All three stopped in their tracks as they waited for Kiara to reach them. "James and Sirius can't dance," Lily uttered. "We're going to ask Vince to teach them."

"Wait a second. Let me talk to him first," Kiara said, as she hurried to the stairs on the way to the boys' dormitories without even stopping by her friends. She just went ahead.

And sensing something big was going to happen, Lily and Toni decided to follow her.

"Wait here," Toni told Sirius before she left him.

Still with whatever she was hiding behind her back, Kiara knocked on the door of Vince's dormitory vigorously.

After about a minute of furious knocking, Vince opened the door. He had been apparently sleeping as he yawned and rubbed his eyes. At first, he didn't notice that those were girls that sauntered in the room one after another.

"Hi!" Kiara greeted with all smiles.

Okay, that was a girl's voice. Then, that was just the time he realized that it was Kiara, Lily and Toni who were banging on the door a minute ago. "Uh – hi? What are you doing here?"

Then, ignoring the fact that Vince wasn't exactly fully awake from his nap, Kiara brought about what she was holding behind her back and handed him… a long-stemmed red rose. "Here."

And so Vince awakened!

However, though he had accepted the rose from Kiara, he was more confused than ever. "What's – what's this…? What's going on?" he had to ask as he looked at the three people around him, still dazed.

"Listen," Kiara began. Now, Vince had someone to focus on. "I know… this may be _so_ last minute." She paused and then continued, while waving her hands furiously in the air to relieve some panic out of her system. "And you're probably going to have more than second thoughts about this and…"

Vince took a step toward Kiara and shook his head as he held her arms down to calm her from her panic. "Kiara, what are you trying to say?"

Kiara took a deep breath and for a minute she was talking in her head, formulating the best possible way she could say what she wanted to say. "Vince." She paused when he held her waving arms back down again. "When you agreed that we stay as friends," she continued, now her hands couldn't wave furiously in the air because Vince already had them in his hands. "I didn't realize you'd still be willing to make a fool of yourself or put yourself in danger and… you'd never know how much I really appreciate that."

Well, that didn't accurately explain the rose he was holding right at that moment but then maybe… that was… it? "Uh – w – I – uh – thanks, I guess," Vince replied, scratching his head.

"And how it changed my mind," Kiara finished.

And everyone in the room froze.

…

Wwwwwwwhaaaaaaat?

"Vince, will you be my _date_ for the Yule Ball?"

Shocked. That was what Vince was.

Completely.

He was speechless for a second. And by the time he was able to make some sensible sound out of his mouth, the words would want to make the other two girls in the room shout 'just say yes for the love of god!' "Are – are you sure?" was what he said. "I – I mean, that's for tomorrow, right?"

Yeah, sometimes when a person had finally gotten what he wanted, he would turn around and say something as stupid as that.

Kiara smiled widely. "Yeah," she replied with a nod. Then, as if they weren't close enough from each other, she stepped closer to him and planted a kiss on his lips. "Okay, now," she said, after paralyzing Vince with more shock. "Can you teach a couple of guys to dance?"

"WHAT?"

"Uh-huh," Kiara replied. "Thanks," she said, not really waiting for any reply. Then, she kissed him again on the cheek and left the room.

With his mouth hanging open – and still holding that long-stemmed rose in his hand – Vince watched as Kiara walked out the door. Then, he noticed that Lily and Toni were still standing in the room, apparently also amazed. "What – what – what did just happen?" he asked them, quite unsure if he was dreaming or what.

Lily smiled widely and patted Vince on the shoulder and declared, "You have a date!"

_~*~*~*~._

_i've never been one to hang my heart on a thread... but you spun me around and you loved me instead... - jars of clay, "i'm alright"_

_._

_Okay, no cliffies this time. Now, be kind and review. :)_


	22. Strike Three

__

IT'S THE DANCE!

But I can't promise you anything. It's the chapter where the Yule Ball happens and at the same time the title says Strike Three.

Well, then. The good news is that there wouldn't be any strike four. I mean, it kind of naturally always stops at strike three, right? And after strike three, the good things come. Oh, I just sounded ironic but then, I'm not really sure if I'm making any sense.

Alright, just a little recap: James is still taking Sarah Cramer to the dance. Why? Well, some sort of… twisted… explanation is in there… somewhere… in the chapter. And who's taking Lily to the dance? Hmmm… James also wants to know that.

And another one, James and Lily haven't talked about James being an Animagus. Things are complicated enough. Besides, Lily has already talked with Remus.

So, as usual, first, I'd like to thank the following people:

Erika Skyfire

Anarane

lilybird

Alana

mutsumi

cRaZiiBuM316

tom girl

Angelxd14

oobergoober: now, you will know what happened in Dumbledore's office. Poor Malfoy. That's all I can say for now. And about the Matrix? Well, I've seen it twice. First with my family then with my friends. Finally I was able to understand it the second time. But I like the first one better. Some scenes in M2 were dragging.

Little House Girl

SpiritedPhoenix: Yes, James is going to learn how to dance. But will it be for Lily? We will see.

moozy

heavenly182angel: Um, it was only during that night when Lily saw everyone transform into animals that Lily knew about them being Animagi. So, James knew that Lily already know about them. But then, I'm not really sure if I'm answering your question right. Sorry, if I'm not. :) And about the letters above the head thing, it was to infuriate Malfoy even more. And probably to embarrass him by making him seem to be damn proud of something that wasn't actually true. Oh, anyway, Malfoy is going to be punished.

Hermione101888

angkat14

Andufeniel

Frankie

Moonlit Stars: Well, it's safe to assume that. Since Sirius did it. Probably James also did it.

Treeling11

Potterfan18

sirius's fan

Sayo

Now, I'm sure you're familiar with JK Rowling but just in case, she owns everything. And I? I own the rest… uh, those are the things you don't recognize. :)

So, read, enjoy, and review!

i wish i had those times again... cause something that you said... keeps ringing in my head... 'someday you're gonna wanna come back... and you're gonna wanna treat me fine...' -- train, "respect"

~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER TWENTY TWO: Strike Three**

So far, the walls of the Great Hall were already decorated, thanks to Lily and Professor Flitwick. It was eight in the morning and they had only been floating streamers and ribbons and curtains for the past hour. The tables and chairs were not yet moved from the Hall as they were only starting the decorations; but as far as anyone could see, they were doing a pretty good work.

Toni and Sirius were also there. They decided to help Lily and the professor with the decorations as they waited for Kiara to arrive – hopefully with Vince. But then, Sirius was hoping that Toni would just forget about it and let him go back to his bed and do some more of the lovely sleep that he was interrupted from.

"So, where's – uh – James?" Toni asked as casually as possible. As friends, they had the privilege of knowing about the 'I love you' and the question of sanity between James and Lily. But through Lily's request, it couldn't be talked about even between them.

Lily suddenly stopped what she was doing and turned to her friend.

"I mean he's Head Boy, right?" Toni abruptly explained her statement not really knowing if Lily was glaring at her with stabbing looks or just plain looking at her. "He's supposed to be here."

"I don't know," Lily replied with a shrug. She went back lining the edge of the stage – the platform where the teachers' table were located that would be transformed into a stage for that night – with streamers.

"Oh," Toni muttered under her breath. She was beside Lily and also helping with the stage decorations. "Hey, Sirius, where's James?" she asked, not really looking at him. And when she didn't get any response, she looked up and saw no one else standing in the room but the professor and Lily. "Sirius?" she called as she scanned the Hall. Then, when she looked to her right, she saw a knee peeping from behind the house table located at that side. She rolled her eyes and with hands on her waist, she walked to the _knee_.

Toni knew what she would see behind that table. She would see… Sirius comfortably lying on the stretch of the seat with one hand under his head, and one knee up with his foot on the bench. She narrowed her eyes and glared at him as if he could see her through his very much closed eyes. And when she realized that he couldn't even feel that a person was standing beside him, "Heeeeeeey!" she groaned as she woke him up by shoving his knee to put him out of balance.

Sirius would've fell flat down on the floor if he wasn't quick enough to grab hold of the table beside him. And when he was finally back to his awakened senses, he looked up to the person who pushed him. "What?" he demanded, as he tried to focus his eyes irately at the blurred figure standing in front of him. It was only after a second when he realized that that person was Toni – flashing a menacing expression. "I was just – I was just resting my eyes," he explained trying to sound believable and begging at the same time not to kill him.

Toni smirked. Yeah. Right. He was just resting his eyes when he was practically snoring. "Yeah. I can see that," she said sarcastically.

She was about to cut short whatever Sirius was about to say, when they all heard Kiara's voice coming into the Hall.

"Good morning!" came Kiara's cheerful tone that could lift up anyone's mood.

They all turned to her and greeted her back. And to Sirius' dismay, Kiara was practically dragging Vince alongside her.

"This is totally embarrassing," Vince muttered to Kiara as he let himself be yanked deeper into his doom.

"It's for a good cause," Kiara answered back, pulling Vince toward Sirius and Toni.

Toni smiled widely at Sirius. "Alright, here they are," she said, as she extended a hand for him to take.

And hesitantly, Sirius took her hand and let himself, too, be hauled over to meet Kiara and Vince.

"Hey," Vince mumbled to Sirius, with a nod of the head.

"Hey," came Sirius' response, doing the same gestures.

There was a pause. Sirius and Vince stood in front of each other saying nothing. What more could anyone expect? They couldn't even look at each other. Seemed like pride was getting the best of them – or maybe embarrassment.

Kiara clapped her hands to produce some sound amidst the dead silence. "Oookaaay…" she began in a singsong tone, not being able to hide the smile across her face. That was because laughing at the way the two guys looked like would be a little too much. "I guess that means 'I'm sorry' and 'I forgive you' in normal human language…" she commented translating the heys and the not-being-able-to-meet-each-other-in-the-eye behavior into more comprehensible words. "So," she said, turning to Vince. "How are we going to do this?"

Vince was suddenly in a loss. He looked at Kiara in confusion and answered, "I was hoping you'd tell me."

"Uh… no," Kiara replied flatly.

Vince rolled his eyes at the very said of that. "Fine…" he groaned. He stepped back from them and with a flick of his wand, the tables and chairs were all pushed to the sides in order to free some space in the middle where they could _dance_. Vince took a deep breath. _This will be quite a morning_, he thought to himself as he walked to the music player that was already set on the platform.

"Hey, Lily, where's James?" Kiara called to her friend, who was still busy with the stage, remembering that it wasn't only Sirius who wasn't exactly gifted with the gracefulness of dancing.

"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" Lily complained, sighing audibly.

"Fine," Kiara replied in a tone like saying, 'you don't need to sound so defensive.' Then, she turned to Sirius and asked, "Where's your friend?"

"I have no idea," he replied with a shrug. "He wasn't in the dormitory anymore when _somebody_," he turned to Toni at the said of that, "came knocking furiously at the door like she was being chased by a humungous three-headed dog and woke me up." He lightly pinched Toni's nose when she just smiled at him ever so widely as a response.

Music started playing as Vince walked back to the three who were waiting for him. Well, Sirius was praying for some sort of voice of reason to tell him that he should go back to bed, but then on that morning, that was very far fetched.

"Alright, face each other," Vince told Toni and Sirius gesturing the two to position themselves properly.

"No," Toni interrupted just when Sirius was halfway about to take her hand. "I thought _you_ are going to teach him," she said to Vince.

"But this is better," Sirius muttered to Toni.

"I know," Vince replied looking at Toni, without taking heed of what Sirius just said. "But are you really expecting that _I_ dance with him?"

"Well, yes," Toni replied like it was too obvious to miss.

"No…" Sirius muttered again. But so far, no one was really paying attention to him.

"That's not the way it works," Vince negated what Toni just said.

"Thank you." Again it was Sirius – without anyone listening to him.

Vince, desperate to shed some light on his friend – and more desperate not to dance with a guy – neared Toni and put a hand on her shoulder while looking at her in the eyes. "You're the _girl_," he declared like it wasn't apparent enough.

"Exactly!" came Sirius' utter affirmation. Unfortunately, Toni glared at him to shut up after that. "I'm keeping quiet," he said.

"Fine…" Toni groaned as she rolled her eyes. She turned to Sirius and took her place in front of him. "You're not allowed to step on my toes," she said, as she pointed a threatening finger at him.

"Fine. Fine. Fine," Sirius replied, as he pulled Toni closer to him. No matter what she said, having Toni near him was good enough to compensate. Yeah.

* * * * *

So.

Where was James?

As far as it wasn't a big deal for Lily that he wasn't around that morning – for the reason that he had been doing most of her errands for the past week anyway – it was a big deal for somebody else. No. Not that he wasn't in the Great Hall that morning. But because he was somewhere else…

"So, does this really have to be top secret?" Emma Creton mocked, the moment James walked in the door. She had been waiting in one of the rooms that had been unused for a long period of time. She stood up from where she was sitting and neared him. "And before you say anything," she interrupted when he opened his mouth to speak. "I'm not here to joke around with you."

But in spite of what she said, she expected James to throw in a joke or some kind of 'c'mon, I thought we're friends' thing. But, instead, she received quite a surprise.

"So, how are you?" James asked. That was the surprise. And to more surprise, he sounded sincere… and, geez that morning was full of surprises for Emma… because he also sounded, simply put, sorry.

Well, for any reassurance, from the moment that James – with head bowed down so low it could almost hit the ground – went to her to ask for one 'stupid' favor, Emma knew that something in him was changing or had changed. "I'm fine," she replied with the same tone and a shrug. "I've been fine for a _long_ time," she added, nodding with affirmation.

"Good."

"Good," Emma reiterated.

And then a pause.

"Well," James interrupted the silence and then took a deep breath.

"James," Emma chirped in before James could continue whatever he would try to say. She was back into her bubbly self again. "Forgive me if I'm dying of curiosity here but why me? Of all the people you can share this ridiculous – pardon the term – fact with, why do you come to _me_?" she whispered the last word, mocking with the fact that James wouldn't want anyone to know what was happening right then.

"Look," James began, as he shook his head with himself not knowing the answers to the question. "W-well, you're the only person who can help me with this."

"Hmmm…" Emma hummed as she walked to a music player that she brought with her and played the music. "Isn't your girlfriend going to freak out when she learns about this?" she asked, enjoying the fact that she was comfortable in their situation. James wasn't.

"Are you going to help me or not?" James blurted out, apparently affected by Emma's way of torturing him. "I'm desperate, okay?" he added ever so tactlessly.

"No, James. I'm sure you can _always_ explain yourself," Emma replied, as she walked back to him. "And thankfully I don't have the case of the ex." She smiled widely at the said of that as she extended a hand for him to take.

And in case some confusion started bubbling around… James took her hand – with much no clue what to do – and began his _dancing lessons_. Oh my, Sirius would be laughing his face off if he learned about this.

Smoothly, Emma led James through the first… _line_… of the song and then…

"Aw!"

"Oh my god. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," James babbled as he removed his humungous foot from Emma's. Well, Emma would have a foot of dead toenails at that moment if they weren't dancing to _slow_ music.

"That's okay," Emma reassured as she cleared her throat. It _hurt_. She looked up at him trying to keep a straight face and then continued. "Okay, James, let's go by the rules first," she said. "Rule number one. Don't step on my toes," she uttered, mockingly pleading for him not to do it. _Ever_. For heaven's sake!

James' cheeks turned pink and bowed down to the floor instead.

"Rule number two," Emma continued. "Don't look down to the floor to make sure you don't step on my foot."

James looked back up at her. "Okay. Okay," he said, taking deep breaths like he was getting ready for a fight. "I can do this. I can do this." He was starting to talk to himself by the way.

Emma started dancing to the music again. And well, James was trying so hard not to step even on his own foot.

"And rule number three. Be sure why you're here."

James knitted his brows and looked at her like she just spoke in Greek. "What's… that supposed to mean?"

"James, you're a senior. You've been attending the Yule Ball since you were fourteen. Are you doing this for the dance? Or for yourself?" Pause. "Is this for Sarah… or for Lily?"

_Everywhere_ he went…

_Everyone_ felt like they knew better than him.

Well, that was what he was thinking right then anyway.

James rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry. I can't answer that right now. I'm busy concentrating not to step on your toes," he said in quite a lively tone that would very well mean, 'get off my back, please' and smiled.

* * * * *

"Sirius!"

Everyone in the Great Hall turned to where the shriek of pain came from.

"Toni, I'm _so_ sorry," Sirius said in a tone like he was begging for his life. When everyone spotted where he was, he was already kneeling down before the now-seated Toni as he checked her foot if there was any damage.

"That was your _whole_ foot on my toes," Toni declared the obvious, looking at the person in front of her with wide eyes.

Tsk tsk. Poor Toni. When Vince told them to turn, they turned alright – in clashing directions. So, Sirius ended up stepping down… not quite on the floor.

"You're not wearing metal shoes, are you?" Kiara joked.

"No…" Sirius replied with a pout. He sat beside Toni and then smiled ever so widely. "Well, I don't mind if you're physically incapable of dancing tonight."

Toni suddenly narrowed her eyes at him. "Uh – d – how – how many times do I have to tell you? I'm not gonna do what you have in mind," she said, shaking her head NO.

"Well, can you at least walk?" Sirius asked, concerned.

"Yes, of course," Toni answered with much assurance. "As long as you don't step on me again, I can."

* * * * *

By noon, Professor Flitwick, Lily and her friends – including the still-walking Toni – took a break since the students were going to have their lunch. After which, they resumed whatever they left doing.

By then, most of the hall was already decorated. And by then, James came in the Great Hall feeling quite… he just learned something new. Like, _to dance_.

"Hey, where have you been?" Kiara greeted him.

"Nowhere," James replied with a shrug, as he made his way towards Lily and the Professor.

"You're in this too."

James suddenly stopped and turned to Kiara. "What do you mean I'm in that, too?" Then, for the first time, he noticed that it was Sirius – Sirius, his friend! – who was letting himself be ordered around on how to act.

"DON'T!" Sirius exclaimed when he saw that James was trying so hard – and not so successfully at that – to hide his grin. "Don't you even dare _think_ of saying anything."

James chuckled. "I'm not," he denied.

"You're in that too because you're worse than two left feet," Lily's voice interrupted James.

James turned around and saw her standing beside him. "Well, as far as I know I'm in here to help with the decorations."

"When were you planning on telling me that the Head Boy and Girl opening dance is going to be a problem?" Lily demanded. Same ol' Lily. Very familiar demanding Lily. Apparently, the two of them had been quite comfortable with each other lately.

"It's not going to be a problem."

"Then why'd you always turn into that unexplainable worried face every time I mention the opening dance?" Lily retaliated, crossing her arms.

James looked up the ceiling as if he was talking to an incorrigible little kid. "Because…" he started with an audible sigh. "Because back _then_, it _was_ a problem. _Now_, it's _not_ anymore," he said, complete with gestures of his hands from left to right – then and now.

Lily pursed her lips, doubting James for a minute. Then, she shrugged with contentment. "Suit yourself."

* * * * *

Finally, the long awaited ball. After Sirius caught up with the dance steps – all the while scared of stepping on Toni's feet again – and after James learned the basics, they were ready.

Well, they felt that they were ready. They had no choice. By six pm, the girls decided to get ready for the Ball.

"It's _two hours_ before the dance," Sirius complained when Kiara called Toni and Lily back into the dormitory to prepare for the dance.

"I know that," Toni replied, smiling at him. Then, she gave him a peck on the cheek and waved. "See you later."

And so almost two hours had passed and it was a quarter before eight. The guys, who were taking girls from their house to the ball, were all waiting anxiously in the common room. And to prove how nervous some of them were about the dance, just ask Sirius why he was practically doing jumping jacks in order to calm down.

"_What_ are you doing?" James demanded, looking at his friend like he could see a giant mole on Sirius' face.

"Trying to calm down," Sirius replied in between jumps. Then, realizing something not quite right, he stopped and looked at James. "What are _you_ doing _here_? Aren't you supposed to be meeting with Sarah?" he asked teasing, at the same time sending the message, 'choose or you'll die unhappy.' He had been telling James to be honest with Sarah and the friend just kept on insisting that she might not be able to take it given that the ball was, like, that week – or that day, for that matter.

James didn't say anything. He knew that Sirius knew why and he knew that Sirius was right. He was being unfair to Sarah. That was why he had come down to a decision. It was only fair. And it was only right. And he would do it that night. And Lily might kill him altogether but the Yule Ball preparations were over. Soon enough, the dance itself would be over. Soon enough, they would have nothing else to talk about. And before everyone went home for Christmas… before Lily would go home – away – for Christmas, he wanted everything to be cleared once and for all.

A few minutes later, Vince went down from the boys' dormitories. And he met the previously-anxious-now-impatient Sirius.

"Just out of curiosity," Sirius began, the moment Vince stepped onto the floor of the common room. "Are your friends ever going to get ready?" he asked pertaining, of course, to Toni.

"They're women. What do you expect?" Vince replied, as he sat in front of the fireplace.

Then, as casual as he could pretend to be, James approached Vince and asked, "So… who's taking Lily?"

Vince opened his mouth to answer the question but even before a sound came out, a female voice dominated the common room.

An ever so cheerful, bubbly voice.

"James…" she called.

Oooh… who else had that ever so cheerful, bubbly voice who sounded like she escaped from planet chirpy?

James turned around to see Sarah followed by Peter. He was feeling confident that no one from another house would be able to get through that portrait… until that night. "Sarah," he greeted, with all smiles – probably trying to match her liveliness. "How'd—?"

"Peter let me in," Sarah replied, knowing what James was going to ask. "I've been waiting for you in the hallway and I guess I just grew impatient," she said, still talking like she just had a fill of energy.

"I… was… just on my way… to meet you," James replied – lied, for some part actually.

"I know. But," Sarah grabbed his hand, "I want us to have our pictures taken before the dance. You know, with the rest of my friends."

James was about to hesitate. Oh, he was about to show the most reluctance at that idea but then… Sarah did not allow him to say anything more and just dragged him out of the common room.

* * * * *

Students started to gather in the Great Hall. And as they stepped in, they were greeted by a beautifully decorated room. Curtains of silk decorated the walls. The house tables were removed and round tables were arranged around the room, giving a wide space for the dance floor. And as the students were coming in, some music was playing in the background.

James had been looking for Lily since Sarah dragged him to take pictures then finally into the Great Hall. First, he saw Sirius enter, with Toni of course. Then, Remus and his date. Then Peter and his date. But no Lily.

After a few minutes. Still no Lily.

And another few minutes later, the music stopped. James turned to the stage and saw Dumbledore had finally took over the stage. He still couldn't see her anywhere.

Dumbledore started his opening speech.

James still couldn't see her.

He tried to listen to what Dumbledore was saying but he couldn't concentrate. He was busy with something else. He was busy craning his neck to look for Lily.

And finally…

Halfway through the speech, James saw Vince… and then Kiara… and then Lily.

Lily…

Lily entered the Hall with Vince and Kiara… and no one else. James realized that she braved to come to the ball without a date.

And he just watched her. He just stared at her direction and forgot that someone – important, for that matter – was talking on stage. The lights were dimmed and he couldn't really picture her entirely, but James just felt right, looking at her.

Then, all of a sudden, a light shone on him. He listened and realized that Dumbledore had stopped talking. It was time for the opening dance.

He stood up. And walked. No one needed to tell him to near her – Lily. His feet seemed to already be moving by themselves… toward her… _to her_. And those feet knew the way to her.

Then, a light shone on Lily.

This time, he finally saw her clearly.

And she looked… as he could only describe as… _just beautiful_.

Her red hair was pulled up, forming a stylish chignon, letting a few curls fall on the sides of her face. And in her dazzling white robes, she walked toward him as her dress fell elegantly to her feet like soft glittering waves of mist.

Looking at her, James was reminded of the picture of the Head Girl that they found in the Head Prefects Room. That girl looked like an angel, as Lily said. But to James, Lily captured that essence more precisely.

They met. And she took his extended hand. And as they danced, he didn't dare take his eyes off her.

"You look… beautiful."

Lily smiled sincerely. "Thank you," she said, and then pretended to look at James from head to foot. "You don't look bad yourself."

No words. James just wanted to relish the moment. Every second.

Then, he spun her around.

"I see you weren't lying when you said you learned to dance," Lily joked.

"I have my ways," James replied. If only Lily knew how many toes he accidentally stepped on to perfect that move.

"Oh, do these ways have a name? Cause whoever that is did a pretty good job."

"You don't need to know her name."

Lily couldn't help but smile widely. "Aah… It's a _she_," she delightfully concluded. "You admitted to a girl about your fault. You're changing, James," she said. And she meant it. And she didn't know why, but she believed it.

James turned her around again without saying a word. They danced together… in silence but the music playing softly in the background. And he just stared at her.

Lily knew that most of the students in the Great Hall were watching them. But she really didn't feel the least comfortable when James was watching her, too. "Please don't look at me like that," she said, knowing that something was brewing in his mind. She couldn't tell it exactly, but she could feel it.

And she was right.

"I'm ending it with Sarah," James muttered out of nowhere that took Lily quite by surprise.

"What?"

"Tonight… after the ball."

No. No no no no no no. It was fine until that. They were fine until that. No. Not that again. "You couldn't have chosen a better timing, could you?" Lily muttered through gritted teeth.

They were fine…

What was the matter with him?

"I'm through pretending."

"Don't say that," Lily pleaded because she knew what was next.

"I love you, Lily."

That was next.

The music stopped and Lily quickly pulled away from him. Another song came on and the students started to crowd the dance floor.

James tried to hold her back but she hurriedly walked away. He almost lost her in the crowd.

Almost.

Then, he saw her getting out of the Hall.

And dodging the students who were in his way, he walked through the crowd and ran after her.

"Lily, wait!"

* * * * *

"Lily, wait, please," James called as he still ran to reach her.

Lily stopped and turned around. "James, why can't you understand? You're just going to hurt yourself even more if you insist on this," she said, almost pleading.

"I'll change. I swear."

She looked at him. Her feelings were mixed. She waited for this moment… six years ago. But that was six years ago. And that wasn't anything serious. That was something so petty. And that… that was her emotions. Now, she just couldn't afford to be engulfed with her feelings. Now, all she could do was listen to her mind.

And with more pity than sadness in her eyes, her mind kept on saying, "But I don't love you, James." And that was what she said.

James was taken aback. Torture. That was just complete torture. He couldn't be more hurt. And in that place where he was standing, he froze unable to process what he was feeling right then. Lily turned and walked away from him. And he just stood there.

But no. He couldn't just let her go like that. It couldn't just end like that. He ran after her. And in a second, three things happened.

Her grabbed her hand.

Turned her around.

And kissed her.

And in another second, Lily pulled away. She couldn't believe that James would just do something like that. And so, she raised a hand and with all the emotion built up inside her, she slapped him hard. It was hard and it hurt. She wished it really hurt. Because she never felt violated like that before.

James felt his face redden. But that wasn't the case. He, himself, was shocked by what he did. He looked at Lily, and with pleading eyes, he whispered, "I'm – I'm sorry."

"I _hate_ you," Lily said coldly. And without another word, she ran away.

* * * * *

She ran away and James couldn't do anything else but to watch her go. He was beginning to feel hopeless.

No. He was beyond that. He was past that. Hope had flown out the window the moment she said the word _hate_.

James decided to stay for a while outside. It was freezing cold but he didn't care. In fact, he just preoccupied himself thinking of how to undo the most stupid thing that he just did. He was lost in his thoughts when a female voice interrupted his silence.

"I saw that," came the voice from behind him. The voice was calm and composed.

James turned around and saw Sarah Cramer standing just outside the door of the Great Hall. Sarah, his date. Sarah, the girl he was supposed to break up with. Sarah, the one who didn't deserve all those unfairness. "Sarah."

For once, she wasn't so cheerful. For once, she proved that she was actually human – normal. "I saw… what you just did," she said, trying hard not to sound like she was choking. "I heard… what you just said."

"Sarah, I'm sorry—"

"I know," came Sarah's assurance. "I _knew_ actually. I was just the one who was stupid enough to believe that you don't really feel anything about her."

James neared her. This was the moment he was planning for the night. But he was wrong. He couldn't handle that right then. Maybe some other time? "Sarah, listen—"

"I'm not mad," Sarah insisted, still trying to keep her composure. "It's not like I didn't expect this."

"What do you mean?"

"James, everyone's been telling you that. Even _I_ believe that. But… I thought… maybe… as long as you don't believe that you love her… we'll be okay," Sarah admitted to the fact. The fact that James loved Lily Evans and only him was the one who spent the longest time in realizing that. And the fact that she knew someday, James would admit to that and when that day finally came, she was out of the picture.

A slow song started playing in the Great Hall. "This is my favorite song," Sarah said, smiling weakly at James. "Can I have just one last dance?"

James led Sarah into the dance floor. And to the soft, slow music, they danced. In five minutes, she would finally let go. And in five minutes, he would end up with… no one.

After the song, Sarah reached for James and gave him a hug. Tears were starting to well up in her eyes. But she knew better than to hold on to someone while expecting nothing in return. "James," she whispered in his ear. "Everyone can see how you see her. Please don't waste the chance now that _you've_ realized what she means to you."

And then, she let go.

And, he ended up with no one.

* * * * *

"Where's Lily?" Toni asked after the dance. There were only a few students left in the Great Hall and those were her, Sirius, Kiara, Vince, Remus, Peter and their dates and…

"Where's James?" Sirius said as a reply for Toni's question.

"I'm going to find her," Toni said. She was about to walk a step further when Sirius jumped and held her back.

"No…" Sirius groaned, holding Toni's hand. He was sounding like a kid throwing some kind of weird tantrum but from the look on his face, he was more excited than irritated. Then, he seated Toni in a chair and said, "Stay," complete with hand gestures. "Maybe she just got tired and went back to the dorms."

Toni looked at him. Then at Remus and Peter who were seated comfortably with their dates. "What? The dance ended half an hour ago."

"Yeah – Sirius, what is this about?" Kiara asked impatiently.

"I told you I have a surprise," Sirius said as he jumped up and down like doing that would make his companions any less impatient.

"Stop that," Toni ordered. And Sirius stopped. "We've been here for half an hour and – what the heck is this surprise you keep on saying?"

"Just wait and see, okay?" Sirius replied. And at the said of that, the door of the Great Hall opened.

Not really knowing who was coming in through the door, they all turned and looked.

Sirius sat beside Toni like he was about to watch a movie.

And to everyone's surprise, Malfoy, with his ever-loyal Narcissa, came in with pails and mops and a couple of enormous trash bins. Apparently, their meeting with Dumbledore a couple of days ago resulted with a punishment of cleaning after the Ball – _without magic_.

And it didn't take another second for Malfoy to realize that the two of them weren't alone in the room. That was because some kind of evil boisterous laugh suddenly filled the silence of anticipation.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I think that was me… _laughing my ass off!_" Sirius declared after he let out that wicked all-too-delighted laugh. After which, everyone else in the room joined in the spirited mirth.

Malfoy stiffly turned to look at Sirius and amidst the mop he was holding in one hand and a pail in another, he managed to throw him a menacing look.

"Malfoy!" Sirius began in such a delighted, cheerful tone. "Glad to see you're not trying to escape detention. Oh, what was that again? Oh yeah, you're going to clean up this enormous hall… They didn't call it _Great_ Hall for nothing."

"Shut your hole before I shove this mop up your nostrils."

"Oh, I'm scared," Sirius mocked, putting a hand on his chest. Then, he chuckled. Wow, he was happy that night.

"Get out," Malfoy ordered.

"Yeah… that would be nice…" Sirius trailed, in a tone as if he was considering on doing what Malfoy just told him. "Wouldn't it?" he said, instead, and stayed put where he was sitting.

Then, Filch came in and noticed Malfoy and Narcissa doing nothing. "It would take all night to clean up this mess without magic," he said, ignoring the other students in the room. "Better start right now or you wouldn't be able to catch the train home tomorrow."

And so the entertainment began. Unfortunately, James wasn't there to witness it. Malfoy mopping the floor. Malfoy picking up rubbish. Malfoy, and his hair that was stubbornly still neatly sleeked at the back his head, was cleaning up after people…

Hilarious. That Sirius just had to snicker every time he thought about it. "Hey, you missed a spot," he said, pointing to the floor where pumpkin juice, that was spilled earlier during the dance, had dried up.

_Such a night._

* * * * *

The next day, all students who were going home for Christmas were already gathering in Hogsmeade station and loading the train. Everyone came early.

James came early. Although he had been there for the past hour, he wasn't getting on the train. He was just… standing near the train with no companion but his luggage sitting beside him.

"Aren't you coming in?" Remus and Peter asked James when they entered the station and saw him almost shivering in the cold.

"I'll be in a while," James replied as he pulled his coat closer to him. "Go ahead."

Remus and Peter went ahead. They knew why. James didn't need to explain. He watched his friends get on the train as he endured the cold winter from where he was standing. He looked back to the crowd. He couldn't afford to miss her. He couldn't afford to just let her go.

But instead, he saw Sirius getting in the train, together with Toni. However, Sirius saw him and signaled Toni to go ahead.

"Are you planning to send home your frozen self instead?" Sirius asked sarcastically when he reached James.

James rubbed his arms. Yes. He would probably freeze in the cold but he had a more important thing to think of. Like… where was she?! "She's going home, right?" he said as a reply, as he looked around. "I mean, she's gotta be here."

Sirius rolled his eyes. James. James. James. If only James could see himself. If only James could hear himself. If only… Remus had that video camera a few days ago! "Look, maybe you should give her more time," Sirius suggested with a shrug.

James snorted. "Why does everybody keep saying that?" Well, not really _everybody_ kept saying it. Only he was growing impatient of waiting. Maybe he was saying it to himself?

"C'mon. Look at it reasonably," Sirius started again. "She's also still broken hearted right now. As much as any of us hate to even _think_ about it, she really liked that git, Malfoy." James glared at him like he was about to be killed in a matter of seconds. "I said _liked_!" Sirius suddenly blurted out, raising his hands in defense. "It's all in the _past_, mate."

Then, without saying another word, Sirius found himself pushed aside by his friend. Apparently, James just spotted the girl he was waiting for.

James ran to Lily who was just getting on the train. "Lily!" he called.

All she did was glance at him but it seemed like he was invisible. It was like she just heard a voice calling out her name… that turned out to be somebody else's name.

"Lily, I'm sorry," James pleaded. He was standing beside her. He was looking at her. He was within arm's reach from her. But she wouldn't even look at him.

Lily ignored him like he was a ghost – completely unseen, completely unheard. She just continued to walk into the train.

Until James was left standing outside as students pushed him out of the way. "Dammit!" he exclaimed… to himself.

It was hopeless.

He was hopeless.

__

~*~*~*~

i tried to make you happy... i did all that i could... just to keep you... but you left anyway... -- simple plan, "addicted"

i'm dressed all in blue and i'm remembering you... and the dress you wore when you broke my heart... -- rhett miller, "come around"

Now, wasn't that just a bummer!

But I hope you still review! :)


	23. Welcome Back To Reality

__

"I NO LONGER LOVE HER, THAT'S CERTAIN, BUT MAYBE I LOVE HER… LOVE IS SO SHORT, FORGETTING IS SO LONG."

I forgot where that quote came from. I just ran out of opening phrases so I sort of put that instead.

Anyway, school started this week for me. So far, I don't like the professors. And because of that, I might start putting updates once every week only. But as I said, the story will be finished soon because HP5 is coming out soon. I know you'd all be busy by then.

And another thing, sorry for not being able to put up an update last weekend. I had been watching this TV series, "Meteor Garden" and I kind of got hooked on it. It's about these four guys in a school and a girl that the leader (of the four) liked. Doesn't sound so good coming from me, does it? Anyway, that's the reason. I've been struggling to keep it off my head lately especially when I'm writing or else my characters would start sounding like them characters in the series.

Okay, that's it. By the way, thanks for the reviews. :)

Lilia

Lili Flynn

Bambie

Anarane

SarahPeach

Mooky

Little House Girl

Sayo

SpiritedPhoenix

oobergoober: oh well, if James did that, a slap on the face (even on both cheeks) wouldn't be enough. ^_^

lilybird

moozy: I'm not sure about the search engine. All I know is that it says that it takes about 24 hours before updates are completed. So, I guess that's it.

Treeling11

Lamina Court

mutsumi: wala lang akong masabi. Ah, sana lang e yung 'decent bading' e misinterpreted lang about HIM.

oRe0

Stunned

hpfan21

Frankie

angkat14: don't worry. This story wouldn't even reach chapter thirty.

LadyLily316

east of the shore

DanniBannani

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter. Others belong to me.

sorry didn't mean to call you but i couldn't fight it... i guess i was weak, couldn't even hide it... and so i surrendered, just to hear your voice... -- son by four, "purest of pain"

~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER TWENTY THREE: Welcome Back to Reality…**

James went home.

Smashed.

Shattered.

Broken.

He didn't bother to find her in the train anymore.

Didn't bother to try to apologize for the millionth time.

Didn't bother to try and make her believe…

All of it was true.

But by the time he stepped into his room… he shook his head. He wasn't thinking of giving up, either.

* * * * *

He started sending her letters since the night he reached home. Everyday, he owled her. Every night, he sat by his desk next to the window waiting for some reply. And every night, he would fall asleep waiting. But no reply came. Not a single one.

Until a couple of days before classes would begin again, he did his routine. Because a couple of days before classes would begin again, he decided to stop. One night, he just lay in his bed. The only option remaining was to shrug and tell himself to forget. To resign. And give up.

…

Or maybe not…

James' thoughts were distracted when he heard a tapping on his window. An owl. _Who would be owling in this time of the night?_ Well…

He suddenly sat up. _Lily?_

Without wasting another breath, he got up and opened his window – while almost tripping and falling down to the floor as he hurried on.

_Yeah, James. Dream on,_ he sighed as he let the noisy, tapping owl inside his room and recognized Sirius, er, the owl as belonging to Sirius.

He didn't really have the strength or the interest, at that, to read the letter that his friend just sent him. Anyway, he knew what was written there. Some kind of 'cheer up' or 'get off your bum' sort of letter. He chuckled to himself picturing how Sirius would look like if he were right there saying those words. Just like the other day when he woke up, quite shaken – Sirius was jumping violently on his bed.

__

"James, my dahling! Wake up!" Sirius hollered at the top of his lungs as he tried to jump higher.

"What? What?" James tried to sit up, as he focused his vision while almost being thrown out of his own bed. Then, he recognized Sirius practically trying to reach the ceiling while Remus was standing beside his bed with Peter sitting on a stool next to him – as both were delightfully watching the commotion.

When Sirius realized that James was finally awake, he stopped bouncing on the bed and then sat beside his friend, who was still quite lightheaded from all the shaking of the bed. "So, what's new?" he asked with a wide grin flashed across his face.

James turned to the table beside him and looked at the time. Eight in the morning. Eight in the morning?! For crying out loud, it was eight in the morning! James threw Sirius a stabbing look. "Go away," he muttered, as he lay back down and covered himself with his blanket.

"I told you."

"Told what?" James asked from under his blanket. Although his eyes were wide shut, he recognized Remus' voice talking to Sirius and Peter.

"Yeah," James heard Sirius say. "Bad case. Tsk tsk tsk."

"What bad case?" James asked again. But he was nowhere near opening his eyes and getting out from under his cover.

"This is just astonishing," came Peter's voice.

James groaned and emerged from under his blanket. Apparently, his friends were talking about him like he wasn't there. "Okay, stop. Told what bad case to whom that is just astonishing?" he questioned, not really knowing if he just made sense.

And obviously, James didn't. His friends all looked at him with knitted brows and he looked back at them with a 'what's so unclear about my question' face.

Sirius moved closer to James. "Lily Evans," he whispered in his friend's ear like it was some secret code used to program him. It wasn't an answer to any question. It was just something Sirius and his friends would usually do to James those days.

"Ooh… get out," James groaned as he went back under his blanket.

But before James could even cover his face, Sirius pulled the blanket away and yelled, "No! Get up! Get up!"

And as if on cue, Remus and Peter grabbed James and pulled him out of his bed.

That morning, James' friends dragged him to Diagon Alley. He smiled remembering it. But then, the next day would be very different.

* * * * *

James entered Platform nine and three-quarters not really knowing what to expect. He was hoping for something – or _someone_. Okay, he was hoping to see _her_. He knew he didn't get any reply for his letters. But he was at least hoping that she had read them. All of them.

However, he never saw Lily at the station. There was a time when most of the students came in and they just crowded the platform. Maybe Lily was one of those in the crowd. Sad thing was, he just didn't see her.

When the train arrived in Hogsmeade station, James expected the same thing – to not even catch sight of her. He didn't look; he just kept walking toward the exit.

As he sauntered listlessly along the platform, he watched as students greet each other like they hadn't seen one another in two years. Even some of the girls ran out of the train and shrieked with delight as they spotted those they knew.

He watched every door as he passed by. Students coming out. Students greeting each other. Some were with their friends. Some were on their way to meet their friends. Some were blocking his way, actually. And some were…

He froze. As much as he wanted to keep walking, his feet suddenly stopped. His heart suddenly leapt. And his mouth suddenly went dry.

He watched as Lily get off the train. What was he supposed to do? Was he supposed to say something? Or wave? Or smile? Or, or just stay standing where he was as he looked at her… looking back at him.

And they looked at each other. Awkward. There was that air that felt like they had millions of things to say to each other. But none of those millions of things ever came out. And three seconds later…

She went on.

He went on.

Just like they weren't there. Just like nothing happened.

* * * * *

But it happened again.

It happened again during dinner that night in the Great Hall.

It happened again in the common room.

It happened in classes.

It happened when they chanced upon each other in the hallways.

It happened.

Again.

And again.

And again.

For the next two months.

Again and again.

There was nothing much to describe. Nothing much to tell. Everything went like normal. Lily hung out with her friends. James hung out with his. Except maybe, James-and-Lily 'normal' wasn't as it used to be. Because _it_ kept happening – the thing that always ended up 'just like nothing happened.'

* * * * *

"That was just terrible," James mumbled, as he threw his broom aside. "What is wrong with you, people?!" he blurted, as he breathed out a sigh of extreme frustration.

Gryffindor had just finished a Quidditch match against Slytherin and the team retreated back to the stands after the game. And as James had described it, it was terrible. But why?

"What's your problem?" Jessica, the team's Keeper, demanded. She couldn't see the point. "We won."

A chorus of agreement floated within the group.

James snorted. His team was sounding ridiculous. "Yeah! By twenty points!" he yelled.

Okay, so _that_ was the point.

Silence hung in the air as the team waited for the continuation of his lecture. "If I hadn't caught the Snitch, we would've lost by more than that," he said, matter-of-factly. He looked at his team and realized that he just burst everyone's bubble.

Yay. Great going, James.

He tried to calm down and picked up his broom while the team waited anxiously. He was going to say something more and they knew it. "First thing tomorrow morning. I want you all in the field."

"What?"

"Are you kidding?"

All came the team's complaints and groans. But he wasn't listening. He just turned around and walked.

"That's insane!" Toni blurted out. That was it. She was getting tired of him being so grumpy all the time. Every time they got practice, he was impatient. Every time after a game, he was still irritable. _Every single freakin' time!_ It was driving everyone mad.

James halted and turned around. Okay… someone was standing up to him.

"Do you know why we almost lost, James?" Toni demanded. "Because we're tired. That's why."

"Well, I'm tired too," James retaliated. "But you don't see me failing to do my job." And he left.

* * * * *

Sirius walked just outside where the Gryffindor team was gathered so he could wait for Toni. He was just halfway when he saw James marching out of the stands looking like he was told that he was going to die in the next ten minutes.

James was looking down on the ground with a scowl. He just passed by Sirius and he wasn't even aware of it. However, fortunately, Sirius understood why James was being so dismal lately. Sometimes, he was even pathetic. But then again, the whole school practically knew why he looked dejected a lot of times. A lot of times since school resumed.

Sirius looked as James walked past him. He shook his head as he watched his friend walk back to the castle, dragging his broom with him. Then, Sirius turned back to his destination where, now, he saw everyone else in the Gryffindor team walking back to the castle all looking like they just lost the will to live. Even Toni was one of them.

Toni saw Sirius and walked to him. Although she felt lighter that he was there, her expression that looked like she just lost millions worth of money couldn't be wiped off of her face.

Sirius looked confused. From what he heard when he was watching the game, Gryffindor won. But, why those faces? And why that face on his girlfriend, too? "For someone who just won the game," he called Toni's attention and she turned to him with a pout. "You don't…" he trailed as he looked at the other Gryffindor players passing by. "I may be mistaken," he said and scratched his head, "but you don't look happy."

Oh, wasn't that a bit obvious?

Toni didn't say anything. But out of frustration, she reached out and punched Sirius on the left shoulder. It was a light, girly punch – but coming from Toni… well, it still sting if only a little.

"Heeey…" Sirius moaned, quite surprised as he touched his 'hurt' shoulder.

Toni still kept quiet. All she did afterwards was to groan out all her exasperation. And then, she reached for him and wrapped her arms around his right arm needing all the comfort she could probably get from him. "He is driving us crazy!" she finally let out the words ringing in her head.

"He's that bad, huh?" Sirius commented as they themselves started walking back to the castle. He knew that Toni was talking about James. She had been complaining to him about their team captain since they got back from their Christmas break.

Toni snorted. Bad? _Bad?!_ "Bad isn't the word to describe him," Toni replied, with a shake of her head. No. Not _bad_. "He's _awful_!" she exclaimed as she looked at Sirius like saying 'you should do something about it like, right now!' "He's getting worse everyday," she added as a matter of fact, looking straight into his eyes.

Oh, yes. He was getting worse every day.

* * * * *

After the game, Sirius knew that James would be hungry. But then again, James was almost always hungry. And so, after the never ending grumbling and moaning of his girlfriend – who decided to retreat back to her dormitory – he rushed into the Great Hall with Remus and Peter.

They found James sitting in his usual place as he was eating a whole bunch of food laid down before him.

Remus rolled his eyes. "He's sulking again. I can't believe this," he mumbled under his breath as they stood by the door watching their friend slouched down in his seat while eating his food in silence.

Sirius put an arm around Remus' shoulders and looked at his friend. "That's why we're here," he said, with a tone of determination.

And like men with a mission, they walked their way to James who was completely unaware that he was being watched.

In truth, they had no idea what they were going to do. But anything at that time was worth a try.

Sirius sat beside James while Remus and Peter sat across the table from them.

No reaction.

Alright… since the food looked delicious anyway…

When James took a piece of chicken and was about to bite from it, Sirius suddenly grabbed it and started eating. "Hmmm… good," Sirius remarked, nodding.

James stayed his position for a moment – elbow on the table with his hand raised to his mouth. Then, he rolled his eyes and looked at Remus and Peter in front of him to acknowledge their presence. And then, he turned to Sirius and looked at him with knitted brows and a 'hey, that's my chicken!' face.

Sirius smiled at James ever so widely as he chewed the big bite he just took from the food in his hand. While Remus and Peter were looking at them crazy as they tried to hide their grinning faces.

James sighed. In another time, he would've grabbed back his food and push Sirius to a safe distance away from his chicken. But at that time, all he could muster up was a lousy sigh.

Sirius rolled his eyes. A sigh? A _sigh_?! Even a _dumb_ little kid could do better than a sigh! "Hey," he called James' attention. "I just realized, we haven't been taking 'midnight strolls' for quite a while and…"

"Yeah," Peter agreed. "I mean, we've lay low for some time now."

Remus nodded. Then, he turned to James and said, "So, do you want us to turn some blond git into a toad or something like a talking pig?"

James smiled. Ah, a smile. He had forgotten how ridiculous his friends could be.

"With blond hair?" Peter joked in.

"With blond hair," Remus nodded in agreement.

Sirius pursed his lips as he pictured that idea. "A toad with blond hair. That's totally disgusting and funny at the same time," he said. "What do you think?" he asked James.

They waited for James to say something more than a smile. Anything. Say _anything_!

"Or maybe you prefer a talking pig?" Sirius uttered finding it hard to squeeze out any word from that friend of his.

And when all James did was a smile halfway across his face before he continued eating, Sirius groaned loudly.

Sirius ran a hand of frustration across his face straight down and banged his hand on the table, making the silverwares rattle. "James!" he exclaimed sending some students' gaze toward his way. Even James' attention! Good one. "James. You're just not fun lately," he said so dramatically like he had just escaped from a soap opera, complete with downcast eyes and a pout and a disappointed shaking of the head.

James snorted at the sight of his friend. "Fine," he agreed to engage in a prank fest with his friends that night. Then, he turned to Sirius and shook his head violently. "Don't do that again, okay?" he pleaded referring to his friend being melodramatic. "You're bad in acting. And give me that," he said as he grabbed the piece of chicken that Sirius just took again.

* * * * *

So it was done. They really didn't care if they turned out to pull mindless pranks. They were there to get James' mind off overtiring his Quidditch team the next day and himself from thinking too much about a certain girl… who he hadn't the nerve to sit down with and talk to for the past many _many_ weeks.

It wasn't at all that funny – itching powders, multicolored robes, and spiders in bed – but it was keeping James busy. That was except maybe from the fact that James had been turning everything and everyone _red_… and sometimes green.

"Okay, what is that?" Sirius demanded as he whispered loudly. They were in one of the Slytherins' boys' dormitories and… "You just turned everybody's hair in that room red," he stated like it wasn't obvious enough, when the four of them finally got out and reached the corridors.

James shrugged. "It's funny," he said but his tone sounded like he didn't mean it the least. Then, he walked ahead up the hallway.

Sirius watched his friend march along, kind of disappointed with the way James was acting that night. They just did their first prank fest since Christmas break and they ended up with everyone's hair turned into red. _Who in the world would find that funny?!_ "What? It's funny?" he blurted out the moment he shook himself out of his thoughts.

Remus chuckled as he stared at Sirius who was looking like he was on the verge of pulling out his hair. "It's the curse of having too much of _the_ redhead in his mind lately," Remus whispered in Sirius' ear.

James turned around and looked at his friends like he knew that they were just talking about him. "Okay, I'm going to bed. I have Quidditch practice tomorrow," he declared before he continued walking up the hall away from them.

"No…" Sirius groaned. He scratched his head and ran after James who seemed to be paying no attention to him. "Where are you going? Do you know what's the plan?" he asked when he finally caught up with his friend.

"Uh… Pranks then sleep then Quidditch."

"No. It's pranks all night. _Then_ sleep all day."

"It's Friday tomorrow. Oh, actually, that's today already. You can't sleep all day."

Okay… _now_ Sirius was almost pulling his hair. Only, he was still awake enough to not even touch his precious crowning glory. "It's an expression!" he exclaimed, forgetting that he was supposed to be whispering.

"Who's there?!" It was Filch.

All of them suddenly turned to the direction of the voice. And then looked at each other.

"You needed to shout it out, didn't you?" Peter remarked sarcastically as he rolled his eyes at Sirius.

Sirius breathed out a sigh. "Well…" he trailed, not really knowing what to say for himself. "Yeah," was what he ended up saying.

After which, all of them turned to Remus who only looked back at them with a 'what are you looking at me for? I didn't do it' expression. Then, realizing that he was holding the Marauders' Map, he said, "Oh," and quickly browsed through the map for somewhere to hide.

"Hurry now," Peter whined as Remus turned the parchment upside down and pointed at the map.

Remus walked toward a statue on the wall while his friends followed him. Then, he knocked his wand on the wall behind the statue and a low secret door opened up that they had to bend down slightly in order not to hit their heads.

One by one, they entered the passageway, without much of a hurry. Peter went in first, then Remus. But when they heard Filch's footsteps just behind them, Sirius started to panic.

"Go. Go," Sirius commanded as he pushed all his friends into the passageway in such a hurry that James bumped his head on the low structure.

"Aw! Hey!" James groaned, with his hand on his head while looking at his best friend with wide eyes and a face that was saying, 'what was that for?' before he continued to creep into the door.

Sirius quickly closed the door after he got in.

"I know someone's here. Come out now," they all heard Filch's voice. Well, the four of them squeezed themselves by the door to listen to his footsteps on the other side, how could they not?

And when they finally heard Filch's steps fade, Sirius rubbed his hands together and turned to his friends. "Alright, now let's go."

"Yeah," James replied as he tapped the door again with his wand for it to open. "I have to get some sleep."

My my. The Black convincing power just wasn't _quite_ enough that night.

* * * * *

Maybe Sirius wasn't triumphant in keeping James in the halls late at night but because of his nonstop yammering that night in their dormitory, he was able to keep his best friend awake until three in the morning.

As a result, James slept in until it after breakfast.

"You didn't wake me up!" James blurted out, as he suddenly sat up in his bed. He was in the process of slowly opening his eyes when the bright light of the sun swiftly traveled into his mind sending the message that he was late for something. Or, he wasn't able to do something.

Sirius flashed a wide grin across his face that seemed like he could probably rip out his mouth even wider. "Good morning, you grumpy man," he greeted James. He was carrying a plate of food he gathered from the Great Hall as he sat at the foot of James' bed.

"What time is it?" James asked, together with a yawn. He was about to get up in order to hurry to the Quidditch field. But when he looked around, everyone else in the room were not there anymore. And when he finally decided to focus on the person sitting by the foot of his bed… _that person_ was already in uniform. And that only meant one thing. In conclusion, classes would be starting soon and he wouldn't have time to practice Quidditch. He leaned back on his bed and looked gloomily at Sirius.

"Why is it that you're the only one in the Gryffindor team who isn't glad to have that extra time of sleep? Because when I told them that you're probably going to sleep in until the earth starts to split in half, they were pretty happy. And by the way, in case you're wondering – in which case you are not – it was glowing red in the Great Hall this morning," Sirius uttered in a hundred words per second, as he extended the plate of food toward his friend.

James hesitated for a moment. He looked at Sirius suspiciously like there was poison in the food.

"I'm not gonna kill you. You… paranoid, you," Sirius muttered, grabbing a piece of food from the plate himself.

* * * * *

So, the point was Sirius was able to keep James off the field in the morning. He got a little kiss from a certain girl because of that, by the way.

However, he definitely couldn't do anything about James commanding the Gryffindor team into the field right after classes had finished. And unfortunately, James wasn't any better.

"You're too slow!" James yelled at Richard, one of the Chasers. "Even a snail can ride faster than you!" That was probably the most impatient he got that afternoon. Actually, it was already getting dark but it seemed like he wasn't quite aware of it. And added to that, blankets of clouds were forming in the sky, signaling the coming of rain.

Richard landed on the ground with a scowl on his face. "I'm doing the best I could, alright?!" he exclaimed, raising his voice just like James did.

"Well, it's not good enough!" James roared irately. "Okay, we'll do it one more time!" he declared just when the rain started dripping.

But, instead of getting the team's cooperation, the players started complaining. What was he thinking? It was starting to rain and they were going to be soaked. And he wanted them to still stay outside?

"We've been practicing all afternoon," Jessica spoke up, stepping forward to their team captain. "We're tired," she added as a matter of apparent fact.

James looked at her. No. No. She couldn't say that to him. "I'm the team captain," he uttered ever so proudly. "I'll say when it's finished," he said with much conclusion in his voice. After that, he expected everyone to follow him. But then again, someone always had to stand up with persistence.

"James, it's raining," Toni stated calmly, trying to reason out with him effectively.

"A match isn't cancelled because of rain."

"Everyone's tired."

"No," James snorted like what Toni just said was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard. "We'll go one more time," he insisted, as the rain was getting heavier by the minute.

"No, James. We're starting to soak," Toni uttered, looking at James with an expression of 'unbelievable' as she shook her head. Then, she turned around to her other teammates and said, "Alright, we'll practice again tomorrow."

And with that, everyone started to leave.

"Where are you going?" James demanded, talking to his teammates' backs.

"We're going back to the castle and we're going to get some rest," Toni replied.

…

What did she just say?

James marched forward and blocked Toni's way. "Who made you team captain? Just because you're dating my best friend doesn't mean you can overpower my authority here."

Toni stopped and looked at him like he just lost his mind. James wasn't like that. He was _never_ like that. He never pushed too far. Heck, he never pushed anybody. Period. "James, this is crazy!" Toni had to yell because the rain was now pouring so heavily. "We both know why you've been so stern lately." No only both of them. All of them in the team knew why. And it was the most unreasonable reason to vent out his frustrations on them. "Look at you. You're not like this."

If it weren't raining hard, James would've turned away from Toni's gaze. But since he couldn't clearly see her amidst the downpour, he was able to keep a straight face and say, "I only want to win."

No. No. Toni shook her head. "No, James. That's not it," she said matter-of-factly. That definitely wasn't it. "James, it's been _TWO MONTHS_!" she was practically yelling so hard that maybe everything would be able to sink in his head.

At the said of that, James looked away. Maybe he was just waiting for someone to finally tell him that. Waiting for someone to tell him to wake up and do what he never wanted to do…

"Two months, James," Toni muttered, realizing that she just pulled some string in that recently-so-stubborn man standing before her. "Let it go." And she left him there.

Let it go.

It echoed in his mind over and over again.

He couldn't say anything more. He just watched Toni walk away as he stayed where he was standing. Suddenly, the rain on his face felt good on him. Felt good as cold rain ran down his face. Because with that, he couldn't feel the warm water starting to brush down his cheeks.

Let it go.

Let _her_ go.

__

~*~*~*~

if i give up on you... i give up on me... -- the calling, "stigmatized"

Argh… it's been raining incessantly for the past four days. I don't like rain and school at the same time. Well, I don't like summer and school at the same time, either.

Anyway, I'd probably put up the next chapter this weekend. That's because it's a little short. I think. So, see ya!


	24. Obliviate To Love?

__

FIRST OF THE LAST THREE CHAPTERS…

Yup, it's only a short period of time before Lily and James end up together. And I'm going to be stuck in schoolwork for the rest of the year. Hmph.

Anyway, still kind of sad chapter here.

And that's about it.

Thanks for the reviews! I have more than 300 reviews! So happy…

lilybird

ta-tiana258

Sayo

Anarane Anwamane

Lady Ruth

crazyforJames

Alex'z Death Chic

zwizwi: yup, I've been reading "The Boy Who Loved Lily" that's why I got interested in Meteor Garden in the first place… and I'm also growing impatient since rinoa stopped writing again! Okay, I'm calm…

oobergoober: yup. Actually, school starts in June – for normal lucky students. But in my case, it started last week of May because my school has three semesters a year.

Potterfan18

shortydork

Treeling11

Little House Girl

SpiritedPhoenix: Uh, no I'm not Chinese and more unfortunately, I have to rely on English subtitles or dubbings. But I'm really inspired to learn Mandarin, though.

moozy: yup. And according to my dad, we have some Spanish ancestry – which is like the most common thing in the whole of my country… well, most. But, anyway, Lily will definitely give James a chance. Well, she has to.

Padfoot101

east of the shore

mutsumi: bakit may nagpoll na look alike Philip-Dao at Gab-Lei sa yahoogroups? Hindi ako papayag non. Anyway, just as what I said, I'm getting carried away with James' POV. Si Lily naman dito, so ayon…

snow-angel

Hinkypunk

Okay, now JK Rowling is coming up with HP5 so that means she owns HP.

And I own everything else.

i remember all the nights i lay awake staring at artificial stars on my ceiling... wishing pain was artificial too... -- hungry young poets, "rebirth"

~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR: Obliviate… To Love?**

Toni marched into the dormitory as she banged the door close behind her. She was still soaking wet and didn't bother to dry herself with magic. She was so upset, she was worried she might turn herself into a mosquito if she even dared to try a spell on herself. A scowl was plastered across her face as she walked to one side of the room and threw her broom aside.

Kiara, who was lying face down on her bed while reading a book, looked up at Toni and followed her friend around the room with her eyes. And quite confused, she asked, "What happened to you?" with knitted brows, as she sat up to get a better view of Toni.

After throwing her broom to the corner of the room, Toni turned around swiftly and glared at Kiara. "Do I have to answer that?"

Kiara scrunched up her nose. Yeah, did Toni really have to say what happened? "Quidditch practice," Kiara uttered, answering her own question.

Toni raised her eyebrows to say yes. Then, she went straight to Lily who was studying at the table next to the window.

Lily didn't even turn her head when Toni came barging in the door. And she wasn't really in the mental state to talk about Quidditch practice when Toni was in a bad mood. Because talking to bad mood Toni after Quidditch meant… talking about James.

Toni slumped herself tiredly beside Lily and looked at her friend with a frown.

And Lily, sensing that Toni wasn't just sitting there for nothing, slowly turned up and looked at her. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Lily. Lily. Lily," Toni muttered, looking at the ceiling. Then, she breathed out a sigh just like hope had escaped her at the same time and looked at Lily straight in the eyes. "How hard is it to talk to James?" She definitely ran out of choices. She had been enduring James for the past two months and she had been avoiding talking about whatever happened between Lily and James for the longest time ever. In short, she couldn't take it anymore. Her, walking up the castle hallways and through the common room and now, sitting beside her friend while wrapped in dripping clothes was definitely the last straw.

Lily suddenly straightened up in her seat. "What do you mean?"

Toni snorted and rolled her eyes. She knew that Lily knew what she meant. And she wasn't in the mood in being a supportive let's-not-talk-about-James friend. "The guy is a wreck since he got back," she began. "Why don't you just… _please_ talk to him?"

"I told you," Lily replied, looking back down to her schoolwork. "He doesn't want to talk to me."

"How can you even say that? You haven't even _tried_. Not once," Toni groaned as she shook her head. That night, she wouldn't take no for an answer. Not when she could still feel her robes sticking to her skin because of the fact that they were drenched in the rain.

"Toni," Lily began. She put an elbow on the table and turned sideways to face Toni. "He leaves the room when I come in. He ignores me when we come across each other in the hallways. He doesn't even make eye contact with me. In short, he's avoiding me."

"Are you kidding me?" Toni shrieked in disbelief. "If you can only see the two of you when you meet each other around school… You look at each other like you wanna grab one another—"

"What?!"

"Fine. Forget that," Toni said, rolling her eyes at Lily. "Forget that I was implying that he _doesn't_ ignore you and that he doesn't _not_ make eye contact with you." She paused when Lily just sat there looking at her with a totally disbelieving face. "C'mon, Lily. He's slowly trying to kill us." This time, she was hoping for some sympathy.

"He's only trying to win."

For a second, Toni just looked dead straight at her friend. Then, she slapped a hand on her forehead and continued to run her hand all the way to scratch her head. "That's what just what he said before he tried to pull an all-nighter out in the field!" she exclaimed, her eyes widening. "In the rain! It's inhuman! It's crazy!"

"Fine," Lily muttered once Toni finally stopped describing the cruelties of James. "I'll _try_ to talk to him tomorrow."

Thank goodness.

Toni smiled. That could've been the most pleasant thing she could hear from Lily. "Thank you!" Now she could get into some dry clothes.

* * * * *

Lily woke up that Saturday morning feeling like she didn't even want to open her eyes. Why was that again? Oh yeah, she agreed to talk with a certain person who was slowly trying to depopulate the Gryffindor house team of Quidditch players by soaking them in the rain.

Lazily, she sat up and looked around the room. She realized that she might have slept in since nobody else was left in the room except for her. Or maybe because of the fact that it was Hogsmeade weekend and everyone who wanted to go were out of Hogwarts as fast as they could possibly manage. She took a deep breath… as she thought of how stupid she was to agree to talk with _him_. In the first place, what would she say?

_Hey… how's it going? I mean, we haven't talked in a while and—that will be too obvious._

_Hi, James. Remember me—of course he remembers you, stupid._

_Oh, hi, by the way, I've read all your letters during the Christmas break and—no, no, no._

Lily shook her head. No. Not the letters. She was so sure what she was going to do with the letters. So sure she was that she had actually done whatever it was. She just waited for a _chance_ to finally let him know what she did.

But the letters stopped.

And there went her chance.

She couldn't think of anything to say. Well, she had a lot of things to say but how to start… _James, I think for the sake of everyone in the team, maybe you should take it easy… blah! Stupid Lily_, she thought as she sighed and got up from her bed. She heard Toni say the night before that they were going to have practice in the morning. And since it was already a quarter before nine, she was pretty sure that they were already practicing in the field.

* * * * *

Lily was on her way out to the Quidditch field when she saw Richard, one of the Gryffindor players, walked back into the castle.

"Lily, have you seen James?" Richard asked, as he approached her.

"Uh… no. I was actually – aren't you supposed to be in practice?" Lily asked instead.

"Yes. And we are. But James is also supposed to be there."

"Oh. So he's not in the field?"

Richard shook his head.

_Then where's he?_ she thought as she left Richard in the hallway without saying another word. After the field, she really didn't know where to find him. She was sure that he wasn't in the dormitories. Because he was supposed to be in the field. She was sure that he wasn't in Hogsmeade, either. Because, again, he was supposed to be in the field. And by the time she had ruled out every place in the wizarding world – or maybe at least the whole of Hogwarts – _because he was supposed to be in the field_, she decided to take a look in the Head Prefects Room. Well, if he wasn't in the kitchen then maybe he was in… there.

Lily opened the door slowly. Somehow, although she was thinking that talking to him wasn't such a good idea, there was something inside her that was hoping that she would find him there. She seldom entered the room since they got back from school. It was the only place where both of them could be alone together and it was the only situation that she didn't want to happen. But then again, if when she frequented the room, she would find James staring blankly at nowhere. And then he would leave… when he realized she was there.

James wasn't in the room that morning. In fact, there wasn't even a trace that he was there or anyone for that matter. Lily turned around and realized why she felt the room to be empty. The Christmas decorations were already removed. She couldn't believe that two months had passed and not one of them had bothered to clean up the decorations. And then, she woke up that day to find out that James had cleared them out. She sighed. Now, the only light she could really see was the sunlight coming in through the window.

She stopped.

_Only_ from the window?

And then, she suddenly felt that sinking feeling. Slowly, she hesitantly looked up at the ceiling, afraid of what she would see… or not.

It wasn't only the decorations…

James had taken down the _stars_ from the ceiling.

The stars. The anthology of his incessant apologies.

_He took them out…_

He let it go.

* * * * *

With a gloom clearly drawn on her face, she walked back into the Gryffindor tower.

"Lily, where's James?" Toni asked as soon as Lily stepped into the common room. It was only then that Lily noticed that the house team was gathered in the room and was still in their Quidditch robes. "We waited for hours outside."

"That's what I wanna know," Lily replied as soon as she got out of her trance. She looked at Toni and asked weakly, "Haven't you asked Sirius?"

Toni smiled. "It's uh, like nine in the morning on a Saturday," she said. Saying it was the best explanation she ever could give. "He's not even halfway through his sleep."

Lily was about to say something when Richard came running down from the boys' dormitories with Remus following behind him.

"Looks like we don't have practice today," Richard announced that turned the heads of every team member in the room. "James is sick. He's in the Hospital Wing."

Well, not that they weren't concerned about their team captain but a bunch of sighs of relief came from the team before they left one by one.

"Oh. So, I'll be going to Hogsmeade then," Toni uttered while the team slowly emptied the common room. "Are you coming?" she asked Lily.

"Uh, yeah," Lily replied, half in her right mind and half floating in space. "Go ahead, though."

"Okay," Toni muttered in a singsong voice before she left for the girls' dormitories.

"Oh yeah. And by the way, he's gonna be okay," Remus called to all the leaving Quidditch players, in a sarcastic 'thanks for asking' tone.

"What happened?"

It was only the time Remus noticed that Lily was one of those waiting to know where James was. He looked at her and tried to stay true to the story as much as possible. "The guy stayed out all night in the rain. Then he came up to the dorm with all these glowing spheres in a box sniveling about…" he trailed, suddenly realizing that _that_ probably wasn't a good time to reveal such things. "About… about how… he kind of… he… hates them cause they, uh… well… remind him of… anyway," he said abruptly, totally skipping the obvious. "After that, he fell down and lost consciousness. Turns out he caught a fever."

"Oh…" Lily muttered weakly. "Is he… is he going to be fine?" she asked as casually as she could make herself sound.

But then, Remus smiled reassuringly and widely mischievous at the same time. "Yes," he answered with a nod.

* * * * *

"Why can't I go?" James asked, groaning like a seven-year-old kid. He was lying in a hospital bed – trying to sit up while Madam Prenny was pushing him back down.

"No. Because you still have a slight fever," the nurse replied, feeling his forehead.

"But I'm okay now," James insisted. And with some luck, he was able not just to sit up, but also to stand up and started jumping. "See?" he said, as he jumped up and down.

"What are you doing? Sit back down," Madam Prenny demanded, trying to stop him from…

"Aw!"

That.

James suddenly stopped and held his throbbing head because of his sudden movements.

The nurse was finally able to sit him back down. "Now, _that_ was stupid," she said, trying to conceal some sort of laughter. "See?" she added, mocking James' tone.

James willingly lay back down in his bed. But, he wasn't exactly keen on staying in the Hospital Wing any longer. "You know what I just noticed? You're really _really_ pretty." Then, he smiled widely and added, "_Especially_ when you let me go."

Madam Prenny rolled her eyes. "Did you hit your head on a very hard surface when you passed out?" she uttered with a chuckle. She poured some medicine juice in a glass and gave it to James to drink. "C'mon, now," she said, when James wouldn't take the glass. "Okay, do you want to stay for another week?"

Uh. No.

James quickly sat up, took the glass of whatever foul-tasting medicine that was and then went back down and lay in bed. Then, in some weird shift of mood, he closed his eyes and suddenly turned serious. "Do you know how to do a memory charm?"

Hmmm… Medicine seemed to be very powerful…

"Why?" the nurse asked back, as she put aside the glass and the bottle of medicine on the table beside James.

"Because… there's this girl… and I know this is going to sound so crazy but I think… I love her—no, I know I love her," he opened his eyes and looked at Madam Prenny just to be sure that she was listening and wasn't thinking that he was losing his mind. "And she only thinks of me as another guy who jumps from one relationship to another."

"Oh, is she just right about that?" the nurse replied sarcastically as soon as the last syllable escaped James' mouth. Apparently, yeah, she was starting to think that James was caught in some sort of a mad trance.

"C'mon…" James groaned, almost pleading – and sounding a bit drunk.

Madam Prenny sighed. "What would a memory charm do?" she asked, taking pity on the pouting James. "You wanna _obliviate_ her _to love_ you?" And there went that sarcasm again. "I don't think it works that way," she added. Actually, she was just waiting for James to finally get tired and sleep.

But James was far from sleeping and he definitely was far from over… talking? Something? _Someone_? "I want to forget that I love her."

* * * * *

Lily's eyes widened. Did she just hear everything right? She had been standing out the door overhearing the conversation and yet she still couldn't believe if they were for real or not.

She stepped back from the door.

But the dance… it was real.

The _way_ he admitted to a woman about his imperfection about it… that was real.

And just a minute ago…

She knew… what she just heard was real.

__

~*~*~*~

but i can't help failing... to remember to forget you... and i know it's gonna be a long time... -- new radicals, "crying like a church on a monday"

No. James will not be under a memory charm anytime in the future. He's just really depressed. And Madam Prenny is just being too kind to listen to his whimpering.

I'll be definitely back next week.

Until then… please review. :)


	25. Letters

__

ONCE AGAIN, I'M HERE…

Very hard chapter to write. Lily's gonna go through some sort of Karma. I hope you read it anyway. *Sigh* it's my second to the last chapter. I'll definitely miss getting reviews from you…

Okay, enough of that. About the question of possibly writing a sequel… hmmm… I'm definitely getting some ideas for that but I have to read HP5 first. And then, I'll probably need a month or less to finish the story before I can start uploading chapters again.

So… school will start possibly this coming week for everyone here and I'm sure the incessant traffic jam will come again – or worse. I don't like traffic and rain and school at the same time. They are the worst combination of all.

And just a little explanation about this chapter. Lily is going to be thinking a lot here. The italicized sentences are her thoughts. I hope you don't get confused.

Alright then, time to thank those who reviewed!

Alex'z Death Chic

SpiritedPhoenix

mutsumi: may poll na naman sa groups. Tsk tsk tsk.

angkat14: though I told you half of the chapter, hope you still read this.

Kitty

moozy: hi, pinay! I mentioned something about some sort of sequel earlier… but I'm still not too certain about it.

Alia

strwbrryspice: thanks for spending time to read my story. And well, I just thought Peter had to be close to them some time before…

Little House Girl

bumble-bee

Anarane Anwamane

Hermione101888

hinkypunk!: hope you received my mail. and I hope works better this time. ^_^

Merenwen Luinwel

someone: I hope you won't be hating Lily that much in this chapter. Yup, she's gonna pay.

LadyLily316: more of Lily's POV here. And basically, she will realize how 'stupid' she had been.

blackdragonofdeath13

Sara

Dimantrien: Oh, well, I never got to watch MG on TV anyways, so I guess I won't be missing a lot. I've spent my summer in an accounting firm doing my OJT and well, I've spent a week at home (the only time I actually got to watch it on TV) and then went back to school in the last week of May. So, I guess my only consolation is having a whole lot of Chinese classmates who are more than willing to share their knowledge and *ahem* resources. ^_^

And I just discovered some of those who put me in their favorite authors category. Thanks.

and if you ever fall in love again... you must be sure that the lady is a friend... and if you ever fall in love so true... you must be sure that she feels the same way too... -- east seventeen, "if you ever"

~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE: Letters**

Like a flash of lightning, Lily hurried into the Gryffindor tower. She wanted to believe what she just heard. She knew it was real. All of it. Although, her head was dictating her that she needed something more than overhearing James and Madam Prenny's conversation before she would completely succumb to the indubitable fact.

_What now? What am I going to do?_ She was thinking it over and over again as she let her feet take her to wherever they would lead her to. Everything else was a blur. She passed by classrooms and halls and even bumped into some of the students but her concentration was somewhere else.

_I've been so stupid!_ she ended up thinking as she slapped her hand lightly on her forehead.

She stopped. She realized that she was already standing in the middle of the common room amidst all the students busily doing their own business. Some were playing wizard's chess; some were doing homework, while others were merely talking. She was so lost in thought that she couldn't even recall that she had given out the password to the lady in the portrait outside the common room.

For a while she just stared at the people around the room – unable to think of the next step she was supposed to do. She blinked to get out of her trance and then smiled at a group of first years that were waving at her. Then, she hurried toward the stairs leading to the girls' dormitories. But she slowed down halfway through.

_No. Not there._

She turned around and ran upstairs to the boys' dormitories. _Sirius!_

* * * * *

"Whoa!" Sirius exclaimed as he grabbed his blanket to cover up his almost naked self. He just woke up from a very relaxing sleep and was in the middle of stretching when someone came barging in the door; while the only thing he was wearing were his boxers. He didn't mind, actually – until he realized that it was a girl standing in the middle of the room. "What are you doing here?"

"I need to ask you something," Lily replied in a tone mixed with panic and confusion, as she took steps forward toward Sirius, looking straight to his eyes.

"Okay. Stooooooop…" Sirius said, raising a hand signal for Lily to stop on her tracks. "Couldn't you at least wait till I'm clothed?" he muttered as he still struggled with his blanket.

Lily stopped walking. But she wasn't going anywhere until her questions were answered. "Well, I don't have time to wait," she answered, oblivious that Sirius was just a _tad_ bit uncomfortable with her around while he was trying to get some clothes on him. "I don't know what to do anymore."

"Why? What happened?"

"Sirius, you're James' best friend, right?"

"Yeah…" Sirius replied, as he continually searched for a pair of pants, which only location could be the floor – somewhere in the room.

"So, you know him more than anyone else in this school?"

Before answering Lily's question, Sirius grabbed a pair of pants that he managed to dig up from the multitude of clothes laying on the floor. "Pretty much," he said with a nod. Actually, he didn't know where the conversation was leading to but by the mention of the name, James, he had a pretty good idea.

"Tell me, does he…" Lily trailed, thinking twice if the best person to go to about such a thing was James' best friend. _Does he really love me?_ "Does he really feel about me the way he thinks he knows he feels about me?"

Sirius paused, stood up straight, and looked at Lily blankly. Clearly, both of them were confused on what in the world she just meant. "Uh…" he began, trying to decipher what she just said, as he was finally able to put on his pants. He opened his mouth to answer but apparently, he needed more time. "Are you… asking me about… how he feels about you?" he asked, instead.

Lily nodded and slowly said, "Yes." _Actually, I meant does he really love me but—_

"He loves you, Lily," Sirius replied with a slight chuckle and a shrug. "Everybody knows that."

Lily opened her mouth to speak but no sound came out. Her face looked like she was shocked… but how could she be? _So, everything in the letters was true._ "What do you mean… _everybody_ knows that?"

Sirius smiled at Lily's expression. Then, he was finally able to let go of his blanket and grab a shirt from his trunk. "Why do you think James hasn't gone out with anyone? He didn't even go out for Valentine's," he began, glancing at Lily who suddenly had to sit down. "And why do you think guys pretty much only want to stay as friends with you?" He sat across her and looked at her in the eyes. "They just don't say it. But everybody knows James Potter loves Lily Evans."

"I have to go," Lily suddenly uttered, not taking another glance at Sirius. She just stood up and went for the door.

* * * * *

_But everything's too late now. He wants to forget me. He doesn't even know how I feel and now he wants to forget me._

"Hey!"

Lily's thoughts were interrupted when Toni greeted her as she stepped into their dormitory. She looked up and smiled weakly. "Hey…" she replied, as she continued to walk into the room. She sat by the windowsill and slouched.

"Kiara and Vince just went ahead to Hogsmeade. Sirius and I are about to go."

"Yeah. He's just… about ready."

Toni paused and looked at Lily. There was a sudden change in her friend's mood compared to that when she saw her in the morning. "Hey, are you alright?" she asked in a comforting tone. She walked to Lily and sat beside her.

"I'm… fine," Lily answered and gave a weak smile.

Toni nodded. Yup, there was something going on. Then, she suddenly remembered about asking Lily to talk to a certain specific someone who just happened to be stuck in the Hospital Wing at that time. "So… how… you talked to—"

"No. He was kind of busy."

But that didn't explain why Lily looked like the end of the world was nearing.

Toni sighed and caught her friend's gaze. "You know, I can always ditch Sirius today. I mean, Remus and Peter can just rub his tummy and he'd be pretty much preoccupied," she said smiling widely, referring to Sirius' ability to turn into a dog.

Lily's eyes twinkled with laughter. "That's awful," she said quite frankly, scrunching up her nose.

"Yeah… But don't tell him I said that."

Lily snorted. "Don't worry I won't," she reassured. "But, I'm fine," she insisted.

But instead of leaving her friend to apparently mope by the window all day, Toni pulled Lily's hand and said, "Well, then, c'mon. Let's go," and then yanked Lily out of the room.

* * * * *

After so much hesitation, Lily finally gave in to Toni's plea and went with them to Hogsmeade. She wasn't really in the mood walking along the streets of a wizarding village – or anywhere for that matter. She was contented sitting in her room, thinking about… basically what she was still thinking even if she was supposed to be _leisurely_ walking along Hogsmeade.

_Great. Now, I'm even more confused than ever,_ she thought to herself as she slowed down. Now, she was walking behind Toni and Sirius. Until her surroundings just escaped her mind and she retreated back into her own thoughts. She was looking down on the ground so low, she didn't realize that she was already watching her feet seem to walk by themselves. _I can't talk to him right now. He obviously doesn't want to talk to me,_ she concluded – or maybe, she convinced herself.

Just then, Remus and Peter came running from out of nowhere like little children at large in a playground. The sound of their incessant laughter meant one thing alone – somebody had just been a victim of a prank.

"Hey, Lily!" Remus called, when he saw her.

Lily looked up to see who it was. She saw Remus running to her while Peter was following just behind. Their expressions were so intriguing that even Toni and Sirius stopped and looked at them.

"We have something to show you," Peter joined in, when they reached her.

After which, Remus took her hand and Lily looked questioningly at them like they just lost their minds. And then turned to Toni and Sirius as if asking for some sort of saving act – especially at Sirius, with wide eyes like asking 'what did you do now?'

Sirius looked back at Lily and then to the two persons who just couldn't seem to wipe their wide smiles off their faces. "I have nothing to do with that," he said with a shrug. Well, true, since he was asleep until that time when Lily barged into their dormitory. But, then he wouldn't want to miss whatever happened, either. So, excitedly, he turned to Remus and Peter and asked, "But what have you got?"

"It's cute," Remus chuckled with sarcasm. "In a funny sort of way," he said and then pulled Lily to come with him.

And since even Toni decided to come with them, Lily let herself be towed along by Remus.

"What's going on?" Lily asked Remus when she saw a crowd of people forming around someone who was screaming in panic.

"You'll see," Remus replied. Then, still tugging Lily along with him, he squeezed into the crowd until they reached the middle.

With knitted brows, Lily looked at Narcissa, who was all frantic. She looked closely and saw a little canary bird standing on the bench next to Narcissa.

"You!" Narcissa shrieked when she saw Remus, Peter and Sirius come out of the crowd. "What have you done?!"

"Nothing really," Peter replied with a mocking expression on his face.

"Is that…?" Sirius began, realizing what the heck that canary bird was doing in the middle of the crowd. "Is that _peroxide_ boy?" he chuckled, asking Narcissa if it was, who else, Malfoy.

Narcissa screamed with annoyance. "Change Lucius back right now!" she demanded, glaring at the three pranksters calmly standing before her.

Remus glanced at Lily and smiled mischievously. "What did you do?" Lily whispered to him, not being able to hide the smile on her face.

Then, from out of nowhere – actually, from the little canary bird standing on the bench, a voice tweaked. "Change me back you piece of low life!" the bird said, trying to sound menacing. But his fine-tune voice, which sounded like that of Tweety bird, wasn't exactly threatening.

The crowd laughed.

"Hey, look how cute you are," Sirius taunted Malfoy even more. "You almost look like you deserve to exist."

"You think you're funny, Black?" Malfoy squeaked again. And again, the thought of him sounding like one of the chipmunks escaped his mind as he flapped his wings and jumped closer to his three nemesis.

"No. But _you_ are!" Sirius exclaimed joyously.

"Have you learned nothing from messing with me?"

The crowd laughed again. Then, Sirius and Remus sat on each side of the bench, with Malfoy in between them, while Peter stood next to Sirius.

"Yeah…" Sirius replied with a nod. His forehead was furrowed as if he was thinking what a point Malfoy just made. "And it caused _you_ a lot of trouble, didn't it?" he said, smiling widely down at the bird.

"You're going to pay for this, Black!" Malfoy uttered again – this time with more arrogance. But, unfortunately, no matter how much arrogance he tried to squeeze into his tone, the pitch of his voice just wouldn't do.

"Yeah, I know, but whatever," Sirius replied in between sniggers. "But, actually, it's kudos to Remus and Peter for making you look like that." Then, he turned to Remus and asked, "Is that forever?"

"What?!" Narcissa suddenly exclaimed. "Change him back you morons!" she screamed, practically into Remus' ear.

But Remus just ignored her and looked at Sirius. He replied by pursing his lips into a pathetic frown appearing like he wasn't exactly sure.

Sirius laughed menacingly and turned back to Malfoy. "Too bad. I will miss you," he said, shaking his head in mock disappointment. "Now, admit it. You're an incomprehensible jerk," he uttered flatly, looking straight at Malfoy.

"You're the jerks!" Narcissa shrieked once again. "Change him back." This time, she was so irritated that she hit Remus on the shoulder.

But, all Remus did was say, "I'm afraid I don't have any counter curse."

"Tell your boyfriend to watch what he eats – especially when he knows that the food on the table wasn't what he ordered for," Peter joined in.

"Aargh….!" Malfoy exclaimed in anger. He would've narrowed his eyes at them but then, he wasn't even sure if he could do it with his newfound canary bird eyes. "When I change back, I'm going to get you!" he screamed, this time not caring if he was still sounding ridiculous. Well, then, a small head meant a small brain so… "I'm going to get you!" he screamed even louder and then…

Poof!

He realized he was human again when he heard his voice suddenly become lower. He stopped screaming and looked at the crowd. He was still standing on the bench with everyone looking up at him. And, in order to spare for himself some minute dignity, he quickly stepped down from the bench, straightened his clothes, and looked threateningly – because he already could – at Remus, Sirius, and Peter.

"You're back," Narcissa uttered with relief. She tried to show him some remote sign of affection but Malfoy just shrugged her off.

"Pitiful," Malfoy muttered, shaking his head as if in disappointment. "Such children," he said before he walked off, leaving Narcissa behind.

Narcissa followed him. And unfortunately, the crowd wasn't exactly moved by Malfoy's try on intimidating his three opponents. They were much more busy imagining him as a little canary bird.

After a short while, the crowd slowly diminished. Lily watched everyone go about their own business. She shook her head, not believing that Remus and Peter could do something like that without the help of Sirius or James. _James. Darn it. I have to think of that again._

She sighed audibly and smiled when she turned around and saw that Remus was still sitting on the bench.

"Haven't seen you smile for quite some time," Remus began. He himself was still trying to stifle a laugh, remembering the chaos that just happened.

"Quite a show," Lily uttered, as she sat beside him. "I thought you didn't have the counter curse?"

"It's a new thing from Zonko's," Remus replied delightfully. "The effect fades by itself. And who better to try it with than everyone's favorite person," he added sarcastically.

Lily chuckled. "He sounded almost scared."

"I know," Remus nodded in agreement. "He's probably imagining how'd he spend the rest of his life as a squeaking canary bird."

They laughed for a while. Until they grew tired and decided to spend some time in silence.

Then, Remus heard Lily sigh deeply. "Is something bothering you?" he asked.

Lily glanced at Remus and smiled weakly. Then sighed again. _Yes_. "Nothing," she replied instead. "I'm just—" _Am I the most stupid person ever to walk the face of the earth?_ "I went up to the Hospital Wing this morning… to talk to James and…" _Am I going to ask him about the letters?_

"What?" Remus asked, scratching his head. "Was he contemplating on his existence again?" he joked.

"C'mon…" Lily groaned to imply that she was being serious, as she lightly pushed Remus. _How about my letter?_

So, Remus shifted into a serious mode. "You talked to him?" Lily nodded. "Good. About time."

"No," Lily suddenly said. _No_.

"No?" Remus asked, getting confused. First she did. Now she didn't.

"I didn't. I kind of… didn't… I-I – he didn't even see me."

At the said of that, Remus leaned back and took a deep breath. He wasn't exactly sure of how the conversation was to go about so he went straight to the point. "Just talk to him, Lily."

Lily rolled her eyes. "And I'm sure you also tell him that," she said with a hint of sarcasm. _Because if you did, then he might have talked to me right now._

"Yeah," Remus replied. Now, he leaned forward and looked back at her. "And he's constantly answering back that you're not exactly up to the idea of talking to him."

For a while, Lily stared at Remus, trying to register what he just said. "What?" was all she managed to say after seven long seconds. _But he's the one who avoids me._

"And from the look on your face, now I understand. Both of you are thinking the same," Remus concluded. Only then he realized that James thought Lily wouldn't want to talk to him and that Lily was thinking the other way around.

"If he wanted to talk to me, he could've just done so."

"Yes," Remus replied with a nod. "But he thinks you're the one who doesn't want to speak to him. And so he doesn't. That's just how James has come to respect you."

_My letter_. "I have to go," Lily declared from out of nowhere, as she suddenly stood up from her seat.

Apparently Remus understood how she was too preoccupied to even digest what he had just told her. He didn't call her back anymore. He just let her go. And he knew, something was about to happen.

* * * * *

_This is it. No backing out now._

Lily stepped slowly into the Hospital Wing. That was it. She took a deep breath. No backing out.

She went in carrying a pile of envelopes in her hand. It was all the letters James had sent her all through Christmas vacation. Still taking slow deep breaths, she nervously walked to the bed where James was sitting. She saw him eating something from a bowl – probably the soup that Madam Prenny made everyone eat whenever they were suffering from flu.

Her eyes never left him. But James wouldn't even look twice at her. He stopped trying to stomach the soup he was supposed to be eating and looked up to see who it was. Lily. But, all he gave her was a glance before he continued eating – or tried to pretend that he was eating.

"Uh, hi," Lily greeted. She stood by the foot of James' bed, feeling that she wasn't capable of getting too near him. It was the most uncomfortable feeling she could ever experience. She smiled weakly but then it faded just as sudden when she heard no answer. "Listen. Can I talk to you?" she tried again. Maybe if she actually said the reason why she was there, he would actually look at her. But still, no answer. "Look, I – I made a mistake," she started again. "And I realized something."

That was when James put down what he was eating and placed it on the table beside him.

Lily took this as a signal that he was listening. So, she went on. "I – I thought you were just trying to ignore me all this time because somehow, you're mad at me…" _Can you just look at me, at least?_ "And when Sirius told me—"

"Sirius?" At last, a reaction. James suddenly looked up and straight at her when he heard the name. "What did he say?" he asked with a smirk on his face.

_Now, I wish you just don't look at me_, Lily thought as she suddenly looked away from James' gaze. "What… you had been telling me everyday…" she trailed, seeing that James' expression was completely blank. _I don't need your indifference right now!_

But that was how James was looking like. He tried to appear like he didn't care. He was tired of the charade they had been playing. Maybe, that was just the best time to start getting over her. Right then and there. "What would that be?" he uttered icily. "This is the first time we actually talked since you told me you hated me."

Lily swallowed. _You really have a knack in hurting me, are you aware of that?_ "I cannot blame you if you don't want to see my face ever again," she said, instead. She came there to talk to him, to straight things out… and maybe, to _confess_… but then again, she felt that maybe she was too late. "I've been harsh and immensely stupid," she paused and although her stomach was all tied in knots, she looked at him straight in the eye. "And _blind_."

That definitely got James' attention.

"But just so you know," Lily muttered. Then, she put the bundle of letters, that she was clutching in her hand, on his bed and said, "These."

"What do you want me to do with that? You can always throw them away, you know."

"Yeah. But I didn't, did I?" Lily answered back. _Now, maybe we can start to forget all about it. And to think I started to believe you._ She wanted to yell at him. To tell him now he was the one who was being insensitive. For a moment they looked at each other with nothing to say. She was waiting for him to say something – anything. But he was too stubborn to even manage a grunt. "Maybe I just heard you wrong this morning." _What?! Why did you say that?_ "Forget it," she abruptly said, when James looked at her suddenly with confusion. She was about to turn to leave when James spoke up.

"What's this?" James asked, referring to the letters. "You're just going to leave them here?"

"No, James," Lily answered back. _Why did I ever come here for?_ "Maybe if you look close enough, you'd see." Then she left.

* * * * *

Lily ran hurriedly out of the Hospital Wing. She couldn't describe what she was feeling right then. Maybe that was how she made James feel during all those times when he constantly tried to reach her and she was just being such a shrew.

Her vision started to blur as she made her way down the hallways. _Lily, you're such a loser._ She was about to go towards the Gryffindor tower when she realized that her friends might be there. She didn't want to face them with her face all blotched with tears.

So, she went straight down the castle until the cold air of dusk brushed her cheeks. She realized she was already standing outside. She looked around and found a few students scattered around the grounds. _No. I just want to be alone._ Then, she remembered the lake.

She dragged her feet toward the lake. Maybe no one was there. No one was hardly there… _except for Remus._

Remus looked up when he heard soft sounds of twigs, on the ground, breaking coming his way. Then, he recognized Lily beside the shadow that was starting to hover everything. He could see her frown, he could see her quivering lips, and he could see her eyes. "Are you okay?" he asked, trying not to sound like he suddenly pitied her. Because somehow, he knew that Lily didn't want to find him there. He budged aside to make room for her.

And Lily un-reluctantly sat beside him. "Tell me," she began with a sniff and followed with a hundred miles per second sentences – thinking and talking at the same time. _Am I stupid?_ "Am I so foolish and idiotic—"

"Hey, slow down," Remus said, as he rested a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Don't – what happened?"

_Am I just the most insensitive jerk on this planet?_ "Am I such an insensitive jerk?" She was such a wreck that her thoughts were automatically and directly translating themselves into her words.

"Lily, what's going on?" Remus looked at her and waited for a reply. Although his guts were telling him it had something to do with a certain someone named James Potter.

But Lily knew that Remus knew what happened. She didn't need to explain. She didn't want to describe everything. Because that would just make everything worse. That would make her feel worse. She just looked back at him like all hope had faded. And then, when tears started their uncontrollable run down her cheeks, she pulled closer to him and buried her face in his arms and cried.

And Remus stayed with her. They had been close for only a short while, but he had learned to be her friend and her brother at the same time. And it was also hurting him to see that things were falling into the worst places.

__

~*~*~*~

don't know how many times i said i'm gonna live without you... and maybe someone else is standing there beside you... but there's something, baby you need to know... that deep inside me, i feel like i'm dying... i have to see you... it's all that i'm asking... -- son by four, "purest of pain"

*Sighs* I don't know what to say… do you think Lily deserve that much?

Okay, review! Review!


	26. In The Rain

__

AT LAST…

It's here. It's late. I know. But at last I've finished writing the last chapter.

I definitely have no idea how well this one will go but I'm hoping against hope that you'll all like it. And of course, I don't need to say it but it'll have a happy ending (because mutsumi has been threatening to kill me… ^_^).

Oh, by the way, just to clear up, the letters were the ones James sent Lily all through Christmas vacation and when she said for him to look closer… hmmm… you'll get to that.

Anyway, I'm off to finish the book I've been reading since last three months and then to grab one of JK's Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix.

Thanks to the following who has been patient with me and also submitted reviews:

Anarane

Treeling11

Hermione101888

SpiritedPhoenix

oobergoober

Little House Girl

Potterfan18

MsIndependent08

Alex'z Death Chic

Sara

moozy

lilybird

angkat14

LadyLily316

Random Thoughts

snow-angel

wizardduel2

smartkiss

snowflakey

monopolyQueen

angel-dolphin

Horis

Merenwen Luinwel

Disclaimer: JK RULEZ!

no one else can fix me... although sometimes my heart tricks me... into thinking someone else will do... but you're the only one... -- rhett miller, "come around"

your arms are open wide... waiting for me to run inside... i'll meet you in the clouds... please use your power to bring heaven down... -- nikki hassman, "any lucky penny"

~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER TWENTY SIX: In The Rain**

Remus held Lily beside him until she couldn't cry any more. There reached a point when both of them were just staring blankly at the water. And they just sat beside each other… not saying anything. It seemed like silence had communicated more words than when they were trying to talk – when Lily was trying to talk.

"Aren't we breaking school rules?" Lily whispered as she cautiously sat down at a table. After her crying fest by the lake, Remus decided to take her to the kitchen and offer her some late night snack. She looked cautiously around the dark empty kitchen as she waited for him to finish lifting some leftovers from the oven and cupboards and the pots and wherever possible food could be.

"Yes," Remus replied casually, as he walked back to her with a plate of food in his hands. "But you've officially broken them _only_ if you get caught," he added with a smile as he put the plate on the table and sat on a stool next to her.

With the aid of the faint light coming from Remus' wand, which he put a spell of 'Lumos' on and enchanted to float just above their heads, Lily was able to decipher the presence of a piece of bread from the plate. "Yeah," she muttered, as she grabbed the food from the table and started eating. "But Filch wouldn't let something like this just pass," she said sounding so much like a goody-two-shoes that Remus had to smile at her mischievously.

"What?" she demanded in a defensive tone, seeing Remus' face. "Hey, I'm the one who needs comforting here."

Remus shook his head like he couldn't believe her. "And I thought _I_ was afraid to break school rules," he said, teasingly.

Lily snorted. What was that again? "You're kidding right?" she said, rolling her eyes at him. Too bad it was still dark enough to miss those minor actions. "You've been sneaking around late at night for the past years…"

"I know," Remus admitted with a nod. "But if I wasn't there, James could've ended up turning someone into a nonliving thing for eternity."

Ooh!

That name again…

Lily suddenly fell silent. James. When would she ever stop thinking about that name – person?

Remus apparently noticed the change in her mood that he felt like he had just swerved the conversation in the very wrong direction. "I – I – didn't mean… nonliving thing as in… as in…" he stuttered, wondering if Lily would've wanted to kill him for talking about James instead. "As in dead… you know. It's just… you know – someone wouldn't really like to spend eternity as a… _bench_ and—"

"I know," Lily interrupted with a soft chuckle, realizing that Remus had been quite struggling in trying to make her feel better again.

"He even saved Snape once when the guy tried to follow me down the Whomping Willow the night I—" Remus stopped again when Lily knew what he was talking about.

"Full moon?"

He nodded.

Lily smiled weakly. The thought of James saving someone's life wasn't really something that she could easily imagine… especially when that someone was one of the people he wasn't exactly fond of. "And I thought James was this selfish… vain… superficial… immature—"

"Childish, hard-headed, stubborn person you couldn't stand?" Remus joked, finishing Lily's statement, as he eagerly nodded in agreement.

Lily gave out an exasperated sigh. The 'James' conversation had started again and after every little thing that she told Remus about James by the lake, she wasn't exactly up to some more talk about this childish, hard-headed, stubborn guy. "Can we talk about something el—"

"Shshsh…" Remus interrupted, holding a hand up to shush Lily.

"What?"

"Someone's coming," Remus replied, now in a whisper.

Lily froze in her seat as she listened to the sound. Then she realized that indeed there were footsteps approaching the room. "Filch!" she declared in a whisper, looking at Remus with wide eyes of panic. "What's he doing in the kitchen?"

"He probably heard us," Remus muttered as he took his wand that was floating in midair. Then, he grabbed Lily's hand and said, "C'mon."

* * * * *

"He's early," Remus uttered as he was dragging Lily along with him through the hallways. He was walking fairly fast but it didn't look like he was in panic. In fact, to Lily, he appeared to be actually looking for something.

"Wow. You've really spent so much time at night around here," Lily commented, referring to Remus' knowledge of even the time when Filch was supposed to be in the hallways – or the kitchen for that matter.

Both of them were looking behind them to make sure that they weren't being followed. But then, from out of nowhere, a loud meowing sounded before them.

And slowly, they turned their heads and faced forward, realizing where the sound just came from.

Oh my, it was Mrs. Norris.

"Remus," Lily turned to him with a confused look. "If Filch is in the kitchen… what is Mrs. Norris doing here?"

Remus opened his mouth to answer Lily's question. It was probably an 'I don't know' but again, something else showed up unexpected. Just then, they both looked up and saw the glowing lamplight just near about twenty feet in front of them.

It was Filch.

"You kids!" they heard Filch called to them. "What are you still doing loitering around school this late?"

Fortunately, the light from Filch's lamp couldn't reach them enough in order for him to recognize them. So, Remus, still holding onto Lily's hand, pulled her again and both of them ran toward the other direction.

"You realize running will just make it worse…" Filch called out to them, as he himself walked faster to catch up.

* * * * *

"What are you doing?" Lily asked impatiently when Remus stopped by a statue on the wall and started tickling its ear. They were being chased by the worst nightmare of late night loiterers and he was there tickling a statue's ear?!

"We can hide here," Remus replied when the statue moved forward and a low opening appeared before them. "Get in," he said as he led Lily into the opening.

As the statue went back in its place, Remus stayed peeking outside and saw Filch almost catching up with them. When the opening finally closed, he again, put a spell on his wand and a luminous light faintly brightened the dark space they were in. "Maybe it was one of the elves that was in the kitchen," he said, after he was able to breathe normally again.

"Yeah," Lily replied absent-mindedly. She was more engrossed with the fact that they weren't really in a room or a closet. She realized that they were in a tunnel, a passageway. "Where does this lead to?" she asked, turning to Remus.

"Hogsmeade," Remus answered, glancing toward the seemingly endless tunnel. "It's a really long way but it's worth it."

"Hogsmeade?"

Remus nodded. "Under a rock in one hidden corner of the village to be exact," he said, as he sat down, leaning against the wall.

"Oh…" Lily muttered, apparently amused of her recent find. "Is Hogwarts full of these?" she asked, with a renewed energy in her voice. "Tunnels, I mean. Is Hogwarts full of tunnels like this?" she said, as she herself sat on the ground across where Remus was sitting. But her gaze was still toward the passageway.

"I suppose."

Another period of silence arose between them. Remus realized that Lily started to be lost in thought again. And he very well knew what she was thinking about.

"I'm sorry," Remus uttered, bowing his head slightly as if he just said something wrong.

Lily suddenly turned her head to face him. "For what?" she asked honestly with eyes under knitted brows.

Remus gave out a shy smile and shrugged while saying, "Well, it seems like I've been taking you to places where you're reminded of James…" he trailed when he saw Lily did the same thing – a smile and a shrug.

"I was just thinking," Lily began, changing the subject. "One of these days, when I just want to be alone… can I use this tunnel to Hogsmeade?" she asked, looking at Remus expectantly.

He looked at her and smiled accordingly. Maybe she meant one of those days when she just wanted to escape from having James around… "Sure," he still answered, nodding accordingly.

* * * * *

"Lily!"

A scolding female voice rose in the air the moment Lily and Remus walked into the common room. They both looked up in surprise to see who it was and found Kiara standing there with her hands on her waist, looking at them with narrow eyes like a mother who just found out that her daughter was missing in the middle of the night.

Toni stood up from her seat by the corner of the room and stood next to Kiara. That was when Lily and Remus realized that it wasn't only Kiara who seemed to be waiting for them.

At the left side of the room, Peter, who was sitting in a chair, smiled and waved a hand to them. While Sirius was sitting on the arm of the chair Peter was in. Sirius was facing toward the entrance of the common room but he didn't see Lily and Remus when they came in because he was obviously having a hard time in keeping his eyes open.

On the other side of the common room was Vince who was sitting comfortably in the chair across Sirius and Peter. He leaned forward when Kiara cried out 'Lily!' since Kiara was blocking his view of what was happening.

"Uh…" Lily muttered, quite confused but with a smile forming on her lips. "Hi… everyone?" she said, with a slight wave of a hand.

Kiara didn't answer but only let out an audible sigh. So, Sirius stood up and mocking Kiara's tone a while ago, he said, "Where have you been?" as he walked toward Lily and Remus.

Lily stifled a laugh as she looked at Sirius who appeared to be possessed with a worried-sick father. "I'm… sorry?" she replied with knitted brows. "But… what exactly is it to you?" she questioned while trying to sound as polite as possible.

Sirius bobbed his head back in mock surprise at Lily's statement. Then, he looked at Remus with the same expression. But unfortunately, Remus just shrugged at him.

Sirius walked nearer until he was about a foot away from Lily. And with wide-eyes like saying 'understand?', he whispered, "Do you know that when Toni feels hopeless and worried, she has a tendency to vent it out on people? And by people I mean—"

"You mean _you,_" Lily finished his sentence with a nod saying 'I know.'

"Hey, I heard that," Toni uttered from behind him.

Sirius turned around with an apologetic expression. "Alright, you were panicking," he told her.

Toni put her hands on her waist and looked at Sirius incredulously. "I was worried," she insisted.

"I'm okay," Lily said with a shrug as she looked at everyone in the room. It was quite a sight seeing all the people there in the common room waiting for her. "Remus and I just took a stroll around Hogwarts," she added, explaining her whereabouts earlier.

"Huh!" Kiara let out an exasperated sigh. She rolled her eyes and then looked at Lily with a disbelieving face. "It's past midnight and the last time we saw you was in Hogsmeade this afternoon. We were worried," she said matter-of-factly.

"I'm _fine_," Lily insisted, forcing a wide fake smile across her face.

"See, she's fine," Sirius said, turning to Toni. "Can we all go to sleep now?" Ah, that long awaited activity he was dying to do since Toni dragged him out of his dormitory to look for Lily.

"So," Remus uttered upon all the commotion. "You're all here just waiting for us?"

No one spoke.

"Well," Peter began, raising a hand to catch Remus' attention. "Actually, for Lily. But since you're with her, okay, yeah," he joked in a tone of 'whatever you want,' as he nodded in agreement.

Lily smiled and looked at Remus' mock dejected reaction. She even laughed when Sirius walked to him and put a hand on his shoulder and said, "Oh, I worried about you…" with pouting lips, taunting him.

Remus rolled his eyes. "You know, if I didn't need to talk to you right now, I'd kick you," he said.

"Hey," Sirius said, pointing a finger. "I worried about you. You don't kick people when they do that!" he exclaimed with wide eyes.

"Hey," Peter suddenly said, tapping Sirius' back. "Go to sleep. You're already acting weird… even for yourself."

* * * * *

"Goooood Mooooorniiiiing!!"

A sudden voice that sounded like a drum roll and a bunch of irritating tapping everywhere woke up James. He opened his eyes to see who and what the heck they were but he just as quickly closed them when he saw Sirius, obviously the owner of the voice, opened up the curtains that let a stream of light flow into the room.

James threw his blanket over his face and in a muffled but still annoyed voice, he said, "What in God's name are you doing here, Sirius?"

"Hey, is that the way you treat your guests?" James heard Sirius say.

"_Guests?_" James uttered in surprise. He quickly surfaced from under his blanket and saw the reality before him.

No!

It wasn't only Sirius who disturbed his sleep early in the morning. He looked up and turned to the other side, his left, of the bed. And sure as it was, he saw Remus and Peter grinning sheepishly at him.

James rubbed his face to wake himself. He was still feeling weak but he managed to grab his glasses from the bedside table and then sat up on his bed. "How did you get past the school nurse?" he demanded, his voice groggy. He looked at his friends with eyes still half-closed as he waited for an answer.

But just then, Madam Prenny came in through the door, carrying a pile of bed sheets with her. She walked across the room humming a tune, without even looking at them.

What?!

James suddenly had his eyes completely open with surprise. He looked at the school nurse make her way straight into her office and didn't even look at them. "I don't believe it," James muttered with an exasperated sigh. He would've shaken his head but then again, he was still feeling dizzy. "Whatever you're up to, she's apparently with you," he concluded, scratching his head.

"Up to?" Sirius abruptly said in defense. "Who says we're up to something?" he questioned as he looked around the vicinity of James' bed, as if trying to find something.

James watched as Sirius almost searched frantically, even under his mattress. "What are you doi—?"

"James!" Sirius exclaimed. The tone in his voice sounded as if he was disappointed with something. Then, he walked toward the foot of the bed as he looked down to the floor. "What are these doing on the floor?" he demanded, as he knelt down.

Curiosity got the better of James that he watched what in the world Sirius was talking about. He looked to the side of his bed where Sirius was and watched as his best friend picked up the letters on the floor one by one as if searching for something specific.

"I must've kicked them when I was sleeping," James uttered with a shrug. He was definitely sending the kind of air that he wasn't in the mood to mind whatever those letters were doing on the floor. "Why do you care so much? Keep them if you want to," he said with arrogance.

Sirius sighed audibly. He picked up one of the envelopes on the floor and stood up. "James, if you weren't feeling dizzy and groggy right now, I'd hit on the head with a Bludger," he said quite frankly, as he tossed the envelope he had in his hand to Remus.

James watched as Remus took the envelope from Sirius but he couldn't care less. Instead, he slouched and pouted and said, "I'm going to throw them out anyway."

Everyone in the room chuckled. "You're being pathetic again," Remus commented as a matter of fact. "C'mon!" he said, as he walked to one of the windows near James' bed. "It's a really nice morning out…" He trailed when he realized that dark clouds were already hovering the sky. "Although I think there's going to be a downpour any minute now."

James rolled his eyes and looked at his friends. What really were they doing early in the morning in the Hospital Wing? "Is this—?" he stopped, realizing his friends' purpose in being there. "Are you here about Lily again? God! You people are relentless!"

Okaaay… that got his friends' complete attention for a minute.

It was as if on cue, the three gathered around James. But they weren't looking at him, they were looking at each other as if they were talking with their minds.

"What?" James asked looking at his friends in confusion. When no one answered him, he raised his voice. "What?" he asked again, but again no answer. So, he shook Peter, who was standing just beside him. "What? You haven't said anything. What's going on?"

Apparently, the three of them were playing on James again just like what they did during the Christmas break when he refused to go with them to Diagon Alley.

Peter ignored James and looked across to Sirius. "Why don't you tell him?"

"What?!" James whined, starting to die softly of curiosity.

"Okay," Sirius shrugged. "James," he began, as he sat on the bed, beside James. "Let me tell you about kindergarten psychology," he said, pushing James aside as he made himself comfortable on the bed.

"What?" James asked again in total confusion.

Sirius cleared his throat and began his speech. "Remember when Lily had a crush on you when we were in first year?"

James didn't answer but when he rolled his eyes at Sirius, it was implied that he indeed could remember.

"But she hated you so much that she wanted to kill you?" Sirius continued.

James looked beside him with eyes demanding that if Sirius wouldn't get to it in a minute, he would strangle him. "What's your point?"

"But she liked you still," Sirius said, ignoring James' ranting. "Remember when you would pull her hair and her sleeves and then – anyway, you _enjoyed_ teasing her."

"Yeah. Because he liked her too," Peter joined in. But James threw him a stabbing look that he had to add, "Kind of," with a shrug.

"Sure you did!" Sirius insisted, agreeing with Peter.

James opened his mouth to speak or possibly retaliate everything that his friends were saying but Remus spoke up before he could. "But then there came a time you finally earned a smack on the head…"

"Alright then!" James suddenly burst in annoyance. If no one would tell him what was going on in a minute, he would definitely explode. "What the hell is the point in all these?"

However, before anyone could make up an answer, Madam Prenny came out of her office carrying a bottle of medicine and a glass.

"'Mornin'." Sirius, Remus, and Peter greeted her in chorus as she walked to James' Hospital bed.

"Good morning," the school nurse greeted them back, as she set the medicine on the table beside James.

"There you are," James muttered, actually sounding relieved that the school nurse had finally appeared. "Can you please tell them to go?"

Madam Prenny only glanced at him as she poured the medicine into a glass. "It's a beautiful day!" she answered cheerfully instead. "They just want to share it with you," she said, handing him the glass.

"Great," James grunted, taking the glass from the nurse. "I'm stuck with four lunatics who don't seem to notice it's getting darker and darker outside and still calls it a beautiful day," he muttered, this time talking to no one in particular. He drank the medicine that the school nurse handed him and then flashed a foul face before handing the glass back.

"Oh… don't be such a whiner," Madam Prenny said as she took the glass from James and the bottle from the table. She stood up and before walking back to her office, she said, "Alright boys… good luck—"

"What?" James suddenly looked up. Good _luck_?!

"Day," Madam Prenny took back what she said all of a sudden. "Good _day_," she said before she walked to her office in a hurry.

"Alright, what's going on?" James demanded, really starting to lose his nerve this time. "If you're here to talk about Lily just stop it," he said raising his voice.

"C'mon!" Sirius insisted.

"I'm over it," James said firmly, not letting Sirius utter another word.

"You're over it?" Peter muttered.

"I'm over _her_," James replied, just to make things crystal clear. "Okay? I _am_ over her. I don't care where she is. I don't care what she's doing. And I don't care about those letters lying on the floor because I _AM_ over her," he said with finality.

Remus snorted in disbelief. "Do you know what's this?" he said, as he raised the envelope that Sirius picked up from the floor a while ago. His voice was starting to match his friend's angry tone.

James looked at what Remus was holding. "That's a letter," he replied, raising an eyebrow and looking like he was about to pounce on his friend. "Do you think I'm blind?"

"Do you remember the letters you sent her?" Remus started, looking straight into James' eyes. "She wrote this. She was going to send this back to you after you owl her again. But you stopped writing, didn't you? So you never got this," he said, as he tossed the envelope on James' lap.

James' angry face suddenly relaxed. He just stared at the letter sitting on his lap and realized that it was a Muggle envelope with Lily's handwriting of his name.

"Maybe she thinks you hate her and maybe you think you're over her. But we all know you're both wrong," Remus declared with much confidence, before he walked out of the room.

Sirius looked at Remus and then turned back to James and shook his head in disappointment.

"What?" James demanded irately again. "I'm going back to sleep," he said as he lay back down to sleep and covered himself with his blanket. He didn't even touch the envelope Remus tossed him. He just hid under his sheets and wished that everyone would go away.

* * * * *

"They're gone now," James heard a female voice say after a while.

He opened his eyes and then turned around in his bed to look at the owner of the voice. He saw Madam Prenny standing by her office door with a tray of food in her hands. Lazily, he sat up and looked at her as she walked toward him.

"I'm not really hungry," he said, not meeting her eyes.

"Oh, but you are," Madam Prenny insisted, smiling mischievously at James. She put the tray on the table beside his bed and sat beside him on the bed.

"Wait. I've been here since Friday night. Am I not supposed to be getting out now?" James asked with a hint of tone like he was starting to suspect something.

"Do you feel normal?"

"Yes."

"Well, you don't look normal," Madam Prenny replied just as fast as James said 'yes.'

"What?" James started to protest.

"Have you read the letter?"

"What letter?"

"From the girl you want to _obliviate_ to love you," the school nurse replied.

James rolled his eyes. He saw the letter was still sitting on the bed. But of all people, why did he have to be stuck talking with the school nurse about it? And unfortunately, she seemed to be mocking him about everything. "Why do I need to?" he groaned.

Madam Prenny opened her mouth to speak again but James didn't let her as he realized where the conversation might probably be going. "And wait," he interrupted even before a sound came out from the school nurse's lips. "What is it to you?"

But Madam Prenny didn't answer him. She just leaned toward him and felt his forehead with the back of her hand. "You still have a temperature," she said, as she removed her hand and went back to the food on the table.

"Because the Hospital Wing is already making me sick," James declared as he lethargically watched her lift the bowl of soup – again? – from the tray.

"No. You can't heal completely because you're thinking too much."

Thinking too much? James looked at her like she was being ridiculous.

"I heard what your friend, Remus, was saying—"

"You were listening to us?" James asked in disbelief, interrupting whatever it was the school nurse was about to say next.

"Tsk," Madam Prenny grunted, shaking her head in disappointment. "James Potter, your so hard-headed," she said, as she handed him the bowl of food.

James reluctantly took his breakfast from her hands. "For what it's worth, I'm really over her," he insisted. He felt that no one of his friends had actually believed him earlier that was why he thought of convincing Madam Prenny instead. Kind of pathetic, but then again, he had no one else to talk to – or convince. "So you don't need to do any Memory Charm," he added, flashing a wide smile so fake he almost looked unrecognizable.

Madam Prenny gave out a deep, frustrated sigh. She looked straight into his eyes and this time, she was serious. "James, take it from me," she began. She sounded like a grandmother talking to her teenage grandson – someone wise and knowledgeable that James involuntarily looked back at her and listened. "It's so easy to fall for someone. But it takes time before you forget. And more so when it comes to love… time doesn't pass by so quickly." She paused; making sure that every word had sunk in him. "It took you, what, almost forever to realize that you love this girl. And I'm telling you, it will take you longer to completely erase what's in there," she said, pointing to James' chest at the word, 'there.'

James didn't say anything. He wanted to retaliate whatever was said. But for some reason, he didn't want to. He bowed his head to avoid Madam Prenny's eyes. And although his breakfast didn't actually look enticing, somehow he suddenly felt like eating just to put an end to the conversation.

Sensing that James wanted to be alone, the school nurse left the room and walked back into her office.

James ate his breakfast slowly and quietly. Madam Prenny was right. He was thinking too much. He wanted to just empty his mind but no matter what he did, he couldn't help but wonder what was written in that piece of paper sitting before him. And as he ate, he just looked at the white bed sheet, at the envelope, at his name. It seemed to be calling him.

And after an agonizing battle with himself, he put down his food back on the table beside his bed and slowly, he picked up the letter. With nervous hands, he tore the side of the envelope and took out the piece of paper neatly folded in it. A pang of familiarity hit him. He didn't realize how much he missed seeing that handwriting – Lily's handwriting.

__

James,

Hey. I've been having a guest in my room every night. What's his name again? Oh, yeah, Mr. Dazzle. Really… what's with that name? If it were up to me, I'd say that's cruelty to animals.

James couldn't help but smile. He could imagine Lily saying those words like she was standing right in front of him. Heck, he could even hear her sarcastic tone, mocking him.

__

Okay, you can stop being so glum now. I've been thinking about it and I realize you were only acting on an instinct back when you did what you did at the Yule Ball.

Anyway, Mom's been complaining about the noise that your owl is making every time he sends me your letters. Even Petunia is threatening to kill him. So, to save Mr. Dazzle's life, and to stop you… fine, I forgive you. Happy?

But, James, about what you said to me…

James' smile slowly faded. That was it. That was the part of the letter that he didn't want to see. That was one of the many reasons why he didn't dare touch it when Remus tossed it to him. But once and for all, he read it.

__

Look, I'm not sure how long that'll last. But for what it's worth, can I take back what I said about you… not being capable of emotion? Anyway, you've probably forgotten about that.

Okay, there it is. And when we get back to Hogwarts and you still feel the same… maybe, and I'm saying maybe, we can talk about that.

Bye for now.

Lily

P.S. Mr. Dazzle really needs a new name. Don't you think?

* * * * *

After a while, Madam Prenny decided to come out of her office to take the dishes James had eaten off of. But when she stepped into the room…

She crossed her arms on her chest and shook her head.

James wasn't anywhere in sight.

* * * * *

"Where's Lily?"

Kiara was going down the stairs from the girls' dormitory when someone grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her to face him. She looked up and recognized James… barely recognized James under his totally riot of a hair and in his crumpled clothes. If it weren't for his glasses, she would've screamed in panic thinking a crazy person had somehow managed his way into Hogwarts.

"Sh-she-she's… she's missing again," Kiara stuttered, still quite stunned. When she finally got back to her senses, James was already running down the stairs. "Hey, aren't you supposed in the Hospital Wing? You look terrible," she called after him.

James ran hurriedly down the stairs and ran across the common room. But just then, he saw Toni came in through the portrait hole. He stopped on his tracks and this time, demanded Toni of Lily's whereabouts.

"She said she just wants to be alone," Toni answered him. She was looking at James with knitted eyebrows wondering what in the world was up with him.

"Where?"

"Don't know," Toni replied with a shrug. "She's probably just around. It's raining cats and dogs outside," she called after James left her in a flash and ran to the stairs leading to the boys' dormitories.

James barged in their dormitory. He was feeling weak and he suddenly felt his head ache again but he still had the energy to slam the door open and asked each one in the room.

"I dunno," Sirius replied when James turned to him. "Wait a minute. What are you doing here?" But no answer came back to Sirius when James left him to ask his question to Peter.

"No idea," Peter said, shaking his head.

"Then where's she? Is she missing?" James blurted out, frustrated that in the very moment that he wanted to find someone, no one knew where that someone was. He turned to the other side of the room and found Remus.

Remus had this calm and collected expression on his face, as he sat by the window while watching the angry rain fell incessantly outside. And he probably felt James' eyes gazing at him. He looked away from the window and turned to where James was standing. A smile played around his lips when he saw his friend looking like a lost puppy. No one knew where Lily went. And her friends kept saying that she just wanted to be alone. And everyone might start to think she was missing but Remus knew… "She's not missing."

* * * * *

_Go on. I'm tired of crying. Maybe you can do it for me,_ Lily thought as she watched the downpour outside. She was sitting in Three Broomsticks, beside the glass window on her right, looking through the streets.

Although the rain had been pouring for over half an hour now, people were still coming in for some hot drinks. Sometimes, she found herself looking in front of her when the door would open and the tinkling of the bell would sound, signaling new customers had just come in.

Then she would turn back to stare outside the window. She hardly could see anything through the rain, but somehow, it kept her busy.

_I guess it'll be like this for quite some time,_ she thought as she took a sip of her hot chocolate. _Dark. Gloomy. But at least I can be alone here._

She sighed as she continued staring blankly out the window. But then, slowly, she recognized a figure that was standing in the middle of the street, amidst the heavy rain. She narrowed her eyes to decipher what it was… or _who_ it was.

_What are you doing there? Do you want to die?_ she thought to herself, taking another sip of her drink. Then, out of curiosity, she put down her cup on the table, and then leaned closer to the window until the glass was almost touching her face – as if that could help clear up the figure that was blurred by the rain.

_J-James?_ She was almost afraid to think it. But, in any case… _No. It can't be._

It was almost a minute she was staring outside that she only got out of her trance when someone passed by the window and blocked her view for a second. Her attention was switched as she now watched the man walked up to the entrance of Three Broomsticks.

The door opened, the bell tinkled, and the man walking down the sidewalk entered. "Anyone here named Lily?" he asked in a chuckle, as he took off his trench coat and hanged it on the rack by the door.

Lily's eyes suddenly widened. _No. Is he talking about me?_

And as if the man had read her mind…

"A mad man is soaking in the rain outside," the man said as he sat by the counter, "calling someone named Lily Evans."

Lily's heart jumped. _Okay, there's a small chance of having more than one Lily Evans around here…_

She looked back outside the window and still saw the 'mad man' standing in the middle of the street. And without taking her eyes off that figure, she stood up and went for the door.

* * * * *

The door closed behind Lily but she decided to stay out of the rain by standing put under the ledge of the roof of Three Broomsticks. The figure was still a blur but then again, the 'mad man' had his back turned towards her. She didn't say anything to call his attention. She just stared at him.

Then, like feeling someone was looking behind him, mad man turned around towards Three Broomsticks and in a split second recognized Lily.

Lily's eyes widened as she was finally sure that it was James. She recognized that he was still in his pajamas under his cloak. She realized that he had escaped straight from the Hospital Wing and had somehow got himself a cloak. "James?!" she had to shout because of the heavy rain. "What are you doing?! You're going to get sick all over again!"

James laughed with contentment and satisfaction when he heard her voice. "I read your letter, Lily!" he declared, not taking any step toward anywhere. He just stayed put where he was. "And I'm not going anywhere until you hear me!"

"James, you're soaking!" Lily stated the obvious. She wanted to pull James out of the rain but then again, she had to soak, too, if she were to do that. So, maybe she could persuade him to walk to her instead.

James took a few steps towards her but he was still under the rain. "Lily can we talk now? It lasted – what I said to you. And you promised in your letter we'd talk."

"Yeah, but can you please don't… stand there?" Lily begged. At least this time, she didn't need to yell.

James chuckled. "I love you," he said. And he would say it over and over again even until he collapsed on the ground. "I've thought about it. I tried to forget it, but it doesn't go away." He paused and flashed a smile across his face, like he was glad with even just looking at her from where he was standing. "So I guess that means it's for sure, right?" If not for the rain, he would've looked at her straight in the eyes. But maybe, it was a blessing because his knees were starting to get weak even only thinking of what he was about to say. "Remember… the time… you said you want someone cunning… intelligent… and you thought I wasn't up to your standards?"

"I didn't say that," Lily denied, shaking her head.

"Exactly," James uttered, as he took one step forward. "Cause what you said was that I wasn't sweet enough."

Lily rolled her eyes but a smile was playing on her lips although she was trying very hard to hide it. "James, can you please get out of the rain?"

"Actually, that's what I wanna ask you," James started again, trying to see Lily through his glasses _and_ the rain. "Does standing amidst this mad rain while my head is throbbing like hell 'cause of a fever just to be able to tell you that I love you can be considered as part of your criteria?"

Lily shook her head at James' ridiculousness. "I don't have any criteria," she said, crossing her arms on her chest.

"Alright then, and, uh, now I'm thinking… what can I do to make you love me back?"

"James…" Lily groaned, pleading so hard. "Please get out of the rain."

"Twice!" James exclaimed. He was getting incessant and probably delirious but he would never get out of the rain. "You said that twice. Does that mean you care about me?"

Lily paused. She looked at James' eager face as she realized something. She had completely forgotten about those things she said to him. And only then when he told her again that she remembered saying them in the past.

Cunning? Intelligent? Sweet? She laughed at herself for even thinking those things. And of all people, it was James, the last person she thought listened to her, who actually remembered them.

"James…" Lily groaned again. "Get ou—" she stopped. She had said it twice, as he pointed out earlier, and he wasn't budging. So, there was no choice but to give in. She rolled her eyes and finally walked under the downpour and neared him.

Lily's first instinct was to feel his forehead and as sure as it was… "James, you're burning," she said, her tone more worried than reprimanding.

"I know that," James chuckled. "But I wanted to do this now. I know Madam Prenny would kill me after this but it's worth it."

"Worth it?!" Lily exclaimed. "Are you very much delirious? How can it be worth it when you're killing yourself?"

They were standing one foot apart from each other but James took one step closer. "Because I know that by the time I make you smile I'm getting out of this mad rain knowing that you're feeling the same way too."

Lily knitted her brows and looked at him. And because of what he said… now, she was definitely trying her best to hold back a smile. "What?" she said while attempting hard to sound like she thought he was being ridiculous.

James looked at her straight in the eye. And slowly, he reached for Lily's hand, at the same time, scared that she might pull away suddenly. A wide grin flashed across his face when he realized that she just let him take her hand. "I love you, Lily… And remember when you said that you'd never emerge out of a cloak if ever you go out with me? I don't mind if you'd never come out from under a cloak again."

A second passed.

And Lily finally couldn't help but break into a smile. "James, you're crazy."

"A smile," James muttered, as he pulled her closer to him until they were only inches apart. "I told you. Well worth it."

Lily scrunched up her nose and chuckled at James' silliness. "You're not gonna give up, are you?"

"Uh—no?"

Lily sighed. James would probably be just as relentless even if he were dying. "I'm not carrying you back to school if you pass out again," she joked, shaking her head.

James smiled reassuringly. He had her in his arms. He wasn't about to pass out anytime soon. "Don't worry," was all he said.

To Lily, it sent several different messages. And one of them was probably related to what he was going to do next…

James never took his eyes off her. And even if they were so closely standing there together, he tugged her even closer. Yes, the height was just perfectly fine when it came to teasing her, or touching her face just like what he was doing or kissing – wait… Yeah, or kissing her. And without another word, he slowly leaned down and met her lips. His heart was starting to skip beats all the while nervous of what her reaction would be. There was a point when he thought that what he was doing was completely insane but then again… his heart shifted from skipping beats and started doing jumping jacks because he realized…

Lily was kissing him back.

In the rain they stayed entwined in each other's arms. It poured harder but they didn't care. The streets were bare from pedestrians where no one dared to walk even under their reliable umbrellas. People kept to the sidewalks where they could shelter themselves under the stores' roof ledges.

"Hey! You kids are crazy! Get out of the rain!"

That was probably the only time James and Lily let go of each other… for a second.

Lily recognized the voice and sure as it was, they saw the man, who went in Three Broomsticks earlier, came out of the pub fully covered in his trench coat.

James and Lily chuckled as the man shook his head and went along his way. "He called you a mad man, you know?" Lily muttered turning to look back at James, as she smiled while biting her lower lip.

James opened his mouth and inhaled, probably thinking of responding to what Lily had just said. But instead, he opted to just smile back at her amused expression, ignore the man in trench coat, ignore the rain pouring even harder, ignore his head throbbing like hell… and this time, he leaned even closer and kissed her… ignoring everything else in the world.

~~THE END~~

June 19, 2003

October 4, 2003

__

~*~*~*~

unexpected... what you did to my heart... when i lost hope... you were there to remind me... this is the start... -- richard marx & donna lewis, "at the beginning"

if you knew how much this moment means to me... and how long i've waited for your touch... if you knew how happy you are making me... i've never thought i'd love anyone so much... -- chantal kreviazuk, "feels like home"

I know. I know. There's no getting down on one knee and asking Lily to marry James but hey, that's why I'm thinking of a sequel.

Alright, before you all go to your bookstores and buy HP5… hey, it's the last chapter. Please be kind and review. ^_^

Till next time!

Happy Reading!


End file.
